Chapter Thirty-Seven
Isabel
The next few days were a slow torture. Indecision clouded my brain so I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Things seemed so simple before. There was right and there was wrong. But now, I was in a world with nothing but shades of gray. Fear was the name of my tormentor, taunting me with consequences I couldn’t handle.
One side of fear told me to go to the police. I was scared that this was just the beginning of several inhuman acts I would witness. What would I become if I turned a blind eye? Torture, murder, drug dealing, extortion. Could I be an accomplice to these horrible things? Not only was I risking my freedom but my conscience.
But if I thought about leaving the Aces, another fear stabbed at me. I’d be turning my back on people I cared about, people who cared about me. What if I never found that again? Life had been so lonely until now. And what about Rem? Will any man ever make me feel the same?
I did not want to give him up.
Rem and I had managed to avoid each other over the last few days. He was nice enough to find somewhere else to sleep so I could have my space. At least, that was my hope, and that he was not vengeful by sleeping with another woman. I knew he had a reason to be upset with me, too. I’d barged into that warehouse like a crazy person, thinking I was the hero, when in reality, I was just a stupid girl who was in over her head.
I tried to keep myself busy with chores. While I was unsure if I wanted to stay or leave, the reality was that I couldn’t leave while my uncle and father were still lost. Work was the only way to keep my brain from collapsing from my conundrum.
When the usual chores were done, I created new ones. I swore the Aces’ clubroom had never been so clean. You couldn’t find a cobweb if you tried. Not surprising, I found more condoms than cobwebs though.
It was Saturday morning when I took on the bar. I had methodically removed all the bottles to be dusted and set them on the bar in the exact same order so I wouldn’t confuse the prospects later. I was wiping down the caked on dust when Amy came into the room. She had a little smile on her face and a pep to her step as she sipped her Starbucks iced coffee.
“Hey,” I said.
“Oh, I didn’t see you behind all the bottles,” she responded with a giggle.
“You seem in a good mood.”
“Oh yeah.” She looked to the right for a second and then looked at me again. “Greyson told me yesterday that he would help out with college. He said Rem mentioned it to him.”
“That’s great.” I gave her genuine smile. I was happy for her, but I was happier that Rem remembered. That boy was not making my decision any simpler.
“I’m going to check out the school’s website.”
I nodded as she went to the stairs. I was glad she was out of her funk. If only I could find a way out of mine.
I had placed the last bottle back in place when I heard the door to the offices open. I turned to see Jordan and Rem come in and head toward the kitchen. They were talking about something when Rem finally spotted me. He stopped in his tracks and then headed back to the door. “I’ll eat later.”
After he left, Jordan glared at me. “This is ridiculous.”
“I didn’t tell him to leave,” I said, suddenly defensive.
“No, you won’t tell him anything. You just keep dragging him along.”
He was right. I didn’t know what to do. My fears had me so tied up that I didn’t know which way was up or down. And I was scared to tell Rem what a coward I was. “It’s not like that—” I tried to say.
“I don’t care. I knew this would be a disaster,” he sneered.
I waited until he was in the kitchen and then I ran to the laundry room. The tears started to fall before I even closed the door. Jordan was right. It was stupid of me to think I could be with a man like Rem. Maybe it was best to end it now. I didn’t have to go to the police, but I didn’t have to stay here either.
Sophie found me there a few minutes later, sitting on the floor, crying over my broken heart.
“Oh, honey. Tell me,” she said softly as she bent down next to me.
I told her everything. What I saw, what I said, what I felt. It all came pouring out from the pit of my stomach, where it had been sitting for days.
I ended my rant and said, “Jordan said I should let him go, that we were a disaster. He is right, and that’s why I’m crying.”
“Seriously?” Sophie looked at me like she didn’t recognize me. “You’re going to let Jordan tell you how things are between you and Rem? You are smarter than that.”
“He’s Rem’s best friend.”
“Yeah. He has also never been in a relationship that lasted more than three months. Don’t listen to him.”
I wiped my face. “So you think we actually could make it?”
“I think that is up to you.” She helped me stand up. “I know the life of an old lady has its challenges. You find yourself questioning things you never thought to question. Trust me, I’ve had my doubts, too.”
I wiped the tears on my face with my palm. “What made you stay?”
“Greyson is a good man. He doesn’t always do good things, but at the end of the day, I can’t leave him. Something will always pull me back. So I stopped fighting.” Her eyes were honest and sincere.
I could only nod.
“Only you can decide if Rem is worth it.”
“I know Rem is a good man, and he would never hurt me,” I said, thinking out loud. “I want to be with him, but I’m scared.” I didn’t explain the reasons because I was sure she knew them.
“You’ll figure it out,” Sophie said. Then she patted my shoulder and left me alone.
I sunk down onto the floor again. I sat there for a few minutes just thinking.
I realized that this wasn’t Rem’s fault. He knew who he was as a person. I was the one who couldn’t decide who I wanted to be. I couldn’t decide which emotion to follow.
Would I let fear rule me … or love?
****
A few hours later, Amy and I waited outside the gate for Sophie to pick us up. When she pulled up in her BMW, I saw a teenage girl in the front seat so I opened the backdoor and scooted across the back seat while Amy followed. We both opted for jeans, but I wore a simple t-shirt while Amy chose a low cut tank.
“Just you two?” Sophie asked.
I nodded. I had asked Jessica and Tracy if they wanted to come to the Potato Festival, but I got my usual answer, a glare.
“Hi. I’m Sarah,” the girl said from the front seat. She was wearing an excited smile. “I’m glad you guys are coming to the festival with us. Usually, it’s just me and the parents. Are any of the guys coming?”
I assumed she meant any of the single guys. “No, I’m afraid not.” Although, I really didn’t ask any of them. I was sure Rem wasn’t coming because he’d left cash for me. I came out of the shower to find a hundred-dollar bill with a note “for the festival” on the dresser. I felt shitty. I was pushing him away and being a crazy bitch, but he still tried to take care of me. I knew it was up to me to change things. I made a vow that the next time I saw him, we would talk. I had to apologize for what I’d done at the very least. We’d see if I have the courage to tell him everything.
Our first stop when we got to the center of town was the food trucks. Cheese curds were just the thing for my ailing heart. Then a corn dog and an elephant ear followed that. Amy wandered off while Sophie went to meet a few friends. I treated Sarah to a few games and then a ride on the Ferris wheel at sunset. We were on our third time around when the roar of motorcycles overcame the happy circus music.
At the peak of the wheel, we could see the group of bikes heading toward the festival like a menacing horde. My heart started to jump in my chest as adrenaline kicked in.
“Do you think Max and Hawk are with them?”
I looked at Sarah in shock.
If she knows to ask for them together, does she know how they are with women? Is she okay with that?
I shook my head. That was Sophie and Greyson’s problem.
We got off the ride and headed toward the street dance where Sophie said she would meet us. I spotted Amy on the side of the street watching the band. They were performing a mix of country and rock. They started playing “The Dance” by Garth Brooks when I approached her.
“Hey,” I said. “We saw the boys arrive from the Ferris wheel. Have you seen any of them yet?”
Amy shook her head, and then her eyes lifted to something behind me. I felt a strong presence at my back and Rem’s scent enveloped me. My heart pounded hard as I turned to look at him. His face was void of any emotion as he looked back at me.
I was more than a little surprised when he reached for my hand and pulled me onto the street with the other dancing couples. He placed an arm around my waist and took my hand in his. He didn't try anything fancy, just held me close and swayed back and forth.
I looked up at him, and he stared back at me. It was a strange stand-off in the middle of the street. We were physically close but felt worlds apart.
I finally broke. I simply closed my eyes and let myself fall into him. "Rem," I said and snuggled into his warm chest. His arm tightened around my waist, and he laid our conjoined hands on his chest. I wanted him so much. It physically hurt to think of us going separate ways after everything was over. In that moment, I knew beyond a doubt that I wouldn’t leave him. The last few weeks had been magical with the fruits of a new romance, but feeling the pain and devastation of leaving him brought everything into focus.
"Isabel. I know my world is fucked up and a girl like you doesn't belong."
"Please don't—" I begged.
"Quiet," he said, his voice fierce. "I know you deserve better and a good man would let you go." He stopped swaying and released my hand to cup my face. I looked up at him ready to beg. "But I'm not a good man."
I laughed in relief, and he returned the smile. "I'm a selfish, stubborn bastard. And I'd regret not using every ounce of my power to keep you in my life." He brought his other hand up to cup my head and leaned his forehead to mine. "You're the only one who could convince me to let you go. So tell me, Isabel."
I licked my lips. It was time to keep the vow I made. "I’m sorry for what I said and the last few days. I know I was a bitch, and you didn’t deserve it. But the truth is that you scared the shit out of me.” I shook my head, trying not to cry. “And I didn’t know what to do. My head has been pulling me in two different directions and I wasn’t ready to decide, so I kept pushing you away.” He held me tighter. "But seeing you here, holding me like you are, and saying those things. I’ve made my decision. I know that I have found in you the one thing that everyone is looking for, and I'd be a fool to walk away from that."
Then he kissed me. It was raw and deep, meant to reaffirm our love. There was silence as the song ended and we leaned away from each other. The band moved on to another rock-dance song. As more people moved into the street, Rem pulled me through the crowd toward the edge of the crowd.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
“There is something I want to show you, something that will prove how much I want to be with you.”
“Rem, you don’t have to—”
“Fuck, my bike is blocked. Wait here. I’ll get Greyson’s keys for his truck. We’ll have it back before they leave.”
He disappeared into the crowd again.
I smiled to myself as I waited. It felt so good to know that things were okay. They weren’t the same as before and there were things I needed to prepare myself for in this life, but I was ready.
I was so lost in my thoughts that when I was hit from behind, I didn’t even feel the pain before everything went black.