{Emma}

I can barely sit still. The Delta DASH is tomorrow. As I contemplate the party, I can’t help but think how my time with Ryan is coming to a crashing halt. I don’t know how I feel about that. It’s exactly what I said I want, and yet, I don’t know if it’s truly what I want.

Our time together has opened my eyes to some pretty real shit. Nerds can be cool. Cool people can be absolute assholes. Friends with benefits can morph into something so much more. And, in the end, I don’t know where I fit in anymore. I’ve never had as much fun with a person as I have with Ryan. He makes me laugh. The real kind of laugh that comes from the soul. Laughter that makes you nearly throw up from laughing so hard. Laughter that makes your cheeks ache from grinning like idiots. I used to care about what everyone else thought of me. Now I realize none of that matters. What I think of me matters. And, yes, what Ryan thinks of me matters.

And now we have to break up.

Or do we?

The more I think about it, the more I hate the idea. It’s not like I’m looking to settle down and pick out china patterns or anything, but I did agree to go home with him over break. If we’re not together, how awkward would that be?

Besides, I love the way he makes me feel. Like I belong. I’ve found my spot in the world. He makes me feel like my screwed-up past doesn’t matter. I don’t want that to go away. It will the minute we appear at the DASH.

I need to talk to Ryan. Maybe we can find a way to make the relationship work. I stand to go to the front desk just as Britt plops into the seat I saved for her. I sink back down and face my computer. As I type in my password, Britt squeals and startles me into hitting enter too early. The computer beeps. Strike one.

She hands me my notebook I had sitting on the chair. “You had sex.”

No hello. No how have you been. We’ve barely seen each other since I practically moved in with Ryan to help him with his makeover. I glance around at how many people in our lab are interested in my answer, so I say nothing. It’s none of their goddamn business.

“I can’t believe you’d keep something like this from me, bitch. Who was it? And please do not say the nerd or I will throw up right on your keyboard. I know you’ve been staying at his place.”

I type in the wrong password. Again. Strike two.

“Em, you can’t be serious. You did not let him bone you. He may be your latest project, but come on. Enough is enough. You’ve proved your point.”

“And what point is that?” I refuse to look at her. I don’t know if I’m pissed or what. I know that I don’t want to talk about this. I wouldn’t even know how to talk about this. I love Ryan. A lot. Like a really lot. Standing up to his dad made me realize that. Ryan makes me happy, and I don’t want to break up with him. Britt would just ridicule me for it so I remain silent.

“You can make a nerd look normal. Good, even. But seriously, Em. You may be able to pull the guy out of the nerd, but you’ll never be able to pull the nerd out of the guy.”

“What’s that even mean?”

“Once a nerd, always a nerd. He’ll never truly be a Delta.”

I’m so okay with that. The Deltas are dicks. Ryan isn’t a dick. I work on carefully typing my password key-by-key so I don’t screw it up.

“Oh, no. No! Em, I know that weepy look. You think you’re in love with him, don’t you?”

My fingers skip across the keys and I’m locked out. Britt’s statement has me stunned, a bit shocked, and in total denial. I roll my eyes to hide the fear tightening inside me that she hit the nail on the head. She’ll see it in my eyes, especially after what I shared with Ryan last night. I want a thousand more last nights. That’s not going to happen if I make him break up with me.

I can’t let Britt know any of that or she’ll find some way to insert herself into this shit storm I call my love life and screw it up beyond all recognition. “I’m not in love with anyone. I’m just trying to figure out how to dump him.” Please God. Don’t send me to hell for that lie.

Britt studies me for far too long. Every time she nods, I shake my head in response. “I know what we need to do.”

“We don’t need to do anything.”

“Oh, the hell we don’t. Remember our deal? He has to pass the Britt test. Can Deltas bring two dates?”

I have no idea. I’m not a Delta. Regardless, I don’t like where she’s going with this. “Why?”

“We’ll have the nerd bring both of us as his dates. He’ll be the most popular guy there. Besides, then when you two do this fake breakup or whatever, I’ll be there to pick up the pieces.”

“I don’t need you there,” I snap, irritated she’s found a way to invite herself into something else she’ll steal from me. Being in another person’s shadow all the time gets really old. For the first time in a really long time, I’m finally the center of attention. If Britt so much as bats her baby blues at Ryan, I’ll lose. I always do.

And that sucks. I’m not willing to let him get snared in the Britt web. He’s mine for one more day. She can’t have him, like, ever. Even after this is all over, I don’t want him with her. He deserves so much better.

Jesus with a guilty conscience. What kind of BFF am I to think like that? I love Britt, despite her many faults. Compared to mine, she’s Mother F-bomb Teresa. I can’t bring myself to even think the F-word when referring to Mother Teresa. I’m pretty sure that would not only send me to hell; it’d, move me to the head of the line.

“I’m not talking about you.” Britt grins and even winks. “Your little project is going to be devastated. I mean, look at you. You’re gorgeous. You have a quirkiness about you, a sort of ‘I’m weird and don’t even know why’ thing going on. Guys dig that.”

Did she just compliment me? I’m shocked into silence.

She continues. “It’s the perfect time for me to swoop in and rescue him.”

I can’t believe she’s so casual about this. I’m close to having a stroke from my stress level and she wants to rescue him. From me. Like I’m such a terrible person to be stuck with. I don’t want to talk about it anymore and push out of my chair to go talk to a green vest. “I have to get my password reset.”

“Again?”

I bite my tongue from saying anything else. I love Britt, but right now she and her stupid idea is on my last nerve. As I approach the counter, I notice it’s Brandon. I don’t want to deal with his attitude. “Is Ryan available?”

“He’s busy.”

“Can you let him know it’s Emma?”

“He’s busy,” Brandon repeats with a little more force.

I hear a familiar, deep chuckle and smile as I turn around. My smile melts into shock as Ryan walks out of some room with none other than Nancy Pettigrew. He’s got her giggling. When she flips her hair and gives him a playful slap on his shoulder, my stomach twists so tight I swallow to keep my coffee down.

What is he doing with her? We haven’t even broken up, yet. He’s not supposed to be a player until he dumps me. My chest hurts. I can’t breathe. My emotions threaten to surface, but I fight them with everything I am. He’s only doing exactly what I taught him to do.

“I guess you really did turn him into a Delta dick.” Britt appears next to me and nods at Ryan, flirting away with Nancy the Nazi TA. “Looks like you got played. I thought you were supposed to break up at the party.”

I’m numb. “We were.”

“Wow. So he’s stepping out on you. What a douche.” She crosses her arms under her breasts.

Now he has two women pissed at him. His odds aren’t improving. He spots me and gives me an odd smile. When Nancy whispers something to him, he completely disregards me and looks at her. I drop my jaw. He did not just blow me off for her. I can’t even begin to describe the pain consuming me at this point.

Enough is enough. I march up and grab his shoulder, whipping him around to face me. Anger and betrayal bubbles inside, fueling my actions. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I, uh…” He takes a step back, his hands up. “Um…”

Why is he back to stuttering? He hasn’t been at a loss for words with me since he asked me to have sex with him. Something else is going on.

“I’ll take care of this, Ryan.” Nancy steps between us and narrows her untrusting little eyes on me. Her nasty coffee breath is in full bloom and forces me to breathe through my mouth. “He’s dumping you, Emma. Now that you aren’t holding him back, he’s moving on to better things, like me. Accept it.”

My mouth falls open so far I swear my jaw unhinges. I dart my attention to Ryan, waiting for him to say something. He looks as shocked as I feel. “Well?”

When he squares his shoulders and thrusts out his chin, I shake my head. This is not how I wanted the breakup to happen, if it has to happen at all. “Sorry, babe. It’s just not working.”

“No. Ryan, don’t do this. Not here.” My voice shakes as I struggle to keep my control. The entire lab is now looking at me.

He shrugs and settles into his role. It has to be a role. He can’t really be doing this, not to me. Not after everything. Jesus, God. Please. Not after all we’ve been to each other, for each other. “Sorry. It’s happening.”

No way. No way! He’s breaking up with me in front of my entire lab, in front of the entire computer center. Humiliation burns into my cheeks as I blink back tears. This can’t be happening. He can’t be breaking up with me. And for who? Nancy fucking Pettigrew! As if I didn’t have reason enough to hate her. “What about the DASH?”

Nancy slips her hand in his and rests her head on his shoulder. “He’s taking his real girlfriend.”

“What?” I jerk my gaze to him as the pain of his betrayal hits me full force. Holy shit. I really did transform him into the perfect player. I didn’t even see this coming. I swallow down the raw sob hovering just below the surface. “That was not part of the deal.”

His eyes fill with a mixed emotion I don’t even want to read. His expression falls slack. He even manages to manipulate his features. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he actually feels remorse, but players don’t feel remorse. They feel nothing. “Em—”

I put my hand up to stop him and fight not to shake. I breathe in small gasps just to stop from dropping to my knees. My entire world crashes around me. He doesn’t love me. He never did. It’s losing my dad all over again.

“Ryan,” I squeak. He looks away and closes his eyes, destroying me. The asshole totally played me. I knew it! Why didn’t I trust my instincts? He was too good at everything. Too fast at picking up on my lessons. Hell, he even taught me a few things.

My faith shatters as my heart transforms back into the hard beating mass of unfeeling muscle. I fight back the tears. The humiliation. My entire body hurts as I force my emotions deep. This, right here, is why I never let anyone close to me. I had sex with him. Not only that, but I let him in. I told him personal things, things I’d never shared with anyone. I shared my feelings with him. I thought he really cared about me. God, I’m such a fool, and now everyone knows it.

I push at his chest, the sudden need for violence overwhelming. I refuse to cry, goddamn it. I refuse to let him know how much he broke me. “You are so full of shit. All your talk that you weren’t playing me? Why, Ryan? Why would you lie to me like that?”

“Emma, I didn’t mean…” He stiffens when Nancy clears her throat. His expression hardens and the way he looks at me, with such coolness in his gaze, has me ready to collapse from the weight of my devastation. “It’s just the way it has to be.”

I will not cry. No player is worth my tears. Jesus, I thought he was different. I guess the joke is on me. “You want to take Nancy to the DASH? Fine. Take her. I wouldn’t go with you now anyway. I can’t believe you’d screw me over like this, but then again, you are a Delta. Congratulations, HP. You’ve done your house proud. Your transformation is complete.”

I spin on my heel and run out of the computer center. As I round the corner, I slam into someone and fall right on my ass. I look up to see who I have to apologize to and suck in a breath. This day just keeps getting better and better.

“Hey, Red.” Brad grins down at me. When he offers me a hand, I take it. “What’s got you on the run?”

“Take me to the DASH,” I blurt out before my self-esteem comes back. “Take me to the party and I’ll bring my friend. You know, the pretty one.”

He stiffens and narrows his eyes, clearly baffled. “But we hate each other.”

I blow my bangs out of my eyes. “I don’t care. I need in to that party.”

“Why wouldn’t you just go with your little boyfriend?”

“We broke up.”

He puts his hands up. “Whoa, dude. Normally, bros don’t do other bro’s hos.”

I so hate him, but I suck it in for the greater good. “Brittany can be your date. I’ll just tag along.”

When he grins, I know better than to trust him. He’s definitely scheming. “A chick on each arm. We can have a Brad burger.”

Oh my God, is this man delusional. Just the idea of a Brad-anything has my stomach turning. But I have to at least let him think he’s got a chance. “Exactly.”

“Okay. I’ll let you and your friend come to the DASH on one condition.”

Here it comes. I brace myself for him to ask me to have a threesome or something equally disturbing. “What?”

“I already know you aren’t going to let me tap that.” He pauses to rake his heated gaze up and down my body. I shudder. “So I’m going to need some other form of payment.”

This man’s disgustingness is epic. “Like?”

“Come over and clean the Delta house after the party.”

That doesn’t sound so bad. I’ve had to clean my own house after parties before my mom got home. I could easily clean the Delta house. “Okay.”

“In nothing but a little apron. Maybe one of those see-through ones. Oh, and speak in a French accent.”

“Don’t make me kick you in the balls.”

He laughs and I ready my foot. “Okay, okay. Wear whatever. You and your pretty blonde friend can come to the DASH. If blondie doesn’t want to clean, I know of another way for her to pay me.”

“You’re disgusting, you know that?”

“Yep.” He wiggles his brow. “Do we have a deal?”

Brittany is going to kill me. “Deal.”