{Emma}

“How’s my hair look?” Britt asks me for the umpteenth time. I stare into the mirror at the perfect blonde curls cascading down to her shoulders and give her a nod. How does she do that? She spent maybe ten minutes on it and it looks like she had it professionally done.

“Great.” Her hair always looks great. Mine, on the other hand, looks like I just don’t give a shit.

She slumps her shoulders and turns to me. “Em, cheer up. You got exactly what you wanted.”

Did I? I don’t feel like I did. I know Ryan and I had to break up. I just hate the way it all went down. I couldn’t control any of it. I still don’t understand why he did it the way he did. The only explanation is that he knew what he was doing all along. That’s the only way he could have gotten as good as he did in three weeks’ time.

I hate how easily I fell for it all. I lowered my guard and finally trusted him. I trusted him more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life. I told him about my dad, about why I don’t let anyone close. What does he do? After everything we’ve been through. He goes and rips out my heart. “I still can’t believe he played me.”

“Yeah, about that. How’d you not see that coming?”

“I did,” I say quietly as I stare at my pathetic reflection. After crying myself to sleep last night and then catching myself wiping a tear out of my eye off and on all day at work, I think I may have finally run the well dry. Now I’m just numb. I’m so stupid, falling in love with a player. Not even Kayla’s words of comfort helped me. She finally sent me home early when I kept getting the orders wrong.

Britt hugs me from behind and works her fingers into my hair. I haven’t done shit to it and probably won’t. I just don’t care. I guess I’m at the depression stage of grief. “You’re going to the DASH anyway, which is what you wanted in the first place, right? So what does it matter how you’re getting there? It’s not like you really had feelings for the nerd.”

“I think I did, Britt.” My phone buzzes, and I check the screen. It’s Ryan. Again. This puts his attempts to call me in the double digits, and that doesn’t count the texts I refuse to read. I’m not mentally prepared for any more apologies and excuses. I kill the call and swallow hard.

“That’s just it.” Britt rips the phone from my hands and tosses it on my bed. “You think you did. You spend a month with anyone and you’re going to think you have feelings for him. Take Mike and me. I think I may love him. Then again, I think I’m in love with every guy I date. Truth is, I don’t even know what love is. I’m twenty-one, for Christ’s sake. I’m not ready to fall in love, and neither are you. You didn’t love him. You only think you did. You let your hormones take over. It happens. It’s a rookie mistake, but it happens.”

I try to smile at her attempt to make me feel better. Yes, Britt has experience in the art of playing far beyond my years, even though she’s younger than me. It doesn’t help. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. Beyond the incredible sex. Beyond the transforming him into a player. We became real friends. Not just head nods when we see each other friends. True, can’t wait to laugh at something stupid when we see each other friends. I had at least a dozen things happen today I wanted to tell him about, just so we could laugh about it.

I want to stay home on Friday nights, eat hoagies, and watch movies with him. I want to kick every zombie’s ass on Saturday nights. I want to wake up at the butt crack of dawn and run with him. Sweet Jesus on a horse, what’s the matter with me? A month ago I planned my schedule around my social life. And now? Now I’d rather stay home, watch TV, and play video games.

I’m in serious, serious trouble. Without my permission, Ryan has transformed me into the female version of him. And truth be told, I like her better. Not that it will do me any good now. He’s with Nancy Pettigrew and I’m sitting in my dorm, staring at my makeup, not wanting to put the effort into even wearing mascara.

Britt spins me around to face her. “Listen up, bitch. You want to get back at the nerd for doing this to you? Go to that party. Be the hottest piece of ass there. Rub it in his face he’s stuck with that slut Nancy while you’re there to play the field. Sitting here moping about it is exactly what he wants. Don’t let him do this to you, Em. You’re the strongest person I know. He has no power over you, woman.”

I smile. Her abrasive reasoning makes sense. “When did you get to be so smart about breakups? Isn’t it usually my role to be your shoulder?”

“I’ve had a lot of experience in the breakup department. Look at me. I’m still functioning. Besides, it’s about time I get to return the favor. Now, put on your makeup and then let’s raid your closet.”

We crank the music and jam as we dance around our dorm in our underwear, singing into hairbrushes. By the time I have my hair in a fancy shmancy updo, my makeup perfect, and the kickass outfit of the year red bodycon I bought with him, we’re ready. I’m wearing matching lipstick and my fuck-me pumps to complete the look. They make me feel even sexier than I already do with the makeup and hair. I do feel better and can’t wait to get to the party and rub my awesome look in Ryan’s face. He gave all this up. It’s time for me to do a little playing myself.

Never wanting to commit the ultimate party foul by showing up first and appearing desperate, we decide to hit the CUB and get a couple hoagies before we head to the Delta house. We’ll need the food in our stomachs to soak up the hefty amount of alcohol we’ll be consuming. It’s now nine and we spot people we recognize heading toward the house, so we follow.

“I’m so goddamn excited I could just shit,” Britt declares under her breath. “It’s the Delta DASH, Em. We are going to the Delta DASH.”

Hearing it out loud gets my heart pumping. That’s right. Despite Ryan screwing me over, I’m still going to the party of the year and I’m going to it single. We follow a group into the yard and up to the front door. After giving each other quick glances, we face the Delta at the door checking names like we’re supposed to be there.

“Names?”

“Emma Rae and Britt Pearson,” she announces.

After too many seconds of him checking the list, I blurt out, “We’re Brad’s dates.”

“Two more? Man, that guy has all the luck.” He nods for us to go inside. I’m not surprised Brad invited more than us as his dates. With any luck, he’s already preoccupied with one of them, and we won’t have to run into him.

A Delta hands us each a red Solo cup. I sniff it, not sure what it is. “Isn’t this supposed to be a kegger?”

Britt shakes her head after taking a drink. “It’s jungle juice. Holy shit, that’s good.” She takes another drink, this one longer.

“You’d better pace yourself.”

“Quit being a prude. It’s the party of the year.”

“And one I’d like to remember.” I sip my drink and have to agree. It’s really good. Very fruity, like peaches. I take another drink and pull in a breath to relax. “Do you see Ryan?”

“Oh, no you don’t. You are not allowed to seek him out. Make him come find you. Come on. Let’s find our date.”

Ugh. Brad. Knowing I should at least thank him for getting us in, I follow her through the house, weaving in and out of hordes of people. Some I recognize, most I don’t. We get looks from the upperclassmen and I keep my head down in case someone brings up the computer center incident with Ryan. Or the handholding on campus. Or the fact he’s here with a date and I’m here as Britt’s shadow.

“Are you two lost?” A guy stops us from moving into the kitchen. I know him. He’s one of the Delta dicks from the bar the night I met Ryan. “Hey, aren’t you the chick HP just dumped? Oh, wait. He’s going by Ryan now because of you. He’s here with that TA bitch. I wouldn’t tap that unless she can bounce my grade up a few, which he doesn’t need since he’s got the highest GPA of the house.”

That doesn’t surprise me. Ryan is the smartest guy I know. He’ll make a great Delta. The Delta frat is a total Dean’s Wet Dream. Every DWD has high grades, overachievers, and rich daddies with buildings named after them. He fits right in.

“Yes, he dumped me.” As I admit it, my throat tightens. Yet another guy in my life living up to the disappointment. I look away and study a picture on the wall of several Deltas standing proud, including none other than a young Stuart Ryan. Ryan looks so much like his dad. But not the eyes. No, Stuart’s eyes are cold, calculating, heartless. Ryan’s eyes are warm. They smile even when he doesn’t.

“Wow, you really fucked him over.”

I jerk my attention to the douche. My mouth falls open and I take a breath to say something that would get me kicked out of the party, but Britt speaks up. “You’ve got that backward, handsome.”

“Do I?” He leans on the doorframe, his arm over his head, his entire focus on Brittany. She bats her eyes and snares him in her web. “Why don’t you tell me what happened, beautiful.”

“Why don’t you refill my drink first?” She hands him her empty cup. He takes it, grins at her, and disappears into the wave of people surrounding the jungle juice. I’ve never actually seen what goes into jungle juice so I push my way forward until I’m standing face-to-face with the giant clear garbage can-looking thing.

“What goes in it?” I ask no one in particular.

“A little of this, a little of that.” A male voice sounds in my ear. I glance over my shoulder. Brad’s way too close to me. Clearly, he’s already had quite a few taps at the juice.

Still, he’s paying attention to me, so I play along. I need this little boost to my self-esteem after everything that’s happened. The alcohol from my first drink mellows my nerves. He’s not the Delta I want to be with, but it is what it is. I glance into his eyes and hold him there. “So, tell me, Brad. What goes into jungle juice?”

He curls his lips into a grin. I hate how it makes me smile, too. He’s seriously gorgeous, but I know how ugly he can be on the inside. Right now, I don’t care. I just want to be noticed for a change. Britt is off with a guy who not more than a minute ago was ready to kick us out. Ryan is off with Nancy doing shit I taught him and probably getting lucky because of it. And I get to be Brad’s consolation prize. Awesome.

Screw everyone. I’m doing whatever the hell I want. Tonight, that just might be Brad.

He leans in and I hold my ground. When his lips barely whisper across mine, I stop breathing. He pulls back and smiles at me, and I have to admit, he’s even cuter up close. I hate that I’m attracted to the complete douchetards of the world and Brad is their king.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” I say back.

“I’m glad you made it.” He stares into my eyes. He doesn’t ask me about Britt. He doesn’t ask me about Ryan. He just stares at me and I love it. I’m the center of his attention right now and it feels amazing.

“You are?”

“Why do you seem surprised?” He leans into me again and I inhale, taking in his scent. Sweet Lord with a licorice rope, he smells good, like musky male and a hint of mouthwatering cologne. When he kisses me, this time darting his tongue out, I open my mouth and welcome him in. And, oh my God, does this man know how to kiss. I never knew a kiss could be like this. He totally schools me. I learn more in this single kiss than I could have ever imagined. He ends the kiss and pulls back, his gaze resting on me. I sigh as I stare into those blue eyes, completely lost. He then licks his lips. “You taste amazing.”

“Do I?” My voice is an octave higher than normal. I clear my throat and try again. “And how exactly do I taste?”

His lips cover mine. Aggressive. Demanding. No concessions or apologies. He’s looking for one thing and one thing only, and right now that’s exactly what I want, too. Inappropriate, hopefully angry, hookup sex. That should help me get over Ryan and the way he screwed me over. I wrap my arms around Brad’s neck and crush my boobs against his hard chest. He pushes me against the closest wall and slips his hand under my dress. I wrap my leg around his and grind against him.

I’m vaguely aware of the room clearing. He breaks the kiss and licks his lips. “Let’s get to the bathroom.”

The bathroom? I come to my senses and shake my head. “I’m not having sex where you take your morning dump.”

“Then how about where I make my morning breakfast, sweetheart?” He grins wide and I’m about to knee him in the balls. I take a step toward him, forcing him back a step. “I was only kidding, Red. Slow your roll. I know why you’re really here.”

“Why’s that?” I cross my arms in front of me.

“You’re looking for a little payback. Am I right? Look, I’m totally into being your rebound guy if that’s what it takes to put a smile on your face.”

I hate that his words have me intrigued. I still don’t like him, but I do hate him less. “Why would you do that for me?”

“Because you have an amazing smile.” He inches in. “And an amazing body. HP doesn’t know what he lost when he gave you up. I do.” Licking his lips, he’s so close I can taste the jungle juice on his breath. “Let me teach you a few things you can use on your next project.”

He almost has me—until he says that.

The illusion snaps and Brad is back to being the douchebag I hate. I can’t believe he just had his tongue down my throat. And I let him. I shudder. What the hell is the matter with me? Talk about a serious lapse in judgment. I’ll never be able to get that taste out of my mouth.

“No, thank you.” I turn to leave. He grabs my brand new dress and jerks, ripping it right down the back. I gasp and slap at my boobs to hold what’s left of the front to me. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Whoa!” He brings up his hands. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t know it’d do that.”

I’m too shocked to do anything but blink. “You ripped my dress, asshat. I’m out of here.”

“No. Wait.” He leaps at me, scaring the shit out of me. I scream and punch at him, trying not to lose my shit. I’m alone in the kitchen and under attack.

To hell with that. I’m no victim. I push him back with all my strength. When he charges again, I bring my knee up and slam it into his groin, shoving his balls so far inside him he’ll have to smile to see them. He falls to his knees and grabs his crotch.

“Bitch,” he whimpers before collapsing to the floor.

I hold the remnants of my dress to me as I fight the tears. I can’t believe I wanted to come to this stupid party only to be here for a whopping ten minutes before being attacked by the king of the douches. Covering what I can, I storm out of the kitchen, only to run into the one person I did this all for.

“Emma?” Ryan’s mouth falls open. An instant later he sets his jaw as something changes in his expression. It hardens as he scans my appearance. I’ve never seen anyone with such a lethal look in his eye. It scares me.

But then I come to my senses. I hate him. With everything I am, I hate this man. I can’t stop myself as I unleash on him. All my anger. My fear. My absolute humiliation, both over the breakup and now, at my lowest point ever. The tears flow and I don’t bother to stop them. “This is all your fault!”

“What happened?” He eyes the ripped dress in my hands and his cheeks glow as a dangerous darkness swirls in his eyes. “Who did this to you?”

“Why don’t you ask your BFF, Brad. You two are perfect for each other.”

“Brad did this?” He stiffens and scans the room.

“Things were just fine before our stupid deal, that you backed out of at the last minute, you dick. I can’t stand who you’ve become.”

“And what, exactly, have I become?” That hard look in his eyes softens, if only for a moment. It tears into me. Instead of me stopping, it only fuels me to keep going.

“You’re a fucking Delta. I hate you.”

“Don’t say that.” He reaches for me.

“Don’t touch me!” I scream at him.

“I’m only what you turned me into.”

“Bullshit! You were always a Delta. You just needed me to add the finishing touches. Well, congratulations, Ryan. You’re more of a Delta than I could have ever imagined.” I run out, my head down, my pride demolished. I’ll never be able to show my face on Greek row again. Shit, at this point I may just take online courses from here on out and move back to Seattle.

“Emma!”

I ignore him as I run across the yard. My fuck-me pumps sink into the grass and I fall to my hands and knees. The wetness from the lawn seeps into my skin. The pieces of my dress scatter and I just stay there on my hands and knees, ready to give up. I’m aware of the snickering around me, of how everyone is making fun of me. Screw them all. They have no idea the personal hell I’m in right now.

I can’t get the heel of one of my shoes out of the ground and it’s the last straw. I break down and blubber like the fool I am. Leaving the shoe, I hurry away in one shoe, holding up a shredded dress, trying not to collapse from the weight of my mortification. I make it back to my dorm and slam the door behind me.

Within seconds my floor’s RA knocks on my door. “Emma? Is everything okay?”

“Go away!”

“Emma? Did something happen? Were you attacked? Should I call campus police?”

“No.” I shake my head as I release sob after soul-wrenching sob. They rack my body, leaving me in so much pain I can’t move. I can only slide down the door and bury my face against my knees as all the strength leaves my body.

“Emma?” The RA knocks again.

“Please,” I cry, my shoulders shaking along with my entire world. “Just go away.”

“I’m calling the police.”

I jerk my head up. As much as I want to see Brad pay for ripping my dress, I can’t call the cops on him. It’ll break up the entire DASH, all because of me. I’ll find a way to get back at Brad on my own. No need to involve law enforcement.

“I’m okay. I just fell and tore my dress.” How pathetic.

“You seemed pretty upset when you streaked by.”

“Because I lost my favorite shoe.” That part wasn’t a lie. I love my fuck-me pumps. Another casualty of tonight’s disaster.

“Are you sure?”

I swallow my emotions long enough to croak, “I’m sure.”

“Okay. Well, if you need anything, you know where I am. Try to have a good night.”

Once her footsteps fade, I finally release all the pain consuming me as reality crashes down around me. I cry for what feels like an eternity.

I can’t sit against the door all night and pull myself to the bed, collapsing on the mattress. Grabbing my phone, I scroll through the numbers and hit the one I’m looking for.

She answers on the second ring. “Emma? Baby? Is everything okay?”

“No.” I immediately start to cry. It’s times like this every girl needs her mommy. “Can I come home?”