THIRTEEN

 

 

Shea’s daze had taken on a new hue by the morning. Having been in the records room all night, she hadn’t had a wink of sleep. The drone of the alarm from the other side of the courtyard signaled that the inmates were being woken up. That was what alerted her to the time of day.

Throughout the night, she’d absorbed as many words as she could. Some of the reports Shea read moved her to tears, others made her feel so sick that she had to stop reading. The one thing that became achingly clear was that the prisoners on the compound were dangerous, all of them.

She hadn’t even made a dent in the volume of files. From the sheer number of those that were left, she’d guess this operation had been going on since long before Raid’s tenure began.

Technology had gotten better through the years. Their web of investigators across the country always monitored those they intended to capture to make sure they were the correct perpetrators and a continued danger to society. Raid’s people also had access to the best labs in the country, probably unofficially, to gather and verify evidence.

There were procedures on top of procedures to make sure they got the right guy and he was taken down in a discreet way that meant he could be secreted away from his life. There were even procedures for what to do if they were intercepted or if they had to make up a false scenario for where their inmate had gone.

It was clear there were occasions when they did the government’s work and the government was grateful for it. So even though it might not be official, the government needed them.

Raid prized their anonymity, but he had connections at the highest levels of covert law enforcement. It was incredible to read about some of the missions he’d undertaken to capture the worst kind of prisoner, the most dangerous being classified in the Zoo, and kept under the highest security.

On Raid’s balcony, that first morning, he’d gotten angry at her, and now she understood why. For generations, Raid’s family had kept the worst of the worst locked up. She’d accused him of enjoying seeing the prisoners suffer and the employees cower. After a night of research, she understood more about the sacrifices he’d made. Being strict and keeping people at a distance was a necessity for the greater good of the operation. Except it had to leave him lonely. That thought stuck with her.

The wake-up alarm had ended her time in the records room. Soon there would be people showing up to do their daily work. Diego had brought in new inmates who’d have to be classified and inducted.

Though Shea was exhausted, she had a new kind of vigor when she slipped out of the records room and headed upstairs to her bedroom. Not only was she enlivened, but with this awakening about the cause, she had a new respect for what they did. More than that, Shea was proud to have been a part of it.

Her own work day was beckoning. As much as she’d like to slip into bed and sleep off the revelations of the night, Shea wouldn’t ignore her responsibilities. Especially not now she understood just how important this mission was.

A shower would wake her up; ideally, it would be the first item on her agenda. Except the communal showers would be mobbed. While trying to decide if she wanted to brave the busy shower room, Shea remembered that the things she needed to get ready for the day were at Raid’s place.

It didn’t take long to make the decision to go over there. Departing her bedroom, Shea made short work of leaving the compound. It was possible she was just looking for an excuse to go to him. With Diego back, she didn’t know if she had any right to be near Raid’s home. But, convincing herself that she had to retrieve her blow-dryer didn’t take any effort. It was probably the only one on site. By the time she got back, the line for the showers would have shortened.

Vaulting up the stairs to Raid’s place, she admitted to herself that she was eager to lay eyes on the man who had won so much more of her respect. Shea stopped on the top stair, right outside his front door. No longer his advisor or courier, Raid could choose not to buy her excuses and punish her for making assumptions. It was still early. The morning reports wouldn’t be compiled yet. So, she couldn’t go back to the compound to retrieve them as cover for her visit. From any perspective, she shouldn’t be striding into his place like it was her right because it wasn’t.

With Diego back on the compound, things had changed. Raid hadn’t issued any instructions or guidance on where she stood. Maybe he was expecting her to show up to blow him, as had been their routine, but given that Diego could walk in at any second, she doubted that their Laird would want to be caught in that position.

Still hesitating, Shea’s thoughts raced. Getting a clear procedure from her Laird before taking liberties was the best course. Except, walking away would be stupid; she was already there and really did need her blow-dryer. If her permission to be at Raid’s had been revoked, leaving her things lying around would be disrespectful.

Keying one number into the security panel and then the next, she used her knowledge of the formula to calculate what that day’s code should be. After entering the last number, it flashed green. Learning that the formula hadn’t been changed to keep her out helped her to breathe easier. That was at least something.

Deciding not to disturb the Laird if she didn’t have to, Shea slipped inside and carefully toed her shoes off to leave them by the door. Tiptoeing across the kitchen and up the stairs, she did her best to be discreet.

Turned out that it didn’t matter how quiet she was because halfway up the stairs, Raid appeared at the top, pulling his tee-shirt down over his broad chest.

As soon as he saw her, he paused. His head tilted, and his face tensed to a frown, which told her he hadn’t expected her to appear. “Shea?”

“I…” she said, oddly nervous, probably because her excuses for showing up were only half-true. Having granted her permission to eat in the mess with the others last night, Raid may have assumed that her relegation back to the communal showers would go without saying. “I left my blow-dryer here.”

“You look like shit,” he said.

Shea hadn’t thought anything about her appearance and ran a feeble hand through her hair. “I haven’t slept.”

His frown grew fiercer. “Why not?”

Either he was mad at her or concerned for her, Raid wasn’t easy to read. “No reason, I…”

Backing up a step, he pointed at the floor in front of him. “Come here.”

Ascending with care, she did as she was told, coming to a stop in front of him with the stairs behind her. Raid took her chin and tipped it up to examine her face. “It’s nothing,” she said and tried to pull out of his grip, but he grabbed the back of her head at the base of her skull and held her in place.

“Shea,” he said, the warning thick in his voice.

Her Laird wanted an explanation. All the words she’d read came cascading back to her along with the emotion she’d felt while reading them. Shea couldn’t hold it all in.

“I pledge myself to you,” she whispered, the warmth of exhausted tears weighing on her lower lashes. “Woman to man, Raiden Laird. I pledge myself to you.”

The professional pledge was still a mystery to her. But, the impact of the reports she’d absorbed last night left her with an aching need to offer her gratitude and respect. This man was a hero to the world, even if he didn’t always act like it and the world didn’t know it.

Gathering her gumption, Shea rose on her tiptoes and leaned in to reach his mouth with hers. He was probably still so surprised by what she’d said that he forgot to resist. Whatever the reason, victory rushed through Shea when her lips touched his.

He’d finally let her kiss him.

Her triumph didn’t end there, it grew when Raid responded, opening his mouth and pulling her closer to deepen the union.

Kissing didn’t change anything, not really. Raid was still the boss and she was still his subordinate. Obstacles blocked their way in every direction, and Shea wasn’t sure they’d be able to overcome them. In the plainest of terms, Shea was still a prisoner here. She hadn’t taken any official pledge. Except, for some reason, in that moment it didn’t matter.

His hands slid around to cradle her cheeks. He tipped her chin higher, lowering himself to press harder and slip his tongue into her mouth.

Shea whimpered. Clinging to him, she begged this moment to last. She wanted more… more than just the taste of his powerful tongue. Pushing on him, maintaining their kiss, she surrendered to his control. Under his mercy, Shea allowed him to tilt her head and kiss her with all the fervor that had burned between them since the minute they’d first laid eyes on each other.

Her experience of his bedroom meant she didn’t have to open her eyes to push him to where she wanted him to be. Raid had to know her goal, but he yielded to her hands’ insistence, and let her pressure him toward the bed.

Speeding up, momentum carried them there. Dropping her hands from his chest, Shea unbuttoned her own shirt, and tossed it to the floor. Next, she rid herself of her bra. His hands scooped around her breasts while she shoved her jeans from her hips.

His thumbs rasped across her nipples, stimulating her. “Oh, Raid,” she breathed out, her head falling back to let him kiss down her chin to her throat.

Bending down to pick her up, he turned, so that when they landed on the bed, he was on top. It didn’t surprise her that Raid liked to be the one in charge between the sheets. He was so good at taking control everywhere else that it felt natural to give him command of her here too.

Sliding his hand to the back of her thigh, he curved her leg around his hip. Pushing her knee higher to grind his groin into her, he stimulated them both.

“Yes,” she said, arching into the ridge of his erection and rocking against it. “More, Raid. I want to feel you.”

Grabbing for his shirt, Shea tugged it up, managing to get it off his body. When the planes of his hard chest landed on her pliable form, she squashed her breasts into him, exhaling in ecstasy. Cupping her face, Raid pulled their mouths together again, ignoring her hair caught between their lips.

With a fingertip, he snagged the strand on her cheek to pull it free, but a second later, his kiss froze and he rose an inch, breaking the seal of their mouths.

“What?” she panted, holding his shoulders, hoping he wasn’t about to put a stop to what they were doing. “What is it, baby?”

As usual, Raid was a step ahead of her. Before he could answer, noise came from down the stairs, he must have heard it before she did. The front door closed, and heavy footsteps moved through the kitchen.

Raid put a hand over her mouth and locked his eyes to hers. “It’s Diego,” he said and she nodded behind his hand. “Stay here.”

She nodded again.

He leaped up off the bed, snagging his tee-shirt in the process. Striding across the bedroom without looking back at her, Raid tugged the garment over his head and disappeared down the stairs.

If he wanted her to stay there in his bed, either he didn’t want Diego to know what they’d been about to do, or he planned to come upstairs so they could finish it.

Shea listened to the men’s voices fading toward the balcony until she couldn’t hear them anymore. Having never been in Raid’s bed before, the smile on her face was broad and excited. Taking advantage of the opportunity, she decided that if her Laird was coming back to pick up where they’d left off, he’d appreciate her staying naked. Until then, she was going to relax right there waiting for him.

 

 

When Shea opened her eyes, it was dark.

Sitting up in a panic, she looked around trying to figure out where she was. As soon as her memories of the morning and Raid’s bed came flooding back, she blew her hair from her face and flopped down.

Being there was nice. Warm in the soft bed that was much larger and far more comfortable than hers in the compound, she wriggled and decided it was actually more comfortable than any she’d been in anywhere. Stretching her limbs to the four corners, Shea conceded that the scent of the man laced through the bedding sure helped to loosen her up.

She didn’t see any sign of him on that level. There was light emanating from downstairs; it shone up through the staircase and from the kitchen. Given that it was dark beyond the windows and in the bedroom, she considered that Raid might not be home, he could still be working in the compound.

The darkness meant that somehow she’d missed an entire day of work. Explaining that wouldn’t be easy. Raid might have taken care of it for her, but she didn’t have a clue what excuse he’d give for her absence.

If she’d been sick, the doc would’ve been called, and Diego would’ve been more likely to know before Raid. Shea doubted the Laird would admit to having her asleep in his bed all day. She’d stay here all night too, if he’d let her, though she had to figure out where he was first.

Rubbing the corner of her eye, she forced herself to slip from beneath the covers and get onto her feet. It didn’t take her long to find one of his heavy shirts that was seriously over-sized on her slight frame. She liked how the material drowned her, it reminded her of the protection of her man… Her man. Shea smiled to herself about that identifier as she crept down the stairs.

The lights on the balcony were low. She noticed the back of his head on the couch and headed outside, glad that he was home.

When she stepped onto the wooden decking, the chill in the air made her wrap her arms around herself.

Shea was warmed from the inside when Raid looked up from his paperwork. “Good,” he said, leaning against the back of the couch, his frown fixed as he examined her.

“Good?” she said, her smile growing at the compliment. That word implied he was happy to see her. She tiptoed toward him. “Did someone need something?”

Bending over, she rested a hand on the back of the couch for support, and climbed onto his lap to straddle his thighs.

“No,” he said, taking her arms to hold her back when she tried to kiss him. “I don’t need anything… and this stops now.”

The severity of his tone stole her joy. Scrutinizing him, she tried to figure out what had brought on the change in him since that morning. He lifted her off his lap and put her on the couch beside him.

“Raid…”

He stood up and walked away from her. After a score of seconds, he turned back to face her; she didn’t like the expression he wore.

“I’m tired of you. You’re not welcome here anymore, Shea.”

“What?” she asked, leaping to her feet. “What did I do?”

“I don’t need to explain myself. You’re required to follow my orders.”

As his employee, she was, but this was hardly a professional conversation. “If you planned to kick me out of your life, why did you let me sleep here all day?”

“Diego and I left the house together this morning. I didn’t know that you would still be here when I returned.”

That was bullshit and if he were any other man, she’d call him on it. Someone would’ve reported her for not being at her station. No one would’ve risked snitching on her because speculation about her relationship with Raid was rife. Diego would’ve noticed, and he wouldn’t have shied from asking the boss about her absence. Though, it was possible her friend just assumed she was in Raid’s bed and maybe hadn’t wanted to pry.

In that minute, Raid’s excuse didn’t matter. She wanted to know what had caused his change of heart because he’d been fine with her that morning when they were rolling around in his bed making out.

Maybe the making out was the catalyst. “Do you want me to apologize for kissing you?”

While she could feel her urgency rising, Raid was as loose and confident as ever. “I want you to leave,” he said without equivocation. “I don’t want you to come here or address me directly again.”

After a single step, she faltered. If he meant what he was saying, this could be the last time they were alone, so it was time to clear up a few mysteries.

Her grief began to morph into anger. “How many do you have?”

“Excuse me?”

The growing rage heating her made it difficult to stay composed. “Out there,” she said, nodding to the world beyond them. “How many women do you have out there in the real world waiting for you?”

His chin rose. “That’s none of your business.”

Shea wanted to smack him… hard. “No, it’s not,” she said, striding toward him. “You were right about me being an idiot; you should be pleased about that. It should’ve occurred to me when you were telling me about your mom and the legacy of this place. You need an heir and the only way to get one of those is to have a woman out there, just like your father did. You said it yourself, this is no place for a woman, not one you care about. I was just a distraction. Your true love is out there, isn’t she? Tucked up somewhere safe in the real world under constant supervision. You never had to worry about her finding out about me, because where am I going? Nowhere! This is my whole fucking world now, isn’t it? And one day when you bring your child home to show him his empire, I’ll just be a hidden anomaly! The freak! A glitch! Maybe by then you’ll have married me off to someone else, who gives a fuck?”

Spinning around, Shea started to head for the door, but stopped to lift an arm in preparation for saying more. She didn’t expect to find Raid hot on her heels.

Grabbing her arm, Raid dragged her into the house. Thrusting her into the living room, he slammed the balcony door.

“You’re fucking insane!” he said. “I should never have let myself get mixed up with you! Jesus, Shea! Sound carries to the guard tower if the wind—”

“Do you think I give a fuck about what they hear?” she asked, holding her head up in defiance. “I’d have given all of myself to you! To this damn place! I was ready to give up all of my dreams and become… Shit, Raid, I don’t know what the hell I was going to become… whatever the hell you wanted me to be!”

That was the kicker. Shea hadn’t just fallen for her Laird, she’d been seduced by the mission and the righteousness of keeping the world safe. Reading about the people that were locked up here and those who’d come before, she’d started to feel like part of something bigger, and almost like it was her duty to take care of the man whose responsibility it was to keep the cogs moving.

Raid had no one. Diego was his friend and the Laird had hundreds under his command. But, when the day came to an end and the lights went out, he had no one to hold, no one to whisper to in the dead of night. She’d wanted to be that person. Important to him and important to the mission.

Damn, Shea felt like an idiot. Her thoughts were jumbled. Having no purpose and no idea of what to do next, she started to retreat.

“Shea,” he said, lunging forward to grab her.

Yanking her arm out of his reach, she hissed at him. “Let me go.”

“You can’t go out there like that!”

He wasn’t pulling her back because he wanted to keep talking, he wasn’t even concerned about her leaving upset and angry. His focus was on the shirt she was wearing and from his sneer of disapproval she guessed he was assuming there was nothing beneath it… if he was, he was right.

The confirmation that he cared more about appearances and maintaining the status quo just enhanced her defiance. All she’d wanted was for him to care about her, finding out he wasn’t capable was tough to swallow.

“Fuck you, Raid,” she snarled and walked backward through the kitchen, turning only when she got to the door.

Fleeing Raid’s house, Shea didn’t care about the guards in the towers above when she stalked to the perimeter wall and punched in the code that would open the door and disable the defenses in no man’s land long enough for her to cross.

In her current mood, she could probably fly across it. Rage pounded in her veins. Her fists bunched at her sides, daring any man to come near her. Storming into the main building and starting up the stairs, Shea didn’t go to her comfortable bedroom. She marched the length of the lowest floor, using her own codes to unlock the doors as she thundered through the wing.

Moving through the inmates’ hall, the guards ran to flank her, hurrying along, protesting that she wasn’t allowed to enter that part of the building. The inmates were in their cells, whooping and calling out to her, but she wasn’t afraid of them. Shea wouldn’t have endangered herself, she knew the inmates routine, and knew they’d be locked up. Though, in truth, it was impossible for her to feel anything except burning anger. Fear would have to take a ticket and get in line.

The inmates’ cat calls and wolf whistles didn’t slow her down. She fixed her eyes on the opposite wall and kept on going until she made it to the other side.

Maintaining her pace, she made her way through the building until she got to another set of stairs, and this time, she went down. At the control panel at the bottom of the stairs, she opened the security gates that allowed her to enter the isolation wing that she’d called home when she first got to the compound. After she went through each one, she pulled it closed and watched it lock automatically.

Entering her cell, she caught the edge of the door and pulled it hard, ensuring that as she strode toward her bed, it swung shut behind her. With no handle let alone security panel on this side of the door, there was no way for her to liberate herself even if she wanted to.

But she didn’t want to liberate herself.

Isolation was what she needed.

Dropping onto the bed face down, she picked up the pillow and pulled it over the back of her head to hide the sobbing that she couldn’t contain any more. Life with Raid had never been easy, but being with him had given her hope that life on the compound could be more than bearable, that maybe she could be happy there.

Except, Raid didn’t want to be happy, and now she knew the truth, he didn’t want her.