FOURTEEN

 

 

“You’re sulking,” Diego said.

Shea guessed it was the next day.

Diego had shown up in her cell, but she really had no idea how long she’d been alone in there. At some point last night, when the weight of grief had exhausted her, she’d fallen asleep, and lost track of time.

Staring up at the ceiling, Shea didn’t even turn her head to look at her friend, though she knew from the angle of his voice that he was sitting against the wall to her far left.

“Leave me alone, D,” she mumbled.

Diego wasn’t discouraged; he didn’t take orders from her. “The problem is, you have a job to do, and it’s my job to make sure you do it,” he said. “You can’t flip-flop, either you’re an inmate or you’re a comrade.”

Not in the mood to be accommodating, even though she was Diego’s subordinate, Shea was apathetic to that, to everything and didn’t mind being insolent. “Your job is about more than cajoling me,” she said. “Go do the other things you’re responsible for… I owe your boss a month in solitary and last night I entered the C-Hall without permission, that’s at least another month. Let me do my time in peace.”

Rolling onto her side, putting her back to Diego and fixating on the wall, Shea hoped he’d leave. But, her friend didn’t take the hint. “Must have been some blow out,” he said. “Maybe if you told him how you felt—”

“Why do you think I’m here?”

Before falling asleep, through bouts of crying, she’d thought about how the day had played out. Pledging herself to Raid had led to their kiss and to his bed. If Diego hadn’t come in when he had, they might have had sex. Even if they had, she had no idea if the day would’ve ended any different.

All Shea could figure was that her confession, her vow as a woman to a man, had changed something in the way Raid thought about her. Having fun, letting a woman pleasure him every day, had been just fine with the Laird. Getting serious or talking feelings and the future, obviously was not.

After absorbing her implication, Diego became incredulous. “You told him you had feelings for him and he sent you to solitary?” There was a pause. “If he didn’t expect you to show up for work, how come he put you on report for missing breakfast?”

Dumping her and then putting her on report seemed harsh even for Raid. Except, he wasn’t the romantic figure she’d made him out to be. Shea just sighed at news of the revelation. Obviously, Raid didn’t get that he’d hurt her or that she wouldn’t be in the mood to go about her business as usual.

Shea was beyond trying to figure the Laird out. Putting her on report actually did her a favor. It gave her the opportunity to rack up some more time in her cell.

“How many more days in solitary do I get for that insubordination?” she asked, unable to muster the energy to put any emotion into her tone.

Diego didn’t answer her question, he just groaned in a show of his own frustration. “Shit, Pest, I don’t like seeing you like this. Where the hell is that spunky chick who faced off with me when she got here?”

The memory of who she’d been before arriving on the compound was distant. Her motivations and perspectives had changed so many times that she’d lost focus of who she was and what she wanted. Diego was right though, she’d never been the type to get melancholy over a man. But, with her muddled mind struggling to make sense of what her future could be, all she could hope for was a reset.

“I need a do over,” she said, rolling onto her back again. “I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing.”

“Now that doing the Laird isn’t an option?” he asked. They shared silence for a minute. The Laird was never supposed to be an option for her; he wasn’t supposed to be an option for anyone. A life of solitude was what he’d chosen for himself. “If you want me to kick his ass…” The offer made her smile. Though there was obvious discomfort in his voice, he’d said it anyway. “I’ll try.”

Shea relaxed enough to glance his way. At the very least, she owed this man eye contact. Diego had been nothing but supportive. It was no secret that she wouldn’t be alive if he hadn’t fought her corner. It wasn’t fair that he was being put in the middle of this mess.

“You’re sweet,” she said.

Diego was bigger than Raid, much bigger. Except size didn’t matter when it came to power in this place. Breathing in through her nose, Shea made herself roll toward him. Having her friend around was giving her a sense of comfort. Reality would come crashing back soon, but she’d take any positivity while it was available. She’d learned the hard way that happy could be ripped away at any second.

“Did you really shout at him?” Diego asked like he couldn’t believe it. She didn’t blame him for being skeptical, that kind of insubordination would have anyone else facing the gallows. “You do have fucking balls, Pest… He’s nuts to let you go.”

Her friend looked pained that there was nothing he could do to alleviate her hurt, and she felt the need to reassure him. “I’ll be okay, Diego. I’ve been dumped before.” Shea sucked in a long breath. “Though it sucks that I can’t go through the usual rituals here.”

As if she’d just given him hope that maybe there was something he could do, Diego tipped his chin to an angle and brought his brows down. “What are the usual rituals?”

“Tropical vacation,” she said. Diego granted her a smile. That was as unlikely as her being given leave to take a trip to Mars. “Ice cream, chick flicks.”

“Don’t think the cinema has chick flicks,” he said.

Still, this place and the people could surprise her. “The cinema?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Movie night is every Friday in the cinema room. I never took you because you were locked in here or we were prepping for my trip. Guess Raid never took you ‘cause you had better things to do together. He usually goes every week… Let’s him observe the men.”

Her friend assumed she and Raid had been busy enjoying each other when that hadn’t been the case. There hadn’t been any romantic dates or long walks under the stars, which were more examples of how stupid she’d been to think there was something special between them.

Raid had used her for sexual relief. Shea should probably be grateful that he had dumped her when he had, before they’d gone all the way. But, she was beginning to understand how much resentment she had for herself for getting infatuated with a man who had no interest in her beyond her ability to be his pressure release valve.

“It wasn’t that we had better things to do together,” she said, flopping onto her back again. “He was embarrassed to be seen with me.”

Their relationship, if it could be called that, had been shrouded in secrecy. Raid hadn’t wanted to declare them together, or even be explicit about his interest. Now she understood that was because his interest didn’t extend beyond her mouth wrapped around his dick.

“The Laird doesn’t get embarrassed. The man’s never been uncomfortable or ashamed in his life… You’ve got to remember, She, we’ve never had a woman on the compound before… This is new for all of us.”

Tired of hearing about how her presence was an adjustment, Shea sighed. “I’m not going to feel sorry for any of you,” she said. After what she’d been through, with no sympathy from those around her, as far as she was concerned, those on the compound should just suck it up. “I’ve decided not to.”

That was one of the few things she had decided. Having been here for almost three months, a quarter of a year of her life had been dedicated to this place. Once she’d been so intent on escape and now all her priorities had been tossed in a blender.

Another spell of reflection stretched between them before Diego spoke again. “I might be able to swipe a bottle of booze from the boss’s store, if you promise to drink it in here.”

Raid was everywhere. Even while her friend was trying to comfort her, her ex’s reach loomed in the shadows of the conversation. Diego wanted to help her, but breaking the rules went against his nature.

“The point of getting smashed after a break up is to lower your inhibitions so you can bitch to your girlfriends about how crappy your ex is,” Shea said. “And to loosen yourself up for the no-strings casual sex you have to rid him from your body.”

“Can’t help you with either of those and don’t forget that any man who offers the latter will probably be strung up as soon as Raid finds out.”

That suggestion was almost laughable. “He dumped me,” she said. “Or did you miss the memo? Your boss doesn’t give a damn about who I fuck. It wouldn’t surprise me if he rescinded his protection just to get rid of me. Why not send me into the Zoo and get this over with?”

“I can float that one, see what he says,” he said. She glanced at him again, then her attention snagged on the bag by his side. “I brought you some things… ‘Cept I don’t think you should use them down here. Your room is still upstairs and you’ll be expected at dinner. Even if he is an ass, life goes on, Pest.”

The idea of going back to life as it had been, minus Raid, made her nauseous. “I’m not hungry,” she mumbled. “Take my name off the dinner schedule.”

“I’ll bring you something after,” he said and got up to head for the door, but paused just before going through as he liked to do. “He is a bastard for playing with you.”

“All this time everyone thought I was the one playing,” she said, folding her hands on her chest and fixating on the ceiling again. Declaring her intimacy with Raid would’ve meant opening herself to the speculation of others who’d no doubt believe she was trying to manipulate their superior. “Turns out the joke’s on me because I walked smack, bang into his web, and I didn’t even realize it until he cut me loose.”

Diego didn’t say anything else. She heard the door close, indicating he’d left. Shea exhaled. She couldn’t figure out what she was doing here, in this cell or in this building. Getting out of there was becoming less of an option with every moment that passed, and yet staying wasn’t as appealing as it once had been.

Taking one day at a time was all she could do. Maybe in time, she’d figure it out. But, with her heart broken and her anger over her own stupidity still potent, she didn’t see how she could have any future in here or out there.