THIRTY

 

 

Her answer came the following day.

Shea had done as told and packed everything that was in her motel room. Instead of going straight to a new motel, she’d found an all-night superstore and spent almost all her money on supplies that would help on the compound. Although she’d told Raid that going back to her cell would be enough, Shea hoped that her actions with Zogden proved that she was worthy enough to be allowed back into her bedroom in the staff wing.

If not immediately, over time, she wanted to be allowed to work for the cause again. Her experience on the outside had taught her that it was better to have the insulation of protection than to be out in the world on her own.

Being a lone wolf sounded noble; it was much harder in practice than imagination.

Once she’d loaded up with clothes, personal products, and other sundries, she went to a motel and packed everything into her new suitcase. On her return to civilization, she hadn’t had much luggage. But, she didn’t know when she’d have the chance to be back out in the world again and wanted to be prepared. There was a chance that she’d never be allowed to leave the compound again.

So much of what Raid had said played on her mind. He’d made the offer to set her up in civilization like his mother had been set up by his father. The comment about her being mother to his heir played on a loop.

Zogden was on the list, the goal was always to pick him up eventually. As Raid had said, she’d just accelerated their timetable. It left her wondering, was her getting mixed up with Zogden the only reason her Laird had come for her?

If she’d returned to normal, boring life, Raid would’ve left her to it, of that she was sure. Could she be with a man who she couldn’t trust? He’d only come to get her because she got herself embroiled in a dangerous situation.

Like she’d said to him before making him choose, they had never managed to be on the compound at the same time without ending up together. Though it had taken them a while to get intimate when she first arrived, that was because they’d never laid eyes on each other. As soon as they had, it had been a rollercoaster. They wanted each other, they were attracted to each other. Yet, his work was important, it was the priority. He couldn’t screw around with trusting someone who might make a fool of him or take advantage of him,

Shea hoped that her actions out in the real world had shown him how seriously she took his mission. Except, it was as likely he only agreed to bring her home to prevent her from hurting herself.

She needed some sign that he knew he’d made a mistake before she even thought about sharing herself with him again. Of course she was still attracted to him, she couldn’t deny that. Her love for him had bedded itself so deep that she didn’t think it would ever go away.

Raid had been born into a cause that kept so many others in the world safe, even though they had no idea this man was out there running an empire whose only mission was to protect people from dangerous criminals.

His father had taught him how to do things, as his grandfather had taught his father. The introduction of a woman to the mix had screwed everything up. In the ways of relationships and commitment to a partner, Raid was still a juvenile. Sure, he’d known what he was doing in the bedroom, but he was fumbling his way with the actual relationship stuff.

He’d screwed it up. More than once. Part of showing him that she could be trusted was letting him make those mistakes and not judging him for them.

Sitting on the end of her motel room bed, looking at her luggage, Shea’s focus ascended to the clock on the wall just as the minute hand slid to the six. Eight thirty exactly. Turning her attention to the door, she waited.

This was it; the moment when she’d find out if he’d been lying or if he was going to be true to his word.

Shea loved him and she loved his cause. Diego loved him too, which was why her supposed friend betrayed her. She could rationalize all of their actions by attributing them to love and dedication, all except Raid’s.

He’d told her that he didn’t love her.

Much as she wanted to justify what he’d done, so that she could let herself be with him again, she couldn’t do it until he gave her a clear answer. Did Raid love her like his father had loved his mother? Had his actions been meant to protect her, to save her from a life of servitude?

Raid wasn’t even the one cracking the whip; the cause required their service and that’s what she had to pledge herself to, whether she had the man at the helm or not.

Her future relied on him, as it had before he’d cast her out. If he came for her, there was a chance she could find her purpose again. If he didn’t, she’d have another choice to make.

Turning to the clock again, she watched the minute hand move away from the six. Her heart rate didn’t know whether to speed or slow, her lips were dry, her palms moist, all she wanted to do was know he was a man of his word. She wanted her Laird to be the monolith she knew he could be, not just for the mission, but for her.

Going home wasn’t about them. To go back to how things were, to being his Lady, would take a massive gesture on his part. She just wouldn’t be able to live through being tortured by him again. Diego had asked her to give Raid another chance once. If she did it again, it had to be on her terms… if she could figure out what her terms were.

A knock brought her to her feet. With a quick glance at the clock, Shea strode over and pulled open the door. “You’re late.”

Raid stretched his arm, forcing his cuff back to look at his watch. “I’m right on time,” he said, showing her the expensive timepiece on his wrist. “I trust this more than whatever you’re looking at.”

The time on the watch didn’t read half past eight, but it made her smile because she’d guess it matched the time at the compound, which meant she trusted it more than a motel wall clock too.

“Should we get going?” she asked, discouraged when she peeked around him and didn’t see an idling vehicle. “Where’s our ride?”

“It’ll be here in a minute. Go inside.”

“Inside?” she asked, turning to go deeper into the room.

Raid followed and closed the door. When she turned her back on the bed, she noticed him eyeing her luggage. “What is all that?”

“Everything I’ll need for ever,” she said, folding her arms.

“You’re planning to never return to civilization?”

Dubious, she kept her guard up. “Depends on whether or not my Laird lets me.”

Slipping his hands in his pockets, his shoulders stayed loose. “He won’t if you let criminals get as close as Zogden got last night. What were you thinking?”

“That as long as he was distracted by me, you and your men could get inside,” she said. “Nothing happened.”

“I know that because he’s still breathing.”

“Any word on if he got back?”

Raid nodded once. “He’s en-route.”

“How long will it take to get back? Are you going to drug me?”

“Do you want me to drug you?”

She wanted to groan in frustration. “Can you stop answering my questions with questions and be straight with me? You are going to let me come home, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he said, taking one hand out of his pocket. “As soon as you put this on.”

“What is it?” she asked, catching what he threw at her.

She only discovered what it was when she turned it in her hands. The small leather box had a gold hook clasp that she slid free to part the two halves of the lid. Inside was a ring set in velvet.

“The stone is from our mountains,” he said. “The gold too, I think. It’s been worn by every Laird’s wife for a hundred years.”

Startled, she tore her eyes away from the ring to look at him. Just then, there was another knock at the door. Raid went to go answer it, leaving her gaping in stunned silence.

Laird’s wife. Every Laird’s wife… She couldn’t wrap her head around it. There she’d been just a few moments ago telling herself that he’d need to make some grand gesture and now he was handing her a ring.

There was still a glaze over her vision when he closed the door and turned again. Shea had to blink fifteen times just to register what he was holding.

“What…” she asked. “What are those?”

The flowers in his hand were the first thing he held up. “Your bouquet,” he said, tossing it onto the bed when he got close enough. The other thing, a long white dress bag, he brought around from his shoulder and held up. “Your dress… We’re wheels up at the airstrip in ninety minutes. Don’t fuck around with your hair and shit, just get it done.”

Realizing that he was wearing a suit, she hadn’t registered before because wearing suits was the norm at the office. Except this one… it was…

“Raid…” she said, her voice cracking in her throat.

“What’s the problem?”

His brow came down. He moved nearer still, throwing the dress bag onto the bed on the other side from the flowers, he waited, still wearing the frown.

Swallowing, she had to work hard to wet her lips before she talked. “I can’t marry you,” she said and used all of her resolve to close the ring box to hold it toward him. “I won’t marry you.”

“Your agreement isn’t necessary,” he said, pushing the ring back toward her. “This is an order.”

If it wasn’t so shocking, it might be funny. “You can’t order someone to marry you,” she said. “I won’t say vows… No. I won’t hear vows that you don’t mean. I meant what I said last night. I’ll only marry a man who loves me. I want your cause to keep going on and on for as long as it can. But, I can’t be a vessel for your heir, not when I’ll only have to be tortured every day.”

“Tortured?”

Resenting how he made her voice the truth, Shea used all of her energy to steel herself and subdue her simmering emotion. “Do you think it was easy for me to see you last night? For me to help you? Shit, Raid, do you think it was easy for me to be in bed with you? It would be easy to put aside what happened between us and go back to the way things were. But, how long would it last? How long until you remember that you don’t love me or want to be with me and I’m just a distraction from your work? I won’t do it. I love you, yes. You know I love you. But, the work, that’s more important and to do it well, we’d be best to forget whatever mess this is that we might call a relationship and just focus on the mission.”

Lunging forward, he grabbed both her arms to pull her close to him. “You think I don’t love you? Poppet, you have no fucking idea the lengths I’d go to for you, what I’d do to keep you safe. Saying those words to you wasn’t my choice. You forced my hand. I didn’t deny loving you to hurt you or because I wanted to deny it. I denied it because your freedom was what you wanted before this mess we call a relationship started. I wasn’t freeing you from the compound or from the mission, I was freeing you from me.”

“Freeing me,” she murmured. “I told you I wanted to be with you.”

“I’m dangerous, and the life I live is isolating and restrictive. I wanted you to be free from the constraints of my mission and liberated in the world.”

Searching him, she saw his expression relax a fraction. “So, what’s different? Why the ring and the dress and the flowers?”

“Keeping you was selfish,” he said. “That’s what I thought. I knew I was in love with you. Saying it aloud was going to be a shackle for both of us. If I put it out there, it would be impossible to take it back. But, living without you… I don’t understand life anymore. I can’t focus. I can’t think… I can’t be me without you… There is no Laird without his Lady. I can’t do the job. I can’t exist. You’re coming home, Shea. I don’t give a damn if I have to knock you out and bribe the officiant. You’re marrying me and coming home and we are going to do the job together… and you will give me an heir.”

Something about his certainty was intoxicating. He loved her. That was enough; that was all she needed to hear. He’d never said it before and she knew why; he hadn’t wanted his destiny to be forced onto her. Except, it was all she’d ever wanted.

“And if I refuse?”

“You won’t refuse,” he said, trailing his fingertips up her cheek and into her hair. “You love me, you said it yourself… And, your Laird has given you an order.”

Losing herself in the dedication she read in his gaze, her muscles relaxed one by one. “Which is it? Is my boyfriend asking me a question or my Laird giving me an order?”

“I will always be your Laird.”

“Yes, you will.”

Dipping lower, his mouth almost met hers. “But my love for you will always be stronger than my love for everything else… Marry me, Poppet. Today. Then come home.”

Looping her arms around him, she withheld her answer. “We’ll raise our children at the compound?”

“Whatever you want,” he said. “I await your orders.”

“You’ll let me come back to civilization?”

“Anything you want, My Lady… And, we only need one heir.”

“I want four,” she said. “We’ll raise them on the compound. They’ll shoulder their legacy together…” He nodded once. “We’ll show them the world too… together.”

“Whatever you want,” he said again, making her smile.

“I want to get pregnant soon,” she said. “And, I want to give birth on the compound.” He nodded once again and seemed more interested in her mouth than her words. A laugh left her lips. “I can’t believe you’re agreeing to all of this.”

“I’ve put you through hell,” he said. “I know what I nearly lost and I don’t plan to be that stupid again.”

Her Laird telling her he’d been wrong would have been unexpected, to call himself stupid was a step beyond even that. “Will you let me take the pledge?”

“You’ll pledge yourself to me in marriage,” he said and brushed his lips across hers. “You’re not the one who has to prove herself, Poppet… I am… I pledge myself to you. Man to woman, Shea Bonne. I pledge myself to you.”

“Well, it’s about goddamn time,” she said and tightened the circle of her arms to pull his mouth onto hers.

It might have taken her Laird a while to realize what was good for him. Taking what was his was overdue, and Shea was his. Even if she didn’t want to be, she’d never be able to fight the strength of her love. Being his Lady, dedicating herself to their mission, it was what she was supposed to be.

Raid may have rescued her from the forest, but she’d rescued him from his isolation. Devoting themselves to each other was their redemption. They were each other’s saviors, and with that in focus for both of them, they were strong enough to take on the world.