TWENTY-THREE

 

 

Over six weeks had gone by since their conversation about being safe with each other. To say that Raid wasn’t the same person he’d been before that conversation, before he’d come back from the field to find his Lady had taken on the role of leader, would be an understatement.

Sitting on a low rocky outcrop on the shore of the lagoon that was one of Shea’s favorite places to visit, Raid wondered how he’d got here. Every time they’d come before, she’d assured him that he wouldn’t have to get wet.

That day, he’d had no intentions of swimming… not until he’d seen her dive in and glide through the water like a pro. As he watched her, he regretted not bringing his own swimming shorts and couldn’t believe he was contemplating stripping off and joining her anyway. Shea was just so tempting, like a mermaid, a natural in the aqua that swirled and rippled around her.

He’d been raised to believe he’d have to dedicate his life to the compound and he’d never thought for a second that he’d have anything resembling a normal life. With Shea working at his side, happy to embrace his mission, his life was as close to normal as it would ever get.

His Lady didn’t question his dedication to the cause. She embraced it, shouldering the burden with him. She’d referenced having kids, implying that she wanted the work to continue even after they were gone.

How could he be in this position?

How could this be his life?

Raid had left his office while his in-tray was full, grabbed keys to a jeep, and taken her to the secluded spot that she loved so much. All because she’d commented over their morning coffee that it would be a perfect day for a swim.

Her swimming bag had been in the closet and easy for him to grab before calling her on the walkie. Shea hadn’t questioned him when he’d told her to meet him. She’d probably expected some orders about a job. Instead, he’d bundled her into the jeep and drove out the gates.

Watching her smile and dive, he wished he’d brought some food too. Shea was the kind of woman who’d like a picnic. Raid had never had a picnic with a woman in his life, his mother had probably taken him as a child, but he hadn’t been since then.

Running the compound didn’t leave a lot of time for thinking about romantic gestures. Sex had been sex, something he got during shore leave if he had an itch. He’d never placed a premium on it, not until he’d shared a bed with Shea.

Swimming to him, she put her hand on the ledge beneath his rock perch and held something up. “Look at this.”

Bending over, he took the stone from her hand. Turning it over, he saw the silvery white veins running through the grey stone. “What about it?” he asked, running his thumb along the wet surface.

“It’s pretty,” she said, pressing her hands to the ledge to push up. “Be happy I’m looking down and not up. There are so many furry things around here that I could have my own sanctuary.”

Pushing away from the ledge, she slid through the water on her back and then flipped over to begin swimming toward the waterfall.

His first thought was about the logistics of buying construction materials and how many men it would take to build a structure where she could care for the animals she seemed to enjoy. Slipping the rock she’d given him into his pocket, he turned his attention up, away from the woman in the water and the gift she’d handed over.

The task was to confine aggressive people who were a danger to society, not to indulge his girlfriend’s love of critters. His girlfriend. What the hell was happening? He had a girlfriend on the compound. A girlfriend who talked about having a future with him like she really wanted one.

Admitting that he had feelings for her was tough enough when he was in his own head. He couldn’t do it out loud. Shea wasn’t shy about using words to confess her feelings. What she felt was more than affection or fondness, she loved him. Though she hadn’t said it directly, she used the word with more frequency as each day passed.

At first, he’d tried to ignore the obvious fact that she’d fallen for him. That wasn’t possible anymore. Raid couldn’t look at her without his chest tightening and his gut clenching. Love might seem like the obvious answer, but he couldn’t let it be. If he loved her, he couldn’t keep her there. He had stolen her from her life and from the world she’d known.

The best thing he could do for her was to set her free from this life to make sure that she could reach her potential. The life he could offer her was pathetic in comparison to what she could have out there in the real world. Whatever he felt was irrelevant. Hadn’t he read somewhere something about loving something and setting it free? He wouldn’t say he felt it. If he did, he would rest on his default to be selfish and he’d keep her under his command forever.

Having any woman on the compound was against the rules. Having a woman he was involved with around was even more against the rules. His father would also argue that letting anyone out of their life sentence was a sin. Whichever way Raid tried to slice it, he was going to have to break the rules. Every minute Shea was here and he was letting himself feel for her, he was breaking more than one of them.

The only solution left was to do what was best for her. Shea shouldn’t be here. This life was never meant for her. It didn’t matter how much he wanted her. He had to do the right thing, the best thing, he had to set her free. He couldn’t hold her back any more.

 

 

They were definitely finding their groove. Lying in bed with Raid, Shea was on her back with her hand in his hair, while he was lying on his side next to her, his face in line with her breasts, though it was her stomach he was stroking with his fingertip.

Enjoying each other, whenever they got the chance, had become the norm, and it wasn’t unusual for them to meet at the house during their lunch breaks. Raid had never taken a lunch break before being with her, but he’d said he did prefer to eat what she had on offer than at his desk alone.

Work was still their professional bubble. Sometimes they made eye contact and she’d know he wasn’t thinking about whatever was being discussed. During office hours, they were consummate professionals… when they weren’t sneaking home to consummate their personal relationship.

They’d learned to compromise, to integrate each other into their lives. But, there was one thing her comrades asked her about more than anything else. They probably didn’t feel comfortable asking about her relationship, or feared being punished if they did. So, they asked her about work. They asked her when she was going to commit to the cause.

Raid hadn’t pushed, he hadn’t brought it up with her once. Neither had Diego. Shea was beyond curious and didn’t doubt that she was ready.

They’d made love. Lying in silence afterwards was Raid’s process. He liked to stroke her, to kiss her, to appreciate her, and Shea had no problem being appreciated by her Laird.

Her impression was that he had no intentions of broaching the subject, so she took the leap for him. “I want to take the pledge,” she said.

His middle fingertip circled her belly button. “What?”

“The pledge,” she said, lifting her head to glance at him. “I want to do it.”

Letting his fingers spread, he splayed them on her stomach and kept stroking. “No,” he said, like that was all he had to say on the matter.

It might be enough at work to issue a command and expect her to accept it. But, they were at home, and she didn’t mind questioning him here. “Why not? I want to. I’m telling you I want to. I’ve been through the procedures a hundred times; nowhere says what’s involved. I don’t mind being tattooed and you’ve never complained about the one I have, so it can’t bother you.”

Sitting up, he ran his hands through his hair. “I said no, She.”

That flat authoritarian voice was his specialty. “Everyone else takes it,” she said, rising to her elbows when he climbed out of bed. “Everyone else is encouraged to take it. In fact, no one else is allowed not to take it and you gave me three months, it’s been almost twice that—”

“I said no,” he snapped, spinning around to glare at her.

This wasn’t just an order. He was mad. His mood made no sense and confused her. She’d thought he was reluctant to bring it up because he didn’t want to place stipulations on their relationship. Now it seemed something else was going on.

She knew her lover, knew it didn’t take much to set him off. Usually, she had an idea about why he was so angry. Not this time. “Raid,” she said. “What is it? What do I not understand about—”

The door downstairs opened, drawing both their attentions. “Clothes on, comrades! Work time!” Diego called from the lower floor.

Raid grabbed his pants from the floor where they’d been discarded and pulled them on. “Get in the shower,” he said and pointed to the bathroom.

“Baby—”

“Shower!” he ordered and ran down the stairs fastening his pants.

Things were good between them, amazing most of the time. Except, he’d developed this habit of letting her get so close and then he’d just slam the door on her. Shea didn’t understand it. She wanted him to let her in and he’d been honest when she asked him questions at the start of their relationship.

As time had gone on, he’d relaxed with her and there were moments when she really believed that she had all of him. But, in the last few days, something seemed to have changed.

All Shea could do was continue as she had been, respecting his authority at work, and pushing his boundaries at home. The idea was to keep doing that in the hope that he’d eventually learn she was in his life to stay.

 

 

“I want you to take She with you,” Raid said to Diego.

On the balcony with his lieutenant, Raid had been trying to remember if he’d ever been home at this time of the day before Shea Bonne came into his life. Raid was sitting in the middle of the couch, while Diego was in the seat at the end of the table, the one he used to most frequently occupy before he had to consider the woman who’d invariably come out and join them.

At that moment, she was in the shower. Too soon, she’d come down the stairs smelling like his soap and her fruity shampoo. She would sit down beside him, too close to him, nestling herself in the space left beneath his arm when he stretched his limbs along the back of the couch.

“On a mission to civilization?” Diego asked. “Do you think she’ll be useful in picking up Zogden? The fucker’s rich, and she’s hot. Are you willing to risk her safety with a rapist? She’ll do it if you ask. I think she’d do anything that you asked. We’ve never used a honey trap, but—”

“You misunderstand,” he said, filled with an odd sense of warmth and contentment, two things he’d never felt to this degree before Shea either. The woman had infected him and he didn’t like the results. Putting his coffee cup down, he rested his arms along the back of the couch again and propped his barefoot on the edge of the table. “I want you to take her, set her up somewhere safe, fill her bank account, and then split.”

Diego’s relaxed expression grew more tense with each second, but Raid didn’t care about his friend’s judgement. “What happened?” he asked. “She pregnant?”

That was exactly the kind of thing Raid was trying to avoid. The spike of discomfort in his belly reinforced his choice. “No,” he said, shaking his head, and letting his eyes sink to the file on the table.

Raid didn’t even care what was in it, or why Diego had tracked them down at home. This order was more important, probably than any he’d given in his life.

“Then I don’t get it, she wants a vacation?” Raid leveled his cool gaze on Diego who slowly caught on. “You’re talking about abandoning her.” Reading the thread of Diego’s panic, something his lieutenant didn’t usually suffer from, Raid knew this directive was unexpected. “She won’t be able to come back on her own. She doesn’t know her way through the defenses without one of us, and let’s be honest, her sense of direction sucks anyway.”

While he’d been watching her in the lagoon the previous week, Raid had made the decision. How to go about it had taken a little longer to plan. Shea had been so happy swimming and diving, bringing him rocks she found on the bottom that she classified as pretty, and pointing out wildlife in the water and in the trees. It showed him that Shea was happy in the world, and she wasn’t a creature meant to be caged.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. Freeing her was the objective. Bringing her back, allowing her back, wasn’t the point. “We’ll sedate her for transport.”

Diego didn’t gasp, though his mouth did open fast. “What the fuck, Raid?”

Raid had expected shock and resistance. But, once he’d made a decision, he didn’t waver from it. This was going to happen, whether he had Diego’s support or his opposition. “She doesn’t belong here.”

The outrage on Diego’s face became an understanding that calmed him. “You’re in love with her.”

If it was that obvious to his number two, Raid was surprised Shea hadn’t called him out about his feelings too. But, providing he didn’t articulate whatever sensations she caused within him, Raid could do what was necessary without hesitation.

“What I am doesn’t matter,” he said, running a hand into his hair. It had been a long time since he’d been this relaxed around his lieutenant, and that could only be down to Shea. She’d been the cause of a lot of changes. It was his fault he’d let her have such an influence on him and on the operation. Diego didn’t look like he was buying it, so Raid lifted his hands at the wrist. “Look at me, D.” His number two did just that. “This isn’t right and you know it.”

This whole process would be much easier if he had his lieutenant’s support. While Raid didn’t doubt that Diego would do what was asked of him, what he was ordered to do, he knew that he was not only sacrificing Shea himself, but asking Diego to sacrifice her too.

His friend wasn’t so quick to agree with his reasoning. “What that you look happy? That you’re chilled instead of being uptight? All that means is you’re less likely to bust a blood vessel. She lowers your blood pressure. You think that you’ll be okay with her out there? Forget the fact that she’ll never forgive you for not giving her the choice, because I am right that you weren’t even considering talking to her about this, were you?”

Dropping his eyes for a second, he recalled the weight of dread that had seized his belly when they’d been in bed just before Diego arrived. “She was talking about taking the pledge.”

Diego shifted to the front of his seat. “See, she wants to be here. It’s her choice, Raid. Hers, not ours. You can’t ask me to sedate her and dump her. She won’t forgive either of us.”

Determined, Raid knew that keeping her caged was selfish. Just because he and Diego had become accustomed to having her around didn’t make it right. The greatest gift Raid could give Shea was freedom. It had been what she wanted when she first got there. This was almost the worst of rules to break. In all of his tenure, he’d never set someone free. His father never had. His grandfather never had.

Letting her go was an act of kindness, his way of showing her that he had the ultimate trust in her. Liberating her from his chains was the most romantic gesture of love he could make. Raid was setting her free. It was right. He knew it was right.

“That doesn’t matter,” he said with a shake of his head. “We’ve done worse shit than this in our lives.”

“She’ll be out there unprotected.”

Raid objected. “We’ll arrange wide perimeter security, she’ll never know.”

Bobbing his head, Diego smacked one fist into his other palm. “Cool then, so she’ll know we dumped her, and she’ll hate us, and you’ll get monthly reports telling you every detail of her life. Every coffee she’s drinking without you, every guy who asks her out, every guy who fucks her.”

Shifting in his seat, Raid clenched his jaw to try subduing his anger. “Her choice.”

“And when winter closes in? You know we’re in for a bad one this year. What if you get a report in November that she needs us? It could be months before we get to her.”

Contingencies would be put in place to ensure her safety. Raid had never intended to cut Shea loose and forget her forever. Sure, it wouldn’t be easy to get reports of other men moving in. Knowing she despised him would be a tough pill to swallow too. But, he’d take the hit if it meant doing what was best for her.

“We know plenty of people out there who owe us,” Raid said. “Something happens, I call in a chit.”

“And if we lose our connection? What if power goes down? You might not get a report for months.”

He shrugged. Part of Diego’s job was to play devil’s advocate. This was more than that. His lieutenant was having an emotional reaction not only to the idea of losing his friend, but that his friend would feel betrayed by his actions.

It may not be Raid’s place to make personal calls for Diego, but Raid would give up anything for her, as this act was going to prove. That included his bond with his lieutenant. If this decision caused tension between them, if it harmed their relationship, he’d do what he could to smooth things over. Over time, Raid believed Diego would come to understand why he wanted to do this.

Giving Shea back her life was the best way for both of them to show her just how important she was to them and how much faith they had in her.

“We’ll give clear instructions to security. We’ll get the best. She won’t be allowed to be harmed by anyone. And if there’s any woman who can look out for herself in the world, it’s Shea, and you know it.”

“I never thought this of you,” Diego said, disappointed as he sat back. “I never thought you’d be afraid.”

One thing Raid hated was to be manipulated; his friend’s attempts to goad him were exactly that. “Afraid?” he snapped. “I’m not afraid.”

“Yeah, you are,” he said. “You love her and you’re too afraid to tell her that. You’re too afraid to ask her to stay.”

“She has no choice if we don’t do this,” Raid said. “You conveniently forget that she’s still technically our prisoner.”

Diego scoffed. “A prisoner who has the power to reprimand any man on the premises. A prisoner who has veto rights over any of your decisions. She’s the only one with the balls to question you. The only one you’ll listen to when you’re about to flip out. You can’t call her a prisoner when she has full freedom of the mountain, not only the compound, but everything the area has to offer. She eats what she wants, has the widest wardrobe of anyone for more than a hundred miles, and she sucks the warden’s dick!”

“Yeah,” he said, lunging forward to slap a hand on the table. “All of it under duress!”

Listing those things didn’t change the fact that Raid was the man holding her chains. He could give her as much slack as he wanted to, but nothing would change the fact that in the dead of night when he watched her sleep, he thought about what her life would’ve been if her plane had never come down.

Knowing she was there because of a cruel twist of fate was difficult. Raid had won a prize on the day Shea had lost everything she knew and loved. Every day she was there, Raid was benefiting from her misfortune.

Shea might protest that she was working for him because she wanted to, except it wasn’t like that. She was here because he’d ordered she be detained. She worked for him because Diego had appealed for her life.  This wasn’t her choice, it was his maneuvering that had brought them all to this moment. He had the power to remedy their mistakes and that was what he planned to do.

“Is that what this is about? You think she’s being coerced?” Diego asked and then peered closer. “Wait… you don’t still think she’s waiting for a chance to screw you over, do you?”

Raid sat back, keeping his spine straight. “This is the best way to find out.”

He didn’t really believe Shea would run to the press or expose them. If Diego needed to believe he did, then he’d play the villain. Raid had no trouble doing what was necessary even if it was tough.

“No,” Diego disagreed. “This is the best way to make her want to screw you over. I know you missed a lot of dating lessons and I’m no expert myself. One thing I do know for damn sure is that when you dump them, they go from love to hate in zero seconds flat.”

Shaking his head, Raid wasn’t going to let there be equivocation. “You don’t know that she loves me.”

Diego scoffed. “Yeah, I do. She told me fucking weeks ago. The one time she tried to tell you, you dumped her! And you’re going to turn your back on her anyway. We’re the only family she’s got. And the minute she wakes up and realizes she’s not here and you’re not with her…”

“What?” Raid asked. “She’ll go straight to the cops? She can’t. She’s been complicit for months.”

“You ever hear of immunity in exchange for testimony?”

The corner of Raid’s mouth rose; he reached for his coffee again. “And that’s where you come in, my friend,” he said. “Yeah, she’ll fucking hate me, but she cares about you too much to testify.”

Even if her feelings for her Laird did die in the moment she realized what had happened, Shea would fume, but recall her friendship with Diego and her other comrades, as well as the mission itself. Once she did, she’d abandon any notion of payback.

“Yeah, until she learns I was the one to set her up,” Diego said. “What if she wakes up on the way? Keeping her out for that long will mean giving her more than one hit.”

“The doc has something that will keep her out for twelve to fourteen hours at least.”

Diego’s mouth opened again. “Are you fucking kidding me? You talked to the doc about this before you talked to me? Now you’re talking conspiracy.”

“The cops don’t care about—”

“I’m not talking about them, though drugging her without consent is a crime in itself. Pest will see it as conspiracy. She trusts us,” Diego hissed. “You, me, the doc, all of us, and now we’re plotting against her. If she tried to pull this on you, it would be that coup you talked about once.”

“Difference is, she’s not in charge of shit, and I’ll always be able to find my way home.”

Diego stood up. Raid kept his eyes on his number two’s face, waiting for him to say something. Offering explanations was redundant, Raid didn’t answer to Diego. This was his decision. He didn’t have anything else to say. As far as he was concerned, he’d made his decision and any orders he gave were to be followed without question.

“She’s the strongest woman in the world,” Diego murmured. “You won’t find another one like her. If you do this, I can’t guarantee you’ll ever get her back.”

His friend was so sure and of everyone, Diego knew Shea’s mind best. “Getting her back is not our goal,” he said. “This is my home. This is my life… She’s not.”

“Your home or your life?” Diego asked. “Because it seems she fits in both just fine… You’re afraid, Raid, because if you love her, you might be happy, and your father always made you believe that wasn’t your destiny.”

Diego was pulling on a dangerous thread. “Fuck destiny.”

“Yeah, fuck destiny,” Diego said. “That woman is made of steel and if you send her back, you’re setting precedent that life here doesn’t mean life anymore. And maybe if she was playing you all along, this was her end game.”

His lieutenant was a fool if he thought Raid hadn’t considered that. “Then she gets what she wants,” Raid said. “And I get back to my life, free of distractions. It’s time things got back to normal around here.”

Diego left the table to start toward the door, but paused. “You know you’re not only cutting her out of your life, you’re cutting her out of all our lives.”

Raid didn’t look his number two in the eye, but he did turn his head in that general direction. “And will you forgive me for that, Diego?”

His lieutenant paused. “I don’t know,” Diego said and the depth of sorrow in his voice caused Raid to make the effort to meet his gaze. “The kicker of that is I told She once that I’d forgive you for killing me, or for killing her. I don’t know if I’ll forgive you for this.”

“Friday, she’s out of here, and no one breathes a word to her,” Raid said, for the first time not a hundred percent sure his lieutenant was capable of following orders.

“Yes, sir.”

His number two had been more relaxed in recent weeks too. But, it wasn’t supposed to be relaxed on the compound. They’d all dropped their guards for too long. Getting Shea out of here was just the first step in getting things back to the way they always had been; the way they were supposed to be.