Chapter Seven
Dillon sat on the floor of his room and stared at the carpet. He’d been walked out on many times. He’d dealt with verbal and physical abuse from his captors. Nothing had prepared him for the gut-punch when Cinders had left. What was it about Cinders’ leaving that bothered him so much? Because Cinders seemed to truly care. Because Dillon had opened up and let himself be vulnerable, only to get a raw deal. Because he’d allowed himself to feel something. For the first time since he’d learned he could shift, his heart beat for another being, but down to his soul, he knew Cinders didn’t want him.
Dillon shook his head. He should’ve known his past and problems would be too much for Cinders. Fuck it. If he let the demons win, he’d never get anywhere. He wouldn’t heal until he decided to let go of his past. He had problems, but he had to get out of the little box he’d kept himself in to stay safe.
He stood and stripped off the sweat suit he wore. No point in wallowing in rumpled clothes. He wandered into the bathroom he shared with Oscar but didn’t bother to look for the other shifter. He turned on the water and stood in the stall. The chilly spray kick-started his senses. As the stream switched from cold to searing hot, he dragged in a long breath. The wolf had gone AWOL within him. Oh well. He’d figure out his animal later.
He added soap to the washcloth and considered his situation. Not everyone would leave him. He’d read the information Willow had brought him from a psychiatrist. He knew damn well he wasn’t worthless or invisible, despite his best attempts to stay out of sight. He could and would heal.
He widened his stance and slathered the soap over his body. The scent of the soap—something leathery—helped bring him out of his funk.
Holy hell. He’d let in Cinders and allowed him to sleep in his bed. Talk about progress! Not everyone would run away and given time, he and Cinders might find their way back to each other.
He’d gone through Willow because he’d been afraid to talk to the doctor, but he needed to see the therapist now. Maybe, if he stopped avoiding his problems, he’d get somewhere.
Dillon washed himself, suds covering his body. He closed his eyes and thought about Cinders. He wanted to run his hands over Cinders’ skin and to kiss him. He wanted to taste the sweat and look into Cinders’ eyes, the possession in those brown eyes aimed at him.
He shivered and slid his hand over his belly. He stopped when he touched the curls surrounding the base of his cock. A jolt of electricity sped through his veins. The wolf came out of hiding and to attention. The animal scratched at him and howled. It wanted out.
Dillon stroked himself. He liked being able to pleasure himself for the sheer fun of it. He cupped his balls and embraced the power within him. He hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Hadn’t been this free. He opened his eyes and leaned against the shower wall. He caressed every ripple and nuance of his dick.
“Oh Jesus.” Dillon rocked his hips. His skin heated. Old feelings of excitement and desire came back, but this time, he pretended Cinders was there. He fucked his hand, the suds adding slickness. Would Cinders love to watch him? Or would he dance for Dillon and strip? Knowing Cinders, he was probably one of the best strippers. The man knew how to move. He’d love to have Cinders grinding against him.
Dillon stroked faster. His wolf howled again and dug his claws into Dillon from within. The animal gnashed his teeth, and his fur stood on end. Dillon widened his stance and massaged his balls. He tightened his hold on his cock and groaned. Shit. He wouldn’t last.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Oh my fuck.” The climax washed over him, and his knees weakened. His mouth ran dry as he panted. He caressed his dick a few more times as hot cum shot onto the floor of the stall. He fought to catch his breath. The sound of the water hitting his body and the tiles echoed in the small room.
A laugh bubbled in Dillon’s throat. He’d done it. He’d gotten himself off without the cameras or the audience. He’d thought about Cinders but hadn’t needed to be the center of attention. He hadn’t been forced, and he’d masturbated out of sheer desire. Holy shit. Yeah, this was progress. He had to thank Cinders.
Dillon wobbled on his feet and rinsed off the rest of the way. Then he turned off the water and opened the stall. His problems weren’t solved. There was still a long road of healing to go, but he’d gained a little ground in the fight. He had to tell Cinders. If nothing else, maybe, this would make them friends again.
Shit. Would Cinders care? He’d run off. After everything Dillon had disclosed, Cinders might not be interested in hearing what Dillon had done. He might tell Dillon to drop dead.
He wrapped the towel around him. Double shit. He’d agreed to be a naughty cop for the party and to go as Cinders’ partner. Was the offer for the outfit and to go with him still valid? Dillon wasn’t sure. He dried off and put the towel on the rack. He’d figure out what to do once he got dressed. He couldn’t wear the sweatshirt and pants forever.
Dillon marched naked into the bedroom. He surveyed the clothes in his closet. When he escaped from Wet Dreams, he’d left all his things behind. He hadn’t even brought money. At least, at the Sanctuary, he didn’t need money. He dressed in a dark-green T-shirt and jeans then donned a pair of socks.
Cinders had said Dillon was welcome to go into his room and take the costume. No, he’d better not. He stepped into his shoes then forced himself out of his room. A guy could only make so many strides in one day, but he couldn’t stay locked up. He made his way downstairs. Ryan and Delaney were in the library with Oscar, Avan and Nat.
“Dillon.” Ryan grinned. “Nice to see you.” He and Delaney strode up to him. Nat left the room, and Avan stayed where he was with Oscar. Ryan clapped Dillon on the shoulder. “I thought you’d never come out of your room.”
“I hear the costume idea is flopping,” Delaney said. “No one has anything costume-y to wear.”
“I don’t.” Dillon shrugged. “I wanted to ask you about it.” Did he look casual? He wasn’t sure. “I just… Can I show up looking like me?” Better yet, could he show up alone or even not at all? No one would notice.
Ryan nodded. “I got a little too carried away with the idea of the party, I guess. Don’t feel pressured to dress up. Just come and have fun. We’ve got lots of food and music.”
“Avan and I are going together,” Oscar said. “Want to join us, and do a group thing?” He smiled then made his way over to Dillon. “We’d love to have you.”
Oscar’s words shouldn’t have bothered Dillon, but they did. He wasn’t sure if Oscar meant to sound so dirty.
“We can go together.” Not as if he had any other takers. “Friends, right?” He’d taken another step. Why did this step feel so awful? Because he didn’t trust Oscar. They shared a bathroom, but going to a party as friends was a bit of a stretch.
“Yeah.” Oscar blushed. “Well, bathroom buddies…’cause we share the bathroom.”
“Right.” He wasn’t sure if Oscar was fumbling because he thought he was funny or really awkward or what. He hated the way Oscar had spoken to him, but he’d never let them know about his past. He wasn’t about to tell them what he’d done in the bathroom when he’d been with Wet Dreams. Not their business.
“Yeah. It’ll be fun to be a group.” Avan snorted. He leered at Dillon. “Lots of fun.”
Dillon suppressed his shudder. Why did Avan insist on being such a dick? First, he’d gone on and on to Cinders about Dillon’s past and what he’d done. Now, Avan had decided to get all creepy. Gross.
“Well, we’re going over at seven. I’ll stop at your door,” Oscar said. He waved and grabbed Avan’s arm. “Later.”
“Yeah, later.” Avan gave Dillon another creepy smile and left with Oscar.
Dillon sank onto the arm of the sofa and waited for them to leave. Once they were out of earshot, he sighed. “Is he like that all the time?”
“Who?” Ryan tipped his head. “Avan? Or Oscar?”
“Either.” His head ached, and his wolf wasn’t happy. The animal had decided to shred him from within. Each time Avan came close, the wolf had a fit, just as it had with Dirk, but Dillon wasn’t interested in Avan.
“I don’t know Avan.” Delaney sat on the closest chair. He folded his hands. “He stays here and doesn’t seem to like anyone in the apartment building. Oscar is about the only one he runs with.”
“I thought Oscar was shy,” Ryan said. He folded his arms and leaned his hip against Delaney’s chair. “But the way he acted here, I’m not so sure.” He elbowed Delaney. “I can feel the tension. What’s wrong with him, jaguar?”
Dillon wanted to know, too. He rested his elbows on his knees. “If you sense anything…”
Delaney sat up straighter. “Shit. The detective in me doesn’t trust Avan. The jaguar doesn’t either. Oscar seems okay, but there’s something that bothers me about him and Avan—mostly when they’re together. It’s a sixth sense thing.” He met Dillon’s gaze. “Hon, I don’t know what’s gotten into them, but we’ll watch your back. You do the same thing. Keep your eyes open.”
“So don’t go with them?” He wanted to know exactly how they felt. He didn’t trust many people, but Ryan seemed honest and so did Delaney.
“You have to do what feels right,” Ryan said. He widened his stance. “I get you. I was in your shoes. When I met Delaney, I didn’t trust anyone. I barely gave Delaney the time of day.”
“Except he liked my money.” Delaney laughed. “I was his customer.”
He stared at Delaney and Ryan, wide-eyed. He hadn’t expected Delaney to say that or for Ryan to shrug. “Really?” Dillon asked. “I mean…whoa.”
“He liked me, but it wasn’t a typical situation.” Ryan massaged Delaney’s shoulders. “I was in danger up to my eyeballs and didn’t know it.”
Delaney sighed. “He was, and he was lucky I saw beyond the façade.” He smiled. “I was there to help close the club. Stiff was a dump, and they treated the shifters like shit. I came in to get Ryan and the others out. I had to play the role of a customer, but when I met Ryan and experienced his…magnetism…I was smitten.”
“Horny as hell is more like it.” Ryan hugged Delaney from behind. “But that’s part of why I love him. My tiger might be rather fond of him, too.”
Dillon stared at them. Ryan hadn’t been as damaged as he was, but he’d come out on the other side, and despite the scars, he’d found love. Dillon wished he could be like Ryan. “How’d you realize you could be together?” The idea of finding a true love fascinated him. Was there someone out there for him? Possibly Cinders?
“Well…” Delaney glanced up at Ryan then flipped his dark hair off his brow. “We went for a run together. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. Ryan trusted me enough to run. To let down his guards and give me a chance. I had to put myself out there. No barriers or lies. It was hard. I knew about Sanctuary and knew he’d be safe here.”
“It’s true.” Ryan rounded the chair and sat on the arm. “I had to trust my tiger, and despite my concerns about the Sanctuary, I gave him a chance. Delaney and my tiger were right. It was a leap of faith mostly. I wish I had a better answer.”
Dillon nodded. “You’re giving me a lot to think about and good answers.” Boy, did he have a lot to think about. He couldn’t heal from his mental trauma in a few days, but he had a new direction. “So, we can dress up if we want?” He had an idea of what he might do.
“Or come in your animal form. We’ve got clothes—that’s the rule. No naked bodies.” Ryan nodded once. “I’d prefer no raunch, but I’ll stick with no nudity. No asses or dicks showing.”
Delaney snorted and patted Ryan’s thigh. “For a guy who enjoyed being nearly naked, you sure know how to take the fun out of life sometimes.”
The back and forth between Delaney and Ryan amused Dillon. They reminded him of a comedy duo, and he could listen to them for hours.
“I know many of the shifters. If we give them a chance, we’ll have nakedness everywhere, and Markas will have a shit fit,” Ryan said. “He’s still leery of me because I’m a former stripper.”
“He’s just cautious,” Delaney said. “The alpha has to know what’s going on and be able to trust us.” He turned to Dillon. “He may act like he’s hard and distant, but Markas wouldn’t take you in if he had any doubts.”
“I know.” Dillon left his seat. “Now, if I could stop self-doubting, I’d be fine.”
“You will. Just takes time,” Ryan said. “See you at the party?”
“I’ll be there. Thanks for the pep talk.” He waved and left Ryan and Delaney in the library. His hope returned. He wasn’t a lost cause. Holy hell and fucking yes.
Dillon bounded upstairs to the second floor. He considered stopping by Cinders’ room but kept going instead. Despite wanting to see Cinders, he kept his distance. If Cinders came to the gathering, Dillon would make a move. If Cinders didn’t, Dillon would take it as a sign Cinders wasn’t interested.
Right now, Dillon had to come up with an outfit for the party. There wasn’t much in his closet, but he had a few ideas.
* * * *
Three hours and fifteen outfit changes later, Dillon stared at himself in the mirror. He’d never been a fashion plate. He considered himself too thin, and clothes never hung quite right, but the leather jacket he wore looked okay. He could pull off the greaser look. He smoothed his hair off his forehead in the best pompadour he could manage and adjusted his jacket.
The color was back in his cheeks. He looked happier and no one could see his scars. He could face the others, especially Cinders, now.
Dillon left his room and locked the door. His wolf wanted Cinders. The animal cried and growled. Dillon wished he could placate the wolf, but how? He couldn’t force Cinders to like him. Still, he ventured to Cinders’ door. He tipped his head but heard nothing. Cinders probably wasn’t there. More than likely, a handsome man like him had a date for the party. Dillon turned on his heel and headed toward the stairs.
“Hi.” Ryder strolled down the hallway. “Are you looking for Cinders?”
“I was.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets.
Ryder swept his gaze over Dillon. “Nice outfit. I like the jacket. I never realized how handsome you are. You’re always hiding in your room. Cinders held out on me.”
“Oh?” His guard went up. Ryder might be on the level. He might be safe, but Dillon wasn’t sure.
“He said you two were an item, but he never gave a description,” Ryder said. “I wish he had.”
“Thanks.” I think. His first instinct was to run the hell away. No, he wouldn’t give in to the impulse. He’d let Ryder talk and see what happened. The wolf wasn’t interested in Ryder. Hell, the wolf didn’t care at all.
“Anyway, Cinders left. He went to the party already. Christ. He’s got on the shortest shorts, and he’ll bust out of that shirt. If he was my type, I’d have kept him home.” Ryder laughed. “He’s too tall for me. I like to be the tall one in the relationship.”
“He is handsome and tall.” Dillon could almost see the pale blue of the shirt against Cinders’ dark skin and the swell of his ass in those tight shorts. Cinders would be dynamite, but not his.
“I heard you’re hanging with Oscar and Avan tonight. I’m going over soon. I’ll probably run with them. There aren’t that many single guys around the Sanctuary. Kinda wish we had a new group coming in.” Ryder frowned. “Sorry. That sounds horrible.”
“It’s understandable. We’ve only got so many choices.” Dillon rocked on his feet. “It gets lonely.”
“Yeah.” Ryder smiled and reached for Dillon then pulled back. “Give me five minutes, and we can all walk over together. If nothing else, we’ll have each other.”
“I’m going downstairs,” Dillon said. “I’ll see you when you’re done.”
“Sure.” Ryder frowned. “Yeah.”
He disappeared into his room and shut the door.
Dillon waited a moment then darted down to the first level of the mansion. Everything Ryder said had been innocent and even nice. If the circumstances were different, maybe, they’d be friends or possibly couple up, but the wolf wasn’t happy. Dillon hadn’t learned much, but he knew to trust his wolf. If the animal wanted to get away, Dillon wouldn’t argue.
Nat and Syd stood in the foyer, and both wore cowboy outfits. Syd tugged on his leather vest, and Nat toyed with his holster.
“I feel ridiculous,” Syd said. “This is silly.”
“You’d like it if I were wearing chaps with nothing underneath.” Nat curled his fingers under Syd’s chin. “We’ll make Ryan and Delaney happy, have fun for a couple hours, then make our exit and have our kind of fun in our room.”
“Fine.” Syd sighed. “I trust you.”
Dillon wasn’t sure what to say. Everyone around him seemed to be in love or happy. He cleared his throat to let them know he was nearby. “Hi.”
“Look at you.” Nat let go of Syd and grinned. “Classy yet rebellious. I’m jealous.”
“And rhyming.” Syd frowned then laughed. “You both look handsome.”
“Thanks.” Dillon squirmed. “Are you heading over?” Christ, what a foolish question.
“Yeah, once Axl and Leo get down here. They said something about being bikers.” Nat shrugged. “Whatever works.”
Axl and Leo strolled out of the kitchen. Both wore lots of leather and chains. Axl twirled. “Well?” At least, he had on jeans under his chaps.
Visually, Axl would make a great Dom, and it reminded Dillon of the times he’d played that role or submitted to others. He wouldn’t be surprised if Axl had a whip hidden somewhere in his jacket.
Dillon shuddered. Did his coat hide his unintended response? He forced a smile.
“Hi.” Leo grinned. “You all look awesome.” He ran his hand through his hair. “This will be fun. We even got Dillon out of hiding.”
“Cinders did that,” Syd said. “He’s a miracle worker.” He grasped Nat’s hand. “Let’s go. I’ve got better things to do.”
“No, you don’t.” Nat swatted Syd’s hip. “You’ve got better people. Me.”
“I do.” Syd nuzzled Nat.
Dillon couldn’t help the longing within him. He wanted that kind of love and devotion. Someone to protect him and be his partner. He liked having positive role models and friends to emulate.
Syd flattened his hands on Nat’s chest. “You’re right. We’ve got other things we could be doing. Let’s go so we can get to those things faster.”
“Get a room,” Axl said. He held Leo’s hand. For such a brutish, large man, he acted so tender toward Leo.
Dillon suppressed a sigh. Though he felt like the fifth wheel, he kept with the motley group and was secretly glad to be included. He felt safer with them. Axl and Leo and Syd and Nat were already bonded. They’d have no interest in him, but they’d protect him. Good God, Axl looked scary enough without the leather and chains. He might be able to keep Avan at bay just by glaring at him.