Soft Smiles
After a few more hours of sitting on the floor talking, all of our asses are numb, and the guys start to get hungry. They give me shit for a few minutes about how much weight that I’ve lost. I don’t really care about how much I weigh. Skinny or fat, I’m still the same person. Albeit a little less on the inside now, but they are doing what they can to help fill that void. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s going to be rainbows and fucking cupcakes overnight. It’s going to take time, and I’ll never fully heal. There are still days when I think about Casey, Brian and Will or Nana, and it makes me want to hide myself away. Gramps and I had each other after Nana, and he tried his best to be there for me after the accident. Even with the guys here, it hurts worse than words could ever express. I can’t even imagine what it would be like without them right now. If they would have come back and offered nothing but their friendship, I would have taken it. I just need that lifeline to keep me from falling into that nothingness again.
Mav and Teagan are talking about going to get clothes, so they can get out of their suits, and stopping for pizza on the way back. Lucas throws that option out there, walking out of the hallway, because he knows it’s my favorite and I won’t turn it down. Goose stands to my left, propped against the counter with me, his arms crossed against his chest. He’s got a blonde shadow on his face where he hasn’t shaved in a couple days. The other guys do too, but his and Mav’s are the worse. It’s easy enough to turn my body to where we’re chest to chest. His arms instantly unfold, and wrap around me as he places a kiss on the top of my head. Between the sound of his heartbeat underneath my ear and the warmth that radiates from him into my body, I let out a breath that I feel I’ve been holding in for weeks.
When I look up to him it’s to find him already looking down at me, “I’m sorry I hit you.”
His smile is soft, and I love the way that it crinkles the skin around his green eyes. Damn, I didn’t realize just how much I’ve missed it. How much I’ve missed him. “It’s ok, babe. No worse than taking a hit from a toddler really,” he teases, then laughs at my expression. The rumble of it through his chest hits me in places that it probably shouldn’t be right now.
Reaching my hand up to run my fingers across the stubble, I like the way it feels against my skin, “Why don’t you keep this?” He’s got that natural pretty boy look about him, but facial hair makes him look older, and dare I say, fucking sexier. That’s when I feel it. I know for sure, without meaning to, I’ve fallen so hard for them.
The next words that leave his lips are just one of the reminders why. He shrugs, “I’ve just always shaved it. I’ll keep it if you like it though. Does it make me look more rugged?”
With me still in his arms, he pulls off a pose with his body and it makes me laugh, “Definitely yes. But you don’t need it. You’re hot with or without it.”
“Mmm,” his voice rumbles through his chest. “Is that so?”
I nod, and he leans down like he’s going to kiss me, only Teagan interrupts, “We’re going to head over to get the stuff real quick. You guys will be ok til we get back?” I’m not sure if he’s asking me or the guys or both, but I nod anyways.
Stepping up behind me and hugging me from the back causes me to be squished between him and Goose, who makes me laugh again when he wiggles his eyebrows at me.
Teagan, at my ear, whisper sings a few lines from a soft song that sends chill bumps down my arms. He pulls me from Goose and moves my body with him before twirling my hand into a spin move, successfully sending me straight into Mav’s waiting arms.
“Hi,” I say a little breathless.
A rare smiles crosses his face, “Hi. Want anything while we’re gone?”
You. It almost slips out, but I catch it in time and shake my head instead.
“If you change your mind, just call one of us and let us know,” he says before adding, “I’ll even have them put those disgusting olives on your pizza like you like.”
From sitting on the arm of the couch, Lucas comes to my defense, “Hey, I like those disgusting olives too.”
This causes a debate about pizza toppings between the four of them. The familiar sound lifts some of the weight off my chest.
“Let’s go man. I’m ready to get this fucking suit off. It itches,” Teagan whines to Mav.
“That’s not the suit dude. That’s you being allergic to anything other than jeans and a t-shirt,” Goose corrects. This gets a full laugh from Mav and my inside voice says, down girl.
Lifting my face with his finger under my chin, he presses his lips against mine before he and Teagan walk out the door. I watch all the way until the door clicks shut, I then turn to Goose and Lucas. The latter stands and takes me by the hand to pull me through the hallway.
He leads me into the bathroom and has me stand in front of the sink, “Bath or shower?”
“Bath,” I answer without thinking on it. Not only have I not had one in forever, but I know that it’ll help loosen some of the muscles in my body right now. Plus, I don’t think I’ve got the stamina to stand for even that long. I can’t remember the last time I ate anything and I’m feeling dizzy.
While he runs the water, it gives me a second to ponder on the fact that all of them have kissed me or shown me some kind of affection in front of the others today. It’s not like I’m complaining, I just don’t understand how it’s changed so fast. Exhausted just from standing, I scoot up on the counter. If any of them would talk to me without holding back or being straight alpha dick, it would be Lucas.
“What’s changed, Lucas?” I ask while I still have the nerve to.
Watching me over his shoulder, he asks, “With what?”
I motion between us, “With this. With all of you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you guys being here, because I’d probably still be sitting where you found me if you weren’t. I’m just really confused. Only a month ago, Mav refused to even consider any of you guys being with me, because of my circumstances, not having money and such. I heard you guys out on the back porch of the cabin. I didn’t mean to, but it was eye opening, to say the least. What I’m trying to say is I’m ok with us just being friends. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be anything more out of pity or anything.”
“Is that what you honestly think?” he asks standing and turning to face me. “You think that we want to be with you because we feel sorry for you?”
I shrug, and that’s all that it takes. He is in front of me in less time than it takes to blink, “You are wrong, baby.” His lips capture mine and all I can do is grab fistfuls of his shirt and hang on for dear life.
We’re both breathing hard when he pulls away, “There have been other girls in my life, but I can now honestly say that I didn’t love them in any way. I know that now, because I can’t ever see myself being with anyone else. You had me from that first look that you gave me in the restaurant. You had me when you stood up to T and Mav the way that you did, and the way that you’re so gentle and patient with Goose. You had me then, and you have me now. You’re down right now and I’ll be here to pick you back up every step of the way if you’ll let me.”
Tears are running down my face and I feel bad for leaning my face into his shoulder and getting his shirt wet, but I can’t help it. I need to be closer. Staying there for a minute or so before pulling away, I lock eyes with him as I unbutton the top one to his dress shirt. He doesn’t stop me, so I make slow work of the rest of them. When I get to the last one, he stands like a sexy fucking statue as I slip the hem from his pants where it’s still tucked in. Working my way up his abs, I push the sides of the collar over his shoulders. The white material drifts to the floor as he shrugs the rest of the way out of it and I make quick work of his undershirt.
As it hits the floor on top of the other, I’m left with wide eyes and a small fire in my belly. Lucas’ tattoos run all the way from his wrists to his shoulders. There are empty places like he’s trying to save room for more. The only one that I can see on his chest is way below leading into the top of his pants. What really gets me, are the silver bars running through both of his nipples. Who would have ever thought that my sweet Lucas would willingly want so much pain. In the past few months, I’ve surprisingly only managed to see Mav without his shirt on, and that was in the dark. Looking at Lucas now is intense. He’s a happy medium between Goose and Mav in the muscle department, with a broad chest and shoulders and tapered waist. I finally fully understand the phrase ‘washboard abs.’
I can’t stop myself from reaching out to touch him. As my hands roam his body, he leans in to my touch and closes his eyes. Curiosity wins out over logic as I lean down to see what those bars feel like against my tongue. Doing this gives me a clear view of the tub between his arm and side, “Lucas!”
He must hear the panic in my voice and realizes what I’m talking about, because he jerks around and shuts off the water, right as it’s only centimeters from spilling over the edge.
“Fuck that was close,” he sputters.
The look on his face is priceless, and it starts me on one of those laughing binges. You know, the semi-psychotic stomach grabbing laughs that you can’t stop even when you try.
There’s a knock at the door and Goose sticks his head in, “Heard some yelling. Everything ok in here?” I watch as his eyes roam over a half-naked Lucas up to his elbow in bath water trying to unplug the drain over to me still sitting on the counter. I haven’t moved since Lucas left, so my legs are open far enough for him to fit between them. Which, in turn, hikes my dress up to my upper thighs. His face turns pink as he realizes what he almost walked in on.
Of course, all I can do is laugh like a fucking crazy person as I try to spit out, “Lucas is making us an indoor swimming pool.”
Replugging the drain, he turns around and flicks the water off his fingers at me, “I turned on the bath, got distracted and had to rescue us from drowning.”
Goose’s eyes light up and I know that look. It means he’s about to hit us with a movie quote, “It's interesting. The young lady slipped so suddenly, and you still had time to remove your jacket and your shoes.”
“Hey! I actually know this one,” I say excitedly. “Titanic?”
He winks at me, “You got it babe. I’m gonna head back in here so you guys can ummm...yeah I’m going back in here.”
That reaction causes my laughter to give way to curiosity again, “Hey Lucas, why don’t you and Goose get jealous like the others do?”
He comes to stand between my knees again, “It’s not because we care any less if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Shaking my head, I say, “No, I know you don’t. It’s just, well, take Mav’s rage at the cabin and that was just because he saw me kissing Teagan. Does it not bother you watching me kiss them?”
“I can’t speak for Goose, but for me, when I see them with you, all I see is you guys making each other happy. I know you both have enough room in here for me too,” he answers touching his chest. “And as long as we’re all happy then it shouldn’t matter how many of us you’re with.”
“You’re pretty fucking awesome, you know,” I say leaning in to him.
He kisses the corner of my mouth, “I guess that’s why we make such a good team, huh? Now, come on. We didn’t almost drown just for your water to get cold.”
He helps me down from the counter, but I’m still dizzy. I lean on him for support, “I think I need to eat something.”
“Well, come on, baby. They’ll be back with the pizza soon and we’ll get some food in your system, even though we’re already shit at this boyfriend thing. We should be feeding you something healthier since it’s been so long since you ate,” he says beating himself up.
I successfully close the conversation with a kiss, “Thank you for everything you’ve done, and just for being here.”
He presses a kiss against my forehead, “Anytime.”
Walking out, he shoots me a wink before closing the door. I have a moment of panic where my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest and my palms get sweaty. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that I’m not one of those stage five clingers. It will be ok. I may not be strong enough on my own and I may need them for a crutch for a little while, but it will get better.
I can’t tell you how long I sit in the bath for. I know it’s long enough that my fingers turn to prunes and the water gets chilly. It takes me a minute to stand on my own, but I finally manage and wrap one of our shitty towels around myself, which brings me to the next problem. We didn’t think to bring me any clothes in here. I’ll run naked around the trailer park before I put that black dress on again. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that Lucas forgot his shirts on the floor. The thought of him walking around the house without a shirt because he’s too chivalrous to come back in and get it, makes me giggle. Oh well, you know what they say, finders keepers.
I wrap his dress shirt around my body and do up the buttons. Thankfully, it hangs past my thighs and hides the fact that I’m not wearing panties. I set the dress and his under shirt on the sink before walking out towards my room. I’m hoping that I can get some clothes on before anyone sees me.
Not a chance.
Goose is propped against the wall in my full-size bed with Mav’s camera in his hand. He’s lost the dress shirt and shoes, so sitting there in nothing but a white shirt and suit pants with his blonde hair looking like he just rolled out of the bed, he’s making it really hard to stay focused.
“These are really good,” he says without looking up. “We need to get these…” those green eyes finally find me, and he loses his train of thought for a second before he finishes, “printed.”
“I forgot to take any clothes in with me. It was on the floor. Think he’ll mind?” I ask tugging at the bottom hem.
Goose shakes his head slowly as he starts with my toes and works his way up, “He’d be an idiot if he did.”
Trying to hide my red face, I turn to my drawers. Shit. Now I’ve got to make the decision of grabbing my panties and making a run for it, or just sucking it up and putting them on in front of him. Oh, excuse me. I need to go put my panties on while I’m in your buddy’s shirt. Yeah, fuck it. I try not to look at him, but I still see him out of the corner of my eye watching me as I slide a pair of boyshorts up my legs.
“Sorry,” I say turning around and making my way over to the bed.
He gives me that golden boy smile, “I’m not. That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
I roll my eyes as I crawl up next to him. He scoots down until he’s lying flat and lifts his arm for me. Putting my head on his chest, I let out a sigh as he wraps his arms around me. The camera sitting abandoned beside him. I doze off with the beat of his heart in my ear and the smell of him and Lucas filling my nose.
The next thing I know, I open my eyes to find Maverick standing in the doorway. Goose and I are in the same position we were in before except he must have fallen asleep too. Lucas is pressed against my back with his arm thrown over my hip. This probably looks so fucking bad. I watch Maverick’s face as I wait for him to explode.
I want to cry as a soft smile crosses his face, “Hungry?”