Love and Desire
I take the next week off from school. There are still a lot of things to get done, and I’m just not ready to get back to normal everyday life, no matter how much the guys say it’ll help. Which is another problem, I’ve yet to sleep alone at the trailer. It’s mostly Goose who spends the night, because his parents are never home anyways. He says we can stay at his, but I don’t want to risk the chance that they may make a surprise visit.
There’s a ton of stuff on my list to do. First being the trip to see Mr. Bishop. I’ve put it off as long as I can, but he’s called me every day since the funeral. I was going to go around lunch time, but Lucas made me promise to wait on him. After he gets out of school he drives me over to the office and sits in the waiting room while I talk to Mr. Bishop. I’d love to have him in here with me, but this is one step closer to getting back on my feet.
“I’m glad to finally have you here, Ms. Davis,” he tells me once all of the pleasantries are out of the way.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I haven’t felt up to doing much in the past week,” I admit.
He nods, “That’s completely understandable, and again, I’m sorry for your loss.”
It feels awkward when people say that, because you’re supposed to say thank you, or it’s ok, and it’s neither one of those. Instead, I plaster a small smile on my face, “You said there was stuff that we needed to discuss?”
Shifting some papers around on his desk, he says, “Yes, yes. I need you to sign some documents for your grandfather’s life insurance policy. They went ahead and took care of everything with the funeral home, but I need your signature on a few things.”
I shift in my seat, “Are you sure that Gramps had a policy? He never talked about one, and I know that Nana didn’t have one when she passed away.”
He nods, “Oh yes. I’m sure. When he came to see me, he was very detailed with everything. It was an expensive policy, because he was so sick. I’m sure you understand.”
Yeah, I understand alright. That’s why we never had any money, because he spent so much on life insurance. Tears well up in my eyes and threaten to spill over at the thought of him trying to take care of me even after he’s gone. We suffered pretty bad when Nana died. If it hadn’t been for one of the local churches that Nana had often volunteered for, we would have been up shit creek without a paddle. They did some kind of candlelight offering service for her and raised enough to help us. Gramps was too prideful at first to take it, but he had no choice.
Mr. Bishop brings my attention back to him, “Ms. Davis?”
“Sorry,” I say trying to dislodge the rando thoughts bouncing through my head. “How much was the policy for?”
He shuffles the papers around on his desk, “I don’t have the figures right here in front of me, but I can get them for you.”
I shake my head, “That’s ok. I was just curious.”
“Well, everything has run smoothly thus far, so just as soon as I have your signature right here, it shouldn’t take any more than thirty days for the claim to be processed. Your grandfather gave us an account that he said was a joint account with you. I’ll need you to confirm that when you sign.”
Doing a once over on the sheets of paper in front of me, and verifying the account number, I sign my name at the bottom.
In less than five minutes after that, I’m walking out with another envelope and Lucas at my side.
“Everything go ok?” he asks as we’re getting into the truck.
I buckle up before, still in shock, I say, “Better than ok. Gramps apparently had been spending all of his checks on a life insurance policy, and they’ve paid everything for the funeral and everything.” The weight of admitting the words out loud rips a sob from my chest. It’s been sitting there for more time than I can even remember and it’s such a relief to know that I won’t have to struggle like we did with Nana.
Thankfully, Lucas hasn’t pulled away from the curb yet as he reaches over and pulls me into the best hug my seatbelt will allow. He wipes the tears off my face and kisses me once on the lips, “Want to go somewhere with me?”
When I nod, the smile that breaks out over his face scares me. How could I possibly ever say no to that? We spend the next hour in the local grocery store with Lucas picking out stuff and putting in it one of those reusable shopping bags. I try to keep up with what’s going in there, but I’m so lost in my head that I’m lucky to even know where we are right now. It’s not until we’re in the truck and heading out of town that I ask, “Where are we going anyways?”
He looks over and throws me a sideways grin, “Technically, my house, but not really.”
My palms get sweaty at the thought of meeting anyone today. I dressed nice to see Mr. Bishop, but after the emotions that came from that, I really don’t think I can handle any more people today.
“Can we just go to my house?” I ask him.
It doesn’t take him long to catch on, “We’re not going to my actual house. I don’t want my brothers scaring you away, so we are most definitely not going there.”
That peaks my curiosity, “How many brothers do you have?”
His smile when he talks about his family shows how much he loves them and it makes me smile right along with him, “I’ve got four older brothers. All but two of them are living on the farm right now. We probably owe them some big thanks. I’d say that my sharing comes easily because of them.”
Yeah, because that doesn’t open a new can of worms, “Ok, for one, holy hell. Your mom must be Wonder Woman raising that many boys. Is she still sane?”
He laughs, and I feel it like tingles under my skin, “She survived. Mom wears the pants in the family. It’s dad that’s the pushover.”
“Wow,” I say still in shock.
“And two?” he reminds me.
“You live on a farm?” I ask.
He nods, “Right on the outskirts here. We don’t actually do any farming. Dad and two of my brothers run a car shop, but Mom loves the space. I guess we kind of needed it too. Five boys and all. Growing up, we had plenty of space for four wheeling and dirt bikes and everything else you can think of.”
The five boys thing is still surprising to me, but I can’t seem to stop the image of Lucas on a dirt bike from popping into my head, “Do you still ride?”
Shrugging, he says, “Sometimes. Not as much anymore, because I just don’t have the time.”
“Would you show me some day?” I ask.
That blinding smile comes back over his face, and he cuts his eyes over to me, “If it makes you happy, of course I will. I’ll even teach you to drive it too. Lincoln and I spent most of last summer restoring a couple old motorcycles. We sold one, but I could take you for a ride on the other, if you want.”
I take a minute to ponder his words. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to drive one, but riding with Lucas would be sexy as hell. Just the thought puts those tingles underneath my skin again, “Maybe.”
He chuckles and reaches out to take my hand. We turn onto a dirt road that leads back off into the woods. I want to ask where we’re going again, but I trust him enough not to. The woods break into a clearing. With it still being winter, sunset happens way before it’s supposed to. It’s so dark that it’s hard to make out what’s around us, but I can see where the tree line stops.
Lucas throws the truck into park and turns it off. He jumps out then turns around, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
I’m skeptical, but I nod. When he shuts the door, it throws everything into complete darkness. I’d feel bad for anyone who has a fear of the dark. It’s completely pitch black and silent out here. I’ve just counted to fifty-six in my head when the little clearing is lit up. I know Lucas said to wait, but it’s so beautiful that I hop out of the truck and walk over. I look up to hundreds of twinkle lights above me. Someone has built little posts to keep them strung up and the soft glow lights up all of the space around the little area.
“What do you think?” Lucas asks stepping out of the trees.
I look at him like he’s lost his mind, “It’s absolutely fucking amazing! Did you do this?”
“As much as I would love to have been the one to put that wonder on your face, I have to say no,” he admits. “Logan built this out here and used to have parties back when he was in high school. I used to sneak out here, but he’d always send me sulking back home saying I was too young.” He’s standing in front of me by this point and looking up to his face, the lights make the best backdrop behind him. Lucas couldn’t possibly be any more wonderful if he tried.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest as he smiles down to me. “Hold that thought,” he whispers and disappears back into the truck.
It only takes a few seconds before his windows are rolled down and that Ed Sheeran song “Perfect” comes from the speakers. It doesn’t have to be very loud to be heard, because the sound echoes around the clearing.
Lucas walks back over to me and holds out his hand, “Dance with me?”
Now we’re back at the point I mentioned earlier, ‘How could I possibly say no.’ So, I don’t. I place my hand in his and he pulls us together. He takes over the steps and leads us around the little space. The sound of our breathing and leather jackets rubbing together are the only sound other than the music. Our breath mingles in clouds of white from the cold, even as he puts his mouth to my ear and sings the lyrics softly. His hands are warm at my hips and I love the feel of his shoulders flexing under mine. I move them down, underneath his shirt. The feel of his skin on my fingertips starts a fire in my belly that no one other than Lucas can put out. When I move my face to his, I find him waiting as he presses his lips against mine.
There has never been a more perfect moment in my life than this one. I don’t care if we are in the middle of nowhere or that it’s mid-winter and cold as fuck outside. It doesn’t matter that I’ll have to face reality sooner than I’d like. No. I’m taking tonight to live in this dream as long as I can.
Before he can stop me, I have both of our jackets lying in a heap on the ground. As if I weigh nothing, he picks me up and carries me to the back of the truck without taking his lips from mine. I gasp into his mouth as my back meets the cold steel.
He pulls away and in a deep voice that could rival Mav’s he says, “I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted to get you away for a little while. I brought some blankets just in case we stayed out here longer and got cold.”
It only takes half a second for his words to click in my head and I pull his lips back to mine. Like I said, I’m going to live in this dream for as long as I can. “Get the blankets,” I whisper.
“We still have that food too, if you’re hungry,” he reminds me.
The last thing I’m thinking about in this moment in my life is food, so I shake my head.
He kisses me lightly and sets me down. Opening the back door, he pulls out a fluffy looking comforter and a giant sleeping bag lined with flannel, “I wasn’t sure which one you’d want, so I brought both.”
I reach up on my toes and kiss him on the cheek before he heads around the back of the truck. That fire comes back as I watch his muscles flex as he jumps into the bed. He reaches down and lifts me like a sack of potatoes. I can’t help when my lips find his again. There’s just no stopping it.
He lets me pull off his shirt, and as before, I’m awarded the sight of that tan, tattooed and pierced skin. Without the overflowing bathtub here with us, there aren’t any distractions as my mouth closes around one of the little silver bars. Lucas groans and grabs the back of my head to keep me from moving. Letting me take my time, it isn’t until I pull away that he helps me out of my shirt and bra. His hands roam over the outside of my breasts before he places them against my naked back and pulls us together. The feel of our skin connecting satisfies some small part of me and yearns for more at the same time.
Bending his head down, he presses his lips to that small spot underneath my ear. “Lucas,” I whisper.
“Hmm,” he says, the sound vibrating through me.
“Please,” I say even more quietly.
That one little word is all that it takes for him. He opens the sleeping bag and spreads it out in the bed before helping me lay down on top of it. Getting to his knees, he goes on all fours and presses a kiss against my bellybutton. In the next few seconds, he removes the rest of my clothes, and then just sits back to look at me. Normally I’d be uncomfortable in this position, but there’s nothing there but love and desire.
“You’re fucking beautiful, baby,” he says. “I’m one of four of the luckiest guys in the world.”
I rise up on one of my elbows and use my other hand to crook a finger at him. He crawls back up my body and braces himself on his forearms, keeping his weight off me. That is the last thing that I want. I wrap my legs around his waist at the same time my arms go underneath his to hold onto his back. When I pull him down, he doesn’t resist. It grinds my back into the bed of the truck, and I’ll probably have bruises from it later, but they’ll be worth it.
Lucas acts like he wants to go gentle and slow. I think that we both know that it isn’t what the other wants, so I reach up and nip him on the neck right before I lick it to soothe the sting. His hips drive into me and the denim still covering his legs rubs against me in all the right places. After seeing all of his tattoos and the bars in his nipples, I figured Lucas would be one for a little pain and I’m not wrong. When my teeth find his shoulder, he groans in my ear before rising up to strip the rest of his clothes off. The sight of Lucas bare chested is mouth-watering. Completely naked, he leaves me with a brain full of mush. He is absolutely fucking glorious, with tattoos on his lower stomach and wrap arounds on his thighs. Noticing me checking him out, he grins down at me as he opens a condom and slips it on. The last thing any of us need right now are any little babies running around, so the more protection the better.
He braces himself back on his forearms over me. When he opens his mouth to say something, I cover it with my hand and lift my hips to meet him. That’s all it takes for him to enter me in one swift movement. We both groan into the night air. As he moves above me, my breath catches for a second. Giving this piece of myself over to him means that I am moving on from the VanPelt brothers. Not that I’ll miss them any less, just accepting that there may be something left for me after all.
“You ok?” Lucas asks.
I nod as much as I can, “Better than.”
He smiles down at me and sets a pace that has us coming apart together in no time at all. Scooting us to the edge of the sleeping bag, he zips us up in it. I’m pretty sure that it’s meant for only one person, but I don’t take up that much room, even around his size. We lay on our sides facing each other.
Wanting to stay here forever, I’m disappointed when I feel myself falling asleep. Lucas props the other blanket under his head for a pillow and I use his arm. His body heat trapped inside the sleeping bag is better than any heater I’ve ever seen.
When I look up to him, his eyes are closed like he’s close to the edge too. A smile crosses his lips as I reach up and kiss his chin, “I love you, Lucas.”
At this, he raises his head and presses his lips against mine, “I love you, Kendall.”
The next thing I know, Lucas’ body jerks against mine, “Shit, shit, shit.”
I crack my eyes to find that it’s at least mid-morning and Lucas is beside me freaking out, apparently just waking up himself. He yanks the zipper down and I tumble out onto the frozen bed of the truck.
I yelp and try to crawl back into the warmth.
“I’m sorry baby. We’ve got to go. My parents are going to go fucking postal if the guys didn’t cover for me,” he says jumping up to throw his underwear and pants on. It’s a race to see who can dress the fastest and by the time that we jump in the truck we’re both laughing so hard we’re in tears.
He checks his phone, “Fuck. The guys have called eighteen times. If my parents don’t kill me, they will for keeping you out like this.”
I don’t know why, but it makes me laugh again and Lucas smiles at me as he presses the call button. The sound of a ringing phone comes across the Bluetooth in the truck. Lucas pulls me to him, “No matter what the consequences, this was worth it.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” I say and press my lips against his.
Mav’s deep voice comes over the speakers breaking us up, “What the fuck dude? Please tell me Kendall is with you.”
It is in no way funny, but I can’t help the laugh that slips out of my lips at how much trouble we’re in.