Romulus

I follow Alexa’s scent, but the trail goes cold in the mess hall. She made that foul human meal again, the one which’s stench messes with my sensitive nose.

Unease grips my heart.

If this what having a fatum feels like, I’d rather be without one. Ever since Alexa left my sight, I’ve felt troubled.

Pained.

I can’t focus on anything else. I’ve tried to push the thoughts way, to pull my walls back up, but it’s useless. Now that I’ve let the human into my heart, she’s there to stay.

I head towards the helm and set a course for Earth. I wait in my chair, counting down the seconds until I can talk to Nero and ask him for advice…

Fuck. I can’t wait that long. This feeling in my gut; I don’t want it there a moment longer.

I call Nero, even though I promised I would only contact him in case of an emergency. In many ways it is, just not the type of emergency he expected.

He answers his com within seconds.

“Romulus!” he says. “Whats going on? Is Magnus Bruttius back?!”

He’s naked and covered in sweat, his hair disheveled.

“Calm down,” I say. “Magnus is not coming.”

“I thought there was an emergency?”

“There is,” I say. “But it’s more of a… personal one.”

“What? Hold on a moment.”

Nero returns a moment longer, a towel hanging around his shoulders.

“I hope I’m not interrupting something,” I say.

“Nothing I won’t be able to make up. Now, tell me what’s bothering you.”

I give him a barebones version of what’s happened. As soon as I mention Alexa, Nero interrupts me.

“Hold on a second. You’re telling me you’re having feelings? For a human?”

“Of course not,” I bristle instantly. “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t care for Alexa at all. It’s…”

What am I doing?

Why am I lying to my best friend? Am I not calling him to ask him for advice? Why is it so damn hard for me to admit the truth for once?

“Okay, maybe I am catching feelings for a human,” I say. “So what?”

“Nothing,” Nero says with a smug smile. “Nothing at all, Rom. I’m happy for you, honestly. I have found true happiness with Victoria, and if any man deserves to find his one true mate, it’s you.”

“Well, I’m not feeling all that happy right now.”

“Oh? What’s wrong?”

“Alexa stormed off, actually.”

“Why? Did you have one your moods again?”

“Me? Moods?!”

“You don’t change, do you Rom? I feel sorry for your human mate already,” he laughs.

“I’ll give you something to feel sorry for!” I growl.

“Tell me what happened,” Nero says when he’s done making fun of me. “Let’s see if I can help.”

I try to explain him my point of view, but as I put it all into words, it makes less sense than it did in my head.

“Is this normal behavior for humans?” I ask.

Nero shrugs. “Want me to ask Victoria for advice?”

“Please don—Hi, Victoria.”

My friend scoots to the side, Victoria now taking up most of the screen. She’s wearing loosely fitted pajamas, her hair up in a bun.

“Hi Romulus!” she waves. “How are you? Bored up there already? You ought to come down and have dinner with us!”

Nero interrupts her and quickly brings her up-to-date on my woes.

“Hey! Wait!” I protest. “That’s private! Come on, are you two deaf? Hello?”

“What?” Victoria says, her eyes widening. “You? With a human? Wow! Congratulations!”

“Yes, yes, thank you,” I mumble.

Why is it so hard for me to accept their compliments? Why can’t I just be glad that my two friends are happy for me?

Because you don’t think you deserve it.

Who are you, really?

You play second fiddle to Nero. He’s always been better than you. Of course he has the perfect relationship. Of course he’s happy, while you only manage to push your fatum away, only hurt her, only resent her for trying to love you.

Nero’s right. He should feel sorry for your mate. He should feel sorry for anyone who tries to care about you.

“Rom? Are you okay?” Victoria asks. “Did you hear my question?”

“What? No, sorry,” I say. “I was distracted.”

I shake my head and push those negative thoughts away.

“I said you ought to apologize to her.”

“Apologize? Even when I did nothing wrong?”

“Especially when you did nothing wrong,” she laughs. “You shouldn’t be so stubborn. I don’t think there’s anything wrong, you just both sound like you’re as stubborn as mules. Which makes you perfect for each other… perhaps a bit too perfect. Put your Elban pride aside for a moment and acknowledge that her feelings are hurt, and that you’re sorry about that. How hard can that be?”

Apologize?

I’d rather lead a charge on House Bruttius armed with nothing but my fists.

“Yes,” I lie. “Of course I can do that.”

A flickering light in the corner of my screen grabs my attention.

A shuttle has just left the Classis.

* * *

Alexa

How can he say that?!

How dare he?!

Nothing.

That’s what I mean to him.

Nothing.

I heard him say it with my own two ears. Mary had talked some sense into me, and I was looking for Romulus when I turned the corner and heard those fateful words leave his own lips.

Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t care for Alexa at all.

He bristled at the mere thought of me!

At least I realize what kind of a dick he is now, before I gave him my heart… oh, who am I kidding? He already had my heart. He had it, and he trampled all over it. He broke it apart and grounded it into dust.

Just like Tom had done. It’s all the same in the end. Every time I think I’m close to someone, when I think can trust them, they crush me.

No more.

For real this time.

I’m done.

From now on I’m a hermit.

I rest my head against the shuttle wall and watch Earth grow bigger and bigger by the second, while tears stream down my face.

These are the last tears I’ll ever cry over a man.

* * *

Romulus

My nose is pressed against the cold glass. The shuttle in the distance grows smaller by the second, heading towards Earth.

It’s got to be Alexa in there, there’s no other possibility, but why?

I hail the shuttle. No response. I try again. No response. And again.

No response.

I tell the computer to scan the Classis for lifeforms, while I pull up the video-logs.

“No human life-signs detected onboard,” the ship informs me.

Fuck fuck fuck. My heart is racing, my palms sweaty as I sift through the video footage. Why did she suddenly take off?

According to the logs, first she was in the com-room, communicating with Earth. Then she left, and headed towards where I was speaking with Nero… only to turn around and break into a run. I still don’t get it.

“Computer, play this clip with sound.”

Nero’s familiar voice booms out of the speakers: “Hold on a second. You’re telling me you’re having feelings? For a human?”

I respond instantly: “Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t care for Alexa at all.”

Fuck.

I sink into my seat, a cold panic gripping my heart. I didn’t mean that. I corrected myself right after. She heard that, right? She must have. I check the logs again and again, and the answer is always the same.

She didn’t hear that.

As far as Alexa knows, I’m a coldhearted, manipulative brute.

Perhaps that’s just what I really am, deep down inside.

You always do this. You always fuck up. You disappoint everyone you care about. It’s better this way.

I punch the screen.

I punch that fucking screen until it’s smattered into tiny bits, until the glass cuts into my hand, until my knuckles bleed all over the damn console, and I scream her name until my throat is sore and raw.