Alexa

“Tell me everything.”

Dr. Bellamy sits behind his desk, hands folded. I used to be scared to death of this man, but now, I have no strong feelings one way or another.

These last few days have been a blur. The army debriefed me, and I answered all of their questions. Now, I just want everyone to leave me alone, but my supervisor is not done with me yet.

“I already told the army everything,” I answer.

“So I’ve heard. I want to hear things from your perspective.”

“Fine,” I sigh.

The sooner I’m done here, the sooner I can go home. It’s weird: home doesn’t feel like home anymore. And work doesn’t feel like work anymore.

All the things I looked forward in the past just all seem so… meaningless now.

I answer all of Dr. Bellamy’s nosy questions.

“Are we done here?”

“One more thing,” he says as he pulls out a needle. “I just want to do a quick blood-test. You’ve been in space for quite a while, you know.”

“Fine,” I say as I roll up my sleeve. The army already put me through the ringer — what’s one more blood test?

Before I can slip out the door, Mary stops me. She throws her arms around me enthusiastically, screaming my name.

“Alexa! You’re back! You didn’t think you were going to leave without saying hi, did you?”

“Well…”

“We have to get coffee! Now!”

“I’m kinda busy,” I protest.

“Busy? With what?”

“More tests,” I lie. “You know how the army is.”

“You don’t have five minutes for your best friend?” she pouts.

I feel empty, listless, defeated. I don’t even have the energy to lie to Mary.

“Five minutes should be okay.”

“Yes!”

Mary grabs my arm and leads me towards the cafeteria, while she chatters away about all the good gossip I missed while I was away.

I nod at the right times, smile politely, laugh when I’m supposed to, but it’s all fake. I’m going through the motions.

I couldn’t care less about how professor Smith got caught cheating on his wife with one of his students. I don’t care that professor Parker is being accused of plagiarism.

I don’t even care about the rumors that our departement’s funds may be getting slashed.

Compared to what I’ve experienced out there, it all seems so… inconsequential.

“Are you even listening?” Mary asks.

I look up. “Sorry,” I say. “Brainfart. What were you saying?”

She continues where she left of, and my mind wanders again instantly. I thought that when I returned to my old life, things would be the same.

Instead, I keep wondering…

What’s Romulus up to?

* * *

Romulus

The metal groans, the engines strained to its max, yet I keep revving the gas, keep pushing the bike to its limits.

The surface of the moon shoots by underneath me, nothing but a gray blur. I’m going as fast as I can, but it’s not enough.

I keep thinking about her.

Nothing seems to be able to change that. I’ve logged hours and hours in the battle-simulator, pushed my body past its limits, but that doesn’t change how I feel.

Empty.

I’m throwing all caution in the wind by racing my bike across the lunar surface. This is breaking every agreement we’ve made with the humans, for anyone with a telescope can see me speeding by… but I don’t care.

Nothing matters anymore.

I let go of the handlebars and close my eyes. The bike wobbles.

I could crash into a rock and smash myself to bits. I could fall over and break my helmet, and the hurting will be over.

The pain will end.

I hit a bump and the bike is launched several feet up into the air. My eyes fly open, and I’m see I’m headed right for a deep crater.

It’s not my time yet.

I throw the bike to the side, skidding across the surface, rolling and tumbling and coming to a complete stop with nothing but a few scraps and a dented bike.

I dust myself off and glance at the green-blue planet that is orbiting above me.

Why can’t I let you go?