I saw the fire engine come in and a few minutes later I saw Seth jump out from the back of the truck. His uniform looked worse for the wear. He was covered in black soot, and he wore an expression of exhaustion. He and his team had been out for hours, and they had needed to call in back up too.

For the first time since I’d been assigned to the fire station, I saw the heroism in what they did. It was an absurd thing to even think considering everyone knew what firemen did and what they risked every day. It was just indicative of my own narcissism that I hadn’t appreciated that fact until just now. I had just been so preoccupied with my own problems that I had failed to take into consideration that these men were doing something I could never do. How they treated me shouldn’t have affected my perception or my respect for what they did.

I wanted to talk to Seth casually so that I could just slip in a few questions about Zoey, but I knew this wasn’t the time. I gave him his space and concentrated on the work I needed to get done.

I worked another couple of hours, and then I headed into the lounge area where the men relaxed between calls so that I could sign out with Seth. He was lying flat on a sofa with a pillow over his head but as I approached he looked up.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I replied. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“You didn’t,” Seth replied, and I noticed he didn’t seem as hostile. “I was up… just resting.”

“Difficult day?”

“We had a major fire in the city precinct,” Seth replied. “Lost two people.”

“No.”

“Yeah,” Seth sighed.

No wonder he didn’t sound so hostile towards me. He was probably too exhausted to be anything but deflated.

“But we managed to save a few dozen others,” Seth continued. “So… that’s something.”

“That’s huge,” I said. “I’d count that as a victory.”

Seth sighed hugely. “When you lose someone… anyone… it’s hard to count anything as a victory.”

“You’re right… sorry… I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”

“No,” Seth said, swinging his legs down and stretching a little. “I know that’s not what you meant. So… done for the day?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Ok, consider yourself signed out,” Seth nodded. “I’ll write the time down when I find the roster.”

“Ok,” I said hesitantly.

“Is there anything else?” Seth asked.

“No… I just…”

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to know if you mentioned my offer to Zoey… about the apartment,” I asked.

“I mentioned it to her,” Seth said, without letting anything away. “It’s up to her… she’ll consider it.”

“Great…”

“Goodbye, Devlin.”

“Right,” I nodded, recognizing the dismissal. “Goodbye.”

I headed out of the station and started the walk back to the apartment. It was going to be my last few weeks here, and I was sadder than I expected to be. It had to do with all those memories of Zoey that I’d accumulated over the last few months. She was in every inch of that apartment now, and even though it had been difficult for me living with her memory, it was still preferable to living without it. I had been dying to call her and speak to her for the last few days, but I didn’t want to overstep.

I knew she deserved better than me, so what did it say if I ignored that and pushed myself back into her life again? I couldn’t afford to be that selfish again… especially if I loved her, and I did love her, more than anything or anyone else in the world. If having me out of her life were what she wanted, then I would follow through, no matter how hard it was on me.

I walked up the stairs and turned the corner and froze in place as I realized that Zoey was standing outside the door. She hadn’t noticed me yet. It was obvious she wasn’t sure if she should be here or not. I felt my heart beat unevenly as I walked up to her.

“Hi, you,” I said softly.

Despite how softly I spoke she still gave a little start of surprise. “Oh God,” she gasped.

“Sorry.”

“No, no,” Zoey said quickly. “I was just… I thought you were in.”

“I just finished community service at the station,” I told her.

“Oh, right.”

“Seth signed me out.”

“Ok,” she nodded, looking extremely awkward.

“Zoey?”

“Yes?”

“Would you like to come in?” I asked, trying not to spook her. I knew that if I pushed too hard, she would just walk away.

Zoey paused, and I could see that she was contemplating whether she should come in with me or not.

“I won’t bite,” I said.

Zoey smiled instinctively, and she met my eyes for one short second before she turned away from me again. “Just for a short while,” she said.

We walked inside, and I saw Zoey looking around the apartment like she didn’t recognize it. I had packed away all my paintings, and the place looked empty without them… maybe even a little lonely. But that was my perspective. I wondered what Zoey thought. Was she seeing the chance to start fresh without me and make memories of her own? Or was she seeing the recent past when we had been happy and together and ensconced in our own little bubble?

“You took down your paintings,” Zoey said.

“I’m getting all my packing out of the way,” I told her. “And preparing for the exhibition at the same time.”

Zoey gave me a smile. “Seth told me that your paintings were still being exhibited. I’m really happy for you. You deserve to have your paintings seen.”

“Would it be too much to ask if you could possibly come?” I wondered out loud.

Zoey didn’t say anything immediately. She seemed intent on avoiding eye contact. “I don’t know, Devlin,” she said. “I want to be there to support you… I believe in your work, and I think you deserve this but….”

“I screwed things up so royally you don’t want to look at my face ever again?” I offered.

She sighed. “That’s not how I feel.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did,” I said. “I did lie to you… and I kept justifying those lies, which is even worse.”

“If you don’t mind… I’d rather not to talk about all that,” Zoey said quickly.

I nodded. “Ok.”

“I’m sorry you have to leave this place,” Zoey said. “I know you’ve always loved this apartment.”

“It represented my freedom,” I said. “My autonomy from my parents. It was the first place that was truly mine, and it took a while to get here.”

“Where did you live before you moved to this apartment?” Zoey asked.

“I rented out a room in this guy’s house,” Devlin told me. “Uh, actually it wasn’t a room so much as their basement. But the rent was dirt cheap, and I didn’t need much space anyway. I couldn’t paint though, and that part was hard.”

“Where will you go now?” Zoey asked.

I smiled. “It’s back to the basement for me.”

“What?”

“I called Jeff… he’s the guy whose basement I rented back in the day. Turns out it’s free, and he’s willing to let me rent it out for cheap.”

“Doesn’t sound that way,” Zoey said, looking slightly rattled by that information. Was it possible that she still cared about me… enough to care where I was sleeping after I’d moved out of here?

“Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I’ll be fine… and it’s going to be temporary. Just until I find a real job.”

“Can’t you… ask your parents for some help?” Zoey suggested.

“No way,” I said immediately. “I’m already in their debt for the bail posting my father made. I can’t ask them for more.”

I looked at Zoey and tried to memorize her face. She was so beautiful, but I knew that that beauty was beyond my reach now. It felt as though all I had left of her now were the paintings I had created in her image. They all seemed like pale imitations… but they had come to mean much more to me over the last few weeks.

“I never did thank you,” I said. “For convincing my father to come and help me…”

“I wasn’t sure if that was the right decision,” Zoey admitted.

“I never expected him actually to listen.”

“Apparently he does care about you.”

“Or maybe he likes you,” I said. “Enough to listen at least.”

Zoey smiled. “I just… I knew I couldn’t leave you at the station. It just felt too…”

“You’re a good person Zoey,” I said, cutting her off. “I hope you’re happy.”

She seemed to flinch back at my words, and I wondered what I had said. “I should go,” Zoey said quickly, moving towards the door.

“Wait,” I said, and miraculously she did.

“Yes?” she asked, turning to me.

“Was there a reason you came here today?”

“Oh… well… yes,” Zoey nodded. “I’m going to take you up your offer Devlin. I’m going to take the apartment.”

I smiled. “I’m glad… that one of us gets to stay here.”

She nodded curtly and then left abruptly. I stood there, wanting to go after her but forcing myself to stay put. I felt better knowing that she was going to be living here. I don’t know why that made me feel better… it just did.

I went to the room that had used to be Zoey’s. I had set up my canvases there, and I had been doing some painting in the night because I couldn’t really sleep anymore. I got my brushes and my paint out, and I started working.

I didn’t think or plan. I just turned my brain off and let my hand take control of my body. I painted for hours, and I didn’t stop to take any breaks. I kept going until I was finished and when I was done I stepped back and stared at what I had just created.

The painting had been created from passion and instinct and it showed in every stroke. It showed in every line that made up her face.