Did I jerk off to the panties?
You bet your sweet arse I did.
Did I spray my cum all over them like a teenager would with a sock?
No fucking way would I ruin those beauts; they are in a place of honor in my bedroom. Mounted right above my bed with care and there to remember like any hunter would do with a trophy. I’m thrilled to have something of hers with me, especially since it has been radio silence from her. But I get to see Paige tonight.
Thank fuck for Jax’s hook-ups through work. We are able to watch the races live along with Parker’s freestyle. The shit you can do with a television these days. Levi came over early to help set everything up. I felt like we were in a space station or some shit with all the cables and wires everywhere.
Falling onto the lounge, I kick my feet up on the table before me with a bag of chips and a jar of salsa. I wish I could be there, but this is just as good.
“This is awesome.” Levi takes up his spot on the other end of the lounge. “Thanks for inviting me over.”
“Anytime.” Jax lifts himself to fix his spot on the recliner Levi and I helped him into. “This is something new we are trying out. I think if I can get it figured out, we might be able to get into the GoPro cameras attached to some of the riders’ helmets.”
“Fuckin’ aye.” This shit is amazing. “Paige and Parker’s?” Tilting my beer back to drain it, I watch Jax fiddle around with a few more cables before he is finally satisfied.
“Yeah, maybe.” He turns the volume up just as Paige’s first race gets set to start. I find her instantly. Her black gear and bike don’t stand out like they did the first time I watched her. The riders wear a wide array of colors, but more are wearing black this time.
My eyes don’t break from the screen as I blindly fumble for another bottle and pop it open. Sitting back, I barely acknowledge if I blink at all out of fear I may miss a second of staring at her.
“Hello! Anyone home?” Megan sings into the flat. I want to groan, but we are friends now. “I have more food.” She parades into the lounge room with bags of food.
“Thanks, Meg.” Levi jumps up and helps her set everything up on the table while she puts a platter together to hand off to Jax.
“You’re welcome. Thank you for inviting me.” She smiles at me and takes the only empty seat left between Levi and myself. What I wouldn’t give for a bigger couch at this moment. I’d rather sit next to Levi in awkwardness or on Jax’s lap than have Megan snug against one side of me.
I nod, turning back to the television just as the gates drop. The race starts, and I start to drink my new beer far too fast. I’m so engrossed with watching Paige that I’m startled by the rustling of paper next to me. Glaring, I turn my head and find Megan flipping through some gossip trash.
As if she feels my eyes on her, Megan lifts her head. “What?”
“Aren’t you going to watch the race?” This is, after all, why she was invited, right?
“I can do both,” she states defensively and looks back down at her occupied lap.
“Why come then?” I ask more to myself and focus back on the race just as Paige is taking the lead. I down my beer and reach down to grab another one. A tiny and I mean incredibly small voice in the back of my mind begins to scream at me.
Slow down, don’t drink so fast.
Telling it to fuck off, I twist the cap and begin downing the deliciously bitter liquid.
“Because I haven’t spent any time with my friends lately.” Her snarky comment ebbs on my nerves. I know I said I would be her friend again, but I really don’t like it when she does shit like this. You don’t like watching races, just say so; don’t come around with the hopes of whatever it is you hold.
Ignoring the fucking noise coming from her flipping the pages and the food being consumed around me, all my attention is on the race. Starting in my heart and going through every vein and artery in my body, my blood thunders with adrenaline with the remembrance of what it felt like to drive in my own races.
The turns she takes, the jumps she makes, and the laps she pulls are lagging riders in pure perfection on a dirt bike. The heat is over in twenty laps, all during which Paige holds the lead. And like the previous race I watched her win, she does not idle around to gloat; she rides off to get ready for her second race later in the day.
When the screen goes blank, both Levi and I turn our heads slowly to regard Jax.
“How the hell do we watch more of it?” I’m a little disappointed he couldn’t figure out how to get the GoPro cameras to work with the television. “I thought we were watching the freestyle as well?” Draining my beer, I place the empty on the table and grab another only to slam that one just as quickly.
“We are; hold your tits and give me a moment.” He fumbles with the remote, and finally, the screen changes and a giant dirt ramp is on the screen with riders everywhere. Faces, numbers, and points display on the top of the screen. We faintly hear announcers talking about riders and how they have done so far in the year. Watching with morbid fascination, we down our beers and stuff our faces as some of the rider’s case their runs. I was never one to be active in freestyle jumping, but I’ve always enjoyed watching it. Watching the jumps seems to take longer than watching an actual race.
“We aren’t going to miss Paige’s second race, are we?” Without breaking eye contact with the television, I lift my bottle to my lips while ignoring the beginning of my words slurring together.
“No, she should be somewhere watching Parker, and then she will get back to her own shit.” Jax answers me between mouthfuls of nachos.
“Good.” Chugging the rest of my beer, I bend down to pick up another just as Megan decides to make some odd noise in the back of her throat. “What?” My eyelids droop, failing me as I attempt to glare at her.
“Isn’t this one of your bosses?” Megan lifts one of the magazines she was looking through, granting me a montage of pictures of different celebrities. I look at each image in turn; a singer dancing on a table with a herd of men around her, some couple on the beach, the woman has a growing belly, and many more different pictures, but the one sticking out the most to me is the one with Paige.
She is sitting in one of the VIP booths at Clutch; I can tell by the lighting and the arrangement of the booths. They look identical to the ones where she rode my fingers for the first time. And she isn’t alone. My ears begin to burn the longer I stare at the image of a stolen moment.
My fogged mind has got to be playing tricks on me.
I can’t make out who he is. His face is turned toward her, sitting far too close to her, and touching her in a familiar way. A snarl quips in the corner of my mouth, pulling my upper lip up to bare my teeth. Even in the picture, I can see the look in Paige’s sea green eyes, which is similar to the one she has given me. It takes everything for me to tear away from it and quickly read the caption beside it.
Moto Pro Paige Bartin cozying up with Royce Pollard, potential Piston Motor Sports rally car driver.
I don’t realize I have taken the magazine from Megan until I feel the paper crinkle in my massive hands, doing well to crimp the entire bloody thing.
“What’s going on?” Levi tugs the piece of shit out of my hands with some force and flips to the right place with Megan’s help. I grab my beer bottle for dear life and drain it. “Well, fuck.” He blows out a breath, shaking his head, and close the magazine. He flips it from back to cover, looking for something.
“Let me look.” Jax offers his hand, and Levi slaps it in it. Once more, the picture is seen, and the magazine is closed. My misery continues, and no matter how quickly I drink, I’m not numbed quickly enough. This time, Jax finds something that causes his brows to rise. “They print them fast, don’t they?”
“What?” Jax tosses it back to me, pages fluttering open and whipping in the wind it creates before landing on my outstretched legs. I don’t want to grab it, but I do and open it. I take another look, managing not to focus on what was happening but what Paige is wearing. It is the same outfit she wore Wednesday when she cornered me in the break room.
How do I remember?
Because I’m a fucking insane man hooked on that woman. Anything and everything she does, wears, or says, I remember.
This had to be taken Wednesday night after I turned her down, and she left me angry.
I’m too pissed off to think about any of it, but at the same time, it consumes my every thought now. The room is silent because Jax muted the television. I glance up; my friends eye me with worry, but I’m focused on the jumps. I don’t give a flying fuck about watching anymore. Any excitement has drained from my soul.
I stand, letting the trash fall to the floor. “I don’t feel like watching anymore.”
No one questions me or stops me as I leave the room and march back to my bedroom. Slamming the door behind me, I fall face first onto the bed and just stop.