Jyn

“How are you doing?” Theo asks, coming into my hospital room.

“Better.”

“I don’t know what you’re going through, but if there’s anything I can do to help, I want to.”

“Honestly, I don’t understand exactly what I’m going through, either. It seems to be a mix of postpartum depression, and a shock to my system. My labor wasn’t even that hard, from what I’ve read online, but it messed me up.”

“You want to be a mom, Jyn. I was with you all through your pregnancy, and I can say that with absolute certainty. Whatever’s going on now doesn’t change that.”

“I do want to be a mom, but I feel like it’s too late. Like my girl is going to know I wasn’t there for her in her first days, and she’s going to feel unwanted.”

“Bullshit. That little girl heard you talk to her and love her for months. A few days don’t matter.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“I want to go home to Noah and Cari, but it scares me. What if I see her, and freak out again?”

“Then Noah takes her into another room while you try to deal.”

“I don’t want him to hate me.”

“He’s worried about you, but he doesn’t hate you.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“He said he calls you every day.”

“He does, but is it just out of obligation?”

“No,” Noah says, walking into the room.

“Noah.”

“Hi, beautiful,” he says, walking over to hand me a bouquet of beautiful flowers.

“Are these for me?”

“Yep. Cari and I picked them out.”

“Where is she? Oh, God. I should’ve asked that first.”

“Relax, Jyn. I’m happy you didn’t ask that first, because it means you trust me with her.”

“Of course I trust you.”

“And I trust you. Cari’s outside with Liz.”

“Oh.”

“Kenny said you might be ready to say hi to her.”

I am. I know I am. I’m not completely over whatever this is, but I want to see my daughter. “Please.”

“I’ll leave you two alone, and send Liz in,” Theo says.

“Thanks for stopping by.”

“Anytime, Jyny.”

Noah takes my hand, and I squeeze it as Liz walks in with my daughter. I nod at her, and hold out my hands. I smile down at Cari, and touch her cheek, but I can’t speak yet. I don’t know what to say. When she reaches out to take my finger in her little fist, I have to fight back the tears. I also find my voice.

“Hello, sweet girl. I’m your Mommy.”

She squeezes my finger tighter, even as her eyes close. I stare at her in awe, feeling all of my love for her, but also my fear. I fight to make sure the love is more prevalent, and nuzzle my face against hers, breathing her in.

“She knows you. It’s why she’s sleeping. She knows she’s safe with her mommy,” Noah tells me.

“I want to come home, Noah. I need to take my meds, and I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I want to be with you. Both of you.”

“Then let’s go.”

It doesn’t take us long to get me released. Kenny says the doctors will come to me if I don’t feel like coming here, but I know I’ll need to get out of the apartment. We agree to a mix of both. He lives in the apartments, so he’ll check on me as well, and be available if I need anything.

“You can do this, Jyn,” he tells me.

“I can,” I agree.

“Audrey has been working on a new medication, but I’m not ready to try it on you yet. Once I’m sure what you’re on now is keeping you on an even keel, I’ll look at introducing you to it.”

“Okay.”

Audrey is part of the Society, and a brilliant chemist. She works with Kenny, and our friend, Tegan’s husband Caleb, to create new and better medications. They use them to help people through the C&C Foundation, and also to heal the Society women. Mental illness is not something to be taken lightly, and Reina doesn’t. She would never divulge who gets help, but I know it’s several of her women. No one’s embarrassed by it, and I refuse to be, either. Asking for help isn’t a bad thing.

* * *

Noah

I’m not nervous about Jyn being with Cari, but I can’t say I’m not nervous about her coming home. This was her apartment first, and she may not like the way I’ve moved a few things around. It’s only been a few days, but I figured out ways to make things easier for myself. A little turn of the couch, the bassinet right up against our bed, because Cari doesn’t like her crib yet, and just a bunch of small things.

“You moved the couch,” she says, walking in.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have to look so nervous, Noah. This is your place too, and if moving something seems right to you, you should do it.”

“It was blocking the path to the bedrooms a little.”

She nods. “I can see where it would. I couldn’t see it before, but now I do.”

“It’s different when you’re home with her.”

“I’m glad to be home with her,” she says, reaching for Cari.

I hand her over without hesitation, and help them get comfortable on the couch. Cari moves her mouth in a way that tells me she’s hungry, her adorable lips twisting into a pout. “Let me get her a bottle.”

“Can I try to feed her? I mean, I expressed in the hospital just in case.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure.”

I hold Cari while she pulls her shirt and bra off. She has nursing bras in our room, but I didn’t think to bring one, since I wasn’t sure if she was coming home today, and also because I didn’t know what size she is now.

It takes a little work, and a few tries, but Cari ends up latching on. Jyn winces a little, and I move to take Cari, but she shakes her head.

“Her mouth is a little rougher than the pump. I wasn’t expecting it, but I’m good.”

“She’s loving her Mommy’s milk. Can’t say I blame her, since I love your tits too.”

“Perv. But yeah, I’m glad she was able to latch on. I think I needed this more than I realized.”

“She knows you,” I tell her softly.

“I wasn’t here for her.”

“You’ve been there for her more than any other human on this planet, and she knows it.”

“Theo said that, too.”

“I don’t know him well, but he seems like a wise man. And a good one.”

“He is. I’m close with all the security guys, but he’s the one I’m closest too. Maybe because he’s the newest of them, and even though he's known Aiden for years, he doesn't have as strong a bond with them.”

“The other guys are all closer with Darce, I think.”

“Oh yeah. I remember when she was dating Brayden. I thought it was going to be war.”

“Thankfully, it was just a kingdom.”

“Were you shocked when Brayden gave up his kingdom for her?”

“Honestly, yes. He was born to be King, and none of us ever saw him as anything other than our future ruler.”

“I guess love really can change a person.”

“Their love certainly did. Actually, from what I can tell, most of the Society women have had epic romances.”

“Do you feel epic?”

“No. I’m just a simple man, Jyn.”

“Well, I happen to love you just the way you are.”

I know she does, and that’s what makes this situation as close to perfect as it could possibly be. Jyn doesn’t care about my past, or how I grew up. She just cares that I’m here with her now. I’m going to always be here, because as much as she values me, I treasure her right back.