Jyn

It’s been two weeks since I had Cari, and Noah went back to work today. He didn’t have to, because Ryan offered him all the work-from-home time he needed. Or no work at all, if he wanted that, too. I know he loves being here with us, but I also saw how much he missed being in his office. He lives to create, and while we both acknowledge that our little girl is the best thing we’ve ever created, he needs more. He’d never say it, but I know he does.

My meds and therapy sessions have been doing their intended job, and I’m feeling settled right now. Happy, even. I still have my moments of uncertainty and fear, but it’s hard to feel scared with my daughter in my arms.

She’s so little and perfect, and I love her more than anything except Noah. The chunk of my heart he owns is untouchable, but she has her own little part as well. They happily share the rest.

I’ve changed many a diaper, fed her what feels like tons of breast milk, and dressed her in the cutest outfits. It’s fun, but if I’m being honest with myself, I miss my job too. I’ve never been someone to just hang out and watch TV, or read a book. I like to be on the move, and taking care of issues and problems.

The prospect of four more weeks of nothing is torture. I know better than to ask Kenny to release me early, but I’m going a little stir-crazy. I decide to take Cari outside for some fresh air, because we haven’t really done a lot of that yet. Germs are a scary thing when your baby’s little, but I really can’t take being inside any longer.

I put her stroller together, and get us downstairs with no problem. A quick wave at the guards, and we’re outside by the pool. I put us under a cabana, and pull her next to me on a bed. I switch on the TV, and choose Sesame Street, because I loved it as a kid, and even though she’s tiny, she might absorb some of the messages on there. Or not, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

“Jyn?” Jenysis asks, standing cautiously at the entrance.

“Hi.”

“I saw you coming outside, and wasn’t sure if you needed something.”

“Just fresh air.”

“Do you want some company?”

“Yes. Please. I’m so bored.”

“I can imagine. Cari’s wonderful, but too little to do much with, yeah?”

“Yes. She eats, sleeps, and poops.”

“We’ve all wanted to come hang out with you, but we didn’t know how you were feeling.”

“I’m less of a mess than I was when I gave birth.”

“You had a rough time, and we all get it.”

“Even Darcy?”

“It’s deeper down for her, but yes, she understands. We’ve talked about it.”

“Can I ask you something personal?”

“Since the world knows most of my business, why not?”

Jen is engaged to one of the hottest pop stars in the world. He was wrongly accused of rape last year, and she stood by him, which opened the Princess of Cyndryann up to more scrutiny that most people ever have to face. It’s not Wayne I have questions about, though.

“You grew up with Noah, living like he was almost a brother to you.”

“That’s not a question, but yes. I mean, kind of. He lived with Bray. My family was in another castle on the island until Bray’s dad died. And I was in London for school most of the time.”

“Was it hard when Darcy came back into his life?”

“Well, we did have a sword fight over him, and there was jealousy on both sides, but we got over it.”

“Sword fight?”

“Yes. At the time, I didn’t know she was his sister, so I thought her anger was over Bray. When we all found out, I got it, and did my best to assure her I never wanted to take her place. Noah and I are close as can be, but she’s his sister.”

“That wouldn’t make her more important. It’s almost like he was adopted by Brayden’s family, and you were his family.”

“Maybe if he hadn’t known Darcy was out there, yes. But looking back, I can see how he was always watching for her. Waiting for her to come back.”

“None of you has had things easy.”

“Nope, but that’s not a bad thing. I don’t know if everything would be so good with all of us if it’d been easy.”

“Noah and I have had to work for this.”

“I know, and all I can tell you is it probably won’t be the end of it all.”

“Noah mentioned going to Cyndryann to baptize Cari next month.”

“It’s what the people expect.”

“He’s not a royal, though.”

She wants to say something; I can see it on her face. A range of emotions goes through her eyes, before she finally settles on a smile. A fake smile that’s not fooling me, but I don’t call her on it.

“He’s part of the royal court, and expected to celebrate with us.”

“Should I be scared?”

“Of my father and our people? No. Of Parliament and Bray’s mother? Probably.”

She hangs out with us a little longer, before having to head upstairs to get ready for some volunteer work. We agree to plan a girl’s night for me later this week, with whoever’s available, because she knows I need adult conversation. I feel lighter, but at the same time a new weight drops on me.

There’s a story I don’t know about Noah. It’s about his royal duties, and since no one’s telling me what it is, I can’t help but feel like it’s bad. I can wait a little longer to find out what’s going on, but I won’t wait forever.

* * *

Noah

Ryan sent me back to the construction site when I insisted on coming in to work. I’ll be the first to admit he’s right about this work helping me, because I’ve learned things I couldn’t be taught in school. Manual labor isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s honorable work. These guys are rough, and sometimes crude, but they’re good guys.

“You’re a quick study,” Duane tells me over lunch.

“I always tried to blend in, which meant learning different things.”

“I won’t ask about that, because I’m not a touchy-feely guy, but I’ll say it’s served you well. I haven’t had one complaint about your work, and the guys are growing to respect you.”

“I can actually walk now after a full day here, so I know I’m improving.”

“You could always work here instead of the fancy office, if you wanted to. You’d have to join the union, but I’d help you.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve always dreamed of being an architect.”

“You like to draw, I get it.”

No, he doesn’t. It’s not about drawing, but rather leaving my mark on this world. Buildings may be torn down, but while they stand, they are landmarks. Even the McDonald’s down the street has had a check-in, and a selfie, from at least one person. Great buildings get thousands of pics, and Facebook mentions. It’s always been my dream to stand out—in a good way—and I’ve always loved buildings.

Old buildings that make me feel young, modern masterpieces that make me feel small, and cozy homes that radiate the love of a family. I love them all. Well, maybe not all buildings I see, but buildings are my passion.

The first things I notice when walking into a building are the details. The stairs, the windows, even the light fixtures. I want to be the one to create buildings others look at, and admire, so yeah, no construction job in my future. My dream may not be as carefully planned out as it once was, but it belongs to me, and I don’t want to change anything else about it.

After finishing the day, I head to my SUV, texting to ask Jyn if she wants me to pick up dinner on my way home. She tells me she’s got it covered, which I’ll admit makes me happy, so I drive straight to the apartments.

When I walk into our place, I smell something delicious. “Wow, I could get used to this,” I tell Jyn, hugging her from behind as she stirs something on the stove.

“It’s just a roast,” she says with a smile.

“You cooked it, so it’s not ‘just’ anything.”

“The crock pot cooked it.”

“That looks like homemade gravy to me.”

“Okay, so I made a little of it.”

“You didn’t chop the veggies?”

“Fine, I cooked it. Happy now?”

“So very happy.”

“Don’t expect me to turn into Susie Homemaker.”

“Your name’s not Susie, but what’s so bad about staying home?”

“Seriously? You practically ran from here when I told you it was okay, and you want to know why I can’t just stay home?”

“I have a building to design.”

“I thought you were on the construction crew today.”

“I was, but you know I have to do that for another week, and then I can get back to the C&C building. It’s important.”

“And my job isn’t?”

“My job is giving you a new place to work.”

“Unbelievable.”

She turns off the burner, and drops the spoon she was using on the holder by the stove. When she pushes past me, and moves to the door, I race after her.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you before I say something I just might not regret.”

“Come on, Jyn. You know you don’t have to go back to work. Matt would let you stay here, and you have anything and everything you could want at your fingertips.”

“I want to do my job. I’m damn good at it, and I. Want. To. Do. It.”

“Why? What do you love so much about it?”

“Nothing I want to talk to you about right now. I’m going to go hang out in the game room, if you don’t mind taking care of Cari.”

“Of course I don’t mind taking care of her. I came home with her, after all.”

I know it’s the wrong thing to say, even as I’m saying it. Her eyes flash with more hurt than anger, and I want to drop to my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

“I know,” she says softly, and then she’s gone.

She walks out the door, and a part of me wonders if she’ll be back. A small part, because the rest of me knows she’d never leave Cari, but I can’t say the same about her leaving me. I was honest with her, but she wasn’t ready to hear it. Maybe she’ll never be ready, and maybe I shouldn’t feel the way I do.

I do feel it, though. I felt it before she had our daughter, and as the weeks pass, I feel it even more. I want them both here, in this building, where nothing and no one can hurt them. I know I can’t keep them locked up in a tower, but having Jyn not put herself in danger every day is something I crave. There haven’t been many issues at C&C from what Darcy told me, but there have been some. The mother of my child should never be in danger. It’s not sexist of me, because I don’t mind any other woman doing it, or even my woman having a job. Just not the one she has. Hopefully I can explain it better to her when she gets back.