Julie
I hear hushed voices talking in the room next to me at the hotel: Madrie and her husband. They let me stay in one of the rooms for free for the night. They didn’t seem surprised when I phoned them last night; they even offered to pick me up and help me almost immediately.
I almost cried when I talked to Oliver late last night, but I held my own and kept it in, even when he said my name with all of that hurt wrapped around it. I had to hang up on him before I cracked. This entire week has been so unreal that it hurts my brain to even think about what has happened. I slept with someone I hardly know—let’s start with that. My parents weren’t the greatest people, but I just know my Aunt Shelley is rolling over in her grave knowing that I did something like that. I mean, that isn’t me.
“You want breakfast?” I hear Madrie’s husband, Paul, ask me from outside my closed door. They’ve given me one of the lower-class rooms, which isn’t even lower class at all with the biggest flat-screen TV I have ever seen, the expensive furniture, and oh yeah…
The bed.
The. Bed.
I hardly wanted to get up and I’m sure that if Oliver were here and he had it his way, we wouldn’t get up. It was just that comfortable. We were just that comfortable. Paul knocks when I don’t answer him, but doesn’t try to come in. “Miss Julie? Breakfast?”
I don’t want to keep him waiting and be rude, so I pad across the floor and open the door to greet him with a fake “good morning” smile. I extend my hands and take the tray from him and he nods before walking back down the hallway and out of sight.
I leave the door open as I turn to put the tray down. “Waffles and strawberries, huh?” I hear Brandon say, and I nearly drop the tray as I whirl around to make sure it isn’t him, but of course, he leans in the doorframe of my room.
“What are you doing here?” I squeak and put the tray down on a table. I really miss Oliver now; my stomach starts to drop and I scold myself for not staying put at the cabin with people I’m safe with.
Brandon holds up his hands in surrender. “I come in peace. I’ve been staying here since your boyfriend sent me on my way.”
“Why?” I slowly ask.
“For you, of course.” He doesn’t move, trying to calm me down before I freak out. “Come on, Jules, just hear me out, okay? Look.” He places his hands in his pockets. “I come in peace, really.” My stomach grumbles and I really, really wish Oliver were here already. Brandon tries to nonchalantly look around me into the room to see if Oliver is in there, but gives up when I leap toward him and start to close the door in his face. “Wait.” He pushes the door back toward me a little bit. “Can we just talk?” The look in his eye is so intense that I can’t refuse him, so I stomp toward the bed and don’t say another word as he comes into the room. He shuts the door behind him with a deafening click.
I reach for the coffee Paul brought me.
French vanilla cappuccino.
Brandon looks nervous. “So, where’s your boyfriend?”
I scoff into my cup. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
He nods in relief and throws me a sly smile. “He sure fought for you like he was—maybe someone should tell him that.”
I find myself annoyed as I glare at him. “His name is Oliver and I’m not really sure why you even care.”
Brandon laughs. “Yeah, I know who he is. Oliver Jackson. You might want to get checked out when you get back to the city.” I want to slap his face off, but in all truth, he is right. Oliver is a bit of a playboy—Nora has told me stories about him before this whole trip even happened. I wonder how she knows him, but that isn’t really relevant to me now.
I watch as Brandon joins me on the bed, sitting dangerously close to me, but I don’t think quickly enough to move. “I miss you, Jules. I miss our life together. I miss living with you and waking up with you—”
“You should have thought about that before jumping into bed with Rachel.” I snort. “Didn’t seem like you missed me too much then.”
He takes my hand. “I messed up, okay? I was an idiot then, but I’m better now. I want to be better. You remember what we used to be like, right? We were good in the beginning. We can find our way back there. I can be a better person for you.”
I can’t handle the pressure he’s putting on me. It sounds like he thinks I’m stupid, like I actually think things can be different. Maybe a month ago I would have gone running back to him, but I’m a different person now. Oliver has shown me that I don’t have to be scared to be next to someone. Someone could want to be around me without hurting me. I’d like to say I’m more mature, refined, and just absolutely against anything Brandon stands for.
I still don’t hate him.
But I don’t love him, either.
“You should go,” I whisper as he gets closer to me and takes my hands from my lap. “Oliver is coming to get me.” The way his chestnut hair slicks back toward his neck sickens me. I take a quick look at what our time apart has done to him; his skin is pale and his eyes don’t have the gold flecks in the muddy brown irises anymore. Instead, he’s been replaced by a shell of a person—someone I don’t even recognize.
Brandon smiles at me and touches my cheek. “Well, I’m here now—doesn’t that count for anything?” He kisses the tip of my nose. “I thought you said he isn’t your boyfriend…sure sounds like something a boyfriend would do. I would know.”
“H-He’s not,” I stutter. “P-Please just go.”
Brandon presses his lips to mine and for a moment, it feels good and familiar, like time has stood still and nothing had ever changed between us or gone sour. Before I can squeeze a thought out of my head to stop him, there’s a knock on the door and it opens. Paul, Madrie, and Oliver stand in the doorway, but by the time the door had opened, Brandon had pulled away and now sits next to me with a huge grin on his face. Oliver looks sick as he storms into the room, glaring at the two of us. He looks like he’s ready to kill Brandon.
“I drove three hours for this?” he snaps at me. “For you to show me this?” The panic in his voice saddens me, and I see tears forming in the corners of his eyes as they dart back and forth, first toward Brandon and then toward me.
I say nothing.
“Julie,” he demands. “Answer me.”
My heart breaks down almost instantly. I try to get a grip on my breathing, but I start to hyperventilate and Madrie pushes past Oliver to get to me. “Everyone, get out,” she barks to all the men in the room. “She’s not well enough to hear this fighting.”
Brandon smirks. “Kissing me will do that to any girl.”
Oliver whirls around to look at him, his skin so red I think he’ll burst. “You need to fucking leave before I do something I can be put on trial for, you understand?”
“She wants me here, right, Jules?”
“Trust me, she doesn’t. Like I said, leave.”
Paul chimes in. “I think both of you should leave before I call the police, okay?”
The world closes in on me as Madrie pats my back and I take a deep breath in and let it out. “Everyone just shut up!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “Everyone needs to leave.” When they all look at me in confusion, I scream, “Now!” Paul and Madrie scurry out of the room first.
Brandon and Oliver look at each other and have a silent standoff, waiting for me to turn my back so they can brawl again. “Oliver, you stay,” I say. “Brandon, you leave.” Brandon opens his mouth to refuse, but I glare at him so hard that I think I see fear in his eyes and he quickly leaves Oliver and me in the room, alone.
“Julie?” Oliver says in the smallest voice he could muster. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “I’m fine. What the hell is your problem?”
He cocks his head; he’s taken aback by my sudden boldness. “My prob—what the hell do you mean, my problem? You’re the one who ran away and you’re the one in a hotel room with your ex, waiting for me to pick you up. So, my problem—” His voice grows sad as he walks to me. I hold my palm out against his chest to warn him to keep his distance. “—is you.”
I scoff and stick my bottom lip out in a small pout. “Me? Hardly.”
“Ugh!” he screams into the air. “Let’s just go home.”
I cross my arms. “I don’t want to go back to the cabin. I want to go back to Rockford.”
“I mean home, to Rockford.”
“I live in an opposite world from you.” I swallow, but my throat is dry and my voice cracks. “I think I should just call my brother; he can come pick me up. I’m sure he would love to know that Brandon trailed me here.”
Oliver isn’t having it. “No, I’m already here. I came back for you—what else can I do to get you to trust me?”
I slowly take his hand in mine and his eyes soften, but I know he isn’t going to like what I have to say. “Can you just take me home? To my home?” He nods and squeezes my hand, tugging on it gently so I would follow him out of the room. Brandon’s eyes light up when he sees me, but when he notices Oliver holding my hand and leading me away, they narrow with anger. “You’re leaving with him?” he growls. “I can’t believe this, Jules. You hardly know him! What about me?”
Oliver stops and tugs me behind him. “What about you? You hurt her in so many more ways than one. Did you think I’d let her leave with you?” I grip the back of his shirt tightly. The warmth of his anger reaches my fingertips but it doesn’t scare me.
I gasp a little as Brandon moves toward us, his eyes full of desperation and stretching his neck so he can try and see me. “Jules, please, can I just drive you home? I’ll take you wherever you want to go. I just want to get you alone for a little bit.”
I instantly feel scared, and I can immediately feel Oliver’s body tense and his temper rise. “Get the hell away from her,” he says in a weird tone. “Don’t make me kick your ass again.”
Brandon scoffs. “Dude, try it. I’ll fight for her too.”
I expect Oliver to keep it going, but to my surprise, he laughs. He reaches back and finds my hand clutching his shirt. He tugs it free and laces our fingers together, giving my hand a squeeze to let me know I am safe.
I feel safe.
“I’m not fighting for her,” Oliver says smoothly to his brand-new nemesis. “I’m fighting for us.” He pulls me past Brandon, whose jaw is open wide with shock; he knows he’s just been severely defeated. I can see him quickly trying to find the words to redeem himself, but Oliver has already pulled me out of the lobby and placed me in the front seat of his Jeep before Brandon can even pull himself together. I watch him run out the front doors after us as we speed out of the parking lot. Brandon throws his hands up, no doubt cursing to the chilly lake wind.
I can feel Oliver seething next to me as he slows down a little once we’re far enough away from the hotel and Brandon. His hand finds mine and he pulls it into his lap, caressing my fingers with his thumb but saying nothing to me. He gently pulls my fingers to his lips and kisses them before slowing the Jeep down enough that he can look over at me, his eyes dark and full of sadness. “Are you okay?” he finally asks, and I try my hardest not to melt inside. “I’m sorry I acted like that back there—he just pisses me off so bad.”
I smile at him without realizing what I’m doing. “It’s okay. I’m actually thankful that you showed up.” I figure I’d better not tell him that Brandon kissed me, mainly because I don’t want him seeing red and running the car off the road with us still inside of it. I can tell that the selfishness of me leaving and giving no explanation has taken a toll on him. Maybe he tried to sleep last night like he promised, but his tired eyes tell a different story. “Oliver, I—”
He cuts me off but doesn’t let go of my hand. “You don’t have to explain,” he says in a soft voice and looks over at me briefly. “I just want you to be happy.”
My heart skips a few beats.
“I just want you to know that it’s nothing you’ve done, okay?” I say to him, but I know it doesn’t matter. I’ve ripped his heart into shreds for no good reason.
Okay, maybe one good reason.
We don’t belong together.
“Let me ask you something,” he says to me when we’re nearing the first hour of our trip back to Rockford. “What could I have done differently to keep you? What can I change about myself to make you want to stay with me?”
My stomach sinks onto the floorboard and I clear my throat to stall for a moment so I can think of something to say. “Oliver, we’re just too different, okay? Neither one of us is in a good place in life to be what the other really needs, you know? Brandon messed me up and Heather messed you up—that doesn’t make what we have right.” I look into his eyes and wipe a small tear from my cheek. “I never want you to change, not for me or anyone else.”
He smiles. “But we do have something, right? I’m not going to stop chasing you,” he says to me with no regret in his voice, “you know that, right? I mean, you and me, Julie, we just…fit.”
My voice shakes as I search for the words to say to him. “Oliver, I’m not ready for what you want. I’m not ready to be that for someone.”
“I disagree.” I feel the car come to a stop and he turns his body to look directly into my eyes as the late morning light filters in through the car windows. “I think you’re just scared.” He keeps going before I can argue. “And that’s okay. I’m scared too.”
I can help you carry your things.
His voice from that very first day we met echoes through my head, bouncing off the walls of my skull and taunting me. I don’t like the way he made me feel then, just that one short week ago, and I don’t like the way he makes me feel now. Once we start seeing buildings and actual neighborhoods, my heart sinks a little. I know that our sad car ride will end, he’ll drop me off at home, and I’ll never see him again.
He’ll forget about me.
I watch him weave through the streets until we get to my brother’s house and he slowly parks, making a point to drag the inevitable out. I can hear his labored breathing; he’s trying to think of something to make me stay and I think deep down, I am waiting for that too. He opens his mouth, then closes it, opens it again, and sighs a little too loudly. “I don’t want you to leave me,” he whispers. “Why won’t you just stay?”
My eyes are like magnets to the floor. “Oliver—”
He holds up his hands. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. Can I at least walk you to the door?”
I nod in silence and let myself out of the car. He jumps out and runs around the car, sliding his arm around my waist as we walk to the front door of the house. I see someone look out the front window and realize it’s probably Clyde trying to sneak a peek at us. “Shouldn’t he be in school?” Oliver asks me as we get to the door, his arm still around me.
“He’s gifted…he goes to boarding school ten months out of the year.” I hope Clyde isn’t snooping so much that he’s listening on the other side of the door.
Oliver doesn’t speak when he lets go of my waist. His arms drop to his sides, like he’s unable to decide what exactly he wants to do with them. “I guess this is goodbye,” he says. “Although it’s the shittiest goodbye in the history of goodbyes.”
I giggle. “It doesn’t have to be a total goodbye.”
His eye light up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah? But I thought you said—”
Before I can control myself, I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips against his cheek, nearly missing his mouth. He wants to touch me, I can feel it, but he refrains and lets me lower myself back down to look up at him with wide eyes. “I know what I said. Just give me some time, okay?”
I don’t wait for him to answer before I check the doorknob to make sure it’s unlocked and slip through the front door, shutting it behind me. I collapse on the floor, weak and unsure about every single thing in life at that moment.
“I’m in love with you, Julie.” I hear his desperation from the other side of the door.
Crap.