They reached home after dark.

After they fed Anika, they had dinner. Later, putting their sleeping daughter in the cradle, they lay quietly next to each other on the bed.

Ajay broke the silence. “I wasn’t upset with you, Sia,” he said quietly.

“I know,” she replied. “And I also know that today’s visit made us recall our pasts.”

“Yes it did. But I was more worried about you,” he said. “I saw how the people in the village were watching you. They looked like they wanted to hurt you.”

“There was security, Ajay. I don’t think anyone would have dared. And even if they had tried something, they wouldn’t have succeeded.”

He turned towards her. “Sia,” he said, urgently. “The security was mostly for your uncle. And they would have been useless if someone was really determined to hurt you.”

“Ajay, please. I know you are worried. But, can we not talk about my uncle, or anything related to him right now?” she requested.

Ajay remained quiet. And then, he sighed. “You are right,” he said.

Then there was another stretch of silence.

“We should talk,” he said. “About things that make us happy. You know what part of the past I’d rather remember and talk about?” he asked.

“Tell me,” she said. She was glad he was providing them both with a distraction from the otherwise morbid thoughts.

“The first time we saw each other as adults,” he said. There was a small smile on his face along with a hint of a dimple.

“Oh yeah? When was that?” she asked softly, even though every interaction with him was stamped into her brain.

He smiled. “At the gym,” he replied.

She returned his smile while recalling their interaction, and her reaction to him.

“The first time I saw you, I knew I had to make you mine,” he said.

“Tell me more,” she said as she moved closer and rested her head against his chest as she listened to him talk.

“I never felt that way before about anyone,” he said. His deep voice rumbled under her ears. “I still remember how beautiful you looked in your sportswear. You were sweaty and had no makeup on, but I was more than just fascinated by you.”

“And I remember you being shirtless and sweaty yourself,” she teased.

He wrapped his arms around her; enclosing her, and making her feel safe.

“I know all of our interactions were pre-meditated and messed up. But you know what?” he asked.

She lifted her head to look at him watching her with an earnest look on his face. “I wouldn’t change a thing about what happened between us. Because without it, we wouldn’t have had Anika.

She felt torn with conflicted feelings. “I don’t regret her either, Ajay. But I’ll also never forgive myself for deliberately getting impregnated by you.”

He removed the arms from around her and held her face in both his hands. “I want you to know something,” he said, all the laughter and lighthearted manner gone. “I need you to know that I forgave you for that. In fact, quite a long time ago. And most importantly, the hate I had towards you... it wasn’t there the night we made Anika.”

Ajay’s words began to have a healing effect on her.

“You were the only woman I wanted and needed that night. And not just then, but even now,” he said. “And when I say need, I mean it. I need you and want you by my side. And I know that having someone as brave as you by my side, I can face anything.”

She recalled the time he had called her brave before. “I’m not that strong or brave,” she said as her eyes blurred with unshed tears.

“Believe me, Sia. You are. The things you had to face, the things you endured, it would have broken most people. But here you are, still fighting.”

Sia’s throat constricted with emotion.

“Baby, all I’m saying is... I want to be fighting alongside you,” he said softly.

She nodded and moved up to kiss him. He parted her lips with his tongue and kissed her back. Soon her heart began to pound and a strong need rose within her.

He seemed to sense it too. Because he pulled away slightly and move his mouth lower.

She moaned as she held him closer.

“Tell me what you need,” he demanded huskily, grazing his lips over the sensitive skin of her neck.

She closed her eyes as she shivered. What did she need?

“I need you,” she whispered. “I need you to bring me peace. Even if it’s just for a while.”

She felt his lips leave her neck to cover her mouth. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, kissing him like it was the last time they would touch each other.

He kissed her with urgency, like he was going to devour her, and like he wanted them to be one. His hands were everywhere, firm, insistent, seeking and demanding as she melted into him with her heart pounding wildly.

She reached out a hand towards his, to link their fingers, and then squeezed them tight. She felt herself transported to the time when they were lost in each other’s world during the later months of her pregnancy.

They kept their eyes open and on each other, as they conveyed a message that no one else apart from them understood. He was the one person in the world with whom she felt a deep connection to.

She knew she didn’t deserve someone like him, but he was there with her, and he loved her. He was all hers.

She reached between them to tug his sleep shorts, needing more, but he pulled away, shaking his head slightly. “Wait,” he said as he sat up and began to tug her nightdress.

When she was nearly naked, she tried to pull a bedcover on top of her healing body that still showed signs of a recent birth. He stopped her, firmly brushing away her hand holding the covers.

He held her gaze with a tender look. “You are beautiful,” he said, running his fingers over the slightly marred flesh near her stomach. “All of you.”

She bit back tears as he lowered his mouth to her stomach and started kissing her. She knew he should hate her, he should find her loathsome, but he didn’t.

“Tell me,” he asked between kisses. “What do you feel?”

“I feel guilty,” she confessed. “I feel like I don’t deserve you.”

He trailed his kisses lower, to her hip, to her thigh. She gasped as he pushed aside her panties and placed his mouth on her most sensitive part and kissed her. It has been weeks upon weeks since they had even touched in such a way. Mostly because she had been too raw, emotionally and physically due to the birth of their child.

But now, she gripped her hands in his hair, pulling him closer as he continued to work his mouth and tongue over her. It felt so good, she felt like she would come in just a few seconds.

“Oh god,” she whispered, her hips moving involuntarily as her entire body felt like it was strung so tight that she might snap any moment.

He took his mouth away briefly to get rid of her panties, sliding them down and throwing them aside with rest of her clothes. He used both his hands to push her thighs as wide as possible before resuming his worship of her body.

She began panting loudly; feeling so close to the edge that she could hardly bear his tongue. It felt so good that it almost hurt.

Maybe he sensed that she was close, and he began to move his tongue faster. He held her hips in a painful grip that added to the already intense feeling.

And then, she let go. She saw stars as she came hard in one big explosion. Her breath caught in her lungs as she squeezed her eyes shut while her entire body shook. She felt the lightness, and then the pure, unadulterated relief. She knew that it was only a temporary relief, and that sooner or later, all the problems will be back to weigh her down.

But she had needed this release very badly.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and he was there, waiting, and watching her. She smiled at him, pulling him down on top of her, until he fell, and then kissed him deeply.

“Tell me what else you want,” he asked between feverish kisses.

She could feel his hardness as it pressed into her stomach. “You. I only want you,” she murmured, moving her hands to remove his sleep shorts once again.

This time he didn’t stop her. He held himself slightly higher, aiding her frantic movements as she opened his shorts, and then pushed them down with her hands and feet, taking his boxers along. And then, taking his hard length into her hand, she pulled him even closer.

He hovered at her entrance, one hand tugging her hair back until she focused her eyes completely on him. “I love you,” he declared, before pushing into her, filling her so completely that it almost hurt.

She cried out against his mouth once at the intense pleasure pain. And then, they kissed frantically again. It was a desperate exchange between two lovers who were kept apart for too long. She dug her nails into his back, and his fingers held her hips in a firm grip. He kept moving as though he couldn’t get deep enough, or close enough. His movements became harsh, frantic, emitting an involuntary cry from her.

He slowed down briefly. “You want me to stop?” he asked while panting out loud.

She shook her head emphatically. “Don’t stop,” she gasped. “And don’t be gentle. Please, I need it.”

His eyes were watching her with a mixture of lust, concern and possessiveness.

He began to move in deep and steady strokes. “I almost lost you once. I told you I can’t go through that feeling once again. Promise me you’ll be safe,” he demanded as he pressed his forehead to hers.

She didn’t want to think of anything. But she knew he had been worried about her since that morning. She also knew he wanted to hear the words that she wouldn’t do anything risky. But she couldn’t lie to him. So she gave him the truth. “I wish I could,” she whispered. “I wish I could be the wife you deserved or the mother our daughter deserves. I wish I wasn’t... this,” she said with a broken voice.

He lifted his head and watched her face. “Sia,” he rasped, still moving in deep with steady strokes. “When this is all over, I promise you that we are going to have more children. We’ll have movie nights, picnics and a lot more. Our house will be the noisiest and the busiest house. The kids and I will nag you so much for each and everything that you’ll wonder what you did to deserve such husband or children.”

She laughed, even though she felt like crying. Because she craved that picture he painted so very much. “I won’t mind,” she replied, pulling him down to meet her mouth once again.

 

* * *

 

Much later, after he satisfied her in ways only he could ever do, they lay next to each other facing one another. He held her hand, and slowly pulled it towards him to kiss her wrist.

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Sure.”

“Why did you try to kill yourself?” he asked, tracing the faint silver lines where she had slashed her wrist when she was young.

She had been too young. Maybe thirteen or fourteen, and she wasn’t into drugs at that time. So she tried to end her misery by doing a half-assed job of slashing her wrist. She didn’t try again because all she got was a long lecture from her aunt about how disappointed she was with her action, and that it was an extremely ungrateful act.

She contemplated whether to tell him the truth or not. Then she decided to answer him truthfully. “I was tired of feeling helpless due to my recurring nightmares and depression along with extreme paranoia. I tried to end it the only way I knew at that time.”

“Do you still feel that way?” he asked.

“Sometimes,” she replied honestly to him. “But I can control those thoughts and urges better than before. And now, with Anika and you in my life, I don’t feel the same kind of hopelessness as before.”

He squeezed her arm reassuringly.

They had been intimate in every possible way, but they still held a lot of secrets from one another. It wasn’t very fair, but she wanted him to bare all his secrets to her, even though she wasn’t willing to do the same with him.

“Can I ask you something?” she said.

“Anything,” he replied.

“Do you still blame me for your mother’s death?” she asked. She knew that for the longest time he did. And that feeling couldn’t have magically disappeared within a few months.

He was quiet for a couple of seconds before he answered. “No. I don’t blame you anymore,” he said.

“Why not? Even if I had been speaking the truth at that time, the primary reason for your mother’s death is still me.”

“No,” he said immediately. “The reason for my mother’s death was her own decision.”

There was anger in his voice as he said that. But she realized that the anger was not directed towards her. It was at his mother.

“Are you still angry with your mother for having taken that decision?” she asked softly.

His jaw was clenched tight, until she placed a comforting hand on his cheek.

“I know it’s stupid to be angry with her for so long, but I feel justified,” he said.

She didn’t say anything. She offered comfort through her silence and encouraged him to speak his heart.

“Unlike your parents, my mother left me by choice. She knew I had no one apart from her, but she left me all the same. She left me with nothing but this anger for her.”

“No, you rose above it, Ajay. You made your own relationships with people who are now your friends and family.”

The tension on his face slowly faded, until he smiled. “Believe me; I didn’t make it easy for them to do so. Pissed off twelve year olds are a pain in the butt. I was an asshole to Colonel, Harsha and Jo. Until they wore my anger down and forced me to let them in.”

“Tell me about it,” she said, wanting to know more of his life.

His eyes shone with heat. “I would love to. But first, I need to be inside you again.”

Rest of the night, he took her to the unimaginable heights with him. In between breaks, he told her about his life at the orphanage, and then about his life after getting adopted by the Colonel.

Much later that night, they fell asleep, exhausted and wrapped around each other.