Eighteen Months Ago

 

“The only way I can move forward—is when I go back and face my past.”

 

Ajay was at a gym, lifting weights.

It was very quiet, owing to the fact that it was an ungodly hour in the morning.

His eyes took in the unfamiliar place that was a good one hour away from his home. It was his first time here. Only because he didn’t really see the need to exercise outside his perfectly functioning gym at his apartment. But he wasn’t here for the exercise. He was here—for her.

Sia.

Birth name, Dharini.

Twenty four years old and the sole heiress to Blush Enterprises Ltd.

Also his long time obsession.

He had been tracking her movements for a while. Fifteen years to be exact. Long enough for him to know most aspects of her life.

He had tracked her through her social media accounts, her work email, her personal email, as well as through some of the camera footage at her Boston home and office.

He knew it was illegal to be cyber-stalking her that way. He had already gotten into trouble with the law as a teen, when he had hacked into a popular social media server to track her movements through her account.

But luckily, he was let go with a warning due to his age, and also due to the Colonel’s contacts.

But that hadn’t stopped him. It only made him think of smarter ways to hack into systems without getting caught. He had been succeeding pretty well so far.

He wasn’t proud of it. Because he knew, it had become some kind of sickness within.

Whenever he pushed the limits by breaking into private networks, Harsha had begged him repeatedly to give up on the obsession.

 

“Jay, please,” Harsha urged. “Stop! Why are you so determined to ruin your life?”

“I can’t Harsha. I have to know how the girl who had ruined my life is faring. I have to know whether she is happy, while I lost the most important person in my life because of her. I just have to,” he said.

In his mind, it was a strong enough reason to drive him into the darkness, but Harsha thought otherwise.

“She was a small child when she told that lie, Jay. You need to get over it, and also get over her. You can’t take any risks like the last time. My father might not be able to get you out of jail again.”

“I know all that,” Ajay replied, feeling torn and helpless as always when it came to her. “Look at her.” He pointed at the screen that displayed a girl’s picture at a party with a drink in her hands and white powder coating her nose. “Unlike my mother, that girl is still alive. She has everything handed to her. And what is she doing with her life? Just drinking and doing drugs. How can I ever forgive someone like her?”

 

With arguments like that, Harsha couldn’t stop him from continuing to follow Sia’s life.

Years passed, and he still kept tracking her movements. With each year, his sickness and obsession towards her only grew further. Until it was put to a stop when she turned her life around.

That was three years ago.

Suddenly, there were no pictures of alcohol or drugs filled parties. Instead she was working at her mother’s company and getting appreciation emails and awards.

He felt cheated. He had wanted her to continue in the path of destruction, until she felt helpless and desolate, and maybe until she eventually took her own life.

Just like his mother had.

However, that new phase of Sia’s life wasn’t a temporary one. It continued long enough, until his feelings towards her slowly morphed into something complicated. They were a combination of admiration and resentment.

She had become his daydream and his nightmare.

She had become his fantasy and his darkest desire.

But no matter what, his obsession remained constant.

And now, the object of his obsession was close.

A month ago, when he had found out that Sia was going to come back to India, he knew that he had to see her. It would be the first time he’d be seeing her in person as an adult. The last time they had met—was when they were children, and her presence had barely registered in his mind.

Ajay continued to lift the heavy weights while he looked towards the second level of the gym. He knew Sia would be practicing kick boxing there.

This particular gym specialized in it. Kickboxing was one thing Sia did religiously most of the days when she had begun to learn various self-defense techniques since she was thirteen.

He knew she would want to practice kickboxing even though she was extremely busy during most of the day. And so, he had ‘suggested’ the gym the night before on her phone browser results.

Hacking into her phone had also enabled him to track her exact location. He had installed a simple app on his phone that displayed a small red dot on the map of the city. Currently, he knew the red dot would indicate that she was only a hundred feet away from him, but on the top floor.

He put the weights aside. Then wiping the sweat off his face and neck, he grabbed his water bottle and workout bag, before heading upstairs to the second level.

 

* * *

 

It was relatively quiet when he approached the top of the stairs. All he could hear were the sounds of someone punching a heavy bag systematically.

Hate and obsession swirled within him, consuming every cell in his body as he got closer to his target.

He couldn’t understand why he felt so overwhelmed.

He had the power. He held all the cards. Yet when he went towards her, he felt out of control as his feelings intensified.

As soon as he reached on the second floor, he saw her.

He couldn’t see her face as she was turned the other way. But he knew how she looked. The high cheekbones, the gentle slope of her nose, the soft plump lips—he knew them all quite well. He knew every feature of her face because he had watched her for enough years to be able to even dream about her.

He had seen her face several times, first in the pictures, and then, in the videos. He had watched those blank eyes turn cold and hard over the years. He had watched the short, sleazy dresses she wore during her teens, become simple and classy dresses and suits.

But one thing that had remained constant all through the years was that she had always looked untouchable.

Not that it had stopped him from wanting what he craved. He had wanted to touch. Very badly. And it wasn’t just to wrap his hands around her neck to end it all.

He had dreamt of touching her in different ways. The kind that disturbed him immensely.

She was his beautiful monster, who had no idea how much of her presence existed in his own life.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly released it. And then took a deeper one. And then, another one. He continued taking deep breaths, until he could calm down, enough to slip into his normal self.

You are over-thinking this. She’s just like any other woman. See her and talk to her. And then, get her out of your system to move on.

After that self-pep talk, he went closer. “Need help holding the bag still?” he asked, trying to draw her attention away from the punching bag.

She swung towards him, and almost broke his jaw as her response to his question.

He found it mildly funny. Only because he supposed it was an apt response to a crazy obsessed stalker like him.

“Whoa, whoa, easy, lady!” He laughed with self depreciation.

He shook his head at the absurdity of the whole situation.

Harsha was right.

Despite a tragic incident in his childhood, there were people in is life who loved him. He had met with a good amount of success in his life too, so far. Then why the hell was he risking all of that for a girl who did something to him many, many years ago?

He knew he should leave. And he would, as soon as he was done fixing her phone that broke because he had startled her. He picked up the broken pieces of the phone and began fixing it immediately.

He realized hopelessly that he was doing it because he didn’t want her getting a new one. Because getting a new one would mean not being able to keep a tab on her for another day or two.

He wanted to get rid of his addiction, but he had to do it slowly. He couldn’t completely cut her off immediately. Because that would only lead to withdrawal.

He continued working on her phone. And even with his head bent down, he could literally feel her heated gaze on him.

His body responded immediately.

“Like what you see?” he asked, and felt her stiffen immediately in front of him. He didn’t know why he had taunted her.

Maybe because he was embarrassed. Despite his hate for her, she was still able to bring out some kind of raw, animalistic response from his body.

“I think I can fix my phone by myself,” she stated coolly.

“I’m almost done. This is a newer model, so there are smaller parts that need to be placed in the right sequence. And besides, I caused you to drop it in the first place.”

“True. But you have already done enough damage. Maybe next time, you should stop and think before sneaking up on the gym members, especially this early in the morning.”

Her icy, stern comeback finally drew his attention to her face. He hadn’t wanted to look at her too closely in person. Mostly because he thought he would be disappointed with the indifferent look she would direct towards him.

Like he was nobody to her.

Like their lives hadn’t intertwined in the most tragic way.

But she didn’t look at him indifferently. Her intense gaze lit him on fire in a way he had never experienced before.

It took him a while to come out of his hate-filled fog, and register what she looked like in person. And then, just like that, the time simply stopped as he held his breath.

The woman in front of him might be his worst nightmare, but she was wrapped in perfection. She was also more beautiful than he could ever imagine. Including his dreams.

The pictures and videos of her could not replicate the natural regal aura that was around her. Even in her workout clothes and with her face bare of any make-up, her beauty hit him like a punch.

It was a huge mistake to see her in person.

Even by just looking at her pictures and videos, he hadn’t been able to manage to distance himself emotionally. And now, in person, up close, she simply took his breath away.

He had never wanted to touch someone as much as he did at that moment.

Several thoughts raced through his mind.

He thought about various consequences of his actions, along with various scenarios that could happen between them. He knew what was right and what was wrong. He also knew he should stay away.

It was the right thing to do. And he had even promised himself.

But he just—couldn’t.

You hate her!

But I want her.

You need to forget about her!

I can’t.

His rational mind warred with the madness.

And as usual, when it came to her... his madness won.

 

* * *

 

The madness continued to rule him as he arranged more ‘accidental’ meetings. It continued as he met her ‘accidentally’ in front of his apartments, at the restaurant, and then, at his office.

He began tweaking her search results in her browser and put entries that suited him. He just had to see her. Be in her proximity as much as possible.

He hadn’t known at that time that it wasn’t just hate and unfulfilled desire driving him. There was something else into play.

Each time he met with her, everything stopped—the time, the ability to breathe normally, his whole world.

And even though there was no emotion in her expression, and she was as cold as the arctic winter, she still had the ability to move him.

During one of his meetings with the Colonel, he confessed about meeting the girl who was responsible for his mother’s death. The Colonel had sensed a friction between Harsha and him. And when the Colonel questioned him, he had given him the partial truth.

“Are you sure it’s hate that’s making you obsess about that girl like this, Jay?” the Colonel enquired while watching with his shrewd gaze.

“Yes. How can you think otherwise? Her lies ruined my life!”

The Colonel simply gave him a long meaningful look. “Hmm. I see. But you must also know that hating someone feels very similar to loving someone.”

“What?” He let out a snort of disbelief.

“It does, Jay” the Colonel stated calmly. “I have hated a few people in my life, and I have also loved some. The feelings I had towards both sets of people were the same.”

Still watching the Colonel with a look of disbelief, he listened as the Colonel continued talking. “The symptoms of loving and hating someone are the same too. For example, the stomach twists at the thought of them. The heart beats faster at the thought of them. They make you lose sleep and appetite at the thought of them. And during every interaction with them, you lose control of your mind and body. You’d be so consumed by them that you cannot think of anything but them.”

The Colonel eyed him with an intense look. “Do you feel that way about her, Jay?”

There was no answer. He couldn’t answer. He was shocked. Because whatever the Colonel had said was all true. He felt all those things towards Sia. But it had to be hate that was driving him. It just had to be. Because the other option was simply unacceptable.

He knew he needed to step out of the mess he was creating before she completely ruined him. He also knew that she had a serious agenda against the Naidu Estate and family that would blow up eventually.

His madness had to stop.

He didn’t even know her. At least not in the way, it actually mattered. All he knew was that Sia was a woman driven by a need for revenge. She was the kind who wouldn’t care who got destroyed in the process.

And she’d destroy even him quite easily without batting an eyelid. She would stop at nothing to bring her retribution to an end.

He knew all of that, but it did not in any way reduce his fascination towards her.

Maybe because deep inside, he knew he couldn’t blame her. She actually believed she was wronged.

The rational part of the mind didn’t agree with his reasoning. It said that even if her cousin had done the things she had accused him of, it was her problem. Not his. He could only sympathize. The sensible thing for him to do was to end the association he had with her. He could disappear completely from her life.

If only he had his usual willpower when it came to her.

Harsha was worried more than before regarding where the obsession would lead. “What the hell are you doing, Jay?” Harsha raged at him for the first time.

Sia had just left their office building. The app on the phone showed that she was already in the parking lot and was driving away.

Harsha saw it and was even more pissed. “Are you mad, Jay? You told me recently that you weren’t out to destroy her for a mistake she did when she was a small girl.”

Not removing his eyes from the tracker, Ajay replied calmly. “That’s still true.”

“Then why was she here? I know it had something to do with you. You must have led her here.”

Ajay didn’t deny the fact.

“Where is this leading to, Jay? I have the right to know. Especially since you have involved our company into your personal revenge.”

Ajay tore his eyes away from his mobile screen and looked at his best friend who had been more like a brother since childhood. “I like her,” he said simply.

Harsha was stunned. “What?”

Ajay shrugged, even though he knew he was oversimplifying it by telling Harsha that his feelings towards Sia was merely—like.

“You already know that I’ve met her a few times and spoken to her. And now, I happen to like her. I want to pursue her seriously.”

The look of disbelief remained on Harsha’s face. “Are you mad, Jay?” Harsha was agitated. “She isn’t some random beautiful chick you saw and developed a liking to. You know damn well it can never work out between the two of you.”

“Why?”

Harsha let out a disbelieving laugh. “Why? Because you spent more than a bloody decade trying to destroy her! And now, all of a sudden, you think those feelings are overshadowed by the liking you took to her?”

“Yes.”

Harsha shook his head at the calm reply. “What makes you think she is the kind to reciprocate your feelings? I have watched you track her movements over the years. You know she isn’t the kind to commit to anyone.”

Ajay didn’t comment or reply this time. Because Harsha had spoken the truth when it came to Sia’s interactions with other men in her life.

 “Promise me something, Jay,” Harsha urged. “If she doesn’t commit to you or want you around her, will you promise to let her go, and move on with your life?”

There was silence in the room. Because Ajay knew Sia was the kind to have one night stands and move on with her life. But for some reason, he foolishly felt that she would be different with him. Maybe because he saw something in her eyes that made him feel like she felt connected to him as well.

So, he made a promise to his friend. “Okay. I promise.” 

 

* * *

 

He held true to his promise—by leaving her alone when she rejected him after she had invited him to her home on the pretext of some maintenance work, when there was none.

But after a couple of weeks, when she approached him at the club, and asked him to take her to his place for the night, he knew. He knew that he had both won and also lost the game with her.

Their coming together was mind blowing.

It was beyond what he had ever imagined.

And later, when he pulled her naked body close to his after the first round of passion, it struck him hard. “My god, I finally have her,” he thought for the hundredth time since that evening.

He held her to him, gripping her hard and then inhaled sharply from the feel of her against him. She tried squirming away while feeding him some bullshit lines about having to leave early.

He could see it in her face that she felt as strongly about him as he did about her. He could also see that it scared her the same way as it scared him.

He didn’t let her go.

He sat up on the bed, and brought his mouth closer, and began to move his lips along her arm, causing goosebumps in his wake. “Who said we are done?” he asked huskily. “We just got started.”

Pulling away, she broke free. She gave him a few lame excuses about wanting to be clean and fled into his bathroom.

He wasn’t upset. He grinned as a strange euphoria took over his body.

He chased her inside the bathroom. She was stunned and pissed. But the yearning inside her eyes drove him on.  

As soon as he opened the shower door, she dug her nails into his arms and pulled him closer.  “My turn to be on top,” she said, challenging him further.

When it came to her, he was definitely up for anything.

Twisting their bodies, he placed his back against the bathroom tiles, with her legs wrapped around him. He joined their mouths and aligned their bodies together.

The water from the shower above trickled between their lips, making their kisses wetter. Soon, she positioned herself on top of him and willed him to move.

And move—he did.

He thrust hard, making them both groan in ecstasy.

He didn’t stop, even when he was driven insane at the feel and sounds of their slick bodies beating against each other, or even when he felt the heavy weight of her breasts bouncing against his face with each hard thrust.

Her moans echoed inside the small shower cubicle, and also inside his head as he took her like a savage primitive.

He couldn’t help it. He had become insanely hungry for her. Not just for her body. He wanted to claim each and every part of her as his own. He wanted her to belong to him completely.

It was already happening. He could feel the connection strengthen between them. But she put up a fight.

After they had both climaxed, she pulled away from him and frowned. She also looked at him haughtily to intimidate him. But it didn’t work.

Amused, and also still wildly excited, he simply picked her and threw her on the bed.

It was a battle of wills, but they both ended up being the winners.

They had sex multiple times and in various positions. He pushed her to the limits, until she begged him with her body to give her what she craved.

Much later that night, even as she lay exhausted on the bed, and even though he knew he should let her be, he still couldn’t help but raise her leg slightly to push inside her from behind. The need to be a part of her, and bond them intimately, drove him that night.

He kissed behind her ear gently. “I know you must be tired.  Are you hungry too? I can get you something to eat,” he offered.

“No, don’t leave. I’m not hungry,” she moaned, her internal muscles clutching him. But her stomach rumbled audibly.

He laughed and groaned at the same time, and then gently pulled out of her. She whipped around and held his arms with a death grip, pulling him closer. She didn’t say the words, but she wanted him close to her.

He kissed her lips hard before gently pushing her hands away. “Just rest for a few minutes until I get us something to eat. You need food and energy.” He smiled wickedly at her. “Only because I’m not done with you, yet. We’ll eat, sleep and then pick it up again in the morning,” he promised as he stood.

He quickly put together a few sandwiches. And then, when they finished eating and he cleared up, he made love to her both passionately and tenderly. He drove her and himself crazy. He was determined to show her that it wasn’t simply animal sex driven by attraction between them. It was more.

And when she collapsed in exhaustion, he held her in his arms. He fell asleep that way, with his arms wrapped around her body. His mind finally at peace.

He was right where he belonged.

 

* * *

 

By the time he woke up the next day, she was gone.

She had ended their brief relationship—if he could even call it that—abruptly with an offhand letter.

He was furious, and wanted to storm into her house, and demand an explanation.

But he remembered his promise to Harsha, and also to himself. However, even that promise didn’t stop him from checking up on her multiple times.

Sia looked sad. She looked devastated too. Or so he thought. Because two days later, she spent the night in another man’s house.

He went insane. His mind filled up with unholy thoughts that took away his peace of mind.

Was she letting that man touch her the way she had let me?

Was that man worshipping the body that belongs to me?

He couldn’t function with such thoughts.

“What have I become?” he wondered.

He had turned into a crazed psychotic stalker.

He knew it. But he still waited outside the man’s house, until Sia came out a couple of hours later, along with a tall man.

He noticed that Sia and the man barely touched. In fact they stood a couple of feet away from each other. Not something typical lovers did after spending the night together.

Sia wasn’t sleeping with that man.

As soon as those words processed in his brain, he felt relieved. It lasted only for a second. Then anger hit him hard.

Why the hell should I care how and with whom she spent her days or nights with!?

She had made her intentions quite clear in the fucking dismissive letter she wrote to me.

He was done with her!

With that firm resolution, he drove away from there. He didn’t look for her again, or even bother to check on her. Sia didn’t ask for him on the professional front either. Any security questions she had, she dealt with one of his managers directly.

He didn’t care. He was finally moving on.

Or so he thought.

Because nothing could get him out of the blues. Nothing could eliminate the gnawing pain in his chest. And apparently, it didn’t go unnoticed by people around him.

“Jay, you look quite... ill. But more than a physical ailment, you look like you got your heart broken,” Jo’s mother remarked gently during one of the family dinners he was invited to every week.

Was that what he felt? Heartbreak?

He didn’t know what it was, but it was ruining him. After a few weeks of living through the numbness, the only thing that surprised him and shocked him was Jo’s marriage proposal.

“Will you marry me, Jay?” Jo asked softly, when they sat under the gazebo in her garden.

He was so stunned that it took him a few seconds to formulate a reply. “Jo... I know you are shaken by what we found out about that potential suitor. But there will be better suited—”

“No, Jay. It’s not because there aren’t suitable men out there. I want you as my life partner,” she said. She shocked him further by holding his hand and uttering the words he had no clue about. “I have always wanted to be with you, Jay. Right from the time we met,” Jo confessed to him.

Jo and he had met when they were children. They both had been nearly eleven. Harsha and she were one of the best friends anyone could ever have.

He still recalled the day he met her for the first time.

 

Fourteen years ago

 

It was his eleventh birthday and he didn’t have a reason to celebrate.

After staying in and out of the boy’s orphanage, the Colonel had brought him home and began the proceedings to adopt him legally. But he didn’t want another family. He wanted his mother back. Even though he knew it was not possible.

When his mother had killed herself, she had left no money. She had no family he could turn to. And she also did not leave any last words for her only child. What she left him was a shit load of anger.

“Friends? Why the hell should I have any friends?” he grumbled as he sat alone in a secluded spot within the garden at the Colonel’s house.

A few minutes before, Harsha had come to him to let him know that the Colonel was planning a small birthday party for him. To introduce him to the neighbors and friends.

“I prefer to be left alone,” he snapped at Harsha. But Harsha continued to bug him and tried to build his enthusiasm for the party. Luckily Harsha had to leave when he was called by the Colonel.

Taking that opportunity, he slipped further away into the garden. He didn’t know how long he was hiding in the secret nook in the garden, until someone invaded his space.

“Hello,” a cheerful voice of a girl greeted.

“Go away,” he snarled, not bothering to look at the person.

But that silly girl still came closer and sat next to him on the dirt.             

“Are you the boy who lost his mother?” she asked.

Unable to contain his rage, he turned and glared at her. But the girl didn’t flinch. Her softly rounded face held a look of curiosity and innocence.

He couldn’t form any words. Because she reminded him of that other girl who had killed his mother and destroyed his life.

“You were crying,” she remarked softly, and pulled out a piece of cloth from her pocket.

He flinched when the girl lifted a clean smelling fragrant cloth to his face and carefully wiped the tears from his face. Her kindness was so unexpected that he didn’t know how to respond.

He hated all girls because of what that other girl had done with her lies. But this one seemed different. She folded her legs together and sat right next to him.

“Ma told me that you will be living in the Colonel’s house from now on. And that you will be my friend along with Harsha,” she said excitedly.

That enraged him again. “I’m not going to be a girl’s friend. They are all liars!” he shouted and shoved her away from him.

With a cry, she fell down and stayed cowering on the ground next to him, looking at his face with her widened eyes.

His face felt hot with anger, and he bared his teeth at her. “Get out of here. I don’t need any friends. Especially lying girls,” he growled.

She scrambled away from him and got up. She threw him a hurt look. “I’m not a liar,” she said, before running away from him.

Much later, he had expected her to tattle about how he had shoved her to the ground, but she hadn’t. In fact she came to him more often, always extending her friendship with a smile.

He growled and he raged, until he finally caved and agreed to be her friend.

She wasn’t like that other girl. Jo never lied.

 

Since then, Jo had become his best friend along with Harsha. The three of them always got into scrapes and other adventures together. He re-discovered the sense of belonging with them, along with Jo’s family and the Colonel.

He loved Jo. But he didn’t know if it came close to how he felt about Sia.

“But, Jo. I’ve never thought of us in those terms,” he told her gently.

Jo’s face fell. “You don’t find me attractive?”

“You are beautiful, Jo. Stunning even. And you know that already, especially considering how many guys Harsha and I had to scare off from you over the years.”

“Then why not, Jay? Not everyone is attracted to each other instantly. You can know someone for years and see them differently at a certain point in life,” she said.

Jo was right. That’s how it was with Sia. He hated her at first. And now—

“We already have what it takes for a successful marriage, Jay. We are best friends and we have the same future aspirations. What more can anyone want? I’ve heard that most couples don’t even have that. Even after years of marriage.”

He didn’t reply. He felt torn.

“You don’t have to answer me right away, Jay. Whatever you decide will be fine with me,” Jo said with an uncertain look that tugged on his heart.

“I will give this a serious thought Jo,” he promised.

Over the next few days, he voiced more doubts about being with Jo. But Jo made several arguments against all of those. She was being practical and convincing enough that he kind of agreed with everything she said.

But he also knew it wasn’t fair to Jo, especially when his mind was still consumed by another woman. When he told Jo that, she asked him point blank. “Jay, are there any chances that you will get back with Sia again?”

He didn’t have to think. “No.”

“Then I see no reason why a past infatuation should come between us,” she said.

When he didn’t reply, she continued with the most convincing argument. “Remember how you told me one day that you wanted a family of your own? Children and relatives that were bound to you by blood and law? You can have all that, Jay. My family already loves you.”

Jo was right. He had always craved for a family of his own. At twenty-five, he was still young, and getting married a few years earlier than he had planned wasn’t that big of an issue. He was determined to squash all the doubts from his mind. He was determined to put a happy smile on his best friend’s face.

“Okay, Jo. Let’s do it. Let’s get married,” he declared.

A radiant smile broke on Jo’s face and she hugged him. “My parents and grandmother are going to be so so happy, Jay,” she said.

He smiled and kissed her forehead like always, in affection.

“Let’s go and surprise them all with the news,” Jo exclaimed in excitement.

As expected, the Colonel and Jo’s family were thrilled with the news. Or so he thought. Because a few days later, Jo’s mother met him privately at his apartment.

“Jay, I know there is someone else in your life. Someone that broke your heart.”

He was taken aback by Jo’s mother’s words. He supposed he did look like a man whose heart was broken. Especially with a couple of week’s worth of beard on his face, and hollowed eyes due to sleepless nights.

“That’s not true anymore...” he began.

“I know my daughter, Jay. And also you. Jo has been in love with you for so long that she had weaved her entire future around you. If only there was a way to tell her without crushing her heart that love needs to be reciprocated.”

The guilt he had been trying to get rid of—rose once again. “I do love Jo,” he told the woman who had been a surrogate mother to him over the last decade.

“I know you love her, Jay,” she stated sadly. “But that’s not the only kind of love my daughter deserves,” she said.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks he had been determined to prove to everyone that he would make a worthy husband to Jo. But life had other ideas.

He finally paid the price for not walking away from Sia all those months ago. He had relentlessly pursued her, putting himself in situations where she had no choice but to take notice of him. And notice him she did, in the most shocking way—by deliberately falling pregnant with his child.

“I’m pregnant. And the child is... yours,” Sia had announced when she dropped by his place unexpectedly.

He felt blown away with the news. He immediately felt protective towards his child, but the relationship with Sia was more than just complicated.

And a few days later, when Jo revealed the truth and circumstances of Sia’s pregnancy—of being with him that night for the sole purpose of falling pregnant with his child—he felt completely betrayed.

He wanted Sia to get out of his life. But somewhere inside, he also wanted her to desperately stay. Finally, when he realized that she was manipulating him towards a marriage, his feelings eventually morphed into anger.

He had raged at Sia for using him. He even threatened her. He felt trapped into what he felt was an unholy matrimony.

They began to live like strangers in her house after marriage.

He resented being there. Because he still wanted her. But he wanted her on his terms.

He felt stifled as he struggled to be cured of the unhealthy want when it came to her.

The conflicted feelings made him behave poorly with her whenever they came across each other in her large house.

During one of the visits, the Colonel had asked him how Sia was faring.

“I don’t know. And I don’t care. I’m only in it for my child’s sake,” he replied.

The Colonel gave him an admonishing look. “Jay, I’m not happy with your behavior and attitude with your wife,” he said. “Whatever maybe the case, she’s carrying your child and needs your understanding right now.”

“You don’t know what she did,” Ajay murmured. “She doesn’t deserve any kind of understanding.”

“Well, whatever she did, it’s no different than what you might have done to her,” snapped the Colonel.

“What?” Ajay was stunned.

“I wasn’t born yesterday, Jay. I know the girl you hated and your wife are one and the same.”

Ajay was quiet. “That doesn’t mean what I did, even compares to what she did with me.”

“Oh really?” the Colonel asked. “And who made the judgment of that?”

Ajay had no good answer. So he simply murmured, “She should have known better.”

“So did you, Jay,” the Colonel stated.

“I can’t forgive her for deliberately falling pregnant with my child.”

“No one is saying you have to. You have always been quite cool and rational when it comes to dealing with difficult people or circumstances. Be that way even now. Face the facts and deal with them. Don’t sulk and hide from your wife.”

After Ajay's anger cooled, he began to feel like the worst kind of hypocrite.

Colonel was right. Who was he to judge Sia? He had deliberately planned each and every meeting between them. Now as a consequence to both their actions, they were to become parents to an innocent child. So he went back to Sia’s place, determined to face the facts.

The Colonel was also right about another thing. Love and hate were the same feelings experienced under different circumstances. The passion. The pain. They were the same for both.

He began falling for Sia again, harder than he thought was possible.

Even though she was too much work, too much temptation, and far too much obsession, he continued to fall hard.

While he was falling, Sia was quite comfortable in her lies. She was drowning him in them. And the most disturbing part was that he was feeding himself more lies, by telling himself that he didn’t care. But he knew. He knew that she was getting under his skin at an alarming rate. He also knew that it was only a matter of time until she owned the most dangerous part of his body.

Soon, it was too late.

Each day, Sia took up more space in his heart. With every moment spent with her during their marriage, it became difficult to imagine being without her. He knew that his love for Sia wasn’t romantic or sweet like it appeared. It was violent and desperate.

It remained that way, even when he could sense a storm inside of her.

He knew it would take a very long time for her need for revenge to die down. And, one thing he was absolutely sure of was that the world could get destroyed, but he wasn’t going to let her go.

Not until she herself told him to go. Maybe, not even then.

She was his wife and he loved her. The light and the dark, the good and the bad. She was his to love, cherish and protect. And he fully intended to do all of them.

Whether she agreed to them or not.