I rolled over and opened my eyes. Was Hayden over it? The bisexual dude got his thrills—why wouldn’t he be over it?

Hayden opened his eyes as soon as I did. The blue orbs stared back at me. He had those long eyelashes, beautiful and pure. “What are you thinking about?” he asked me.

I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head, yawning. This was sweet, lying in bed with him like this. I hadn’t felt that close to anyone in so long, I almost forgot what it felt like. Heaven.

I couldn’t let him see that I was worried, but it was clearly visible. “I was just thinking about the way your ass moved last night.” I grinned—he wouldn’t be able to tell I was nervous if I just kept that stupid grin on my face.

“Oof. Last night,” he said, trailing off in thought, almost as if he were locked inside of a hazy dream. “Did that really happen?”

Oof? That was his response? Well, it was pretty derelict, but I thought that was what he wanted from me. Truth was, I could’ve easily had a good time without all those creepers staring at us.

“Don’t sound too enthused. It definitely happened.” I tried not to sound annoyed, but I definitely wanted a round two with this guy, and I was beginning to think it might never happen again.

“Don’t worry. It was fun. Like, really fun,” he said.

Was it as fun as fucking a big-titted, fat-assed woman? Is that what bisexual men liked? The Kim Kardashian type? I had no fucking clue. I was too “out of the game” these days.

The fog-induced memory of last night caught me off guard. The more I thought about it, the more I took to him. God, we were insane last night. All of those men watching us as I knotted inside of him… okay, it was kind of hot, but totally crazy at the same time.

I let out a hearty laugh, but it was only because this whole situation was so weird compared to my normal life. I was so done with the BDSM scene, but somehow, Hayden was lying naked in my bed, wearing my leather collar. The weirdest part was that I really didn’t want him to leave.

I played my emotions down. “Yeah, it was nice. What should we do today?”

“Right now, I have to get ready for work,” he said.

At least he didn’t ask about Patrick. I couldn’t believe he was there last night. Again. Just watching Hayden and me. The whole situation was fucked.

Everything went wrong between Patrick and I. I used to blame myself, but I knew it wasn’t my entire fault things crashed and burned. Shit happens, and sometimes you just have to keep walking.

I had gotten over that time of my life, but I never could outrun it completely. Whether it was Patrick showing up at my front door, or Hayden questioning me, it always came up in conversation.

At the moment, Hayden was playful. That was a good sign. He grabbed the pair of handcuffs that we used the night before and quickly threw them around one of my wrists, locking it to the head of the bed.

“Come on. We’re not role playing right now,” I said, groggily.

“Aren’t we?” Hayden smirked and jumped back onto the bed. His hands worked down to my cock. He bit the edge of his tongue with absolute delight.

“Well, I guess I have time if you do,” I breathed.

I pushed my hips into the air, scooting his slim body on top of mine. His legs wrapped firmly around my hips, locking me into place. My brash hard-on brushed against his ass, and I grunted in approval.

“Come here, slut,” I said.

“Oh, I love that!” he whimpered.

Hayden leaned forward and kissed me, smiling really big. How much did he actually like me? The thought continued to run in my head. I could hear the words of my best friend Hank: “Don’t fuck around with straight dudes, guy. Don’t make that mistake.” But if was straight, he definitely wasn’t anymore.

I nearly told him I loved him. That would have definitely been a mistake. I couldn’t love someone so fast, but my dick sure could.

It didn’t help that Hayden was so fucking handsome in the morning sunlight. The rays reflected beautifully against his blue eyes and light blonde hair. Okay. He was special to me. Already, he had broken through my tough exterior. How did I let this happen?

“You’re overthinking again, Leo,” he said.

“Sorry. I was just wondering what we could do together today,” I said.

“Leo, I can’t. I have to go to work soon.” Hayden kissed me and sighed. “I do wish I could stay, though. It would be nice to curl up in bed with you all day.”

I bit the edge of my lip. It felt good to hear those words come from his mouth. “You should just stay,” I murmured. “You can take one day off, right?”

“Ugh. Let me check my phone,” he said.

Yes! He was definitely going to stay. We could watch movies, fuck all day, and bask in our world of pleasure. Hell, I’d even watch some straight porn with him if he wanted to. Sometimes, that was hot.

As soon as he jumped off the bed to grab his phone, I pulled on the handcuffs. “Um. Little help here?”

Hayden ignored me. He was checking his messages very carefully, eyeing the vapidly brightly screen. “Let’s see…” he whispered.

I knocked the sheets off of my body, but I made sure to do it as slow as I could. I wanted to tease him into staying. “Hayden…”

I revealed every single inch of flesh, carefully watching his reaction. I knew that he wanted to stay, and he was quickly scrolling through his phone to find a way to make it work. “Hayden…”

He laughed and tilted his head back in agony. “Stop that! It’s not fair to tease me,” he said.”

“Hayden…”

“If I stay, I could lose my job,” he argued.

Was he really going to stay? It sure as hell seemed like it. The thought excited me more than I should. We could take a day and go to the park, or we could have a romantic dinner at my favorite southern comfort restaurant down the street.

“So what? It’s just a job. You can get another one,” I said.

“You’re a bad influence,” he said.

“Bad to the bone.” I looked down at my hard cock. Hayden sighed and leaned back against the wall.

I saw the gears start to move inside of his head. He frowned, but he was coming up with a plan. “I guess I could email the rest of the staff.”

“So, you’re staying with me?” I asked him, eyes lighting up the room.

“I don’t know, Leo,” Hayden said. He hid his excitement well, knowing that he currently held the keys to my happiness. Damn. I really let that happen, didn’t I?

“Please?” I wasn’t going to beg. I’d only lower myself so far for the guy.

He stood still for a few seconds, acting like he might leave. But when push came to shove, he dove back into bed, laughing wildly. “Okay. I’ll stay. But you’ve gotten soft on me.”

I rolled him over and pushed his legs over his head. “Yeah? Soft?” I asked.

He rolled his tongue out and lapped it forward. It was a command. “Way too soft,” he said.

“Reach forward, kitten,” I said. His hand felt me. My cock wasn’t fucking soft. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Feed me your cum, daddy,” he whispered.

I tugged on his nipple and reached down, below his cock. I felt his smooth hole. “Go ahead. Suck it,” I said.

His sexy lips wrapped around my cock. His hand cradled my balls. My precious omega. My darling, submissive omega. He was the only person in the world that wanted to complete me.

I loved him so much.

I hated admitting that to myself, but I did. It had been so long since I felt this feeling, but I knew what it felt like. Even after all these years, it drew me in like a fish toward its bait.

Hayden was a good boy. He was sincere and caring. He did everything I asked him to do. Part of me still felt like I couldn’t be the dom he wanted me to, but when his lips were curling over my bone, I felt powerful again.

I came all over his tongue, and he happily swallowed me. My body shook above him, clutching his ribcage for support. “You’re so good to me, kitten,” I said.

“I like it when you call me that,” Hayden said. God, he was still so innocent. I just fucked him in front of a hundred different men, and he still acted like this was his first time.

“It makes me feel closer to you,” he added.

“I’m starting to feel things I never thought I’d feel,” I admitted. “All of a sudden, I want to protect you. I want to build something with you. I…”

“You love me,” Hayden said, a matter of fact. “You love me so much.”

I tried to bury all those gushy feelings down into my chest. “Nope,” I said, kissing his forehead. Hayden gave me the key to the cuffs. I unlocked my wrist and climbed out of bed. “I don’t know where you heard that.”

Hayden looked disappointed. I hated when he looked that way. “So, you didn’t mean it when you said it to me?”

“I didn’t say that,” I replied. More disapproving looks. “Look… it’s hard for me to open up.”

Even then, my voice sounded unfamiliar to me, like a robot. I looked down at Hayden’s familiar body. He was the spitting image of love. I just wished I could be honest without it feeling so wrong.

“Why?” he asked.

Fuck. I knew this would happen. If I didn’t do something fast, the conversation would run its course back to Patrick, again to the bullshit that was the one real relationship I ever had.

“I don’t know,” I lied. “I need to take my pills.”

“Okay,” Hayden said, shrugging.

I walked to the bathroom, eyeing myself in the mirror. I took my pills and let the water from the sink run briefly. I didn’t recognize myself these days. I was so much older and experienced, but I barely felt any wiser. What happened to the youthful face who had all the answers?

It was the miscarriage. That’s what fucked me up. That could change anyone. It was the one thing we couldn’t ever fix. It was the turning point at the end my relationship with Patrick.

“Just tell me.” Hayden was standing behind me, apparently watching as I stared through the mirror. Was he asking me to open up about Patrick?

My heart started to race. I didn’t want to go there yet. It was too much to tell him. He’d leave in a fucking second if he knew the truth.

“Tell me that you love me,” Hayden said. A quick flash of relief entered my body, slowing my pulse down again. “You don’t have to if you can’t. I only want to hear it if it’s true.”

I turned around, still holding my bottle of pills. I shouldn’t have hidden my true feelings away from Hayden. He deserved to know the truth of my emotions, especially now, after we knotted up together.

I opened my arms, and he slowly walked into my arms. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. I couldn’t say it. Not yet, at least. I wanted to, but it was an important to know if Hayden was real about this. I still wasn’t sure.

“It’s okay. I didn’t expect to feel so strongly about you. I just… I just do,” he said.

“I’m the first man you’ve ever been with. Maybe it’s just because this is new,” I said. I hoped to God it wasn’t because of that.

“No. I was always pulled into men’s auras more than women. It’s hard to explain, I guess,” he said, biting on the edge of his tongue.

“Explain. I want to know more about you, Hayden,” I said.

I really did. I knew he was bisexual, but for a gay guy like me, that was hard to comprehend. We had an old joke in the community we used to tell—bisexual men were greedy. They just wanted every experience possible. But looking into Hayden’s eyes, I knew that wasn’t true.

“The weird thing is that I knew I was an omega. Since I was thirteen, I knew it. But I was still attracted to women. I liked the way they smelled. I liked having fun with them,” he said.

“What about fucking?” I felt a tinge of jealousy creep over me. It was unexpected, but it was there, nonetheless. “Did you like fucking them?”

Hayden shrugged. “It worked, but it was more a thrill than anything else,” he said. “After the first time, my desire would fade. I’d get over it in about a day. I was a real asshole, a player. I’d stop calling them.”

“Just like that?” I asked. My jealousy went away. It sounded more like a fetish than anything else, and even though I still didn’t quite understand it, I had seen weirder things before.

“Well, yeah. I guess so.” Hayden laughed. “I feel really weird telling you all of this, actually. But after I’d… you know… after I’d… with a woman…”

“Hayden.” I laughed and comforted him. “You can tell me anything. Don’t be afraid. I know you fucked other people in the past.”

“Sorry. Sometimes, it just feels weird. I lived a long time without living my truth.” He scratched his head awkwardly. “I could never be myself with women. Afterward, I’d go home. I’d talk to guys on chat rooms. This was before all of the apps, but I bet I would have chatted more on there if I had the chance. I’d send pictures of myself. I’d fall into all sorts of fantasies. I’d get so close to inviting someone over, and then I’d chicken out. I never had the courage. I’d feel guilty. I’d masturbate, and then I’d go to sleep. It wasn’t until I met you that I felt comfortable enough to be myself.”

“I love you,” I said.

Hayden smiled. “Finally. You said it.”

“You said your truth. It takes a lot of courage. Even in our progressive scene, a lot of guys judge bisexual guys. I think it makes you unique,” I said. “And I just love you, kitten. I think you’re incredible.”

“I love you, daddy,” he said, clutching against my chest.

I kissed him before letting go. “You don’t need to call me that right now,” I said.

“I’m going to stay here today. Let’s spend the day inside. We can order a pizza. I just want a relaxing day,” Hayden said.

“So domestic,” I said.

A look of disappointment fell on his face. “Well, we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he said. “It was just an idea.”

I pulled him out of bed and swung his body into my big, burly arms. “Hayden, baby. I’m just messing with you. I’d love to just stay inside today with you.”

“Really?” he asked.

“Really,” I said.

I set him down and slapped his butt before he ran toward the bathroom to brush his teeth. It was so hard to keep my happiness at bay. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could trust my partner.

I whispered to myself, “You found him. The man of your dreams is here. Be appreciative. Be honest.”

“What’s up? You’re in your head again, aren’t you?” Hayden was standing close to the bathroom door. I hoped he didn’t hear me whispering to myself.

“Yeah. Little bit,” I admitted.

Hayden walked soundlessly toward me. He went to hug me, but I stopped him. “There’s something you should know,” I said.

If I thought there was a way to go around this, I would have taken that route. But there wasn’t. The past was real, and I had to be honest with Hayden.

“You’re finally going to tell me,” he whispered. “I’ve been waiting for an explanation.”

“Sit down with me,” I said, leading him back to the bed. We sat down, but I felt my throat close on me.

“Hey. Should I be worried? I’ve never seen you like this before? Hayden ran his hand across my chest, trying his best to calm me down.

“Patrick and I were together for six years,” I suddenly said.

“Okay…” Hayden looked confused. “That’s it?”

“No. There’s more,” I said. “There’s a reason why I stopped going out. After our relationship, I couldn’t face anyone again.”

Hayden scooted away from me, placing his back against the bedpost. “I’m listening.” His face seemed to say, Don’t hurt me. Don’t break my heart…

“Patrick didn’t think he could heat. He never had one strong enough to actually work. We tried to have a baby, but it just never worked out,” I said.

“Did you love him?” Hayden stared at me. His face was now empty and expressionless.

“Yes,” I admitted. “But I didn’t know you then. It was a different time.”

“What’s that have to do with anything?” he asked, angrily.

I tried to explain it to him. “Hayden, I was a completely different person back then,” I said.

“I know,” Hayden muttered. “It just caught me off guard, I guess. What happened? Why’d you break up?”

I cleared my throat, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to understand what I was about to tell him. He was too young to get it. Even if he did, it would change the way he looked at me. “Eventually, he had a heat that lasted. After our fifth year of going out, it finally happened. His heat activated. We had a short window to try at a pregnancy. The doctor told us that this happens sometimes.”

“Yeah. I’ve heard that when you love someone so much, your heat can come out,” he said.

I cleared my throat before finding the next words to say. “We had a short window. Two weeks, I guess. Patrick wanted a baby,” I said.

Hayden sucked in his bottom lip. I wished I knew what he was thinking. How could he possibly hate me for telling me the truth?

“What about you?” he finally asked. “Did you want one too?”

There it was, the question of the century. I knew it would come, sooner or later. If I wanted the baby, I’d be deemed an asshole. If I didn’t, then it was clear I couldn’t be honest with a partner. No matter what, I had put myself in a position of losing.

I told him the truth. “I don’t know. Maybe a little bit,” I said. “But having a baby wasn’t the first thing on my to-do list.”

“I’m sure.” Hayden crawled from the bed and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door. It almost made it worse that he didn’t slam it behind him.

“Hayden, dammit. This was different!” I shouted. Silence. I followed him to the door and knocked gently. “Hayden. I’m serious. My relationship with Patrick means nothing. The whole dynamic was different between him and I.”

“I’m just very confused right now,” he muttered. I could tell that his face was sunken into his hands with sadness. “He keeps following you, Leo. He keeps showing up. His love for you is scary.”

It was exactly what I thought would happen. Hayden was too young to understand the complexities of a serious, long-term relationship, especially one that was cultivated in a place like the Leather and Lace.

“Open the door, Hayden. Listen to me or I’m leaving,” I commanded.

Hayden finally opened the door. Faint tears could be seen underneath his eyes, reflecting against the morning sunlight. “Can you just listen to the whole story?” I asked him.

He nodded. “Sure. I can listen. But I can’t promise that I won’t be shocked or hurt. You never thought to tell me that you had a child, but you seemed to think it okay to knot inside of me,” he said.

“We didn’t have a child, dammit,” I said. Hayden slowly opened the door.

My desire got the best of me last night. I should have told him about Patrick when we first met, but it didn’t seem necessary then. I felt fucking terrible.

“You have to realize something, Hayden. When I met Patrick, it was a different world. I desperately wanted a real relationship with someone because I never had that before. Real trust and love was hard to come by. Everyone wanted a quick fuck, but they didn’t want to love a guy like me,” I said.

Hayden just stared at me. I began to lose hope that this was going to work out well for us. If Hayden couldn’t accept this, how could we move forward?

“Patrick lost the child within three months. Miscarriage,” I said, feeling the rock inside of my stomach grow.

Hayden’s tough exterior melted away. He hugged me tightly and took my face into his hands. He kissed me, but I suddenly felt like absolute shit. “Leo, I’m—”

“Life wasn’t easy back then,” I said. “It’s complicated. Life is complicated.”

“I’m sorry,” Hayden said. “It’s not my place to judge.”

“I didn’t know how any of this would affect me, but it’s something I think about every single day of my wretched life,” I said. “I don’t love Patrick. I despise that man, but it’s still difficult to think about.”

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to take care of you now.”

We walked back to the bed. I didn’t want to put this burden on him. “That’s why Patrick follows me. He can’t let go of what happened. He’s seen us together at the club. He wants me to explain myself because this has been harder on him than it has been on me,” I said.

The truth came pouring out. I didn’t care anymore. I needed to tell Hayden, and that meant giving it to him straight.

“Patrick is unstable,” I admitted. “But I’ve never wanted to fault him for being that way. Our relationship deteriorated. It just fell apart, like stone turning to sand. Love felt impossible. I didn’t think I’d find anyone I could pour my trust into, but then I found you, Hayden.”

“I feel like an asshole,” Hayden whispered. “I still wish you told me from the beginning, but I understand how hard that must’ve been.”

“I should have told you. I’ve tried everything in the book. Friends. Support groups. Pills. Nothing has helped me. It’s why I stopped going out. I used to have people around me. I’d see Hank all of the time. Others too. I wished them all goodbye.

“I blamed myself a lot. Something had to be wrong with me. On the inside, something was broken. Had to be. I blamed my lifestyle. Too provocative. Too fucked up. People warned me decades ago to change. I blamed Patrick. I blamed everyone. I disappeared,” I said.

Hayden tickled my back, but his touch didn’t relax me. I felt weak and pathetic. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said.

“Maybe.” I knew better. Patrick told me a million times that it was my fault. I couldn’t get over it. Maybe I never would.

Hayden saw me at my most vulnerable. None of my boyfriends had cared about the way I felt. Maybe Patrick did to some extent, but our situation was volatile from the beginning.

Hayden was the only man who listened to me without running. I didn’t know how to handle it, so I just let him keep talking until the pain finally stopped.

“I could never understand what you went through,” he said. “But I understand pain. The fear that it brings with it can consume you. It can turn you into something different.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Too different.”

“My father died. That’s why I let my mom stay with me so often,” Hayden said.

“You hold your pain better than I ever could,” I said.

“I’ve learned not to feel too loud. It causes problems.” Hayden’s upper lip twitched, and as soon as I noticed it, he calmed his nerves and looked normal again. I wished I had that superpower. It would have come in handy all those bad nights.

“She used to call it an accident like I didn’t know any better,” Hayden said. “I found him. He was in the guesthouse. I thought he was sleeping, but as soon as I saw the empty pill bottles, I knew what happened.”

Christ. “He had a drug problem?” What a stupid question to ask, I thought.

“They all have drug problems. I’m the only one who learned, I guess,” Hayden said. “Anyway, I’ve figured out ways to get over it. Now, I just try to be there for my family.”

“You’re brave, Hayden. And you’re a good son,” I said.

“I don’t feel like a good son,” he said. “I doubt I’ll ever feel the same as I did back then.”

“You don’t have to be afraid. I’m here. Always,” I said, folding his hand into mine.

I didn’t want to lose it all again. I didn’t want to feel the pull of loss ever again. It scared me to find myself moving closer to someone again. How could we jump into something so life changing? I started to get scared, but I didn’t want to show him that side of me. Not again.

I led Hayden’s body back up to the head of the bed and kissed him breathless. “You’ve done so much for me,” he said. “What can I do for you?”

“Kitten, you don’t need to do anything,” I said.

Hayden already knew me better than myself. “Your past doesn’t define who you are,” he said.

I nodded, but it sounded naïve. Every single moment defined who I was. “Maybe,” I said.

He looked at me with painstaking worry. “You’re over him, right?”

“Who? Patrick?” I recoiled at the thought of ending up with him again.

“Yeah,” Hayden whispered. “Sorry. I should shut my mouth sometimes. I really shouldn’t have asked.”

“Patrick and I were never a happy couple. It just wasn’t in the cards for us,” I said. That time was gone. Period.

“So you’re done with him? He’s done with you?” Hayden asked.

I looked at him sincerely. “Trust me. I’m never talking to him again. It’s over and done with.”

“Okay,” he said, smiling. One more question. “Are you sure you don’t need anything from me?”

I bit the edge of my lip and thought of all the things I could ask him to do, but I only wanted one simple thing.

“Kitten,” I muttered, “I want you to move in with me.”