MAXWELL

That shit my mother pulled in her office had my mind completely fucked up. It was like being hypnotized at a carnival side show and being forced to bark like a dog. I couldn’t fight that intense pull to feel her touch me like she did when I was a boy. I was a fucking slave to her will, and she owned me without even trying. It was sick and twisted. She was my mother, for fuck’s sake. What the hell was wrong with me that I allowed her to do that without pulling away, or at the very least, put up a protest of some kind? I never wanted her to touch me again, not after everything she’d put me through, but there was nothing I could do. I was fucked. If she just gave me what I came for, cut the head games, and let me leave, I could return to the junkyard and be with my brothers. I had to show them that I’d changed, that I wasn’t the same selfish sonofabitch who deserved to be turned away from our family. I was doing it for them as much as myself, to prove once and for all that I wasn’t some sort of freak.

When I ran from the mansion, I had one thing on my mind: finding a way to make the darkness go away. The last thing I expected was to run into Heaven leaving for the day. One look in my direction, and she knew something was wrong. The only reason I agreed to leave with her was because I was too upset to remember where I left the fucking keys to my car. I was surprised we didn’t end up having to push that piece of shit she drove to the nearest scrapyard before we made it down the street. That thing should have been retired years ago and banned from every street in the country. Heaven didn’t seem to mind the smoky exhaust, the squeaky brakes, or the strange rumble coming from the engine. She drove it like a brand-new Mercedes, not caring a fuck what anyone thought. We made it all the way to one of those swanky bistros popping up on every corner and were just being seated by the hostess.

“Your server will be right with you. In the meantime, if you need anything, I’m Carol.”

She emphasized the anything as she handed us our menus then sashayed back to the front of the coffee house. I immediately picked up on the fact that she was not talking to Heaven and her “anything” had fuck all to do with coffee.

“Looks like you made a new friend,” Heaven commented, her eyes narrowed in disgust as we sat down in a booth near the window.

“Aww, are you jealous, baby?” I ran my finger down her soft cheek. It felt like cotton. “Don’t be. You’re much prettier than she is, all clean and white in your sexy nurse uniform.” Shit. Why did I say that? Get your shit together, Max.

“Humph…she probably has coffee grounds stuck up her vagina.”

The woman was a pistol, all sass and attitude. Listening to her bristle at the comment made by the waitress made my dick hard. She really was a sight to behold; her sandy blond hair tied back and out of her face gave me the perfect view of her flawless beauty. Her eyes were the color of ash, grey with a tint of blue, like the burnt pieces of papers that blew away with Buck’s name written on them. She had the prefect button nose that made me want to kiss the tip of it just to watch her smile. Everything about this woman was prefect, right down to her pouty little mouth that begged for my cock to slide inside of it and choke her as she swallowed me whole. She also had a big heart. Being a nurse required it, but there was more than just her chosen profession; she cared about me driving around erratically and causing harm to an innocent bystander. I was a stranger to her, yet she gave me something few had in the past: she gave me her time.

“How long have you worked for the senator?” While we waited for the coffee to arrive, I decided to make small talk. No harm in having a conversation, right?

“A little over six months now. He’s my second private duty assignment since graduation.” Her eyes lit up when she talked about her job. She loved it.

“You’re pretty young to have completed a nursing degree already. Your family must be very proud of you.” She turned to the window and stared off into the parking lot at nothing. Her smile disappeared, but I didn’t know why.

“I lost my family long ago, Max.”

She said it so low I barely heard it. Fuck. Watching her beautiful face cloud with sudden sadness did something to me. My chest ached to take away her pain and bring back her lovely smile. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually enjoyed having a conversation with someone that didn’t involve fucking. The coffee arrived and I thanked the waitress absently as I reached for the cream and sugar. Heaven’s concentration was somewhere else, a place she didn’t belong, and I wanted her back with me.

“My brother Sebastian thinks coffee is bad for you, along with just about everything else. If he saw me drinking this shit, he would bitch a fit and flood my inbox with text messages for weeks with statistics on caffeine consumption.” That bought her attention back to me.

“Brother? I don’t understand. How many children does the senator have?”

“Fuck if I know. I left when I was twelve and haven’t been back since.” She tilted her head to the side like puppy. My answer didn’t make any sense. How could it?

“We both know I wasn’t away at some fucking boarding school, and I sure as shit wasn’t in rehab or jail, if that’s what you’re thinking. I grew up in a junkyard with my three brothers and a man I consider my real father.” Curiosity was kicking her ass; the questions were written all over her beautiful face.

“A junkyard? Well, that must have been different. Not exactly how I pictured a rich boy like you spending his formative years. Must have been a serious culture shock for you, considering your family lives in a mansion with maids and servants,” she joked lightly.

“Yes, it was different, but not the way you think. The junkyard is my home, the only one I’ve ever known. I plan to return as soon as I’m done here, unless…” Shit. I couldn’t tell her what was really going on, the shit my mother had planned for me.

“I’m going back as soon as I can.” I left it at that.

Her smile was back where it belonged, and we finished drinking our coffee in comfortable silence. We were both caught up in our own thoughts, but neither one of us was willing to share with the other. I had so much shit floating around in my head. The main topic was that party my mother was having tomorrow evening. The parties at the mansion weren’t the typical light hors d’oeuvres, elegant dancing, and flowing champagne. The political elite were treated to special entertainment. Hidden down in that dark basement was a hedonist’s wet dream. Balding impotent men would watch while their wives lived out their sexual fantasies and their peers joined in on the fun. They were useless when it came to the actual fucking, but that didn’t stop them from having their own brand of entertainment. The evening I’d fled from that place, I vowed never to take part in any of that shit again. The blood I’d spilled ensured that.

I didn’t trust myself to be there without the overwhelming fear of having to face the shadow again. He always found a way to trap me within the darkness where I couldn’t get out, that fucking song playing over and over in my head until I couldn’t remember what happened once it was over. I needed something to make me stronger, something that fueled my hatred for my mother and her power over me. Talking with Heaven served to take my mind off the inevitable temporarily, but it wasn’t enough. My palms were sweating and I felt my chest constricting painfully as I tried to inhale deeply to calm my shaking limbs. That’s when I caught sight of my prey standing seductively at the hostess station, licking her lips as she fantasized about me. They made it so easy to give in to my carnal needs, like taking candy from a baby.

I slid from the booth where Heaven and I were seated and made my way to the back of the café knowing ahead of time the waitress would meet me there. I diverted my eyes from Heaven, too ashamed to face her. What I was about to do would make her sick to her stomach. It wasn’t long before the strange woman met me in front of the bathrooms, where I unceremoniously grabbed her by the arm and pulled her inside without uttering a word.

“What’s your hurry, big boy? I have an hour for lunch.” Her voice was pissing me off more than I already was. I wasn’t there for conversation.

“Shut up and get on your knees.” My mind and body battled for supremacy. I needed the quiet so I could think. I pushed her down with more force than I’d intended, causing her to yelp out in pain as she hit the floor. There was no time for apologies. I had my dick out and in her mouth so fast it made my legs buckle. It wasn’t enough.

“Harder. Suck me fucking harder, bitch,” I grit out to the woman before me, my voice as rough as sandpaper and the grip I had on her hair like a vice, squeezing and pulling until she complied with my order.

That’s it, just what I needed.

She gagged and drooled all over herself. The sounds coming from that bathroom were unmistakable for passersby, but it was just a matter of time before I got what I came for, the freedom, the wondrous melody I needed to survive:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy, when skies are grey.

You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.

Please…

The depraved aria came to an abrupt halt inside my head, cut short by one heart-wrenching sob coming from somewhere inside that bathroom. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Heaven’s eyes, brimming with tears of sadness screamed repugnance. The stupid bitch on her knees didn’t realize we had been interrupted and was still sucking my cock with all the gusto of a Hoover vacuum. I pushed her out of the way and tucked my now flaccid dick back into my pants, too much of a coward to face the look of pain I’d caused on Heaven’s beautiful face. She could never understand, like my brothers at the yard, hearts too pure to ever be blackened with the truth of what I truly was: a monster. Just like everyone else, she turned and walked away, leaving me alone to wallow in my misery and self-hatred.