Chapter Four
Evie
“Evie? Are you okay?”
Well. I was freaking out, but determined as hell. Did that count as okay? “I, uh, I…”
“You’re fucking shaking.” Nicky reached behind him, pulling a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapping it around my topless-for-the-first-time-with-a-guy body. “What’s going on?” His face wore that concerned-in-a-somewhat-suspicious-kind-of-way look.
He’d tried to give me an out, more than once. And I’d refused every single time. I didn’t want to leave, and I didn’t want to abandon my plan. I could be whoever I wanted to be, and I didn’t want to be myself. I didn’t want to be a plain, boring virgin. I wanted to be fun and wild and sexy. I wanted to be more like the rest of my family. I wanted people to look at me like I was something special, like they were lucky for having met me.
“Nothing. I’m fine.” I leaned forward, placing kisses against his tight pecs. That was a thing right? I should have watched more R-rated movies.
“You need to tell me what’s going on.” He put his warm hands on my shoulders, pushing me back gently. “Right now.”
I sat up, keeping my eyes trained in my lap, but that didn’t help me find the right words. I could see his hard-on pressing through his jeans. My throat went a little dry, so it took me even longer to answer him. “I’m a virgin.” His eyes went a little wide, but he didn’t say anything. “And I don’t want to be, so…”
“So you figured you’d go home with the tattoo artist, the guy covered in ink who says fuck every other word? He’s probably got no morals, right?” He shook his head. “You know I’d have been able to tell, right?”
He sounded kind of pissed, but he was still holding me, keeping me warm by his side. That was something, right? “I didn’t think those things about you, not ever. I wanted to come home with you because you were nice to me, because you were kind.”
“Do you even find me attractive? Did you even want to kiss me?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately and truthfully. “I swear. I think you’re gorgeous and your little chuckle gives me butterflies. I loved every second that you were touching me in your shop. I wanted more, for the first time in my life…I wanted more.”
He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “I’m not doing this. I’m not taking your virginity. I don’t know what you were expecting to happen, but I’m driving you home.”
He stood up, setting me on my feet and pulling the blanket tighter around me. He was so caring, so empathetic. I almost hated myself for what I was about to do to him. But I’d come this far; I’d made up my mind. I was going to make the next four years of my life a hell of a lot more exciting than the last.
“If you don’t do it, I’ll head to the first bar I see and find someone else.” I clenched my teeth, almost wanting to vomit at the thought. Was I bluffing? I had no freaking clue, and that was bad. I didn’t recognize the voice coming out of my mouth. I’d never met that girl before.
“Stop.” He grabbed my wine glass and took it into his kitchen, flipping on the light. He rinsed it out, setting it in the sink and then resting his hands against the stainless-steel farmhouse frame. “You’re being ridiculous.” He wasn’t looking at me, but I could see his concerned expression in the reflection of the window above the sink.
“I’m not kidding.” I was a horrible person. Well, this new Evie James was a horrible person. But he told me to stand up for myself, right? I was standing up for the person I wanted to become. I was fighting for my future here in Dallas. I wanted to change, and this was one huge piece of the puzzle. I needed to be the opposite of the shy prude kindergarten teacher. I needed to know how to be bold. I needed to learn how to tell people to fuck off. “You take me home? That’s putting me on a campus surrounded by thousands of horny teenage boys.” My tattoo had been an accidental step one. Dinner with Nick? Unintentional step two. Letting the only guy that had ever made me long for slow kisses and lingering touches take my virginity, deliberate step three.
“Why are you acting like this?” He finally spun around, his expression a little angry. Not that I could blame him; I was being a real asshole. “Why are you throwing this experience away?”
I wasn’t throwing it away. I was forcing the only guy who’d ever made me feel lust into taking it. “Because I need this to happen, and I need it to happen tonight. I need to wake up tomorrow and be the new me.” I bit at my lower lip, knowing his resolve was wavering when his eyes trained in on the motion. I kept pushing. “It’s one night, and I’d really rather it be with you.”
“The devil you know? Is that how this works?” he scoffed, his gaze morphing into an almost sadness.
I shook my head, taking a few steps toward him. “I want you. I can feel it in my body. I can feel the pull. When you touch me, I get chills.” That was how it was supposed to feel, right? Desire? “I’ve never felt anything like this before and—”
He threw his head back and let out a little laugh that didn’t sound all that humorous. “It’s the endorphins from the tattoo. You’re high on adrenaline and dopamine, not me.” He wagged his finger at me. “Which is exactly why I never bring girls home after I work on them.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m so fucking right.”
“The high from the tattoo made me bolder, made me brave. But the way you make me feel—I noticed that before the needle even pierced my skin. You were the first guy to ever make me want, make me long for more.” I took a step in his direction. “Why shouldn’t you be the first guy to show what more feels like?”
His Adam’s apple moved as he worked to swallow, and I knew once again, he was wavering. “Fuck, Evie…”
“You get one night, I get what I want. And we both wake up tomorrow, happy.” I had to. I had to wake up tomorrow happy. I had to make it here. I couldn’t run home to the compound crying like a lost kitten. I needed to be able to make a name for myself. When I heard people talking about me behind my back I wanted it to be in awe, not annoyance. I wanted to rule this damn campus and make everyone pay for making me feel like I was less than.
“You’re backing me into a corner and putting me in a really shitty position.”
“You don’t want to have sex with me? Because back at dinner you seemed really on board.” I raised one eyebrow, challenging him. He’d all but screamed at our waiter to hurry up with the bill. And he’d told me more than once that he thought I was pretty.
“Of course I want to have sex with you.” He rolled his green eyes and then gestured down to his crotch. “My dick is straining against my damn zipper so fucking hard I probably have the imprint. But I was on board for one night, one random hookup with a willing participant.”
“Are you prejudiced against virgins? Is there something wrong with me because I haven’t been with a multitude of guys?” I was being utterly absurd, but for some reason it seemed to be working. “You can only ‘hook up’ with chicks that could possibly have an STD?”
“Evie, come on. You’re eighteen years old. Wait for someone you actually love. Or hell, at least someone you like.”
“I like you.” I shrugged a bare shoulder, the blanket slipping down my arm. I wasn’t lying; I did like him. I liked him a lot. And if I wasn’t about to start my new life, maybe I’d want more from him. “You want me, I want you. We like each other. We enjoyed each other’s company enough to go to dinner, right? I’m asking you for a favor. And I get it, it’s a big favor for someone you’ve only know for a few hours.” I licked my lips, stepping closer still. “But is it really that much of a hardship for you? Would it be so terrible to spend the night with me?” I could see the waver in his gaze, and it made me bolder than I already was. I stepped into him, looking up, my eyes wide. “Just one night.”
“I don’t want this to be a regret for you.”
“It won’t, I swear.” I wasn’t lying to him. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I could feel it in my soul. I’d met Nicky for a reason; everything about this night had been perfect. It was like I was right where I was supposed to be. I wasn’t scared. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel fear in his presence. Nerves? Butterflies? Heck yes. But never fear.
“If we do this, we do it my way.” His way? I thought there was really only one way to do it. “We start at the beginning.”
“The beginning?”
He nodded, his hands going back to my hips. “I’m not going to toss you onto my bed and fuck you like it’s nothing. It’s not nothing.” His voice had a slight shake to it and it was making me smile. “You said one night, which means we have all night. We take things slow. We take our time. And at the end, if you still want to, then I’ll do it.”
“Okay.” I felt like the shittiest person in Dallas. Basically, I’d conned and lied my way into this guy’s bed. But I wouldn’t back down, not now, not when I’d already come this far.
My new life started as soon as the sun came up tomorrow, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.