Chapter Ten
Evie
“Hey, little bird, we’re all done.”
I blinked my eyes open, taking in my surroundings and wondering for a good twenty seconds where the hell I was. I pushed myself into a sitting position. “Did you call me ‘little bird?’”
“Well, dove, you shook like a scared little bird they whole time I was inking you.” Nicky was standing at the counter, cleaning up. “And you’re thinner than fuck. So there’s that.”
Dove made me smile, despite myself. Little bird made me sound like I needed rescuing. I didn’t. I made it this far; I could make it the rest of the way. I pulled the blanket tighter around myself, peering at my ribs in the mirror. “Tons of people have bony ribs.” I wanted to roll my eyes and give him lots of attitude, but I honestly didn’t have the energy.
“Oh yeah?” He turned to face me, crossing his sexy tattooed forearms over his chest. “How about your hips? Or your collarbone?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Did you fucking look at me naked while I was sleeping? Isn’t that against some kind of code or something?” I grabbed my shorts off the chair and pulled them on under the blanket.
“Hell yeah I looked.” He stood up straighter, taking a step toward me. “I had to see how bad it’d gotten. And fucking? Is cussing like the rest of us something you do now too?”
“Seems fucking like it, doesn’t it?” I matched him, step for step. “And you had no right to do that, how twisted—”
“I had no right?” He hung his head, shaking it slightly. “You’re sick, Evie. You need help.” He started ticking things off on his tattooed fingers. “You need food, you need rest, and you need to talk to someone.” He leaned forward, getting more in my face. “You. Need. Help.”
“Look, I said I’d let you feed me, and I will.” I dropped the blanket I’d been holding over me, smiling wickedly when he couldn’t help but look. “But that’s all you’ll ever get.”
He reached down and past me, his face coming dangerously close to my chest. My breath hitched and my heart started to pound even harder at his nearness. “We’ll see about that, little bird.” He straightened, handing me my shirt and holding my gaze. “Get dressed.” He stepped back, his hands on his hips.
***
I ate as much of the cheeseburger as I could, which was about half. I felt fuller than I had in a long time. “I’m done. And if I’m being completely honest, forcing a cheeseburger down the skinny girl’s throat is a little cliché.” And a lot annoying.
He looked up from his plate, his gaze assessing me. “You need to take the rest home with you, soak up all the alcohol you’re planning on pouring down your throat to drown your sorrows when you leave here.”
“Oh, and you don’t drink?” I rolled my eyes, pushing my food away. Some of the fight had left me, but not all. His little holier than thou act was starting to really grate on my already frayed nerves.
“I don’t use alcohol to numb my fears.” He sent me a tight smile, polishing off the last off his fries.
I scoffed. “What makes you think I do?” Was he this self-righteous the first time we’d had a meal together? Maybe the memory of Nicky was much better than the reality. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Then I could stop thinking about him every other damn day.
“You did it at my house. You downed two glasses of wine, and then asked for a third. Are you going to tell me that wasn’t in response to the fact that you wanted to lose your virginity to a virtual stranger?”
I took a sip of my ice water. “No, but it also had nothing to do with fear.” When he raised a challenging eyebrow in response, I felt compelled to defend myself and my decision to have sex with him. I was already laid bare in front of him, and he’d already seen almost all of my flaws and weaknesses. I didn’t need to give him something else to throw in my face. “I was nervous. But I wasn’t scared.” I bit my lower lip, fighting back sudden and unwanted tears. “Fear was the one thing I never felt in your presence. Never once, not for a second.”
If I was scared of anything that night, it was myself. In hindsight, I was right to be terrified of the person I was becoming.
Nicky shook his head, sighing sadly before leaning forward in his seat. He reached out, wiping the tears from my cheeks in an achingly familiar gesture. “Come home with me, Evie, let me help you.” His eyes went soft. “You can rest. You can hide out and just…rest.”
If only I could, if only my life was that simple. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to put my hand in his and let him save me. I wanted to let the tattooed god with a heart of gold make everything better. I wanted him to make all the pain and loneliness go away. I knew he could—he’d done it for me before.
But I wasn’t that girl anymore. She was stuffed so far down inside me that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to find her again. I hung my head, wiping at my own tears, no longer letting him see them fall. “I can’t.”
I had an image to maintain, image was everything. And more still, I had two more years at this nightmare of a college. I’d worked too hard to throw it all away now. I put my napkin on the table and got to my feet. “I’ve got to go.” I had places I had to be, I had a life I hated that I had to live. I’d made this mess—I’d gotten everything I’d ever wanted. But happiness sure as hell wasn’t what I woke up every day feeling.
“Evie, please don’t leave.” Nicky grasped for my hand, but I pulled it back in time.
“Thank you for dinner, and thank you for…well, thank you for today, I guess.” I turned away before I fell into his arms and begged him to save me. He wasn’t my knight in shining armor, and I wasn’t a damsel in distress. I was rock and roll royalty with fake friends waiting for her at the Pike house.
As soon as I got out the door I reached into my purse, popped another Adderall and washed it down with the vodka that was hiding in my water bottle. I made my bed, and now it was time I fucked in it.