Lounging on the futon, I nibbled on a chocolate chip cookie and stared at the television through watery eyes. Big, comforting hands massaged my shoulders, and I gulped harshly before sniffling loudly.

“She’s about to save him! Look! It’s so- so pure and sweet and- and entirely- impractical!” Against my back, Roark shuffled slightly, and I inhaled sharply as his arms wrapped around my waist. “Heroism doesn’t have to come from a man! Oh my God…”

“Ally, you really weren’t lying when you said you were going to cry even without alcohol, huh…” Blinking hard, I didn’t bother to answer Roark’s rhetorical question, and he didn’t seem to want to press the issue. The television had almost all of my attention, and I shoved the rest of my cookie in my mouth. Shivers raked my spine from the force of emotion I felt during this particular movie, and I clapped my hands together tightly.

“It’s so mushy! I love it! Watch this part, Roark!” Slapping Roark’s arm, I pulled my lips between my teeth as he rested his chin on my shoulder. My favorite part of the movie was over too soon, and I inhaled deeply and let my head fall back. “So good. These are tears of joy.”

“I hope so.” Roark’s gravelly voice vibrated against my back, and I released my breath with a groan. Before I could ask what he wanted to watch next, he pressed his lips chastely against the back of my neck. “I have to go, though. Julianne needs some help with her project… she texted me during one of the songs.”

Stiffening more at Roark’s action than his words, my head snapped up, and I pursed my lips together to hold back a gasp. Tingles shot down my spine and spread along my shoulders as he mumbled against my neck. For a long moment, the sensation was overwhelming, and I blinked hard before reality fell back into place.

“Uh- yeah. Sure. Is it really that late already?” Reaching for my cell phone, my hand shook slightly while heat filled my face. The time read 1:22 in the afternoon, and I frowned slightly. “I didn’t mean to keep you, Roark.”

“I would stay if I could…. But trust me- I’ll be back. Next time, we’re going to watch my favorite movie.” Carefully untangling himself from around me, Roark left me cold as he shuffled to sit beside me. Out of the corner of my eye, he smiled, and I tilted my head to offer a weak upturn of my lips in return. “Will you text me?”

“Yeah. I have some school stuff to do, anyway. Does Julianne know you’re with me?” For the first time the reality of the situation came crashing down on me, and I nibbled my bottom lip. Blood left my face, and I pulled my knees up to my chest to try to thaw the ice that pumped from my heart.

I went on a date with my student’s brother; it was unethical in so many ways. The school board wouldn’t care, but that didn’t make it any less wrong. In fact, it might be even more so because of that.

“I don’t think so. Are you worried about being fired?” Shaking my head immediately, I sucked in a sharp breath to sigh heavily, and Roark rubbed my back soothingly over my shirt. “I’m pretty sure that as long as you’re not dating Julianne, you’ll be fine.”

Smiling half-heartedly at the poor attempt to ease the tension, I watched through narrowed eyes as Roark pulled his shoes on. His joke warmed me, anchoring a security in my mind that this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Being smacked with a sudden realization was usually more dramatic than after being thought out, after all.

“… You’re probably right. So, what’s your favorite movie? Should I prepare myself or anything?” A smirk filled with secrets curved Roark’s cheeks, and I huffed when he shook his head. “Fine. Don’t tell me.”

“It’s a surprise. I think you’ll like it, Ally.” Pushing himself up to stand, Roark’s movement caused the air to swirl, and goosebumps rose on my skin. Flexing my toes against the futon mattress, I rested my chin on my cheeks while he patted down his pockets.

“See you later, okay?” His eyes narrowed on me, and I pursed my lips into a thin line as I nodded firmly. For a long moment, he stood there, staring, and my blood roared in my ears before he leaned down. My eyelids fluttered close, and I held my breath only to hiccup when his lips brushed my forehead. “See you later.”

I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes and watch him leave, and Roark’s heavy footsteps towards the door pounded against my eardrums. The force he walked with reverberated up my futon frame to rattle my bones, and the soft click of the lock sounded like a judge’s gavel.

In the growing, lonely silence, I released my breath loudly to fall on my side. Cracking open my eyelids, I stared at the credits of my movie with a deep frown taking over my face. Curled in a fetal position, my body shivered lightly from the loss of Roark’s warmth.

“Crap.” Muttering to myself, I forced myself to relax and reached to grab a blanket. “Retreat into the Fortress of Loneliness.”

The darkness created by my makeshift tent was comforting, and I rolled onto my back to stare at it. My breaths shallowed, and my fingers twitched against my belly as I replayed the past 18 hours in my head.

Whatever connection Roark and I had was terrifyingly potent. I had no choice but to acknowledge that, and I dragged my palm up to feel my heart beat too fast to be considered calm. The void around me played tricks, and my own body heat caused sweat to slick between my breasts under my shirt.

“I should’ve had sex with him. Why do I make such bad decisions? We both wanted it- he’s just too much of a gentleman to screw on the first date. Just like last time.” Regret pooled in my chest like tar, and I groaned loudly in a mix of frustration and desire. Taking a deep breath, I slid my palm over my breast to squeeze, and a gasp yanked free of my throat. My firm nipple sent a throbbing ache to my core, and the intensity of it sent shock rocketing through my chest.

Failing to get the blanket off me, I locked my thighs closed and sat up to take heaving breaths. Shaking my head wildly, my mind spun, and my teeth ground together as I tried to pack my need away. Glancing around through narrowed eyes, I grabbed a glass of milk off the coffee table to chug. The cold liquid sent a relief to my system that I desperately needed, and I sighed harshly when the glass was empty.

“Not happening. I can wait. We’re definitely going to have sex at some point, Ally. No use touching myself just to be disappointed.” Swiping both my palms down my face, I groaned again in distaste. “Could be worse. Right? I could not want him and still touch myself because of him. Talk about desperate. Jesus, Ally. What’s wrong with you, huh? One guy turns up and I can’t think straight.”

But there was something about Roark, and I want it. Pushing myself to my feet, I worked on clearing the mess my coffee table had become as I continued my babbling in my head. I wanted it back then, and I want it even more now.

“Because he’s hot and nice, and since Tommy was such an asshole at the end, I had unaddressed self-esteem issues that I try to ignore? I do not. I was thinking of breaking up with him before he broke up with me. We had an alright falling out. There’s nothing wrong with me for wanting Roark. I’m not a gold digger, and I’m not a slut.” Dumping two glasses in the sink as I talked to myself, I tossed a small, empty package of cookies in the garbage and furrowed my brows. “It’s stupid to compare them. Not only are they nothing alike, but Roark is way more handsome and doting.”

Flipping on the tap, I ground my teeth together even as I did what I told myself not to do. In the past however long since our date, Roark had treated me with a level of romanticism that Tommy hadn’t during our entire relationship. I felt so close to him, just as I had when we first met on a blind date. Smirking slightly in a huff, I grabbed a cup and my sponge as I remembered that night.

We weren’t even each other’s blind date; it just kind of happened. I’d walked into the Winery, and instantly Roark came into view. He looked so uncomfortable, bordering on annoyed, but that didn’t last long.

Even when his intended date arrived half an hour late, nothing was awkward. He told her to leave, like she didn’t deserve any of his attention because he was so focused on me.

That was the moment I decided to ask Roark into my apartment, and I didn’t even begrudge him for saying ‘no’. In fact, I might’ve admired it underneath the disappointment and sexual frustration. It showed that he was considerate; even more so now knowing that he’d been married at the time.

“I’m going to go insane.” Mumbling as I did my meager pile of dishes, I suddenly wished I brought home some work, so I could distract myself from Roark’s blindingly attractive qualities.