“Roark? Wha- Oh!” The squeal that left my mouth was muffled by Roark’s chest, and he crushed me to him with hard, stiff arms. His body shook against mine, his breath shallow in my ear, and I stayed as still as possible while he buried his face in my neck. Slowly the shock of his sudden appearance wore off, and I wrapped my arm around his waist even as my mind whirled, trying to figure out what was happening.

“Don’t…” Stiffening at the gruff command, I held my breath as Roark squeezed me tightly, forcing the air from my lungs. “Don’t say anything. I- I just need you.”

I couldn’t breathe, but faced with the unfiltered pain in Roark’s voice, my own suffering was kicked into a dark corner of my mind. His breaths only grew shallower, causing his body temperature to rise and his trembling to become more violent. Dry, cracked lips pressed against my shoulder, and I managed a small inhale that still nearly choked me.

As if realizing he was suffocating me, Roark jerked his head back a few inches and loosened his grip on my torso just enough to gasp for air. I tried to be quiet about it, but if he noticed, he gave no indication. He didn’t smell like alcohol, and I tilted my head to glance down at his elbows for track marks that, thankfully, were missing.

“… I’m sorry… I just needed… something… strong…” Mumbling against my earlobe, Roark took his deepest breath yet before pulling away from me completely. Goosebumps rose on my arms and across my chest at the loss of his overwhelming warmth, and I shoved my forearms under my bust. Only two feet from me, he rubbed his face harshly with his palms before revealing his red-rimmed eyes to me.

“Oh my God- Roark, what happened?” Speaking before I could stop myself, I stepped out of my apartment to plant my hands on Roark’s cheeks. He was gaunt, pale, and my heart stuttered in my chest when he shook his head slowly.

“I can’t… I can’t… not right now.” Rasping his response, Roark swayed slightly as if that little bit of breath, of effort, was enough to knock him off his feet. Grabbing his arms, I carefully backed up into my apartment, and he followed with a heavy, shuffling gait. His shoes didn’t even leave the floor, and I maneuvered my way to my futon to set him down.

Roark’s eyes rolled in their sockets as soon as he sat on the mattress, and I grunted lowly. Stiffly laying him down, I let out a huff of an exhale and took off his shoes to lift his legs onto the futon one at a time.

What the Hell is going on? The question had no answer, and I propped my hands on my hips as I stared down at him. Whatever it was, it was bad.

Roark’s groan told me he wasn’t unconscious, and I narrowed my eyes on him as he flung his arm over his face. He looked like he was in physical pain, and his lips twisted into a grimace to let tightly ground teeth peek through. Kneeling next to him, I held back a sigh as his body heat made the soft, peach fuzz hairs on my cheeks and breasts stand up.

“I’m here, Roark…” Whispering softly, I brushed his sunken cheek with my knuckles, and my breath caught when he grabbed my wrist tightly. Pressing the back of my hand to his face, Roark sucked in a harsh, shallow breath, and I flexed my toes against the carpet in anxiety.

“Thank you…” Hot breath flowed down my wrist, and Roark tilted his head to kiss the butt of my palm with wobbling lips. “… for not asking questions.”

“Of course, Roark- of course. I’ll get you a towel…” Trailing off, my mouth hung open as my gaze drifted to Roark’s soaked t-shirt. Sweat caused the fabric to stick to him, and I blinked hard before shaking my head hard. “Did… did you run here?”

“Yeah.” Carefully extracting my wrist as he answered, I flexed my hand only to feel the slick dampness he’d transferred to me. Roark refused to look at me, and I leaned back to climb to my feet with a heavy sigh.

Glancing around, my eyes widened, and my heart jumped into my throat when Kelly came into my peripheral. I didn’t even remember she was here; Roark demanded all of my attention. Gulping hard, I rubbed my palms together as she serenely sipped her wine across the coffee table. Knowledge shone in her eyes, and I pursed my lips together before she quietly wandered over to me.

“I’ll go. Thank you for inviting me over, Ally.” Leaning to whisper in my ear, Kelly placed her free hand on my shoulder reassuringly. She didn’t wait for me to formulate a response, and I shivered at the cold rush of air that swirled around me when she moved to the sink. Twisting to watch her gather her coat and leave almost silently, I frowned at the sense of failure that spread through my chest.

My girls’ night had been a smashing success, even if it’d been cut short. Kelly and I had reached a stalemate, anyway; she would’ve left at some point within the next half hour.

“Oh- a towel…” Muttering to myself, I went to the kitchenette to grab a washcloth and soak it in cold tap water. Blood roared in my ears to drown out the silence, and my hands shivered violently as I squeezed and unfurled the towel. Rushing across the room, I perched on the edge of the coffee table to carefully dab Roark’s cheek. Instantly he deflated like an untied balloon, and I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding in relief. “Just relax, Roark. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”

Wiping Roark’s face as gently as I could, my stiff movements betrayed my wandering mind. Kelly had asked to have a ‘grading party’ at my apartment because she wanted to break up her routine a little, and I’d gladly agreed.

But we both ended up drinking a lot of wine and gossiping about the other instructors and even the students and their parents.

Now, that buzz I’d been riding had completely vanished, and I dragged the towel down Roark’s nose with stone cold sober attention. Folders filled with ungraded papers dug into my back and cushioned my butt, and I braced my forearm on my knees to lean in close to him. His breathing was slowly evening out, but he wasn’t asleep; the agony on his face told me he was painfully aware.

“I don’t know what’s happening, Roark- but I’m here for you. You can stay as long as you want.” Caressing Roark’s cheek behind the wet towel, I cracked a small, strained smile when he finally peeked out at me from under his arm. His normally hazel eyes were dark, shrouded under heavy lids, and I brushed the towel under them one at a time before he covered them again.

“You smell like wine.” Gruff, an angry kind of harsh, Roark’s declaration sent a shock to my heart, and I pursed my lips into a thin line. He’s not mad at me. That wasn’t even meant to be mean. “I don’t know… I don’t know anymore…”

“Sh- sh-h… just relax, okay? Whatever it is, it’ll be alright.” I had no idea if my assurance was a lie, but I didn’t care. Wiping Roark’s jaw and neck softly, I beat back the sting in my eyes to see him such a way.

“… My dad…” Croaking into the deafening silence, he tensed and ground his teeth as if it hurt to speak. “He said JJ wasn’t his daughter. That’s why he ignores her- neglects her. That my mom was cheating on him, and Julianne is the result.”

Stiffening, my hand hovered above Roark’s collarbone as I digested what he’d confessed. So many questions flew through my otherwise blank mind, and I sucked a sharp breath into lungs that couldn’t really inflate. Rolling my lips between my teeth, I opened and closed my mouth a few times in a futile attempt to speak.

I knew Julianne had absentee parents; many of the girls at Wells were in the same predicament. Their parents were so busy being rich and getting richer that they didn’t have the time or the inclination to be with their children.

But Julianne was a product of an affair. That’s the real reason she has her mother’s maiden name.

“Does that change the way you feel about her, Roark?” Finally managing a strangled question, my throat tightened when Roark flung back his arm. His eyes shone fiercely, expression twisting into an ugly portrayal of anger and pure pain as he scoffed loudly.

“Of course, it does! I can’t let that shit happen! Even I knew that my mom had strayed out of the marriage, but my dad didn’t do shit about it! He can’t take it out on JJ just for being born!” Loud and abrasive, Roark’s rough, high pitched shouting made me flinch from the intensity. Leaning back slightly, I let the washcloth fall to the floor to move to straddle him loosely. He still shook under my thighs, great, heaving tremors that were clearly noticeable through both our pairs of jeans. His hands gripped my waist with bruising force even as mine rested above his heart to feel the hard, fast beat.

Smiling down at him, I ignored the tightness in my chest to clear my throat and speak up.

“Roark, you’re an amazing brother- I hope you realize that. Julianne is lucky to have you. She’s your little sister… even if everyone else in the world abandons her, you won’t. That’s all it takes. It only takes one person. As long as she has that one person, no one else matters. Sure, living that way can get lonely, but it won’t last forever. Being a teenager is hard, and whatever she’s going through with your parents is only going to do some good in the long run. She’s going to learn that everyone she meets will hate her for some reason- or no reason at all- and she might not be able to understand why right away. She’ll know what it’s like to have people not care about her, and she’ll try her damnedest to avoid making others feel that way.”

“I- I’m worried… I’m worried she’ll hurt herself, Ally.” My smile died at that, and Roark went ghost white as his own whispered words. “I couldn’t live with myself if-“

“Roark…” Cupping his ashen face, I leaned down until my nose bumped his, and I went a little cross-eyed to keep his swimming gaze. “Everyone hurts themselves in some way at some point. The goal isn’t to stop that. The goal is to make sure Julianne gets through it stronger than she was before. Do you understand?”

“… Yeah… I think so.” Mumbling his response, Roark shuttered his eyelids tightly, but his grip on my waist loosened. Resting my forehead on his, I took a deep breath before closing my eyes as well.

This wasn’t a situation that could be rectified with a single conversation, but it was a start.