My stomach jerked. The hairs on my arms and neck stood up against the flesh. I felt my pulse quicken as a rush of electric lust rushed into my chest.

I haven’t felt that way in years. Years. In all actuality, I haven’t had that feeling since I was with Addison, probably in this exact room.

I took a few seconds to myself. I needed to take a few breaths and collect my thoughts. I also needed to take some time for my hard-on to level out.

Damn. That was all I kept thinking. Addison had his palm wrapped around my thigh. All he had to do was slide it up a little further.

Thank God he didn’t. If he had, I wouldn’t know what I’d have done. I’d probably kiss him back, feel too flustered, and drive home in tears. That wasn’t the night I was looking for.

I exited his room and slowly walked back into the kitchen. His parents were already eating at the table, and Addison was now joining them. “Sorry for jumping into the food already,” Dill said. “I didn’t want it to get cold, and you seemed to be in a serious conversation.”

“It wasn’t serious,” Addison said.

My forehead folded in confusion. Wasn’t serious? The conversation was pretty serious but okay. It annoyed me that Addison could never be entirely honest.

Addison liked to hide the vulnerable emotions he felt unless that emotion was anger. It didn’t make sense to me, but it had to do something with that alpha drive. He just took it too far.

I quietly dug my fork into my lasagna, savoring the cheesy flavor. Carbs, carbs, carbs. I couldn’t get enough, especially when it came from Caleb’s touch. He was the best cook I’ve ever eaten from.

“This is delicious, Caleb,” I said, mouthful. “Thank you so much for having me over. It’s been a minute, but I’ve missed this.”

“Thank you, Kristoff. Well, we love having you over,” Caleb said.

I glanced over at Addison, who’s eyes were directed at his plate. He didn’t look up once, but he decided to chime into the conversation. “Kristoff is a personal care aide now,” he said.

“Really? That’s an awesome job,” Dill said.

I shrugged and forced a smile. I hated talking about myself, especially my career, but it was something I took a keen interest in. Helping people directly was always a passion of mine, but it took breaking up with Addison to figure that out.

“That’s wonderful!” Caleb said.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe I could visit Holloway Jordan in the hospital,” I said. It suddenly turned very quiet around the table, so I cut another piece from my lasagna and quickly stuffed it into my mouth.

All eyes were focused on Addison, anticipating that he was going to have another meltdown. “Why is everyone looking at me like that?” Addison asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Seriously? What did I do?”

Dill leaned forward, elbows on the wood table. “Well, what do you think about that idea? Maybe Kristoff could set something up for you,” he said.

“Well, you at least could talk with someone there to mediate,” Caleb said.

Addison groaned but kept it cool. “I said I’d think about it. That’s about all I can offer you right now,” he said.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. Dill put on the last fire of the season, and we sat around the flames listening to his favorite records while drinking Caleb’s homemade tiki drinks.

I felt like I was in a family again. A real family. Every time Addison looked over at me, I was filled with nostalgia. “I’m having fun,” he whispered, after the second round of drinks.

“Me too, actually. I thought it might be weird, but it’s been fine. We haven’t fought once,” I said.

I didn’t have a tight-knit family like Addison did. I grew up with the normal necessities, but my parents weren’t that social, and they barely even talked to each other.

By age thirteen, I realized that my family was a lie. “A loveable accident.” That’s how my parents phrased it, anyway. So, it became clear throughout my youth that they were very inward.

Once I found Addison, I felt like I had been initiated into something rather beautiful. I liked that they could sit in the living room and talk about art and culture. I had so much fun with his family that, when we were together, I felt like I had everything imaginable.

But once the alcohol wore off, reality started to set in. I had to go home to my house, alone. I said my goodbyes to his parents and slowly made my way to my car.

Before I reached my vehicle, I heard Addison’s feet crunch against the gravel. “Hey, wait up,” he said.

I stopped and turned around, feeling my legs shake. I hoped he wouldn’t try to kiss me because it would only lead to negative things, and I couldn’t deal with that at the moment. “What’s up?” I asked him.

He took my hand, but I gently pulled away. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I just wanted to say thanks for thinking about me. You’re right. I’ve been going through my own version hell lately. I’ve needed a friend, so thanks.”

“It’s no problem, Addison. You were an important part of my life,” I said, glancing down at the dark ground. I didn’t know what to say after that. Maybe this was it. Perhaps all he needed was a talk from someone who used to know him well.

“Yeah, well. I can’t really talk to anyone on the team anymore. They’re all pretty pissed at me. I don’t have any friends left. I’ll consider your offer. I really will, okay? I want to get better. I want to mend my actions,” he said. “Anyway, goodnight.”

“You can do anything you set your heart to doing,” I whispered, as I hugged him. My lips were close to his hear. “Goodnight, Addison. I hope you can have sweet dreams tonight.”

“Thanks. You too,” he said.

I got in my car and drove away. But as soon as I turned the corner, I felt my phone vibrate. I waited until I got home to check the text, but I had a feeling what it would say.

The screen read, “I miss you. A lot.”