I woke up to Kristoff’s smiling, sleepy face next to him. I wanted to kiss his cheek, but I knew that would be pushing it too far. We were friends, and I was okay with that.

I held my phone screen above my face, squinting at the headlines: “Holloway Jordan, safe and sound.” My heart raced as I read the motivational piece on his recovery.

“Babe. I mean, shit,” I muttered.

“It’s okay. I know what you were trying to say,” Kristoff said, groggily. “What’re you reading?”

“The news. Guess what?” I asked him. He made a cute attempt to think, but couldn’t come up with an answer. I read the article further. “Holloway Jordan. He’s not fully paralyzed. He moved his toes yesterday. The doctors think he’s on the road to recovery.”

Kristoff sat up in bed and swiped his hair out of his eyes. “No way,” he said. “He’s going to make it?”

“Well, I don’t know if he’ll play again, but the article seems to be hopeful,” I said.

“That must make you feel so much better,” Kristoff said. He hugged me lovingly, but it didn’t last as long as I wanted it to. I breathed in his wonderful cologne and smiled.

“It makes me feel like taking on the day, that’s for sure. I’m going to make some coffee if you want some,” I said.

Kristoff ran his palm over his eyes and yawned. “I’d love some, actually. I have to be at Frank’s house in a few hours for work,” he said.

I grabbed a shirt and pulled it over my half-naked body. “Frank?” I asked him.

“He’s someone I care for, right now. He’s the friendliest omega I’ve ever met. Oh, and he’s a total sports fan, so he knows all about you,” Kristoff said as he swiveled out of bed.

I paused. “So, you both talk about me often? Does he think I’m crazy too?” I asked.

“No one thinks your crazy, Addison,” he replied. He was totally lying, but that’s okay. He had my interests at heart.

“It’s not a problem if you like talking about me,” I said, trying my best to keep this lighthearted.

“You’re pressing your luck again,” he said.

“I’m always doing that, aren’t I?” I walked with Kristoff to the kitchen. I poured a big helping of coffee into the filter and switched it on.

There was so much that I wanted to tell Kristoff, beyond that I was sorry for what happened in the past. It was true that I chose my career over him. I had never forgiven myself for doing that. But he never knew the true story.

He didn’t know about that fateful night, when the quarterback on the team grabbed my inner thigh and neck. He also didn’t know that I had planned more for us, for our future.

The year I signed my first contract was the year I bought my omega a ring. For months, I kept it in my drawer, waiting for the right moment to propose. As time went on, however, our relationship deteriorated.

Then, we had the fight of the century. The time to propose had passed. I had to move on and become a man I never planned on being.

I still had that ring. I kept it in a brown, wooden box, under my bed. It was set neatly on top of one hundred handwritten letters. Nearly every single night, I dug through that trove of artifacts to get a grip on my life.

After we broke up, I thought of Kristoff every single day. Whether I was in the airport or the locker rooms, I wrote him all of the time, but I didn’t have the guts to send those letters to him. Instead, I just kept them near my heart in hopes that things could work themselves out someday.

This was my chance to turn things around. I just needed to find a way to tell him how much he meant to me.

I handed Kristoff a hot cup of coffee. We both sat down at the kitchen bar. “I’m going to reach out to Holloway’s family,” I said.

Kristoff’s eyes widened in surprise. “You are?” he asked.

I took a sip of coffee and savored the taste. I nodded, feeling sure of myself. “I need to do it. I don’t care if Holloway brings me to court. I just want to make things right. I can’t keep running away from my problems,” I said.

Kristoff shielded his eyes away from mine, but he looked pleased. I wasn’t talking to Holloway for him, though. I was doing this for myself. “What are you going to say? That’s pretty heavy,” Kristoff said.

“It’s going to be brutal,” I admitted. “But I have to do it. I don’t want to have to rely on you this time.”

I took another sip of coffee as Kristoff’s eyes looked down at my hands. “Addison, you’re shaking,” he whispered.

I looked down at my hands and noticed that they were trembling against the mug. “Shit,” I muttered. I threw them under the table.

“I’ll come with you,” Kristoff offered.

“No,” I stated, right off the bat. “I’m thankful for everything you’ve done, Kristoff, but you’re right. I’ll feel a lot better if I just own up to what happened.”

“Just remember that it’s not your fault. Bad things happen sometimes, and it’s not always in your control,” Kristoff said.

“You’re my best friend,” I said, smiling back at Kristoff.

“You’re mine,” he replied. “And that’s not going to change now. I promise.”

I knew his words were the truth, and hearing them spurred something in me I didn’t know to be possible. Rediscovering myself was a bitch to the nerves, but it gave me hope.

When he finished his coffee, I knew my short time with him was done. I walked my ex-love to the front door. Kristoff gave me a big hug. “Text me later,” he whispered.

My chin rested against the nook of his shoulder. “I will,” I said.

As he walked toward his car, I peered out at him from the sliver of the doorframe. My heart ached so much. I missed him already. I shut the door.

I called Andy right after. “Talk to me,” he said.

“Hey, Mr. Moneybags. I need a favor,” I said, as confidently as I could.

“Let me guess. You’ve re-thought everything, and now you’re ready to come back to the league,” he said.

“I told you, Andy. I’m done with the sport. It was fun, but it drained me of my soul,” I said. “No, I have other plans in store.”

“Alright. Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” Andy said. I grimaced. Most of the time, I was cool with Andy, but sometimes he said some stupid things. Although he had some of my interests in mind, his primary goal was profit. I had to remember that.

“I need Holloway’s number. I want to get together with him,” I said.

Andy cleared his throat. I could hear him hurriedly walking to the outside of his balcony, at his office. “I take it that you read the article?” he asked me.

“I did. He’s getting better. I thought he was paralyzed, Andy. That’s what you told me,” I said.

“And that’s what they told me,” he argued back. “How could I know that he’d make a miraculous recovery?”

Something in his voice told me to stay wary of him, but I dismissed it. Andy hadn’t fucked me over yet, and he wasn’t even my manager anymore, so I had no reason to think he’d hurt me.

“I don’t know, but it feels like I’ve been given a second chance, Andy. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders. I need to talk to him. I want to set the record straight,” I said.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, big guy. Holloway’s wife despises you, the team, and the league. But, of course, you’re the guy who’s going to get blamed. I know it wasn’t your fault, but you made a head-first tackle. It’s an illegal move,” Andy said.

I finished my coffee and sighed loudly. “Andy, spare me the lecture on illegal tackles. I know everything there is to know about the game, okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just saying. They’ve got the ammo to blow this out of proportion,” he said.

“Well, they have a right to blow it however they want to,” I said. “I fumbled the ball and Holloway got it. I spun around and immediately came at him. I didn’t mean to hurt the guy.”

“They can’t sue you. That’s what the waivers are for. And the contracts. And the—”

To Andy, everything added up to dollar amounts. But for me, that wasn’t the concern. “I’ll pay them regardless of the threats. They deserve it. The family deserves it, Andy. I feel like we’re talking about two different subjects here,” I said.

I sat down on my deck and watered each plant that lined across the side of the pool. It was such a beautiful day outside. It felt like a shame to waste it by listening to Andy’s excuses.

“I’m just looking out for you, buddy,” Andy said.

“The number,” I replied.

“Jeez. Calm down. I’ll get it,” he said. I heard him lift the phone up and type something. Then, I felt my phone vibrate. “There. Did you get it?”

I held up my phone and saw the alert. “Got it. Thanks, Andy. I promise that I won’t make a media frenzy out of this. It’ll be a normal call. Everything will go over smoothly,” I said.

“Don’t let me down,” he said. “I have to run. See you later.”

“Bye, Andy,” I said, hanging up the phone.

I had no idea how our talk would go, but I had to try my best to patch things up. If Holloway’s family wanted to sue me afterward, I’d pay them out of pocket with cash. Either way, I knew I needed to kick back something toward them.

But the more I stared at my phone, the more I realized that I had nothing left to stand on. I had no career, no friends, and definitely no boyfriend. It totally freaked me out.

Despite the pressures, I dialed the number to the hospital. “Hi,” I said to the receptionist. “I was wondering if you could connect me with Holloway Jordan. This is Addison Matthews…”

It was awkward saying our two names together like that. I held my breath, hoping that introduction was good enough. “Holloway Jordan? Addison Matthews? This is another one of those prank phone calls, isn’t it?” the man asked.

“Sir, I promise that it’s not,” I said.

“Well then, Mr. Matthews. You’re going to have to come in tomorrow. He’s sleeping right now. I’ll tell his wife that you called,” he said.

“Okay, thank you very—” The man hung up on me before I could even finish my thank you.

* * *

The hospital was dim and half-empty in the early hours of the morning. Still, as I was waiting to enter into the brightly lit hallway, a young man immediately noticed me.

“Addison Matthews? Yo, number 23!” I shielded my face and turned my back, but there was no hiding. He took out his phone, and within seconds, he was filming. “How does it feel to lose everything, Addison?”

“Please turn the camera off,” I muttered. I remained calm, but I couldn’t figure out how long I could hold back.

The man in his mid-twenties walked forward with his phone camera. He had a dumb smile plastered on his face. “I just want to know one thing. How did it feel to snap the neck of your competitor? I bet it felt good, huh?”

I wanted to punch his lights out, but I suddenly felt weak. As the man laughed, I fell to my knees and lost my breath. My vision went hazy, all of a sudden.

I closed my eyes and could see the green field. I could hear the noises of the fans, cheering for our team to win the final touch down. I felt the pimpled leather ball rub against my gloves. There were the smells of hot dogs, popcorn, delicious beer, and cotton candy.

Suddenly, I turned and could see the individual faces, screaming at me with venom. One man had his face painted. His teeth were sharp and angular. His face was red with rage as he shouted the words “Kill him!”

That’s when I lost the football. I scrambled to make a comeback. I slammed into Holloway as hard as I could. I heard his vertebrae click. I held my hand up in the air as the whole stadium roared with pleasure.

“Please just leave me alone. I don’t need this right now,” I whispered, huddled against the floor.

“Jesus, man. Get a grip,” the man with the camera said.

I held my breath as he walked away from me. He sat back down with his friend. Did you get that on camera? “My fucking phone is full. It got cut off,” he whispered.

Thank God. These days, people weren’t kind to others who needed a little help. I knew how insane I looked, but sometimes, I disassociated. I would replay those images, over and over in my head, as if I could go back in time to fix them.

But I couldn’t fix the past. All I could do was try to be better. “Addison Matthews? Right, this way.”

I followed the nurse to Holloway’s room. When we got closer to the end of the hall, the woman turned and whispered to me, “That’s his room. He’s been having a tough go at things lately, but he’s getting better. Just play nice and don’t give him too many hard questions, okay?” I nodded.

My nerves were strained. I had the biggest urge to turn around and run out of the building. But then I thought about Kristoff. I asked myself, what would he do in this situation?

“I’ll take it from here.” Holloway’s wife walked out of the room with swollen eyes. She shut the door, and the nurse quietly walked away.

“Mrs. Jordan, hi,” I said, voice full of strain. “I, uh, came to apologize.”

This was already going terribly wrong. Mrs. Jordan hovered in front of me. Her sweatpants were faded, and her shirt was unkempt with makeup stains smeared over the front design. She had gone through a lot of pain because of me.

“Is he doing better?” I asked her.

She nodded and wiped a single tear from her eyes. “He’s doing better,” she said. “He’s a tough fighter, but the doctors are concerned about a lot right now.”

I took a deep breath and reached into my back pocket. I pulled out a large envelope. Inside was a thick wad of cash. To a sports family, it probably meant nothing, but I wanted to offer it nonetheless.

“If you sue the league, they’ll make a mockery of the situation,” I said. I flipped the envelope into her hand. She held it loosely. “This is twenty-thousand dollars. If it doesn’t cover your hospital visit, I can offer more. I wasn’t sure of the right amount.”

“Kelly,” she said.

“I’m sorry, excuse me?” I asked, not reading the situation right.

“My name is Kelly Jordan,” she said. She held out her right hand. “Thank you for the gesture. But we were never planning on suing anybody.”

I hesitated as she handed me the envelope back. I didn’t take it back, and wouldn’t. “I’m confused. Andy Mackmore, my old manager, said that you were planning on taking me to court,” I said.

The sterile halls reflected brightly in my eyes. I felt confused and mildly betrayed. Kelly smiled, but also bore the look of confusion. “We knew the risks. Everyone does,” she said.

“Yeah, but—”

“Did you know that I’ve watched that game over seventeen times now? I’ve probably paused on that scene over one hundred times now. You made a mistake. A mistake. People deserve second chances,” Kelly said.

I humbled myself. “Well, I quit the team and the league. I’m pretty much done with it all. I know people deserve second chances, but I think it was about time to let go,” I said.

Kelly opened the door an inch to check on her husband. “Want my advice?” she whispered.

“Please,” I said, desperate for some answers.

“Don’t let them get to you,” she said. “The people who work at the top are snakes. Don’t eat their apples. Know what I’m saying?”

I knew she was telling the truth. It was what every player expected out of his managers, agents, and executives. The people at the top of the totem pole were out for ratings. They’d do anything to grab more of them.

“Can I see him?” I asked. “I just want to give him my respect. I’ll leave quickly.”

Kelly Jordan was the nicest woman I had ever met. She didn’t care if I was an alpha when most of the people in the beta world did. She just came off as sweet, understanding, and wise.

She glanced back inside of the room. “Okay,” she whispered. “He’s on a lot of pain medication right now, so keep that in mind.”

I walked into the room, heart beating a million miles per hour. A medical halo held Holloway’s neck in place. He slowly held up his hand “Hey, Addison,” he whispered. “I’m going to be honest. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

I sat down next to the hurt man. “I was scared to visit the last few weeks,” I said. “I didn’t know what to expect, what you’d say to me. I’m just so fucking sorry, Holloway. I don’t know what else to say. I want to make things right.”

He strained his body and smiled. “You got me good on the field,” he said. I hung my head with sorry, but he somehow managed to laugh. “It cost you guys the game.”

I smirked, but it didn’t feel okay. “I wish I let you run that touchdown,” I said.

“Stop beating yourself up, bro,” he muttered. “The doctors think I’m going to get better. I played for a good fifteen years, Addison. It was my time. Next year, I’ll be back, but this time I’ll be recruiting.”

He held up his hand for me to high-five. I took his palm and gently squeezed it, fighting back the emotion that was pulsing through my stomach. “If there’s anything you need from me, give me a call. Please, Holloway,” I said.

Holloway shook his head, in sudden pain. “I do have a favor to ask of you,” he said.

I leaned forward, against the hospital bed. “Anything,” I said.

“Call the nurse back in. I need some more morphine.” Another trickster smile broke out onto his face.

“Holloway!” Kelly groaned.

“I’m only kidding,” he said to his wife. “If I’m going to ask anything of you, Addison, it’s that you get back on that field and play again. You can’t quit over something like this. It wasn’t your fault.”

Everyone wanted me to play, but my heart wasn’t it anymore. The drive had come and went. I’d never play again, and that was okay.

“I can’t, Holloway. I’m over it. I want to do other things in my life. Who knows? Maybe I’ll help people,” I said. I thought about Kristoff, the sweet omega who had dedicated his whole life toward making people feel better about their predicament. He was an inspiration to me.

“Well, whatever you do, you’ve got support,” he said, glancing up at his wife. She squeezed his shoulder and sat near him.

I stood up, nodding. Holloway was right. I had my family. I had Kristoff, my best friend. “We’re okay?” I asked him.

“Shit. We’re more than okay,” he said. “Now, get out of here, and stop worrying about me so much. My neck is killing me again. I’ll probably take a nap.”

I said my goodbye and walked out of the hospital. At that moment, I felt liberated from myself. I blamed myself for hurting Holloway, but he didn’t hold that grudge. In the end, it was my own head causing all of that pain.

But there was more on my mind. I called my dad, Caleb. I wanted to see my parents again. “My handsome son! How are you?” he asked.

“Dad, I feel so much better,” I said, choking up. “I want to come up tonight. Is that okay?”

“Dill and are watching the newest Netflix series after dinner. We’d love to have you over,” he said. “And you never have to ask, love. Our door is always open.”

“I love you. I’m on the way,” I said.