Month 4…

“Wake up, darling.” The sound of Addison’s voice felt smooth. I was dreaming of eating the biggest tub of caramel ice cream in the world. I was about to dip the spoon in, but Addison shook me awake.

“Baby, not now. I’m dreaming about heaven,” I muttered, groggily.

Addison didn’t leave me alone, so I opened my eyes. “It’s Frank. They’ve stabilized his oxygen levels. He just called. We have to go see him,” he said.

I blinked my eyes wildly. I had been waiting for this day for so long. “Frank? We can finally see him?” I asked, still a bit too sleepy to understand.

“Yeah, let’s get on the move,” Addison said. He quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

I sat up. My belly felt a lot heavier now, and it was more pronounced. But the nausea had disappeared, finally, and I felt more at ease with the decision.

“Okay. I’m coming. Just give me a second,” I muttered.

I hobbled toward the bathroom, and pissed for a good three minutes straight. Afterward, I reached into the cabinet to grab my stretch mark cream. I lathered my belly up and threw on a highly unflattering outfit.

“I’m ready, papa,” I said.

Addison leaned forward and kissed my stomach. I loved it when he did that. “My two kings,” he whispered.

“My tits hurt,” I admitted. My smile was crooked, but I was hanging in there.

We drove to the hospital in better spirits than last time. Frank was sitting up in bed. He looked a hell of a lot healthier. “What did you do to me, Kristoff! Did you poison my cigars?” he asked. To my surprise, Carl was sitting beside him. He waved.

I held my stomach and laughed. “Frank, do not joke about those things. Can we finally agree that you need to be done with them now?” I asked.

“I know. I should have listened to your sage wisdom,” Frank said.

“Hey, Frank,” Addison peered out from behind me. “Did you see Kristoff’s stomach? It’s huge!”

“Addison!” I coughed out. “What the freakin’ heck?”

Addison turned red and covered his mouth. “I didn’t mean it like that. I swear,” he said.

Frank wagged his finger at Addison. “Now you’re in trouble,” he said.

Addison walked forward and hugged Frank. “I’m glad to see you alive, Frank. You gave us a huge scare there. Never again, okay?”

Frank waved me over too. I hugged him and fought back the tears I knew I wouldn’t be able to control. “You’re a jerk, Frank. Don’t scare me like that. I’m too pregnant to be rattled up,” I said.

“I thought I was gone. That’s for sure,” he muttered. “The doctor is surprised I made it. Hell, I’m surprised that I made it!”

“Well, you’re in good company now,” I said, looking over at Carl. He looked like an old, guilty puppy.

“This bastard? I still have a lot to say to him,” Frank said, creasing his eyes together. “I’m only joking. I’m aggressive, but God knows I’m a forgiver. I’ve never been a fighter.”

Carl stood up and kissed Frank. Despite their hardship, they managed to come together. I supported it if Carl was going to stay around. “I’m going to get some more pudding,” Carl said. “I’ll be back, my love.”

Carl left the room. A sly smile formed on my face. “You never told me about him,” I said.

“Well, it’s not the most enlightening subject on the planet, dear,” Frank said.

“I know. And it’s not our business to pry,” I said. “Are you still in love?”

Frank closed his eyes for a few seconds He looked calm and peaceful. “You know, we were both terrible to each other. Both of us. I was an angry omega. I couldn’t bear children. Carl couldn’t take it, so he left. But we never forgot about each other. That’s the key,” he said.

I looked over at my love, Addison. I squeezed his hand. “You’re all too adorable,” Frank muttered. “I’m proud of you. You stuck through this.”

“Thank you, Frank,” I whispered. “We’ve been working hard at it.”

“Kristoff has been doing most of the working here,” Addison said. “I’ve just been getting the house ready for our new bean. Which reminds me, we have an appointment in an hour with the OBGYN. I almost forgot.”

“Well, don’t let me keep you,” Frank said, smiling. “I love you both.”

“I’m going to come visit you tomorrow,” I said. “And the next day, and the day after that.”

“I look forward to it, dear,” Frank said.

We left the hospital, only to drive to another hospital ten minutes away. The journey through pregnancy was long and winding, and it involved a ton of trips to doctors. It was exhausting!

Addison drummed on the steering wheel, excitedly. He started singing loudly, “We’re going to have a healthy babay! Hey! He’s going to be a healthy babay! Hey!”

“I’m glad you’re excited because I’m nervous as hell,” I admitted. These doctor’s visits were fine, but my nerves were shot to death at that point.

“Baby, you’re healthy. The baby is healthy. Everything is going to be great. This is just a standard checkup,” Addison said.

I leaned my forehead against the air condition. I felt the air rush across my face. It was too hot to be pregnant in California. “I’ve been following the books to a T,” I said. “And I’ve been eating healthy. I feel good about this, but you never know.”

“I know,” Addison said. “You’re going to give birth to a wonderful boy. He’s going to be full of joy, discovery, wonder, and beauty. We’re going to love the shit out of him.”

A big smile formed on my face. I had been waiting for the day for too long. “Five months to go,” I said.

* * *

“I know this sounds crazy, but he can hear me. I’ve been singing to him every single night,” I said.

Addison smiled. “He does. I keep waking up to him singing ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,” he added.

Doctor Hopkins smiled and said, “Well, I hope you like music because you might end up giving birth to a musician,” she joked.

“Well, that would be wonderful,” I said.

We both stared at the ultrasound screen. Our baby was growing so fast. “You have yourself a healthy baby,” she said. “Have you had any spotting lately?”

“No, and my nausea has disappeared too. Sometimes, I can feel him moving inside of my belly,” I said, hoping all of those things were normal.

“Great. At this stage, I’m not worried. You’re a healthy daddy. Try to stick to healthy foods, drink lots of water, and do everything by the book. You should be all set, okay?” Doctor Hopkins asked.

Both Addison and I were so freakin’ relieved to hear that everything was normal. After four months of working at this, it was all we wanted to hear.

“Thank you, doctor,” we both said. I added, “We’ll see you in four weeks.”

“Hang in there, daddy!” she exclaimed.

With the trips to the hospital out of the way, I just wanted to lay in bed with my baby daddy. Feeling his arms around me was the only thing on my list left to do in the day.

When we pulled into the driveway, I could see it in his face too. Those worn down eyes. The lines on his cheeks. The exhausted slump. “We need to rest more. Don’t we?” I asked him.

“I’m basically on auto-pilot mode, but I’m hanging in there,” Addison said.

But I knew he needed to call Holloway. Addison needed to find himself again. “Will you call Holloway tomorrow?” I asked him. “Please? You’re running out of time, Addison.”

He nodded and checked his phone. I saw the name “Andy” on it. He declined the call. “I’ll get around to it,” he said. “Right now, I’m all about you.”

I loved that he was so invested in this, but I was afraid he was using it as a means to escape from his responsibilities. I carefully crawled into bed and sighed, thinking about it. “Baby. Don’t mess around. I know you want to get back into the swing of things. You can only do that if you make an effort,” I said.

“You’re right, darling. I just have a lot on my mind right now,” he said.

Addison was behaving weirdly. Ever since we got home, he couldn’t relax. He’d walk into the kitchen, and then wander back into the room aimlessly. Sweat poured down his forehead.

“Okay. What is going on with you?” I finally asked.

“I can’t find my book,” Addison said, placing his finger against his chin. “Can you check under the bed for me?”

“Yes, weirdo. Even though I can barely move, I’ll check under the bed for you,” I said.

I looked under the bed and saw a box, but there weren’t any books. “There’s a wooden cigar box that I’ve never seen in my house before. Are you trying to sneak Frank his cigars?” I grabbed the box and dropped it onto the bed.

“Don’t be mad,” Addison said.

“I’m going to be more than mad if there are cigars in this box, Addison,” I said.

But Addison merely smiled. As I opened the box, Addison fell to one knee. Inside was a large stack of envelopes. On top was a large ring.

“Addison,” I whispered. I felt flustered. No, I felt insane. What was happening? I choked on my air and felt the waterworks coming.

“Kristoff Colleen Anderson…” I burst into tears. I was an absolute mess of happiness. “When I met you, I knew you were the one. I spent every single day with you. Whether we were in class, joking around, or sneaking out of the house at night to hold each other and kiss, I always felt like I was in heaven when I was with you. But then things changed. Life suddenly turned difficult. I left you,” he said.

He bowed his head down and caught his breath. He was emotional too, and those feelings caught him by surprise.

“I needed time to figure out who I was. I needed to grow. But I didn’t need to do it without you. Since that time, I have thought about you endlessly. I wrote you nearly every single day for a year, but I never sent those letters. I figured you hated me,” Addison said. “Now that we’re together again, I never want to lose you. I always want this, right here. You, me, and our son, together in harmony. Kristoff, will you do me the highest honor of marrying me?”

A river of tears flowed. “You wrote to me?” I asked.

“Yes, but you haven’t answered the question.” Addison chuckled nervously and took my hand, as well as the ring.

I snapped out of my trance. “Yes! I’m going to marry the shit out of you, Addison Matthews!”

And then my eyes lowered to the ring, as he slipped the rock onto my fingers. “It’s beautiful, Addison,” I whispered. The diamond was a brilliant round cut. Three smaller diamonds arched around the center.

“I bought it so long ago, but I always kept it in hopes I could return,” Addison said.

I bent my hand toward the light. Then, I focused on the letters. There were so many. I didn’t know where to start. “And you wrote me all this time?” I asked.

More tears fell out of nowhere. I had been convinced that there was a time when Addison forgot about me. I was wrong.

“Every single day,” he said.

“But why didn’t you say something? We could have mended things so long ago,” I said. It was such a shame that we had to go through all of that suffering for no reason.

“Things happened,” Addison said. “Some bad things. Things I shouldn’t bring up here.”

I hugged him tightly and kissed the side of his neck. I didn’t let go. “You can tell me anything. I mean that,” I said.

“I’d rather not tell you about this,” Addison said. He sat down on the bed and faced the other direction.

“Please. Don’t shut me out again,” I said.

He laid against the mattress, eyes heavy with emotion. “I just want this to be a happy memory,” he said.

“But it is. No matter what, I’ll remember this day with fondness. But something happened to you. I can see it in your eyes. Why can’t you talk to me?” I asked.

Addison held his hands over his eyes. He looked embarrassed, but also really hurt. I held him, wanting to take the pain away. But I couldn’t. Only time could do that. And talking about it was the first step.

“The night at that party. You had it wrong,” Addison said.

I nodded. “Okay. But what part?” I asked with a caring tone.

“The whole thing,” Addison snapped. Then, he shook his head and whispered. “I’m sorry. Thinking about it… it’s so painful. Once the images are in my head, it’s as if I am transported back there. I can smell the alcohol. I can feel the hurt between us. And then, I can feel the leather interior of his car. His horrible cologne reeks. His rough hand…”

Addison stopped himself. I scooted in as close as I could to him, squeezing tighter. “It’s okay, love. You can tell me anything. I promise you,” I said.

My chest was tight with emotion. “He forced himself on me,” Addison said. “And frankly, that’s a huge reason why I hate the fucking sport. Nearly every single player is just like that motherfucker.”

The news came as a complete shock, and it rocked me to my core. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew that I had to say something to comfort him.

“I’ll kill him,” I said, without even meaning to. Once I saw the pain in his eyes, I couldn’t help but react with anger. Addison was my fiancé. I wanted to take all the bad away from him.

“Nothing happened. I got him to let go, and I just ran out of that car. All I remember is the darkness of the night. The streetlights seemed to be out of power, but maybe that was my mind playing tricks. The sound of my feet hitting the pavement ricocheted across the neighborhood,” Addison said.

His hands were always warm, but right now, they felt cold to the touch. I lifted the covers over our body. Addison kissed me in a frenzy of sadness. “I never want to feel that way again. And I don’t want to have to feel obligated to play with someone like that,” he said.

“So that’s why you haven’t called Holloway,” I said, starting to understand. Addison was a complex alpha who tended to push things to the bottom of his subconscious. Everything was beginning to make sense.

“And Andy. I haven’t talked to him in months because I know he leaked those photos to the press. In this business, it’s hard to know who to trust,” Addison said.

“You need to feel okay with doing things on your own terms,” I said.

Our closet door was half open. Inside, a football sat loosely against the shelf. It was old and deflated. The football was Addison’s first. It had been given to him by his fathers.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said, exhaling. “Maybe this is an opportunity. I’m going to call Holloway tomorrow,” Addison said.

“At the very least, it’ll help you gain some clarity. Ultimately, if the league doesn’t want to listen to your needs, you don’t have to sign anything,” I said.

“You’re right. You have always been right. I love you, Kristoff. I seriously do. My love for you know no bounds,” Addison said.

The last time I had seen that look of conviction in his eyes was the last Super Bowl he played, and that was divided through a television screen. This time, it was for me.

“I know that now, baby. I do. And when things get hard, I want you to be able to talk to me. I can listen. I’ll be there for you when you need it,” I said.

I love you.

That night, we held each other and lay in the bliss of our love. There was no heavy petting, but there was a heavy connection that was only growing stronger, day-by-day. And when Addison fell asleep, ass arched back against me, I reached into that cigar box. I read the first letter he ever wrote to me. It was the first letter I never received.

I lost you.

I know that you’re gone now, but it still doesn’t feel like you’re gone. Does that make sense? Maybe not, especially since I let you down. I left you right when we needed to be closer to one another. I didn’t know what choice to make. I guess I’m a selfish asshole. Scratch that. I know that I’m a selfish asshole.

But you were the only one in my life who ever understood me. EVER. I had no one but you.

This isn’t a sob story for me. Things are happening in my life that I can’t control, but everyone tells me that I just need to focus on the prize. Everything will work out if I concentrate. But all I can hear is your voice. All I can smell is your cologne – the bottle that I bought you for Christmas. All I can taste is your lips.

I hope one day we can find each other again. These letters are wishful thinking, I guess. But sometimes, life pulls some miraculous tricks. I’ve heard stories of people seeing each other after being separated. Distance made them stronger individuals. They came back, more determined than ever.

Wishful thinking. I know. But I still love you. And I can never forgive myself for what I did. I’ll dream of you tonight, dear. Eternally yours,

Addison.

My hands were shaking with sadness. My stomach cramped from the pain as I set down the first letter. A few tears hit the paper.

I glanced over at Addison. He was older now. He was wiser too. He still got emotional, and sometimes he was a little too impulsive. The important thing was that he was learning, and that was a huge part of becoming an adult alpha.

Once our baby arrived, Addison was going to adapt quickly. I did not doubt that. No worries. None of that crap. He was my man, and he was stronger than he knew.

“Sometimes, life pulls some miraculous tricks.” Addison was right about that. We ended up together, and now I’m bearing his beautiful child. Everything was on the up and up.

And I was beyond happy that I gave him a second chance.