Falling asleep in the same bed as Peter was something John had never imagined would happen again outside of his dreams. Not that he was doing much sleeping.

The Alpha had passed out soon after his stitches were finished, but all John could do was lie awake staring at the back of his head and wondering which version of his former lover was real. The charming, mysterious man who’d gone as suddenly as he’d shown up and left John’s heart shattered, or the vulnerable, unexpectedly human man he’d seen a glimpse of that night.

Maybe it was just the fever, but something told him that side of Peter was more genuine than the Alpha would like to admit. That he wasn’t the emotionless, guiltless killer he seemed to be trying to convince everyone he was, including himself.

That raised even more troubling concerns. John had finally come to accept the truth of Peter’s explanation, and while the Alpha hadn’t cheated on him, he was part of a world John neither could nor wanted to understand. Even if they somehow managed to survive, how were they ever supposed to move on from that?

The realization that he was even considering the possibility was the most unsettling of all. It had taken three years to convince himself that he was over Peter, and one night to show him the opposite.

Somehow, between the agonizing and wondering, he’d managed to fall asleep. When he woke to find Peter’s side of the bed empty, it was no surprise. It was a reminder of that first morning he’d woken up after his world had ended to find a note of halfhearted apology from Peter along with enough cash to more than cover their rent for the year.

He’d burned the cash and kept the note. It was still probably tucked away in a box of things at his apartment. He took it out from time to time, usually around Valentine’s Day, when he felt like punishing himself on the anniversary of the end. The end of their relationship, of his trust both in Alphas and himself.

The most humiliating part about finding that note had been the realization that Peter had thrown in the towel before he had. Sure, he’d let the Alpha hear it when he’d found him with his “lover” at the hotel and packed his bag as soon as he’d gone back home, but he’d stopped short of leaving that night. He’d forced himself to do the mature thing and at least wait until they could speak. Peter leaving on his own had almost been a greater blow than the infidelity itself.

John sat up, his leg still aching even though it looked a lot better than it had the night before. He looked around the room, but the only sign of the Alpha’s presence was his bloody shirt discarded in the trash.

Well, maybe it was for the best. Peter always did have a tendency to run the moment things got real. Usually it was for a day. The last time, it had been forever, or so John had thought.

He stood and walked into the bathroom to wash his face with cold water in hopes that it would wake him up enough to face the demands of the day. He froze when the steam of the shower greeted him, thick but not quite opaque enough to censor the Alpha standing behind the glass door.

Peter was every bit as muscular as John remembered. From his thick arms to his sculpted torso and the powerful thighs John’s hands knew all too well from all the times he’d spent on his knees between them, the man was pure perfection. Even through the water on the shower door, John could see Peter smirking at him.

The Alpha slid the shower door open and leaned out, his black hair gleaming wet and slicked back with a few damp strands sticking to his face. “There’s plenty of hot water left, but if you’d like to conserve, you’re more than welcome.”

John turned away quickly, hating the way his face heated up to betray his desire. Running out of the room would just look worse, so he turned on the sink and wet his toothbrush under the water. “I thought you’d left.”

Peter didn’t say anything, but when John looked up into the mirror, he could see the Alpha frowning at him. “After everything we’ve been through, you seriously think I’d bail on you in a hotel room?”

John spit into the sink and rinsed his mouth. “I don’t really know what to think. It’s been a long time.”

“Apparently,” Peter muttered. John could feel the Alpha’s eyes on him, but the look of desire in them when he finally looked up was a mystery to him. Peter’s dark blues drifted lower and lingered appreciatively over the beta’s bare torso and the half-erection John had hoped he wouldn’t notice. “Too long.”

John gulped. No matter how many years it had been, his body still responded with the same desperation the Alpha could always inspire with a single glance. Why the hell Peter still seemed to want him in return was beyond him. He wasn’t built like the Alpha or elegant and smooth like most omegas. In some ways, he felt like he’d just grown into a thirty-something version of being tall and awkward rather than growing out of it.

“Come here.” Peter’s voice was both commanding and casual, like there wasn’t a damn reason he could think of why the beta would refuse.

John hated himself for responding to it. That confidence that had at once infuriated him and drawn him in. Peter was everything he wasn’t, everything he wanted. Sometimes he couldn’t tell whether he envied the Alpha or admired him, but as he found himself drawing closer and realized it wasn’t just the heat from the shower he was feeling, he knew the answer was both.

Peter’s gaze darkened and the Alpha tugged his boxers down, letting his eyes sweep over the other man’s erection. He took John’s hand and pulled him into the shower before sliding the door closed and pushing him up against it.

“You look as good as I remember,” Peter said in a low, sultry voice, running his hands down John’s torso as the steam caressed them both. He leaned in, his breath icy on John’s neck as he whispered, “I wonder if you taste as good, too?”

The beta shivered for all the wrong reasons as Peter’s hands went lower, spanning his hips and snaking around to palm his cock. A second in the Alpha’s expert grasp and he was fully erect.

John pursed his lips before he could moan and let the glass wall hold him as Peter worked his cock. He made it clear he hadn’t lost his ability to elicit any response he chose through touch. John felt the other man’s shaft glide up against his, grinding and teasing.

When Peter’s lips met his, it was all over. He simply didn’t have the kind of strength it took to keep his heart in check when the Alpha was this close. Touching him, kissing him, rubbing him. It was a mistake, but it was one he was diving into headfirst rather than falling into.

He hated himself for giving in so easily to his own weakness, but everyone had their poison. His just happened to be six-foot-two with jet black hair and a cock the size of Texas.

John realized he was close to humiliating himself by coming just because Peter was pressed against him, his tongue buried in the beta’s throat, he broke away to catch his breath. Peter’s mouth curved into a knowing smile as he pushed John up against the other wall. The Alpha sank to his knees and gave John’s dick another tug. “You remember how it felt to have my mouth on you?” His voice was husky and his eyes were those of the devil himself, framed by the black hair the water was pushing into them.

That question alone made heat rush to John’s cock, already sensitive in the Alpha’s grip. He shouldn’t have dignified it with an answer, but the breathy “Yes,” that rushed from his mouth was as automatic as it was desperate.

He wanted to feel it again. Peter’s lips sealed around his cock, sucking and taunting. Fuck, he wanted it…

“Fuck,” he gasped as Peter turned the fantasy into reality. The Alpha knew exactly how to work him, flicking softly at first over the tip with his tongue before drawing him into his mouth for slow, sensual suction. His hands found their way to the Alpha’s wet hair, just because he needed to touch him to remind himself that he was real.

When Peter cupped John’s balls, they tightened up and he felt like the tension of holding off was going to kill him. Nonetheless, the Alpha knew exactly what he was doing. He would tease and torture until the last possible moment, running his finger around the head of Johns cock and giving him a look that was nothing short of cruel in its intensity.

“You’re so close,” he taunted, leaving John’s cock abandoned as his fingers slipped into the omega’s crack and pressed the entrance. “I bet I could make you cum without even touching your dick.”

John gritted his teeth as the Alpha’s fingers penetrated him, sending another wave of arousal through his core. He shuddered and tightened up as Peter found his spot immediately, fucking him with his fingers until Peter felt sure his prediction was about to come true.

At the last minute, Peter’s mouth sealed around him once again and the pressure made John climax into the Alpha’s throat. Peter drank him down, licking him clean before the water could do the job.

When he finally rose to press his hard cock up against John’s belly, his hands planted on either side of the beta and his gaze on fire with lust, he whispered, “Guess I just couldn’t resist tasting you.” He leaned down and John’s lips parted even before Peter’s touched them. “I was right, by the way. You taste as good as I remembered.”

John wrapped his arms around the Alpha’s neck and he dragged his nails down the sensitive skin. Making Peter shiver in need the same way he had was his only consolation for being so weak and desperate in the Alpha’s embrace.

“Fuck me,” he whispered against Peter’s lips, grinding against him. He was getting hard again just from the thought of the Alpha’s knot buried inside of him.

Surprise showed on Peter’s face, but he wasted no time turning the beta around and pushing him up against the wall. John moaned as he felt Peter work something slick into his crack to make entering him a little easier, but it was still a tight fit.

Tight, but every bit as perfect as he remembered. Peter was so thick John felt like he wasn’t going to be able to sit down for a week, but when the Alpha’s shaft pressed hard into his spot, he decided it was worth it.

“Oh, baby,” Peter purred in approval and desire that soothed parts of John’s soul he wanted to pretend weren’t there. “You have any idea how long I’ve wanted to be inside of you?”

His hand was buried in John’s hair, gripping tightly as his teeth scraped the back of his neck and his other arm wrapped around the beta’s torso to keep him upright.

The words were meant to arouse, but they brought John back to reality. It just wasn’t enough to make him want to give up the pleasure, even if it was only temporary. “I’m sure you haven’t been waiting for anything.”

Peter’s teeth bit into his skin and he froze. If what the Alpha said was true about imprinting on him, there was a chance that a mating bite during sex could lead to a mark.

Why didn’t he care?

“You’re wrong,” Peter growled in his ear, reaching around to stroke him from behind while his knot pressed against the beta’s entrance. “I haven’t been with anyone else, John. Only you. How could I want anyone else?”

Moisture filled the beta’s eyes as his hands spanned the wet wall and he felt his body stretch to accommodate the Alpha’s knot. He wanted to believe those words so badly it was killing him, but the letdown really would if they turned out to be a lie, so he decided just to focus on the physical. On the way it felt to have Peter inside of him, his knot swelling up to lock them together.

He wasn’t an omega, so the physical act of knotting wasn’t quite as easy, but it felt more incredible than it had any right to. Judging from the way Peter was grinding against him and groping his cock, it was every bit as good for the Alpha.

“I love you,” Peter whispered, nuzzling the back of John’s neck. “Let me show you,” he pleaded.

John was so entranced by the words that it took him a moment to realize what Peter meant by them. He wanted to mark him. He wanted them to be bound, to prove that he wasn’t going to confirm John’s worst fear and leave all over again.

His heart ached and felt like it was going to split clean between desire and fear. Desire because even though it was utterly impractical in every way, he wanted his mate’s teeth buried in his skin like nothing else. Fear because he knew that there was just no way it was true. No matter what Peter thought, someone like him could never really have imprinted on someone like John. When he bit him, the fact that a mark failed to form would be proof of that.

But he needed to know. When the adrenaline and orgasm faded, these feelings the Alpha had stirred up would still be there and he’d need a way to come down. A reminder that this was the fantasy and not the life he’d led for the last three years.

He nodded faintly, and felt Peter’s arms wrap around him tightly, steadying him and restraining him so he wouldn’t hurt himself. The sensation of the Alpha’s knot filling him as he bit in, followed immediately by the explosion of his orgasm, was enough to make his knees give out. Peter held him tighter, growling lustfully as he thrust into the beta’s tight passage.

John came without being touched, the delirious pleasure of Peter’s bite bringing an end to his self-control. The Alpha’s tongue ran over the spot he’d marked, licking it clean, but John couldn’t make sense of the strange pleasure that followed, every bit as overwhelming as the orgasm yet entirely distinct.

He wouldn’t let himself believe that Peter had actually marked him, but whatever it was, he decided to enjoy it. He was sure it wouldn’t last.