California was exactly the way John remembered it, and it thawed out all the memories he’d moved to upstate New York just to forget.

John had always known that Peter kept “places” around the West Coast where he stayed to conduct his business, and the beta had made it a point not to ask too many questions. The less he knew, the better. Something about the decor didn’t strike him as anything Peter would pick. It was all too posh and coastal.

“Is this another one of your hideouts?” he asked, setting his bag down by the sofa.

“Nah. Lake knows where most of them are, so Jayce hooked us up.”

“You’re going to have to introduce me to your BFF sometime,” John muttered, walking around the cabin.

“Didn’t know you were a Roman fan.”

“I’m not, but I’ve always wanted to tell them just what I think of their predatory acquisition practices.”

Peter snorted. “I’m sure he’d love that.”

“What do we do now?” John asked, leaning on the counter. He felt like he was going to break something, and everything he looked at seemed to cost more than he made in a month.

“Now, we wait for Lake to get all his ducks in a row.”

“And then?”

“And then I blow him out of the water before he has the chance to do the same to us.”

John frowned. “You’re really going to kill him?”

“That’s the plan.”

The beta chose his words carefully. “You never told me how Lake ended up getting arrested in the first place.”

“No, I didn’t,” Peter said, grabbing a couple of glasses out of the cabinet and pouring them both a drink. He threw back a shot of tequila while John sipped his. “Truth is, I set him up.”

John blinked. “For what?”

“For Creed’s murder. I knew it was the only way I could keep him away from you.”

“And you didn’t want to kill him,” John said softly.

“It was my mistake.” There was regret in the Alpha’s tone. Anger, toward himself. “If I’d had the guts to do it then, your life wouldn’t be in danger now.”

“You can’t blame yourself for not wanting to kill him, Peter.”

“Actually, I can and I do. So should you.”

“Maybe there’s another way,” John ventured.

Peter stared at him. “Another way? What, like throwing him in jail so he can turn more cops against us and hunt you from the inside?”

“There has to be something.”

“There is. I kill him, and we both go back to living our lives.” He walked around the counter until he was close enough that John could feel him without touching him, like their auras were intertwined. “Hopefully together, if you’ll have me.”

John looked away. How could his head and his heart respond so divergently to the same question? “Peter, what happened this morning doesn’t change everything that’s happened these last three years.”

“No, but this does,” the Alpha said, brushing his hand over the spot he’d bitten. “Maybe we rushed back into things a little, but I don’t regret it. Do you?”

John’s hand went to his neck and he started to panic. “What are you talking about?”

Peter frowned in concern. “John…I marked you.”

The beta shook his head. “No. That’s…that’s not possible. You couldn’t —“ He ran over to the mirror in the hallway. Sure enough, the outline was there.

“You remember what happened, don’t you?” Peter asked warily. “I warned you.”

“I know that, but I thought…” John trailed off when he realized he didn’t know how to say he’d only meant it as a test to prove that Peter really hadn’t imprinted without sounding awful.

Peter’s frown deepened. “You thought I was lying about imprinting on you?”

“I don’t know what I thought,” John said, sinking against the wall.

He could see the hurt on the Alpha’s face, but Peter didn’t say anything at first. “I’m sorry. I thought we were on the same page.”

“Peter —“

“I get it,” the Alpha interrupted. “I know what I am, and I know if you’d known who I really was you never would have gotten involved with me. If the mark was a mistake, I get it. If I were you, I wouldn’t wanna be stuck with me either.”

“That’s not what I meant,” John insisted.

“It’s the truth. Tell me it’s not,” he challenged. “Tell me if you’d known then what I was you wouldn’t have walked the other way.”

“That’s not fair and you know it.”

“It’s not about fair, it’s about what’s true. You’re too good for me, Johnny,” he said sadly. “You always have been.”

“Right. Because some two-bit private detective who can barely keep the lights on is a real catch.”

“You’re principled. You’re a good person, and you know who you are and you don’t flinch on what you think is right for anyone. Besides,” he added dryly. “You’re a three-bit private detective at worst.”

John’s mouth screwed up into a smile. He couldn’t help it. God, he hadn’t had reason to smile in three years because of this man, and a few days back in his life was all it took to remind him how.

It scared the hell out of him, because he knew what it meant to have the rug ripped out from under him. The first time he’d lost Peter, he’d lost everything. The fact that society already viewed their relationship as doomed to fail had done nothing to prepare him. This time, he wasn’t sure he’d survive it.

He knew he wouldn’t hurt himself, if only because he couldn’t put his mother through that, but he felt sure he’d just stop existing the moment Peter walked out of his life again. It didn’t matter if the Alpha was convinced he was protecting him. It would kill him all the same.

Especially now that he was marked.

“I love you,” John said, somehow keeping his voice steady when being near Peter always made him feel like he was ready to fall apart. Good, bad, it didn’t matter. Whatever the color of the interaction was, the Alpha’s very presence turned him into a volatile compound and he became unstable at the molecular level. “But I don’t trust you and I don’t think that’s going to change for a long time. I know why you left, and I know I owe you my life twice over, but it doesn’t change the fact that you fucking destroyed me, Peter.”

The Alpha’s expression was somber, but understanding. “I know it doesn’t,” he said softly. “So where do we go from here?”

John gripped the counter harder, wishing he could clear his head. “We’re going to be here a while, aren’t we?”

“It might take me a few weeks to set everything up. Maybe longer.”

“Then I’d like to take this time to get to know you. The real you, no lies and no excuses,” he said, holding Peter’s gaze. “If this is going to go anywhere, you can’t lie to me anymore. Not for any reason. That’s how it’s gotta be.”

“That’s fair,” said Peter.

“I mean it. I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night a year from now and have to wonder where you are,” he said, folding his arms. “I’m not going to lie and pretend I like what you do, but I have to know about it. I need your word.”

Peter watched him carefully. “You have it.” He reached out and touched the beta’s chin, tilting it. “I promise, John. No more lies.”

John relaxed a little at Peter’s reassurance and let the Alpha wrap his arms around him. He closed his eyes, breathing in the other man’s soothing scent. He’d spent an embarrassingly long amount of time curled up around one of Peter’s old shirts after the Alpha had moved out, even though that scent was both a comfort and a fresh reminder of his pain.

He wanted to believe Peter meant those words, and he knew he intended to make good on that promise. He just knew better than to let himself depend on it.