Elizabeth
“Stop stalking me!” I snapped.
Eric kept following me down the street with his hands in his pockets—bodyguard style—and miserable face with gloomy eyes.
Then, it began to rain. Out of the blue as if the gods were mocking me.
“Seriously!” I ranted at the sky.
“Let’s go inside,” Eric suggested, entwining our arms together.
I looked at the small coffee shop he was pointing at. It seemed cozy and casual enough, so I followed him inside.
Eric ordered two coffees as we sat at a small table next to the window where I had a privileged view over the falling rain. The sound relaxed me. The coffee wasn’t good, but it was warm. I liked the feeling of warm liquid in my stomach on cold, rainy days.
“Next time, our date will be having a coffee together,” Eric said, breaking the silence. “Would you rather enjoy that?”
I played with my sunglasses that were next to the cup of coffee. Maybe I was overreacting and was being hysterical. Perhaps he didn’t want to make me feel bad at all. The problem was that I was feeling like crap and just wanted to hide from everybody. I always felt unworthy next to Eric. People would stare at me like I was an ugly duckling, trying to understand why on Earth he dated this shy and poorly dressed, skinny, pale girl.
“Going out for an ice-cream would be just fine. I love ice-cream,” I said, in a lame attempt to say I was sorry and that I was giving him another chance to redeem himself.
“I’m sorry if I didn’t know how to plan a nice date with you. It’s … just, I really don’t know much about you. I’m trying hard to make you feel safe and protected, but you hardly speak about yourself and what you like.”
“You can ask me questions.”
His eyes shone with happiness as his lips curled up into a smile. I instantly regretted the idea, but my beating heart disagreed with my mind if it meant making Eric smile and look at me like that. I felt my cheeks turn red with his mesmerizing eyes on mine. He was gorgeous and kind. I felt bad for acting so childish. I could only imagine what he thought about my tantrum at the restaurant.
“Why do you cover yourself up? You are so beautiful, Beth.”
I stared at him for a long time. Men were really bad at understanding how a woman's mind works.
I sighed and moved uncomfortably in my chair.
“You could pull your hair out of your face and put a dress on sometimes.”
Leaning forward, I lowered my voice. He could listen to what I was going to tell him because he was a vampire. I didn’t want anyone else to listen to my simple, blunt answer. I pondered even not answering him, to just get up and leave him behind. However, if he was intrigued and blind to my motives, then I could give him an explanation.
“I will answer your question the simplest way I can.” I paused before continuing. “I’m in a healing process. I don’t like myself much at the moment. You know why. And I’m really not in the mood to have a bunch of aroused men looking at me.”
I was probably too blunt or cruel because he lost his happy face, and his eyes got gloomy. I should be the one sad because I had to answer his question.
“I’m your mate. No one will do you wrong again. You don’t have to feel like that. I think you’re perfect.”
“You have to. Like you said, you are my mate. It doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. I’m far from being perfect.”
Getting up, I headed outside, even if it was still raining. I didn’t care. I wanted to run away and never look back. I wanted to melt into the rain and fade away by any stream of water that was running down the street into the sewer. The sewer would do just fine, I was feeling dirty and unclean, a stupid, ungrateful person that would lose her temper with her mate. I was far from being perfect, and I really didn’t like him lying to me. It was another thoughtless lie, so I would get better and stop acting like a wild animal that would hide from everybody and everything. Too scared to come out of its hole and act like a civilized person.
Going out just the two of us wasn’t a great idea at all. We seemed all but compatible, and he didn’t understand me. I was feeling worse than ever, now that he complained about how I dressed and combed my hair. He was ashamed of me. Why wouldn’t he be?
Rain fell down on me harder than the first time. My coat got soaked, my hair glued to my skin. I must look even worse than before.
“Elizabeth,” Eric called, coming outside and being hit by the rain.
I looked back and sighed. He looked perfect like always and sexier than ever. Wet hair and clothes were a good combination on him. I think I should look like a fool staring at a sexy god, especially because I said nothing and didn’t even move, waiting for him to speak. But he didn’t say a word, he leaned down to my face, and before I could understand what he was doing, he locked his lips with mine.
The touch of our lips left me confused, but it didn’t disgust me. It was a really innocent kiss. It seemed like a test, and because I didn’t push him away, he got closer, wrapped his arms around my trembling body, and deepened his kiss. His tongue invaded my mouth and, again, it didn’t feel bad. It actually felt good even if I was overthinking what was going on.
Sharing my first kiss with my mate in the rain was beautiful and romantic in its concept, but why couldn't my mind simply shut up and let me surrender and savor this moment?
***
Eric held me against his chest, wrapping his arms around my fragile body and motioning to one of our several shadow bodyguards who ran to cover us with an umbrella. Moments after, the car parked next to us, and he helped me get in.
I was wet and disoriented. The weather wasn’t cold, even if it was raining. It was only one of those tropical storms. Even so, I felt chilly, and shivers ran down my spine.
“Are you okay?” Eric asked with a sultry and honeyed voice.
I didn’t dare to look at him, but I nodded while I hugged myself and felt the drops of water fall down my hair, dropping on the leather from the seat. I listened to him asking the driver to turn up the heat before his arms fell around me and clutched me against his chest once again.
His fingers ran down my hair, untangling it. “Did I scare you?”
I shook my head and hid my face against the crook of his neck where he smelled like heaven and warmed my skin. I swallowed a moan with the contact as I shivered in pleasure. I didn’t know it would feel so nice to be close to him. I knew I needed some comfort, but I didn’t want to need him so much. I thought that I could stay immune to our bond. I was wrong. His arms around me were better than any other thing that I had felt before.
“Are you still cold?” he asked, kissing the top of my head.
I didn’t know what to tell him. My voice seemed trapped inside my throat. I needed to be close and, at the same time, I was afraid of the intimacy of our embrace.
We had kissed. My heart increased its rhythm as blood rushed in my veins, sending a wave of nerves and panic to my brain.
“I’m sorry for being so evil with you. You have been really patient, and I … just lost it. I don’t know what got into me. I was angry. I didn’t like how they were looking at me,” I blurted.
“I shouldn’t have taken you to that place. Maybe I shouldn’t try to make surprises when you are still trying to adjust to the world. You have been trapped away for a long time. You have been hurt and … I didn’t think that you … were feeling so … scared.”
“Scared?” I breathed against his jugular, drawing a smile by how calm his scent made me feel. I relaxed, letting my body mold into his and grinning when his arms rested against my back. He pressed me closer, looking for more contact, and I let him.
“The world scares you, and you are reluctant in trusting people.”
“I just don’t like how everybody looks at me.”
“But you are so beautiful, Beth!”
“Eric.” I grinned painfully and decided to confess what was really wrong with the way I acted and presented myself to the world. “This has nothing to do with being beautiful or ugly. It was my beauty that got me into this in the first place. Alaric, your brother, never said that I was ugly. On the contrary, he always … He tormented Marie because he thought I was prettier than her. He tormented me because I was pretty. Do you understand what I want to explain to you?”
I leaned back, trying to look into his eyes and see if he was mad or just confused.
“You try to hide your beauty because you … are tired of being beautiful? That won’t make you less pretty, honey. Even underneath all this messy hair and baggy clothes, one can still see how beautiful you are.”
I sighed in guilt and sadness. “I guess I thought that if I were ugly, maybe I wouldn’t have been … molested.”
“It was not your fault. You need to understand that. You are beautiful, but that doesn’t give them the right to hurt you. My brother, his men, whatever happened.”
He lost his voice, and I cringed, aware that talking about it hurt him. As my mate, I could only imagine how he felt for knowing that I was raped. It would have been painful for me if something terrible had happened to him. So, his pain should be as excruciating as mine.
“We don’t need to talk about this anymore. I’m sorry if I was rude to you in the coffee shop. I didn’t mean to be so harsh,” I mumbled, raising my hands and touching his warm face with my cold, wet fingers.
I caressed his cheeks, gulping and fighting the need to bite my lower lip and narrow my eyes with the bliss. He had full lips and penetrating blue eyes. Perfect nose and chiseled features. Whatever I was thinking faded away in the white noise of my brain, and I lowered my lips and tasted his once again.
I held my breath and prolonged the pleasure that I experienced with my lips braising his. They were soft and moist. His hands pressed my back harder as I kneeled on the seat so I could continue to kiss him when his face leaned back, and our mouths moved against one another. It was perfection. There was no doubts or fears, only need. I needed him. My lips needed the closeness, and my body needed his arms around me. I desired to feel the warmth of his body when my hands pressed against his shoulders, leveling me and making me bold enough to keep kissing him.
Then his mouth slightly opened as his lips grasped my lower lip to suck it momentarily. Eric seemed breathless when his lips backed off, and his hands cupped my face. “I don’t know what I can, and I can’t do. It may be best if we … don't kiss again.”
I blinked. Pain hit my heart and clenched to it as if it was about to burst. I leaned back and sat on the couch, entangling me from his hands and putting distance between our bodies.
“Beth? Are you mad? I didn’t mean that I don’t want to kiss you. It’s just that we need to talk about what I can, and I can’t do. I mean … we need to talk about your fear of being touched. I don’t …”
“Please don’t say anything else,” I begged, trapping my hands between my legs and shivering with cold and sadness. I was damaged, and even if Eric wanted to fix me, it seemed that he was afraid that touching me would hurt me even more.
I listened to him breathe out and felt him move on the seat. We were wet, so the leather squeezed and moaned in complaint.
“Do you want me to kiss you?” he asked. His voice had a hint of pain and confusion to it that made me peek at his face.
I shrugged in reply. “Not if you don’t want to.”
“I do.”
I bit my lower lip and gulped. I wanted to believe him, and I had no reasons not to believe him. His eyes were wide-open, and his face seemed conflicted. Again, I couldn’t read his thoughts, but maybe there wasn’t anything to read, maybe there was just pure raw emotion and conflicted feelings running through his brain as it was in mine.
“I’m cold,” I confessed. “I get cold … easily now. I don’t know why. The rain wasn’t cold, and the heat is on. But I’m still cold.”
“When we arrive home, I’ll get you a towel, and you can shower.”
“Okay.”
I sat back and folded my hands over my lap, but then I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to keep it away from my face and neck. It didn’t matter what I tried to do, I was still dripping water.
“I don’t want to reply to anyone’s questions about why we arrived sooner. Could we just sneak inside the house and just be alone? I mean, I stay alone in my bedroom because I need to change clothes and you have to go to your bedroom and clean yourself,” I stuttered, my heart almost flying to my mouth due to what I had inadvertently implied. I wasn’t trying to invite him to shower with me.
“Dad will be in Sebastien’s territory with Mom. Anna and Shane are in their home. We have the house for ourselves.”
I nodded, relieved by not having to explain why we returned home sooner.
“Can I move closer?” Eric requested.
I narrowed my eyes. One moment he wanted to be away and the other he wanted to be next to me. It seemed that he was as conflicted as I was.
“I don’t fear your presence next to me if that’s what’s troubling you. I didn’t dislike our kiss. And I don’t panic when we touch. I thought that I might … but not with you. Your touch feels different.”
“I try not to act out of impulse next to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to touch you all the time,” he confessed. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes and shivered, happy with his gesture and even his words. “It’s physically painful.”
“I’m not ready …”
“I don’t mean like that. I mean holding your hand and be close to you. I don’t mind just kissing your hand or your face. Maybe … kissing your lips from time to time. I was impulsive back there, but I wanted to prove to you that I don’t want you less because of what happened or because of the way you dress. Being next to you makes me happy, but it kills me knowing that I might make you sad with something I might do, and you don’t want me to do. So, I try to behave and hope that one day you might tolerate my presence.”
I smirked with his words. Not because I found them funny, but because I found them adorable and romantic. Then a random thought crossed my mind.
“Are we a couple? I know that I’m your soul-mate, but you might …”
“What?” he asked with a frown.
“Men have needs and it might …” I shut up because he placed his finger over my mouth and shook his head. His eyes were clouded by an unknown feeling. My heartbeat slowed down.
“You’re all I need. Everything else fell down into oblivion the moment I met you. I’ll be patient, but you need to promise me something.” His fingers caressed my chin as his eyes wandered down my face and my neck as if he was hypnotized. I knew that stare, but in him it didn’t scare me.
“What do I need to promise?”
“Promise me that you won’t doubt my fidelity to you and about how pretty I think you are.”
I shook my head. “I will trust you, but I won’t promise.”
He blinked, probably surprised by my answer.
I explained my reasoning. “Our actions will speak louder than yours or my promises. I have trust issues and self-esteem issues. One moment I can be depressed and the other I can be numb or just … amazed by finding you and discovering how nice it can be when we are together. But I can’t promise that I won’t have jealousy attacks from time to time or that I won’t doubt that you can find someone better than me. I’m … a mess. I may be pretty if I wear different clothes or comb my hair away from my face … I might even seem normal if I try to act as if nothing bad had happened to me, but for now, I’m just fragile and insecure.”
Eric’s hand rested on my neck, and his lips were slightly apart as if he was drinking all my words and those words were whiplashing his brain and numbing the emotion in his eyes.
“I’m trying to heal,” I whispered, my voice shattering with the pain because it was my last attempt to provoke some reaction from him.
“I know, honey. I know that,” he said, his breath caressing my eyes when his lips fell on my forehead. “Next time we go out on a date to a fancy restaurant, I’ll warn you to wear something classy. I don’t want you running on me again.” He smirked, trying to be playful with what had happened.
I had been impulsive and childish.
“I’m sorry,” I said, lowering my head with shame and receiving more kisses on the top of my head as his hand circled my neck.
“Just don’t run on me ever again. My heart almost exploded inside my chest. I panicked for a moment, thinking that someone had taken you away. Then I panicked more because you abandoned me, and I thought that you didn’t want to be with me anymore. Maybe you wanted to leave and … be on your own, apart from ... me.”
I looked up, understanding how selfish and silly I had been. I didn’t think about what my leaving would do to Eric’s emotions. He felt rejected. On the other hand, his words were eye-opening. Eric was as scared as I was.
“I just needed to be alone for a bit.”
I could have said something else to give him peace of mind, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to say something that I would regret later or that left me more vulnerable. It had been ages since I had spoken so freely about my feelings and my fears to anyone.
My body had a mind of its own because my arms had encircled his neck, and I was leaning forward, looking for contact. We hugged each other, and words were unnecessary for a while as his hand caressed my hair and his body heat relaxed me.
“It will rain probably during the night, too. What do you want to do with the free time that we have? I want to spend time with you,” Eric said.
“We can just stay home and talk. Apparently, we need to talk more, and we need to learn things about each other.”
Eric chuckled, and I smiled. I liked the fact that he was happy because of me. When we were together, it seemed that he only laughed when Jessica or Anna were next to us. I wanted to be able to make him laugh, too. I didn’t want to be the reason that he stayed gloomy with pensive eyes each time that he reminded himself of all the pain and torture that I had endured before we were together. He wanted to be able to protect me from that, but it was impossible. We needed to find a way to be happy, and that wasn’t going to happen if I kept remembering and dwelling on Alaric or my sister.