Elizabeth
I had to give Jessica credit. The movie she picked was excellent. We laughed until we cried, and we also cried from sadness and empathy.
There was a huge sofa in a U shape surrounding the equally huge LCD. It had plenty of space there to sit at least twelve people, but we were just six. More precisely three couples, two of them really cozy and cuddling, plus Eric and I sat next to each other, just holding hands. Not by my initiative but Eric’s. We looked like high school sweethearts who were behaving next to their parents. Next to the other two couples, we could be mistaken for siblings.
In my defense, Eric didn’t make a lot of effort to try to get closer to me or put his arm around my shoulders. He seemed more interested in the movie. After the amazing kiss we shared, I was hoping for a bit more interest on his part. Maybe the kiss was some kind of test so he would know what he felt for me. Perhaps I failed the test big time! That would explain his lack of interest in touching me.
Thinking about things like that all the time was exhausting and depressing. The possibility of being disappointing to my mate made me feel miserable. My drama flourished in my head like a sad song. Besides, what was I complaining about? I was the one who was damaged and feeling like shit and didn’t want him to touch me in the first place. So, why the sudden interest in being kissed? Why the disillusion of being far from him and the romantic ideas of being held and kissed by my mate? Stupid mate bond!
I dozed off the last part of the movie, and I managed to lay my head on Eric’s shoulder and probably drooled on his shirt. I woke up with his voice and hand on my face, telling me to wake up. It felt good to be close to him. The last thing I wanted was to leave that place.
“You want me to carry you upstairs?”
Yawning and wrapping my arms around his neck, I bobbed my head. He carried me bridal style to my bedroom, and I buried my nose against his chest.
The bliss was short. He laid me down on my bed and straightened up. I wanted him to stay and tell me that he had missed me, loved me, and wanted me to be his forever. I was desperately in need of attention, even if I wouldn’t admit it out loud. I wanted him to care and be next to me. I wanted him to treat me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. Like the king and Shane treated their mates. I wanted to be loved.
Instead of leaving, Eric sat beside me, and I sat up against the pillows. “What’s wrong?”
He turned on the lamp on my nightstand. “Can we talk now or are you too tired?”
“Aren’t you tired?”
He shook his head. “I need to tell you something.”
The urgency in his voice frightened me, and I bent my legs and wrapped my arms around them. “Did I upset you in any way?”
“Of course not.” He smiled.
Squinting my eyes, I tilted my head to the left. “Then why the serious face?”
Shrugging, he trailed his eyes down my body. “Maybe this isn’t the right time to talk about what I was doing while I was gone.”
“I’m not sleepy now.”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that you are stunning.”
I smirked. “Don’t be silly.”
“I’m not being silly,” he mumbled, leaning closer and brushing my face with his hand. “You have mesmerizing eyes. I can’t take my eyes off you.”
I rested my chin on my knees. “They are brown. There’s nothing special about that.”
“Mine are blue. What’s special about that?”
“Are you kidding me?” I frowned and rolled my eyes. He was indulging me, and I didn’t know why.
His lips curved up before he retorted, “Beth, blue is just a color like brown. Do you like the sky less when it is black? Or do you ignore the trees at fall, because they have their leaves reddish or brown or yellow?”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“Would you think I was ugly if I had brown eyes?”
“Of course not, you are gorgeous with any eye color.” I felt like biting my tongue. I was so naïve! I just called him gorgeous and probably boosted his ego even more. He had a ‘full-of-himself’ smile on his face. I also thought he had a stunning smile, so I couldn’t even get mad with my admission.
Sighing in defeat, I let myself turn red until I ran out of blood in my veins.
He spoke again. “So, if I wasn’t your mate, would you still think I was gorgeous?”
I nodded.
“Then, the fact that we are bonded doesn’t change the fact that I find you strong and gorgeous, and I’m extremely proud of being your mate.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I had no idea what to tell him. Letting the air fill my lungs, I stretched my legs and fixed my hair behind my ears. “Why are you telling me this, now?”
“At the coffee shop, you said you believed that I had to feel attracted to you because we were mates.”
“I said a lot of things that I shouldn’t have.”
“Maybe, but I want you to know that I’m not disappointed.”
Gulping, I nodded and looked at the comforter. “I need you to know that I’m trying to be well.”
“I know.”
“It isn’t your fault if I’m not recovering faster. Sometimes, I’m just too weak and fall into despair.”
“You shouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself.”
I gazed at him, but I had no idea what to tell him.
Eric added, “I believe you’re doing just fine. After what happened to you.”
He looked away and got up. Pacing to the window, he closed the blinds and looked around the bedroom.
My heart hurt when I talked. “What’s troubling you, then?”
“Father didn’t let me join the fight when our men invaded Alaric’s compound. I was in the helicopter, safe from harm, away from you.”
I blinked, unsure where his speech was leading.
“Yesterday, I went to see the bedroom where you were kept.”
The air left my lungs, and I froze in terror.
He rushed to my side and leaned on the bed. “It’s okay.” His hand brushed my cheek as my eyes widened and I gasped for air. “You were so brave. I’m lucky because you were strong enough to live and find me.”
When I looked up, I saw the tears in his eyes. “Even if I had to kill to be alive?”
The soft touch of his lips on my forehead made me close my eyes and shiver.
“That doesn’t make me want you less.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m here now to protect you. I’m here to keep you company and talk to you. Do you understand me?”
My fingers clutched to his shirt and I made him sit beside me. I looked him in the eye. “I’m not sure about what that means.”
“It means that I wouldn’t want any other mate even if I could choose. You’re mine, and I’m yours. That’s how it should be and will be.” He paused to caress my cheek. “That is if you want me.” Eric gulped, and his voice sounded raspy. “Do I remind you a lot of him?”
“Not anymore. You are your own person, and your kindness and charming personality are a million miles away from your brother’s twisted persona.”
Sniffing, he retorted, “I’m also more handsome than he is.”
I smirked at his attempt to be funny, and my fingers caressed the corners of his eyes where the tears threatened to fall. My heart drummed faster. “You could be uglier, and I would want you the same. When I look at you, I just see you.”
“That’s good to know.”
I fluttered my eyelashes at him, “Do you really think I’m pretty?”
He knelt next to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Our chests collided, and our breathing mixed. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. There’s nothing I would change about you. I love your brown hair, your eyes. I love your lips. They are distracting and taste really good. I love your perky nose and your neck. You have such a beautiful and sexy neck!” He sighed with lust. I knew it was lust because his eyes glittered with purple for a brief moment.
“You love my lips?” I asked out of breath.
“Yes,” he assured near my mouth. “Should I ask permission this time?” He nibbled his lower lip, making him seem even sexier.
I swallowed hard. “Permission for what?” That was such a dumb question I could have slapped myself! But I wanted to be sure I wasn’t daydreaming or misinterpreting.
“To kiss you. I don’t want to … seem impatient, but I’m far too eager to kiss you again.”
I cupped his face and felt him shiver. His breath was hot and tantalizing. “I like it so much more when you steal it,” I confessed and tilted my head, so my lips met his.
I had my eyes closed, but when our lips locked, I noticed he was smiling. When our mouths touched, I wasn’t able to think about anything else. Time and space ceased to exist. I sighed out of pleasure and trailed my fingers in his hair, locking them behind his neck.
Eric fully committed himself to that kiss. He had a tenderness that made me sigh and shiver with unknown lust. I felt hot and breathless. I felt safe and happy. I felt fireworks on my lips, running down my body and tangling me in a spiral of confusing yearning. I could glue my lips to his and stay there forever, or at least for a long time. Perfection was served in waves of hot and cold with each touch and the rub of our lips and tongues.
“I want you so much.”
It was all going so perfectly, and he had to ruin everything with those words.
My mind triggered an alarm that activated my defenses and my bad memories. I pulled away from him and crawled to the headboard of the bed—far away from him—tormented by unwanted memories and unwelcome words that had left deep bruises in my soul.
Eric was breathless, but he didn’t make a movement to grab me. I would have screamed and pushed him back if he did. I was in defense mode. I think he knew it. Sometimes, I wondered if he could read my mind.
Sitting on the bed, he fixed his short hair with his fingers and took deep breaths. “I’m sorry, darling. Please, don’t be afraid of me. I would never hurt you. Come to me.”
I didn’t move an inch. He sighed and stepped forward, with a begging face and hands in the air.
“Just calm down. I won’t do anything. Just let me touch you. I’ll just hug you. I’ll never say that again. I won’t kiss you until you want me to.”
“Stay the hell away from me!” I snarled, incapable of lowering my guard.
His expression changed to sadness, but he didn’t back down. He moved a little closer while I kept glaring at him. With his head closer to mine, I became puzzled by what he intended to do. Then, I felt his forehead against mine and saw his eyes closing.
Gulping air, I relaxed and didn’t push him away. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t. I watched when his hands touched my arms and gently brought me closer until I was held in a hug and pressed completely against him. Again, that peculiar feeling of safety and belonging overtook me. It was addictive.
“You’re mine, Beth. Your body and your soul will always recognize that. They’ll never push me away. You’re mine, and I’m yours.”
His words made perfect sense, though I became sadder. If I wasn’t able to push him away, if my body would always be trapped under the spell of the mate bond, Marie had her body like that too. It explained why she always gasped and moaned out of pleasure whenever he forced himself on her. She yearned for his touch, for his lips on her, for his repugnant being. I sure as hell didn’t! I hated him with all my being. But I didn’t hate my mate.
Tears stung my eyes. I didn’t want to be forced. I didn’t want to feel violated again. Not by my own mate. I’d rather die. I’d rather cease to exist and fade away like stardust forever. “Does this mean that you could do anything you want to me, even if I didn’t want it?”
“I would never do that to you. Mates don’t hurt each other.”
“Unless they get pleasure out of that,” I said.
His body stiffened. “Whatever that monster did, I’ll make you forget.”
I want to believe that. “I’m too damaged for that.”
“Beth, I’m not perfect either. I’m damaged too.”
I opened my eyes not believing what I was hearing.
With our eyes lost in each other, he caressed my cheek, and his breath feathered my face as he spoke. “I’ve lived centuries alone. I witnessed and fought in wars. I’ve searched for you everywhere in the last century I’ve lived, upset and angry at the insensitivity of the gods that kept you away from me. Do you actually think that I’m in better shape than you are?”
“It’s a different damage.”
“It still hurts and torments me.”
I had to agree with him. Witnessing death and being the one to take a life was also something hard to heal and live with. Alaric made sure I would also know that truth. I would still wake up listening to the screams of the victims I killed while drinking their blood. Knowing that Eric could feel remorse or pain, because of whom he murdered, was scary enough and I wished to be able to heal him, kiss his fears, and bad memories away. I wanted to be able to take care of him and make him happy. I guess he wanted the same for me.
“No one should be allowed to live as much as we do.” I sighed, cupping his face and leaning back so I could gaze at him.
I couldn’t help but fall in love more each time he looked at me like that. He seemed helpless and vulnerable as if he needed me to hold him so I could heal him. Like I needed him to heal me.
“I don’t curse my eternity anymore. Not since I’ve found you. Now, all seems perfect.”
I smiled, that was flattering enough. That made my heart warm and cheerful. My soul-mate was all I’ve dreamed of and more.
“Let me stay here,” he requested while we were still enthralled by each other. “Just to sleep next to you. I feel terribly alone when I’m not next to you. I can even sleep in the armchair if you feel safer.”
I smiled again. Sleep with him was tempting, not far from me, but in my bed. I wanted his arms around me. I’ve always dreamed of the day that I would sleep with my mate in his arms, cuddling, whispering, and smiling.
“I’ll get changed in my pajamas, and you can sleep with me in bed.”
His answer was a smile and a kiss on my lips. Then I got up to change my clothes in the bathroom.
When I came out in my pajama-shorts and top, Eric was shirtless in his boxers, waiting for me in bed. I blushed from head to toe, lingering my eyes on his perfect torso, well-shaped legs, and beautiful chest. Sleeping wrapped in his arms would be dreamy.
I noticed he was staring at me, studying my figure. I was showing more skin than he ever saw on me. I was embarrassed and feeling naked. I should have dressed in something less revealing, and he should have left more clothes on him. Was he trying to make me feel nervous or just tease me? Why was he staring like a voyeur at my breasts?
I instinctively covered them with my arms and growled. He smiled and licked his upper lip, making me swallow hard and breathe heavy. That was sexy!
Maybe having him in my bed wasn’t such a good idea. He was a male and could have difficulties in controlling himself. I could have those, too! Maybe. I didn’t know. Lusting was something new for me. I’ve always seen it as a sin, a taboo and after the rape, I saw it as disgusting.
Eric was all but disgusting. He was gorgeous and sexy. He was sweet and respectful because he got up and took me in his arms and laid me in bed. Then, he held me in a hug and turned off the light.
“Goodnight. Sleep tight, honey.” He feathered my neck with a kiss.
I sighed from happiness.
We were supposed to sleep. It was night, so why had I had no sleep at all? He, on the contrary, fell asleep fast. I knew it by his breathing. I relaxed slowly until all I felt was the bliss of his arms around me and his presence calming me and making me feel incredibly safe. Sleep came after that.