“So are you going to kick me off your yacht now?” I can feel her respirations falter. She’s holding her breath, at my mercy for an answer.
I let go my embrace. I just felt that I needed to hug her when she broke down in front of me. A moment of weakness urged me to comfort her. Her recall of that day took me to a place of vulnerability. I need to be objective here. I can’t show my hand … the one that exposes just how unsure I am.
“I won’t sugarcoat things. I’m more than a little upset by your approach and by the fact you were able to come aboard so easily. I pay handsomely to have my privacy and my safety protected. Not only did you sneak aboard, but you maliciously unraveled relationships I’ve created. You’ve hurt two people who didn’t deserve that ambush by your version of the truth.”
“What are you saying, Silas? Do you hate me?”
“Goddamn, I’m saying your intrusion into my space was enough. You could have come to me and told me all the things you were holding in. Yes, I would have still been pissed, but now, how can I trust your intentions? What do you really want from me?”
“I fucked up. I was desperate. I am desperate.” She wipes away her renewed tears, finding a seat to sit on before pouring out her story.
“I never stopped following your life, Silas. I kept tabs on your success and your many appearances in those ritzy magazines. Deep down, I think I realized that maybe I was lied to, but I had to know for sure.” She draws imaginary circles on her thigh with her French tip nails; anything to avoid looking at me.
“I’m a maid for a young socialite by the name of Ellie Daniels. She was the one who received your coveted invite. We have a good rapport, and she doesn’t treat me like the help. She explained that she had been on your waitlist since you started these cruises. Only she couldn’t accept because she had since gotten engaged and hadn’t shared that part of herself with her fiancé. She knew she would be pushed to the bottom of your list if she declined, so she was more than willing to let me go in her place. I suggested it after I had realized it was your cruise. I accepted on her behalf, used my street hook up to get fake identification with her name, and dyed my hair to look like her as much as I could.”
“What the hell? Why would this Jessica person go along with that fucked-up plan? I will ban her ass from all my entities and put her on a watch list with my connections as well,” I fume. I’m beyond pissed off now at the amount of deceit that went into this treachery.
“She has no idea, Silas. I told her that I would respond and ask if the invite could be transferred to me. Only I lied to her—my friend. I saw that invite as a sign; my last chance to see you again. I did what I thought was necessary to ensure that I got on this boat. If I was wrong about that day, you needed to hear from me how sorry I was and how much I still loved you. Haven’t you ever been tempted to do something bat-shit crazy for love?”
“I need some time to think about all this. I ask that you go back to your cabin and not interact with my guests. I will send for you when I’m ready to talk again.”
I can’t even look at her right now. If what she says is true, I reserve an inkling of understanding for her desperation. That doesn’t mean I can overlook what she’s done, though. I listen attentively as she gets up and the sound of her heels move toward the door before pausing.
“I depleted my entire savings to be here, Silas. To dress the part of the role I was playing. You see, it was never about the money for me either. None of it means anything when you have a persistent void and are suffocating in sorrow because the one person you love is potentially moving on with someone else. That was the reason for hurting those two women. They’ve had parts of you that I’ve been suffering for years without. I love you with everything that I am. If you choose to kick me off your boat, I will go knowing that I did everything I could. If you tell Jessica what I did, I will lose a friend and my job. Again, there was no other recourse for me. I played all my cards—all in, for a chance to tell you how I feel.”
The door opens and closes. I’m stunned speechless once more. My heart rattles around my chest with a familiar tug that I don’t want to welcome. I don’t want to still love her. What the fuck am I going to do?
Rage still heats my flesh. The fact that I removed my shirt in front of those people is of no consequence. Every single one of them is a stranger—people I hope to never see again—so it doesn’t matter. Was my exit dramatic? You bet your ass it was. I couldn’t bear to wear his company shirt a minute longer. Had I been wearing the company pants instead of my own black slacks, they would have seen my bruised ass too. Lucky for them, I didn’t launder my work pants before I left the boat. Oh and that fucking butt plug was taken out as soon as I made it back to the room. As his cum oozed from my ass, it was like a cleanse. My body ridding itself of the remains of him. He will soon be just a memory.
I feel like such an idiot. I was played and lied to by two people who had come to mean the world to me. I’m truly alone now. The anniversary of my mother’s death was a little more tolerable because I had Silas as a distraction almost from day one. I hate him. I hate Set … Kassius … whatever the hell his name is. Are people’s feelings really that insignificant when you’re rich? I don’t even know where I’m going to go or how long the money I have saved will last.
Alone in my cabin, I can finally allow the breakdown that has been on the brink from the moment I overheard Tory and then that Jasper woman. Looking at the two of them, how did I ever stand a chance? I can’t stop the tears that bring me to my knees.
A knock on my door cuts through my gut-wrenching sobs. I don’t want to talk to anyone on that side of the door. They can all fuck off as far as I’m concerned. I’m holding out judgment for Atticus until I know his role in this twisted game of deception. The knocking gets more persistent, but I don’t budge from my spot on the floor. The telltale beep of a scanned key card has me kneeling with my head on the floor in defeat. I know it’s him without even looking up, and I don’t want to see him.
“Goddamnit,” he curses. “Brennan, get up!” I don’t move. I don’t speak. I want him gone. “Please, Brennan,” he tries again.
Still, I remain a mute statue. I sense him hovering over me, getting closer. I scurry closer to the night table near the bed. “Don’t you fucking touch me,” I snap. “You fucking maid collector.”
I already quit, so I don’t give a shit what I say. He deserves worse.
“Stop. Surely, you don’t believe the things Jasper said. Yes, I put eyes on you when you first got here. Seems my trust issues are warranted after the shit she pulled to get on this boat, but I never meant to hurt you. Everything between us was real. You made me feel, Brennan. Feelings that have been dormant since Jasper. You made me want to relax my rules with you.”
“Well, now she’s back, so you can just go live happily ever after with her,” I yell. “Why are you even here? I’m not your employee anymore. I’m nothing to you.”
“Listen to yourself. You’re using this whole fucked-up situation to run again because that’s what you do. You sabotage things before they even have a chance to be good. The only thing I’m guilty of is not telling you the truth about Kassius and my initial tabs on you. Once he befriended you, I felt that was his truth to tell.”
“You’re wasting your breath, Mr. Lair. I don’t believe you. Why would a rich man like yourself waste his time on fucking maids? It’s a sick fetish that satisfies your god complex. You fucking drink half million dollar champagne when some of us can’t even afford to buy a camera or a house,” I rant. “You even dress down and wear that stupid key that is worthless considering your millions. It was all an illusion. You appeal to our common ground of simplicity when really it’s just one of your tricks to continue collecting us maids.” I choke on my own tears. I’m winded from unleashing all that fury.
Even after several seconds of silence, I refuse to look up at him.
“You have it all figured out, I guess. And all on your own. Nothing else left for me to say. Just know that key that you deem worthless is my daily reminder of this very thing. Thank you for reiterating why it’s necessary.” His voice sound strangled. Different.
I want to look, but I can’t. Is he crying? Can’t be. “I will grant your wish, Brennan. I will see that you are paid for the entire duration of this cruise. I will have Atticus arrange for my private helicopter to take you back to Florida or wherever you want to go. We’re scheduled to arrive at our next port in two days. He will arrange your departure for then.”