I don’t know what it is that pulls me from my sleep, but it happens again making me open my eyes. When I do open them, I can feel lips on mine and his smell—Ryken’s distinct scent that I have come to know only too well. His hand rubs my chest, just above my breasts as he tickles, making lines back and forth. His lips come down on mine, and we kiss, it’s slow, languid. Not rushed. Just tasting, exploring each other instead of our usual heated kisses. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and when I reach out to touch him, I come into contact with his skin. He’s naked.

“Move over, I’m tired,” he says, lifting up for air. I move over as he gets in my double size bed that’s really only made for me. I never thought I’d have company here. When I bought this place, it was my hideaway. My place that no one else can take away from me.

His body touches mine, and his hand caresses my face as he comes in to kiss me again. His other hand is under my head, and we’re laying facing each other as we kiss. My hand touches his waist, and my body pushes forward to his. I can feel him everywhere. I want him everywhere. He stops our kiss when I push myself up against him, and pulls me to him so he can hug me, but doesn’t make any move from that spot.

He brushes my hair back from my face. “I came to sleep, Barbie.”

I don’t smile, I don’t even move or react. It’s then I realize he’s broken into my apartment without my consent. I didn’t invite him in, and I sure as shit didn’t open my bedroom door for him. And now he’s next to me, both of us naked. The only thing I can think of is how good it will feel when he touches me, in that spot. How we will fit together perfectly when he slides into me and makes my back arch with pleasure from his touch.

“Stop thinking, Barbie.” He reaches for my chin, and lifts it, kissing me again to shut up my thoughts. It doesn’t work. Because all it does is make me want him even more.

I push him off of me, and he looks back at me confused. I sit up and climb on top of him making his smile appear. I’m horny and want him. I can tell he wants me too because his thickness is pushing into my back right now.

“I’m not your toy,” I say, sliding down. I push up so I can feel him there at my entrance. His smile doesn’t leave his lips until I slide down on him. My head drops back, and my hair falls around my back close to my ass. It’s an instant relief having him inside of me again. Like a place I’ve missed and haven’t visited for a long time. That’s what Ryken feels like.

Home.

My nails dig into his chest as I start to move because even if he feels like that place I want to call home, my head knows better and tells me so. So, I dig my nails in to tell me differently. To try to numb the pain that comes along with it. Because loving Ryken Lord is something I have done for far too long, and it’s best to try to numb myself to him. To not feel the feelings I have for him and put them away. Only two things seem to come from loving him—pain and hurt. And that’s all on me no one else.

My nails dig in with each glide I make on his cock. My clit rubbing against him, and my pussy tightening around him. It’s a fucking pleasure that only exists when he’s inside of me.

“Barbie, my little whore.”

My movements don’t stop, but my hand reacts and slaps him across the face, as I continue to move. I’m not here for his pleasure, I’m doing this to take mine.

“Barbie, my fucking Barbie,” he says, sitting up with me still inside of him. He kisses my neck, and I try to keep my movements going because I’m close, so fucking close. “I’ve never loved someone as much as I love you, Barbie.”

My hands wrap around his neck, and I pull him to me to shut him up. His face is drawn to my breasts, and he licks them, lifting one hand from my ass and pulling my breast with his fingers as he sucks the other one. He’s good, so fucking good, that when he flips me, he stays inside of me, and I become half on my bed and half off as he pounds into me from behind. He fucks me like he’s meant to. Like I’m his whore because that’s what it feels like being with him. We shouldn’t be together. He had her, and I was his side piece of trash that shouldn’t have existed. It didn’t stop me, though. Even when I screamed at myself to stay away.

He was my oxygen every time he touched me.

The world would stop, and all I’d see would be him. All I would feel would be him.

Ryken Lord takes my world and makes it his. Every. Damn. Time.

He slaps my ass hard and reaches down to grab my tit as he squeezes my nipple with firm pressure.

I come, and my body wants to collapse onto my bed, but he holds me up by the waist and fucks me until I come again. This time when I come he does too. He falls onto my back careful to not suffocate me and kisses my neck. He eventually rolls off of me, so he’s next to me. My hair is covering my face, so he pushes it back and leans in and kisses my jawline.

It hits me then what we’ve done. That he’s here. When Livia’s there, in a hospital.

“Where’s Livia?” I ask him, pulling away.

His hand drops to the bed, and he sighs at my words. “In the hospital,” he answers.

I turn to face him. “Shouldn’t you be with her?” I ask, trying to hold my emotions back.

He shakes his head. “She knows it’s over, we’ve spoken about it.”

I laugh at his words. “You spoke... did you also tell her we went behind her back for ages? That every time you touched me somehow we cheated on her?” I push up, but he stands before I do and pushes me back down, so he’s standing above me. I look up to him now, and he’s pissed.

“She knows we fucked, don’t think she doesn’t. But no, if you must know. I didn’t go into details about how many times we fucked, or how many times I wished she was you, and that I never left you. So don’t even try that shit with me, Barbie. She knows I want you. I always fucking have. And I’ll do every fucking thing to have you. Do you hear me?” He lifts my chin with his finger, higher so I can see him clearly. His cock’s right in my face, and it’s growing as I look at it. “Don’t fucking lick your lips in front of me. Fuck.”

My hand reaches out, and I wrap it around his length. He drops his hand from my face, and I push up on my knees and reach forward to touch the tip of his cock with my tongue. He groans, and it’s loud. So I do it again, this time circling the tip like it’s my own lollypop.

“Barbie,” he groans in pleasure.

I touch his balls, playing with them, and then I open my mouth wide and take him in. His hand grabs my hair, and he starts to move me without me moving myself. Up and down, and each time I go up, I make sure to circle his tip just a fraction with my tongue before I go back down. He pulls me out and turns me, so I’m on my back. His cock now standing tall above me. I reach for it again, now lying on my back, my hand touching it, then lean up taking a long lick underneath. He swears. Loudly. As I do so.

He moves so the tip touches my lips, and he climbs over the top of me, his cock now in my face. My hands caress it as his mouth reaches my clit and I buck up to him. He licks me, circling the same way I was doing with my tongue, and I spread my legs even wider as he inserts a finger. His cock now in my mouth pushing down each time one of us moves, and I touch his ass, smacking it hard as I also lift up.

Ryken’s tongue starts moving faster, and I start sucking even harder. His fingers pump in and out of me hard, and we both come at the exact same time he rolls off of me. But his fingers stay inside me as he keeps on moving. Then his head is back between my legs, and this time I don’t have him on top of me, I have him lying between my legs.

I go to move because it’s sensitive, but he knows that and works it like I’ve never been touched before. He’s careful, but not careful enough that I don’t stop him, and he fucks me with his mouth in just the right way until I come again, but this time I push him away because I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take anymore, my body is spent, and I need to sleep.

He’s fucked me into oblivion. So much so that when he moves me I’m like a doll to him, and I do so without one complaint. Not that I’ve really complained about having his hands on me before.

Ryken Lord’s hands are made to pleasure me, just as he is.

I wish it weren’t true. I wish it were someone else. Someone more normal. Someone who knows exactly what this thing called love is. Instead, I get pieces, pieces I didn’t sign up for. It’s almost unfair to love someone so much that it hurts every time you breathe.

Ryken Lord is my oxygen, but I want to be my own air.

“I love you, Saskia,” he says my name into my hair. I can feel his words are true. Truer than anything he’s ever said to me.

I think our versions of love are two different things, though. Because every time he walks away he takes a piece of me with him. And every time he returns, he gives it back when really he’s keeping it for himself.

“Aren’t you going to say it back?”

“No,” I answer succinctly.

He holds me to him not letting me go. “That’s fine, I don’t need to hear it... I can feel it.” His hand touches my heart, and it’s beating hard. “Can you feel it, Barbie? Can you feel how hard it beats for me? How it only wants me? Because I can. I can feel it as much as I can feel you right now next to me. We’re meant to be. Soon you’ll see. Just don’t take your time. I’m not a patient man like some.”

I can’t say anything back. He’ll win me, I know this. It’s just a matter of time until I give in. And if I do, how long will it last? Because he hasn’t really stuck to much before. He was meant to love her too.

What happens when he comes across someone better?

What then?

Will I be left like she was?

Maybe then I will finally go crazy. He will be the one to walk me to the edge then push me off. Because that’s what he will be doing with my heart.