Waking up in a bed next to a girl I hardly know is new to me. Sitting up, the television is still on from last night, and the sun’s now shining through the windows. How long did I sleep for? I remember the doctor assessing me then giving me something to sleep. That’s the extent of my memories before I passed out. I stand slowly, carefully, so as to not wake her.

“I’ve been awake for ages.” Sabrina’s voice shocks me, and when I turn around, I see her watching.

“I didn’t know.”

“You were having bad dreams, and you wouldn’t stop moving.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugs her shoulders.

“Is everyone still here?” I ask, looking at the door.

“Quinn, Michael, and your man are here. Yes. He came up to check on you, but you were knocked out. He’s been up every hour.”

“Thanks,” I reply, heading to the door. Pulling it open, Michael’s sitting on the floor reading a magazine.

Michael looks up at me then stands. “You’re awake.” I’m not sure how to take him, so I just nod. He looks down the stairs then back to me.

“Is Ryken here?”

He nods and walks down the stairs. I follow him, and that’s when I see Ryken. He’s sitting on the same couch Cane and I were on, and he’s talking to Quinn. They both look up as we walk down.

Ryken stands and comes straight over to me. Ryken’s hands wrap around me, and he pulls me to him tight, locking me in his grasp. He makes it almost impossible for me to move, but then his hands drop from me, and he steps back, looking at me. “Barbie...”

My hands come up and run down the length of my arm, hugging myself. I look up to him. “Is it safe for me to go home now?”

Ryken bobs his head. Unsure of what to say. So am I, to be honest, I’m a little lost myself.

“I want to go home.”

He steps back and reaches for the keys. “I’ll take you.”

My arms go to push him back but I take a step back. “I don’t want you to take me home, Ryken.”

“I’ll take her.”

We both turn to see Sabrina walking down the stairs, and as she reaches Ryken she takes the keys from his hand and continues to walk out the door. I go to follow her, but Ryken grabs hold of my hand, pulling me back to him. “I’ll be there later, okay?”

I shake my head, his hand dropping from me. “Not today... not today.”

“When?” he asks.

This time I shrug my shoulders. “I need... space.” Walking out the door before he can grab me again, Sabrina’s already in his car, the same one he tried to give to me, and she’s ready to go.

She takes off with a tire squeal and drives fast, and all the time there’s a smile etched on her face. “He fought for you, I heard?” I look at her thinking she’s not speaking to me. But of course, she is. My head isn’t on right, at least right now. “It must feel good to have someone want to fight for you.” I look down to my hands.

Can I feel bad about everything when she’s had it worse?

“What’s with Quinn?” I ask her, changing the subject.

“He’s not a good man, but so far he’s been good to me. That’s the least I can ask for. Even if he decided, well and truly later, that we’re right for each other.” She laughs. “I mean, he couldn’t have decided that when he collected me? He had to send me to that hell hole of a place?” She shakes her head, and a frown appears on her face.

“How do you feel though, knowing what they do?” Sabrina comes to a stop, and I realize we’re home.

“I mean... it bothers me. But I can’t really change him, can I?”

“I guess not.”

I open the door, and her hand comes to my leg. “If you really can’t handle it, tell him and leave him. He clearly would do anything for you. But asking someone you love to give up something they love isn’t fair... at all.”

“For a trailer trash girl, you have some good insight,” I say to her with a smile.

“Coming from another trailer trash girl...” she trails off with a laugh and shoos me out of the car.

It’s empty and quiet when I walk into my apartment. Stepping upstairs, I can still smell him. It still feels like he’s everywhere. His bag is still on the floor, the one I didn’t even see him bring in. Stripping myself naked, I climb in the shower. Water rushes over my face—lucky I have a waterproof bandage on my neck—and I’m confused whether it’s actually water or tears. I guarantee it’s most likely tears.

Dropping to the floor, I curl myself into a ball. Every emotion runs through me.

Should I leave him?

Or...

Do I stay, and try to make it work?

That means having him as he is, and not trying to change him. It’s only fair, considering he wouldn’t try to change me.

I somehow make it to my bed. My neck is driving me crazy with pain, but somehow I end up going to sleep after stripping off my clothes, ignoring the endless calls and the knocks on the door.

***

ROBERT’S STANDING OVER me when I wake. He shakes his head and flutters his eyelashes as he looks at me.

“What?” I say, sitting up.

“Sass...” he yells quickly and spins around.

I went to sleep naked, too tired at the time to get dressed in some sort of nightwear. I’m amazed I didn’t fall asleep in the shower.

“Sorry,” I mutter, standing, pulling my sheet with me.

He turns back around and follows me as I walk to my small kitchen and make myself a coffee. “You’ve been sleeping a lot lately.”

“Yeah, so?”

“That has me worried, Sass. Happy people don’t sleep their life away.”

“Well, lucky for you, I’m not a happy person. I’m a broken person.”

He scoffs at me.

“Things are in your favor lately. Your mother is finally a mother, or somewhat of a mother. Livia doesn’t hate your guts anymore. You’re safe, and you’re in love. Yet, you seem like someone killed your dog and you don’t know how to cope with that fact.”

“Maybe someone did,” I say, putting the coffee to my lips.

“Please, you don’t have a dog.... do you?” Robert asks, and he seems mightily confused. His eyebrows are drawn together, and there are deep creases in his forehead. I laugh and shake my head.

Checking the time, I have to get to work. I’ve taken too much time off lately and put too much pressure on Becca. I need to take it back. I need to take my life back. Stepping out of the kitchen and up to my room, I quickly get dressed and ready.

Robert talks about his new boy toy, and I listen like a good friend. Robert follows me down the stairs. I stop dead in my tracks, taking in the scene in front of me, making Robert run into my back. My desk is full of flowers, there are tulips everywhere. Standing at the door is Ryken. He looks unsure, which is very much unlike him. He’s the most confident person I know. I admire that quality in him. Robert coughs behind me, and I step down to let him past. He waves bye and walks out the door passing Ryken and shaking his head at him.

“I gave you last night,” Ryken says.

I look around to see if any clients are in the store. Becca’s with one, so I nod for him to follow me outside. He holds the door open for me as I step out. My hands hug myself, trying to give me courage, as we stand just a few feet apart.

“I know, thank you.”

He looks at me again, his eyes are always on me. “Are we back to where we started, Barbie?”

Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t. I still get those feelings with him that I got when I first met him. Ryken’s it for me. He’s the only man who can make my heart beat fast and my hands sweat. He’s the only man to give me butterflies.

“What happened to him?” I ask.

“Do you really want to know?”

I nod my head. Then shake it no. Then stop.

“I want to know if this is going to happen to me again.”

“You’re a beautiful girl, people are always going to want you or want to be you. I can’t guarantee that they won’t hurt you.”

“But for now, I’m safe?”

His eyes close briefly, and a small smile lets me know it’s safe. Then he steps forward, I step back, and he looks hurt by my action. “You don’t feel safe with me?”

“Should I?”

He looks almost wounded by my words and looks up at me. “Always. Fucking always. I’ll kill anyone that hurts you, even if that person is my best friend. That’s how much I fucking love you, Saskia. You are it, and if I’m not it for you, too fucking bad because you’re it for me. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you because I see the way you look at me. Even when you’re scared. You still want me to touch you even if you think you don’t.” His hand touches my skin ever so slightly on my arm, and that’s all it takes. I melt for him just as he said I would. He knows me better than I know myself. He makes me overdose on his touch on a regular basis.

“I can’t think straight when you touch me,” I say, hoping he’ll let go. He doesn’t.

“Too fucking bad.”

“It clogs my head. Stop touching me.”

Now both of his hands are on me. My brain goes foggy, and all I can feel and see is him. I try to fight it, to shake him off, but he doesn’t let go. I look up at him trying to give him my worst angry look, but it just makes him laugh.

“That just turns me on,” he says teasing me.

“It’s my ‘I’m angry at you’ face. Now stop touching me.”

He doesn’t stop touching, not even when an old lady walks past and shakes her head at us.

“Well, how about I show you my ‘I want to fuck you all kinds of ways’ face?” He raises his eyebrows, wiggling them.

“Is that all you think about? How to get me in bed?” I laugh, and he touches my hip and pulls me to him.

“Yes, and more. But most of all, I want you with me as often as possible. I don’t want you angry at me. I can’t deal with that. It doesn’t sit right with me. If Livia was angry, I was glad. Because I didn’t really care. You, I can’t have angry at me. You, I need, Barbie. I need you.”

This time I step into him. His arms pull me, so my body is flush with his. If we weren’t in public right now, he would have his way with me, and I would let him.

“I’m not moving in with you.”

He smirks like he was expecting those words to leave my lips. “That’s okay, I can sleep here and work from my place.” He says it like he has it sorted in his mind.

I push away from him and turn to look back in the store. “I have to work... you need to leave.”

He goes to argue with me but pauses then takes a deep breath before he looks back to me. “Don’t argue with me. If you try stopping me from working, I can tell you now this isn’t going to work.”

“I wouldn’t.”

A part of me knows that I just needed him to confirm it. Opening the door to go back inside, I wave to him, grabbing the flowers and removing them to around the front of the shop. He’s still out front when I turn around, then he comes in. He was just standing there watching me.

“These are yours.” He passes me keys to his car then walks out. I look down at them—other than the car keys, there is also another set of keys. I run out after him, calling his name as he walks to a black car.

“There’s an extra key,” I yell out confused.

Ryken opens the car door, turning back to look at me. “It’s for my house. It’s yours.” His smile is the last thing I see before he slides in the car and drives away.

Stepping back into the shop, my smile doesn’t seem to want to leave, not for the rest of the day. Being angry at Ryken Lord never lasts long. The heart wants what it wants. And even if I try to deny it, it doesn’t work. Because I love him. More than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone.