Wyatt was nothing but a gentleman, I forgot what it’s like to have one of them around. Stiles was much the same. A true gentleman. Wyatt didn’t stay, even when we landed in his parents’ jet. It felt weird, and another man being added to my crazy life was not something I wanted to do, even if it was just as a friend. My only friend is Robert, and I haven’t seen him for months. Even before I was collected, he was away traveling, while I stayed at home building my business.

Robert’s home now, though, so when the taxi pulls up out front of his house, and I see his car, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I have no money on me, so I run to the front and am thankful when he opens it.

“I need twenty dollars.”

Robert pulls his wallet out. “No ‘hi, how are you, Robert. Oh, I’ve missed you, Robert. Oh, did you know I was missing, Robert?’” he says as he hands me the money, his eyes firmly focused on me.

“Hi, Robert... I’m back, Robert. I’ve missed you, Robert. But now I have to pay the cab, Robert.” I laugh as I run back paying the cab driver, then back up to Robert who’s waiting for me at his front door. I follow him to his bedroom, where he shuts the door and sits down on the bed waiting for me to speak.

“How was your trip?”

He has anger written on his face. “Don’t even start with that. You disappeared. I came home early because I couldn’t reach you.” I should have told him when I was leaving. But I’m not used to having someone miss me. Or even care where I am. “Your mom was even worried. Can you believe that?”

I don’t believe it. “She wouldn’t have even noticed I was gone.”

Robert raises his eyebrows at me. “When was the last time you saw her?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe a year ago now. Since before I bought the business.”

“Well, she’s been clean for six months.”

My mouth hangs open. No way. “You’re lying. Surely if she were clean, she would have contacted me?” I say to him. Surely that’s what a mother does, right?

“She did, but your employee said you had gone away for a long holiday.”

That would be Ryken covering his tracks.

“Is my shop still open?”

His forehead crinkles, dropping it to the side watching me. “How do you not know if your shop is open or not? Where have you been, Saskia?”

My hands run down the skirt I’m wearing that isn’t mine. The shirt I have on is still Ryken’s. “I don’t know if it is,” I reply honestly.

“Saskia, where have you been?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Away.” My hands touch the scar on my leg, then the scar on my wrists.

“What the fuck.” He pulls my wrist then looks at it. Then touches the still very red scar on my leg. “Tell me right now what the fuck has happened or I’m calling the police.”

“I was collected.”

He drops my hand, stands and walks to his desk where his cell is laying. “Don’t bullshit me. Now tell me the truth, or I’ll call.” He dials some numbers, and before he hits call, I tell him again.

“I was collected. Ryken Lord is the king of the underworld. He shot someone for me, and his payment wasn’t enough. So the payment ultimately was me, and Ryken made restitution in the form of me.”

His cell drops from his hand. “You’re serious?” he asks, sitting back down next to me.

“I am.”

“I’m going to kill that handsome fucking prick.”

I shake my head. “He got me out of it. Livia was pregnant, or so we thought. They actually wanted her until they heard of me. He wasn’t going to let them collect her if she was pregnant.”

“She’s a whore.” His words don’t even make me smile. Because I miss Livia’s company, I really do. And I get why she’s the way she is, I deserve that.

“How did you get here?”

I bite my nail and look up at him. “I may have jumped from a moving car. Then, I was rescued by a doctor who also happened to have a private jet, and he flew me here.”

“Now you are pulling my leg.” He laughs, standing, then turns back to me.

“I wish it was all a dream.”

“He came back, Ryken came back?” he asks.

I nod my head. He was here when Ryken left. When I tried hard to make it work with Stiles, which failed. Not because of him, though, because of me.

“How was that?”

I shrug my shoulders. “It was hard, and easy at the same time.” His arms wrap around me, and he pulls me to him. This thing with Ryken and me, I don’t even understand. It’s hard for me to get my head around what I feel.

How can you love someone, and not be with them?

How can you love someone and choose someone else?

It hurts my heart.

Ryken hurts my heart.

The doorbell rings and Robert lets go of me and walks out the room. When he walks back in Cane is behind him. The look on his face is sympathetic.

How the fuck did Cane know I was here?

“I have the keys to your shop. Let me take you home?”

Robert looks to Cane then to me. “You can stay here if you want to.”

That isn’t something I want to do, I think as I pull myself up into a standing position. Pulling him in for one last cuddle before I walk out with Cane, I say, “Thanks, but I just want to go home.”

Cane’s car is out front and Robert waves as we leave.

“It’s still running? The shop, I mean?” I ask him while he drives.

He doesn’t look at me as we turn the corner and head to my place. “It is. Ryken instructed we pay your staff extra for opening and closing out of our wages.”

“I’ll pay it back. Every cent.”

Cane waves his hand at me then looks back to the road. “You don’t have to do that. The club brings in more than enough money to support us.”

We come to a stop, and I see it—it’s a place I created from an empty shell. I’ve missed it, I really, really missed it here. He gets out, and I follow him inside. Cane finds the light switch quickly like he’s been here before. Maybe he’s the one in charge of looking after it for Ryken. It’s the only thing Ryken will get a thank you out of me for, for not killing this dream of mine even if he killed everything else inside of me. Apart from the parts of me that still want him, crave him, that’s all that seems to be left.

“He’ll know you’re here soon. It’s just a matter of time before he comes.”

“Don’t tell him yet, please?”

Cane offers me a small smile.

“Thank you, Cane. You really didn’t have to do this.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “It’s the least I can do.” I lean in and give him a hug, and he hugs me back, his face buried in my hair before I pull away and open the door for him to leave. He passes me my keys as he leaves, and I lock the door and go upstairs. It’s still the same, my clothes from the night before I left are still on the floor, and my bed’s a mess of crumpled sheets.

Pulling my clothes off, I climb into my bed and pull the sheets over my head, and that’s where I stay for the next few days.

***

MY NAME’S BEING CALLED, and it’s not by one of my girls who I’ve heard downstairs several times. I don’t have a cell phone anymore, so I haven’t been in contact with anyone. I left the bed to eat, then went straight back to it and fell asleep. People have knocked on my door, but I’ve refused to get up to see what they want.

I don’t want visitors.

Except today, the knocking hasn’t stopped. At all.

“Okay, so here’s the deal. You have to the count of twenty to open this door... or I’m kicking the fucking thing in.” Robert’s voice yells through the door. He starts counting, and when he reaches twenty, I hear a loud bang and splintering of wood follows. My head is still buried under the covers, so I don’t look up when he barrels in. “Oh, come on...” he says, pulling the sheet back. It’s not just Robert standing there, though, it’s also my mother. She’s looking at me like I might break. I don’t want her pitiful look, so I pull the sheet back over my face and continue to hide.

“Saskia...” I groan when she says my name.

Now she wants to see me?

Where has she been all my life?

“I brought you your pills.” I pull the sheet down. Looking at her, it’s the first time I’ve seen her without bags under her eyes and she’s dressed nicely. Usually, she throws whatever on, and that’s that. Today she looks like a lady. A mother. Not mine, though. After all, I wouldn’t know what that is. “Christopher helped me get clean. They said Livia’s in the hospital, Saskia. Did you know?”

I sit up. “Why?” I ask worriedly. I take the pills she’s offering me, and Robert steps back.

“She was shot... in the back.”

I gasp loudly. No, no. “Is she okay?”

Mom nods her head. As I scatter everything away from me in my attempt to stand, this time she gasps at me. Looking down, I notice the bruises which are fading. My hands cover my mid-section, and Robert just looks at me like he seems lost. I know I’m lost.

“Are you okay?”

I pull the sheet from the bed and cover myself with it. “I’m fine. Can we see her?”

Mom offers me a sad smile. “Livia asked that no one see her.”

My body drops back to the bed. If she was hurt before, when we were friends, before Rykan, I’d be the first one to know. Now there’s nothing between us.

“This boy isn’t doing this to you, is he?”

I look up to Robert, he looks to my mother then back to me. “I think it’s time we leave, Sheryl.” She shakes her head, but I don’t look back up to her. I don’t want her here. When I needed her growing up, she wasn’t around. She hesitantly turns around and walks out of my room.

Robert hangs back looking at me with his judging eyes. “You’ll need to leave the bedroom soon.”

I want to ignore him. “No, I won’t.”

“I spoke to Cane. He said Ryken’s with Livia.” Of course, he is. I would be too if I were allowed to be. “He’s going to come back here. You know that, right?”

“He won’t.”

He sighs heavily. “Of course he is. He may love her, Sass, but he’s in love with you. There’s a huge difference. Does she know?”

I put my head down thinking about how she looked at me. How she looked at me like she hates me. “She hates me.”

His hand touches my knee. “She doesn’t. She just doesn’t see it. He’s yours, and you’re his. She just got in the middle of that fact.”

“You don’t understand—”

He removes his hand, swinging his hands in the air. “Fine then. How about you pretend to go and love Stiles again. Why not break his heart again, because you can’t admit who your heart really wants?”

“That was harsh, I never wanted to hurt him. I cared for him, too.”

“Exactly! You cared for him. You didn’t love him. Think of all the betrayal you and Ryken have done. That’s not you. You would not do that for just anyone. It’s because you’re blind with him. Your love for each other is sinister, it hurts those around you just because you don’t see it.”

A tear falls from my eye, and I wipe it away fast. “I’m an awful person.”

He shakes his head. “You’re far from being awful. As a matter of fact, you are the exact opposite.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. “Now tomorrow, you better be out of this bed and working. I’ll be back to check on your ass.” He walks off, and I do as he says—I finally move.