Chapter 15 Now
Finding out that Evie was staying in San Franscisco had really thrown me for a loop. On one hand, I was grateful. It meant that I'd be able to see Gabriel whenever I was home. The problem was, I wasn't staying in San Franscisco. When I first got back into town, it wasn't just for Wes, and Zoe's wedding. It was also to talk to a realtor, about putting my parents home on the market. It just didn't feel like home anymore. Zoe, and I had our own lives now.
These past few days went so well with Evie and Gabriel, I was afraid to tell her any of it. I know it was cowardly, but I didn't want to give her any reasons to pull away. I had three more days before Wes, and Zoe would return from their honeymoon. Which meant I had five, before I was returning to Fort Hunter Liggett. Five days to tell Evie that I plan on staying there, and five days to convince her to come with me.
I sounded crazy. I knew that, and the fact that I did made me realize I'm not crazy at all. I know we aren't teenagers anymore, we aren't in love, and there's no potential for a happily ever after. But, there is the here and now. There's a chance at a really great friendship, and the privilege of raising our little boy together, and maybe that could be enough? I planned on picking she and Gabriel up in a hour. We were going to the zoo to see the new penguin exhibit, and I thought it would be a good time to broach the subject. At least she couldn't run away from the conversation, especially if I was her ride home.
I stopped at the grocery store, and made up a small cooler. Drinks mostly, but I grabbed a few snacks for Gabriel too. I found myself doing that a lot lately, picking things up for him. It was like bringing your wife home her favorite candy bar, or ordering the sandwich because you knew it came with your husband's favorite coleslaw. Small acts of love, that when thought about by themselves were normal. But when you put all those small acts together, that's what I feel for Gabriel. It's what I once felt for Evie, and if I was lucky, I might be able to feel again.
I pulled up to Evie's apartment building a few minutes early. I caught a glimpse of Gabriel running past the front window, and I smiled. Evie wasn't far behind him, and I laughed when she scooped him up into her arms and spun him around. I could watch them like that all day. I wish I could have. I wondered what he was like when he was a baby? Did he cry a lot? Did he sleep through the night? My joy quickly turned to sadness, as I thought about all the things that I had missed.
Shaking the feeling, I climbed out of my truck and made my way to the front door. Evie answered right away, saying she seen me when I pulled in. Gabriel ran to me, holding his lion in his arms. “Lions zoo!” He said excitedly “Rawr!”
“That's right buddy, we're going to see real lions at the zoo!” I said, mirroring his excitement. “Are you all ready to go?”
“Yes!” He squealed, jumping up, and down. “Zoo, zoo!”
“Alright Gabriel.” Evie said, in a soothing, but demanding tone. “Calm down, we have a long ride to the zoo. We don't want to scare the animals when we get there do we?”
“No Mama.” He said, shaking his tiny head, his bottom lip protruding from his mouth.
I tried not to laugh, I really did, but I was new at this parenting thing, and Gabriel was adorable. The look Evie gave me was one of annoyance, but after a few seconds she broke too. Before long, we were all laughing, and Gabriel was back to running around the living room roaring loudly. It wasn't until we'd finished loading the car, and were safely on our way to the zoo, that I apologized.
“I'm sorry about earlier.” I offered. “I don't know how you do it. How do you know when to fist bump him, or punish him?” I joked.
“It isn't always easy.” She admitted. “Especially when he reminds me of you.” She smiled, remembering the thought. “I noticed it the first time when he really wanted a snack. He gave me these big puppy dog eyes, and then.. the dimple. Your dimple. I cried that day. I know it probably doesn't mean much to you, but seeing so much of you in him, it was hard. It made me miss you. I almost told you so many times. I wish I had some profound reason for why I didn't, but the truth is, I was a coward.”
I looked in the rear view mirror, and Gabriel's head was starting to bob. A few more minutes, and he would be asleep. “I can't say that I agree with your decision, but I'm starting to understand it. I know after my accident, things changed. I knew that you deserved a safer life. I still wanted to ask you though.”
“Ask me what?”
“To be with me.” I said finally laying the cards out on the table, the way I should have done on our last night together. “When you told me we had to go back to being friends, I only agreed, because I thought it was what you wanted. I had feelings for you Evie. Real, forever, kinds of feelings, but I was too much of a coward to tell you. When I asked if you wanted a commitment, I was dying inside, hoping you'd say yes. But, you didn't.”
“I thought -”
“I know. You thought I never loved you, like you loved me. I guess we were both hypocrites. Trying to do the things we thought would make the other happy. Crazy thing is, if I had been honest, maybe things would have ended up differently.”
“You mean, maybe I wouldn't have kept Gabriel from you?” She asked, defensively.
“I didn't tell you all of this to start an argument, or to place blame on anyone. I just, I thought we deserved a fresh start, which is why there's something I need to tell you.”
“Okay.” She said warily. “What is it?”
“I've decided to put my parents home on the market. Zoe said she doesn't want it, and honestly it hasn't felt like home in a very long time for me. I have a house on base, and I plan on living there full time. It's about a three hour drive from here, to there, and I was hoping you and Gabriel would like to come with me.”
“Are you asking me.. us to move in with you?” She stammered.
“Yes.” I laughed. “I'm not delusional. I know you and I are strictly friends. But you have to admit, we make a great team.”
“Jake. I can't just move in with you. I'm opening my own practice in six months! I've already hired my nurses, and receptionists, not to mention my weekly gig at Harper's House. Three hours isn't a huge distance, I'm sure we can work something out. Maybe I can drive him to you every other weekend, or we could meet halfway?”
“I go back in five days.” I said, the sadness evident in my voice. “I've missed out on the last two years Evie, I don't want to miss another minute.”
“I know. And I know that was my fault, but I can't just drop everything that I've worked so hard for. You know how bad I've wanted this, and for how long. Can we just enjoy today? We'll figure out the rest as we go. We have all the time in the world now.”
“Let's go see some penguins.” I smiled weakly. I already knew she'd say no, but it didn't mean I was going to stop trying.
We found a parking spot on the second level, and after getting Gabriel settled in his wagon, we began our walk across the bridge over looking the zoo. I remembered then, that Evie was afraid of heights, so I reached for her hand. We looked like any other family at the zoo that day. Me, pulling Gabriel's wagon with one hand, and holding his mom's with the other. I could have let it go when we reached the bottom, but I didn't. She didn't pull away either, so I took it as a good sign.
The first animals we seen were the otters. They were Evie's favorite. Every time her face lit up, when one would swim past her was adorable. I lifted Gabriel from his wagon so he could get a better look. He squealed with delight, as the otters jumped out of the water and slid on their bellies. We saw the bears next, and then the rhinos, but it was when we reached the lion exhibit that Gabriel's eyes grew wide with fascination. He held his stuffed lion tight, as he walked slowly towards the exhibit.
All that was separating us from the lion was a think pane of glass. He yawned, showing us his massive teeth, and Gabriel opened his mouth wide. “Rawr.” He whispered, too afraid to scare him, like Evie said he might earlier.
“What do you think buddy?” I asked, ruffling his curly head.
“Lion big Daddy!” He said, in a loud whisper.
We stood, watching the lion exhibit for a good thirty minutes. Every time we tried to leave, Gabriel cried. He loved just watching him move, and when he let out a soft growl, Gabriel giggled. He was absolutely enthralled with the creature, and I was enthralled with him. I never thought seeing the happiness of another person could make me so happy. It was better than being happy yourself. It was a different kind of feeling, knowing that I'd made his day special.
By the time we made it back to the truck, Gabriel was rubbing his eyes. I buckled him into his seat, and put all of his lion souvenirs on the seat beside him. I may have gone a little over board, but it was our first real outing together, and I wanted to commemorate it. I even paid twenty dollars for a picture of the three of us in a zoo frame. I probably would have spent more if Evie hadn't convinced me not too. Even after all these years, she was still the level headed one.
We'd been on the road for about ten minutes before she kicked her shoes off, and put her feet up on the dash. “I see you're still fond of hot pink nail polish.” I joked, remembering the way she did the exact same thing, whenever she was in my car. The only difference now, was that I wasn't holding her hand. Feeling bold, I reached over, and placed my hand on hers. She didn't pull away, and when I curled my fingers between hers, she gave mine a little squeeze. “I've missed you Evie.” I said so quietly, I wasn't sure if she heard me.
“I've missed you too Jake.” She whispered back.