Chapter Twelve

Josiah stared at the front door. It was all he was able to do once Levi had abruptly left. Though he wasn't left in quiet contemplation, he felt it take over just as easily as a virus. It riddled his bones with worry and made his back ache from leaning in the same position. But he was frozen. He couldn't move.

“Hey,” said a voice next to him. “Maybe I should go.”

Still staring blankly, Josiah turned toward the voice. “No, just stay.”

Jonathan sat stiffly next to Josiah. He looked out of place like he was intruding on a movie scene that had already started and didn't involve him. For a moment, Josiah felt awful for involving his ex in any part of his production. Not because Jonathan was an ex, but because Jonathan was now suffering the wrath of jealous lovers.

“I'm sorry.”

Jonathan gave Josiah a look of compassion. “You have literally nothing to be sorry for.”

“I feel awful.”

“I think that's natural in this situation.”

“I should have never gotten involved with a crew member.”

Jonathan shrugged. “Everyone believes differently. It's no matter. What matters now is what you're going to do about it.”

The phone in Josiah's hand buzzed. He stared hard at the screen as a message from Levi appeared, stating coldly in just two words the very nature of how he felt.

“Well,” Josiah sighed. “That's nice.”

“What is?”

“I'll have to call in a backup effects guy.”

“I mean, it could be worse.”

Josiah stared at Jonathan. “How the hell could it really be worse?”

“You could have a drinking problem and poor coping skills.”

“Is that a pass at Levi?”

Jonathan shrugged lightly. “Not necessarily, but I think it's worth thinking about this situation from his position.”

“I don't know what good that would really do.”

“Well, put it on hold. Call—what's that guy's name—Brandon in from Virginia and set things in motion to handle your production.”

“I can't even think about my production. If Levi leaves, he might take the theater people with him.”

“Then, shame on them for leaving just because of one person and a silly situation.”

Josiah growled. “This isn't silly, Jonathan.”

It was then he noticed his menacing position. He hadn't seen it until he had noticed Jonathan's face. Jonathan looked slightly intimidated.

“God, I'm sorry,” Josiah added. “Really, I'm very sorry.”

As Jonathan sat up, Josiah retreated away.

“It's all right. You're upset. You have every right to be upset. You're in a very delicate position between gaining back love or keeping your production afloat. In both cases, you end up sacrificing something.”

“I know for a fact that bringing in someone else will make Levi furious. But if I don't, my entire movie gets tanked.”

“So, what can you do to prevent it?”

Josiah groaned. “I could grovel?”

“No, that's beneath you. Next solution.”

“Explain to Levi that I need someone reliable?”

“That's a good option.”

“I doubt he'll respond to this.” Still, despite his worry, Josiah tapped away into the message. When he was finished, he sent it and returned his attention to Jonathan. “What now?”

Jonathan looked pensive for a moment. He tangled a long strand of brown hair around his finger and played with it. “Sit on it. Reflect. And then distract yourself.”

“I don't understand when you became so good at this shit.”

“Believe it or not, I learned what I know now from you.”

Josiah's brows furrowed together as he set his phone on the couch. “What? You can't be serious.”

“I'm very serious. Everything I learned about communication and being supportive came from watching you.”

“I...” Josiah trailed off as he traced the cushion next to his jeans. “I just find that so strange.”

“Is it, though? You were an incredible source of inspiration for me to find help. I went to therapy to figure out both my temper and my desire to cheat. I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. And in therapy, I found out a lot about myself that I didn't realize.”

“Now I just feel bad for having never responded to you before.”

“You responded at the right time. You gave me a shot in your production and you're giving me the chance now to have your friendship. Do you know what that means?”

Josiah softly focused on the fireplace across the room. “It means I'm...an idiot?”

Jonathan laughed and shook his head, shaking his brown locks loose from their position behind his shoulders. “No, it means you have a damn heart.”

With a soft gaze, Josiah looked around the room. He let each object enter his vision and leave just as quickly, not focusing on anything for more than a millisecond. His head felt like it was swimming. He almost felt drunk again. It was hard to think with all this stress going on.

“I guess so,” he stated as he looked down at his hands. “I just don't know if that's really true. I just hurt someone.”

“You didn't. Whatever Levi thinks about us being in the same room together is a reflection of him, not you.”

Josiah pressed his lips in a thin line. Despite his exerted control over his own emotions, he still felt the aching desire to cry. Thinking about it inspired the tears to well in his eyes which he mindlessly wiped away. The couch shifted and warmth met his shoulders. Jonathan was wrapping him in a hug. Without a second thought, he collapsed into the embrace and let the tears flow.

“Just let it out,” Jonathan recommended as he patted Josiah's shoulder. “That's it. Release it.”

Josiah shook. It was similar to the way he had vibrated while making love to Levi. And as soon as this thought crept into his mind, he cried even harder. He was abandoned. His body was wrung dry and he was all alone now with only his ex-boyfriend holding him. It felt like he was losing blood by crying. Every tear that rolled down his cheek made him dizzier and weaker.

“Make it go away,” he begged.

“I wish I could.”

“I just want to go away.”

“Well, you're not allowed to. I can't let you.”

Josiah shook his head. “No, you don't get to say that.”

“And you don't get to disappear on everybody.”

“I just want to...I just want...”

“I know. I know.”

Gently, Jonathan rocked Josiah on the couch. He hummed softly under his breath a rhythmic tune that softened Josiah's sobs. Even as the room plunged into silence, he continued humming and rocking Josiah. It was such a tender gesture that it made Josiah want to sob again, but he stifled this urge as soon as it arose. He sniffled and wiped his nose.

“I feel like a child.”

Jonathan laughed. “You kind of cried like one.”

Though Josiah would have liked to laugh, he smiled instead. Laughing was too much effort. That cry had utterly drained him of any energy he might have had left. He remained firm in Jonathan's arms, burying his face in Jonathan's elbow in an effort to hide.

“Hey, you're going to be okay,” Jonathan assured.

“I know. I just feel out of control.”

“Most things are like that.”

Josiah groaned. “I just don't like it.”

“Neither do I. It sucks when I wake up thinking I'm going to take my bike for a ride and it turns out she needs some work. But in the process of giving her a little TLC, I find my mind going into the Zen zone of riding.”

“You're such a hippie sometimes.”

“Don't be so harsh. I'm new age.”

Josiah laughed. “You just said the other day that you were an old man.”

“No, you said I was an old man. I just agreed. I'm the new age oldie.”

“God, you're ridiculous.”

“It's making you laugh, though, right?”

Josiah couldn't help but smile. “I mean, maybe. A little.”

“Just enough. I can tell. You're already starting to look like yourself again. Blue dye running from your hair and a look of determination. It's my favorite Jo look.”

“Maybe I should pick a different color this time.”

“It wouldn't hurt to change things.”

Josiah sighed and nodded. He remained motionless for a moment while feeling Jonathan's vein beat rhythmically beneath the skin. It was a soothing beat, one that helped him ease his breathing as he followed it. Once he was calmer, he sat up from Jonathan's arms and smiled weakly. “Thanks for staying.”

“What else are friends for?”

“I guess I didn't expect it.”

Jonathan grinned. “We're all full of surprises in the end.”

“All right, now you're just sounding like a pretentious therapist.”

“I get it from my therapist. I really can't help myself sometimes.”

“You still have a huge ego.”

“Some people like that sort of thing.” Jonathan winked. “Besides, it's helping you right now.”

“Well, some of it.”

While Jonathan rose from the couch, Josiah noticed his position. Part of his leg was stuck in the cushions while the other was far above it. He repositioned himself and sighed while moving the pillows into a more comfortable place. When he sat down again, he noticed Maura staring at him from across the room. He called her over with a few kisses.

Maura hopped into his lap and arched her back, stretching her paws over his jeans. She stuck her nails in the fabric and began making biscuits. Though her nails hurt his leg, he let her do her thing.

“You're such an affectionate girl.” He patted her back gently. “But sometimes your nails really hurt.”

She happened to hit a particularly sore muscle and he groaned without moving his leg. Once the feeling had passed, he relaxed again and smiled at his cat.

“Dork.”

Jonathan reappeared with a glass of water. “Do you want to get something to eat?”

Josiah accepted the glass and took a long sip. He hadn't realized he was parched until the liquid had passed his lips. As soon as he felt sane again, he set the glass down and rested his hand upon Maura's back. She was purring. “I suppose that would be wise. I still feel compelled to check on Levi.”

“I think it would be better to let it sit for a few days. Bring in Brandon. Focus on the movie.”

“I just know it's not going to feel the same without Levi here.”

“Let's eat before you make any decisions, then.”

Josiah sighed and guided Maura down to the ground. He stood from the couch and stared at the mess of fur on his jeans. Sullenly, he patted his jeans, creating a cloud of hair that floated up to his black shirt.

“Damn it,” he groaned.

Laughing, Jonathan disappeared again. He returned with a lint roller and handed it to Josiah.

“What are you hungry for?” Josiah asked while cleaning up his clothes.

“Something meaty.”

“Burgers?”

Jonathan grinned wide. “Yes, let's get some burgers.”

When Josiah was finished, he set the roller on the coffee table. He picked up his phone and his keys, not bothering to see if Levi had bothered texting back. Dropping it was best. Jonathan was right about that. If Josiah worried too much, he would just make the situation worse.

Still, he found it difficult to focus on anything else. He just wanted to hold Levi and take all those troubles away, maybe even give up drinking himself. Whatever worked, he wanted to do it, even if it meant giving up something he thoroughly enjoyed.

Anything, he thought. I'll do just about anything.