Chapter Ten
RUTH
If it hadn’t been for Jayne, I wouldn’t have gotten up the next morning. She yanked the cover off me around ten, the air conditioning biting into my bare skin as I tried to snatch back the blankets but she was quicker. At that moment, I regretted giving her all the codes and passwords to my life.
“What are you still doing asleep?” she asked.
I groaned, pressing my face into the pillow. “I didn’t sleep much last night.”
A picture falling off the wall just as you were drifting off would give anyone a heart attack, especially when you were very aware of certain soul-stealing demons lurking in the world.
The shudder that wracked my body now wasn’t from the chilly air.
“You never called like you said you would,” she grumbled. The mattress dipped under her weight. I lifted my head from the pillow. Her brown hair was slicked completely back into a tidy office bun. She wore a red pencil skirt with a white top looking cute as hell when I knew she was no doubt trying to look sexier. “I want to hear all about what happened when you and Amit went for drinks.”
At the mention of Amit, I shivered for an entirely different reason. The thought of him made me sit up. My cheeks burned as I mumbled, “It was nothing special.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Then why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat?”
“He said I could call him.”
Jayne was full-blown simpering now, but I didn’t miss the questioning look. “And that makes you happy?”
I shrugged, letting the corners of my lips fall into a flat line. “But before that, he practically said I was a flower that was wilting.”
Her eyebrows pinched together in the middle. “That’s low-key harsh.”
I nodded. “I know. Why did he have to speak my language at the charity event? It’s one thing for him to be good-looking, but it’s another when he sounds like he understands me. Jayne, when I asked him what sound he thought my voice went with, he said so matter-of-factly, ‘It doesn’t belong anywhere, yet it speaks to everything’.” I grumbled, feeling like I was swooning all over again just from the memory. I wiped my palm down my face in annoyance. “Now I want to get to know him. Even when he says shitty things like I’m wilting.” I scrunched up my face and waved my hand dismissively. “Who the fuck says that?”
“Manly men like Amit Kingston,” Jayne snickered, and I laughed with her although I didn’t mean to. “Only a guy like that could talk about wilting flowers and still make a girl’s panties wet.”
I snorted. “I can’t deal with you when I first wake up.”
“Where did this flower come from?” Jayne bent down.
“Don’t touch it!” I yelled, and she jumped.
“Shit! Don’t scare me. Why? What is it?” She grabbed her chest, frightened to death as she looked at the flower.
“I’ll get it,” I told her as I hurried off the bed and dragged her up with me. “Go wait in the living room while I get dressed.”
She glanced back at me as I pushed her, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Since when are you so shy?” she asked.
I smacked her butt, and she yelped before disappearing through the door. My stomach dropped when I saw the Red Grace on the floor.
The demon had been here.
That made two nights in a row.
_______
“Do you think I should send him a text?”
I slowed down to a walk on the treadmill as I glanced over at Jayne panting beside me on hers. She slowed down and clutched her stomach as if she was dying. She probably was. I saw how much Dr. Pepper that woman drank each day.
Summer was fading. The days were still hot, but the rain had kept me inside today, so I couldn’t do my usually run in the park. We had opted for a private gym that I frequented a lot when I was stuck indoors. That didn’t stop fans from finding you though. A mass of them flashed their cameras and phones through the window. I ignored them. It was better that way. I was so used to them they mostly felt like a second skin even if it was frustrating at times. This was the life I chose.
Breathing heavily, Jayne still found it in her to lift a brow and give me that irritating, condescending look she used on more than one occasion. I rolled my eyes before she spoke. “I thought you were going home and writing some lyrics?”
“I still am,” I muttered defensively. “Who said I can’t still do that while texting?” She lifted that damn eyebrow higher, much more and it would be a part of her hairline. I sighed. “I’m distracted,” I finally admitted. “I can’t stop thinking about him.”
She cackled. “You got it bad.”
“Shut up,” I muttered. “This is all your fault.”
“How is it my fault?” She played dumb, wrinkling her nose and tilting her head like she couldn’t figure out why.
“You know how. You wouldn’t give it a rest until I finally saw him.” Staring ahead, I shook my head. “He’s distracting me too much.” My lips parted as I thought of Amit’s deep, penetrating voice whispering something dirty in my ear. In the visual, I was on all fours, his tall, muscular frame bending over me as he palmed my pussy like he owned it. Oh, God. My core clenched, reminding me how empty I felt. How I wanted to be filled by him so desperately that it was impossible to think straight. Squeezing my thighs together, I finally asked, “I wonder if a man like that would go for phone sex?”
Jayne choked next to me although she had nothing in her mouth. “Did you really just say phone sex?” She held a hand to her forehead and blinked amusingly at me. “Why not sex-sex?”
I shook my head vehemently. “Absolutely not. Not safe.”
The demon was right there in the back of my head. Just as well, I couldn’t get Amit out of there either. Although I couldn’t physically have him, could I not try something different? My heart pounded and my fingers were numb. My anxiety was at its peak, but I couldn’t change my thought process. I wanted a moment, just a moment that was pure bliss—something to sing about. Something, anything, that wasn’t solely about music. I needed something completely carnal before my time was up.
Jayne gave me a dubious frown before she snorted. “You are aware that’s what condoms are for, right?” She wasn’t getting it, not that she ever could. Powering the treadmill off, I stepped down. She did the same and caught up to me. “Ruth.” Standing eye to eye, Jayne searched my face. “Is this about Dark Goddess?” She reached for my hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “You know that’s not true.”
“What if it is, Jayne?” I said tightly, tired of knowing the truth while playing ignorant. “How else do you explain those deaths surrounding me?”
Before she could say another word, I walked away and found Rupert and Max.
_____
With my notepad, a pen and a bottle of water resting between my thighs, I was ready to ease the chaos in my head. There was one small problem—I couldn’t stop the clatter, nor could I stop my brain from adding Amit to the mix.
Jayne went home right after we returned from the gym, leaving me alone with just Moose. When I sat down, I had every attention of writing, but every few seconds my eyes drifted toward my phone.
There was something else I wanted to do more. For once in my life, I couldn’t focus on music. I grabbed my phone slowly like it was poisonous, and I was even slower as I unlocked it and scrolled through my contacts until I came across Amit’s and stopped.
I shouldn’t, but God, I wanted to.
Messing with Black Hearts president wasn’t a good idea. I was my own star now. I depended on no one, but no less, I could still fuck up my career if I provoked the beast hidden inside the suit Amit wore. After all, he held power in my world.
But then I remembered in less than two months, there’d be no more me—hence no more image to uphold and worry about. Taking a deep breath, I thought, fuck it. I’d do what I want. Scratch that. I’d do the best that I could with what I could do.
Pulling up a new message, I sent him a text.
Me: Amit. Hey. It’s Ruth.
I groaned afterward because really? I was so smooth. A minute ticked by, then it turned into two, and I started to sweat and wonder if he would ignore me.
It shouldn’t bother me. He’d been staying away from me all these years, but it did. Now that I met him, I wanted to know him. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why he treated me like venom.
My phone finally pinged.
Amit: Ruth.
I scratched my head at that one. Ruth? Just Ruth? No hi, Ruth? Or what are you doing Ruth? Sighing heavily, I bit my bottom lip and returned to my previous fuck it decision. Quickly, I replied.
Me: Do you have your FaceTime turned on?
I set my phone in my lap and covered my mouth with my hand. Straight to the point. I liked it. Go big or go home, some of my cousins used to say.
He was quicker this time.
Amit: FaceTime?
Me: It’s video chat.
Amit: I don’t know. Why?
Me: Just curious. Might I ask what are you doing?
Amit: Nothing.
Me: Good. You can talk to me.
Amit: I don’t text.
Me: Look at that. Neither do I, except for Jayne.
Amit: I’m busy.
I smirked at that.
Me: You just said you were doing nothing.
My smile eventually waned when I realized that maybe I pushed my luck too far. A minute later, and he still hadn’t replied. When it stretched to a full five minutes, nerves crawled in my stomach, but I had no time for that. Not many days for anything, really. An out-of-time person became a desperate one.
Me: Do you really not want to talk to me?
I waited several seconds.
Me: I’m not trying to come off presumptuous, I was just asking.
Me: I’m not SoulGoddess… or Dark Goddess. Just plain Ruth.
Me: Okay… for some reason, I want to talk to you. I literally can’t help myself, but there’s only so much my pride can take.
When it was obvious he was not going to continue with the conversation, I typed one last message.
Me: All right. Bye Amit.
Feeling like a teen again, I tossed my phone and accidentally hit Moose with it, making him yelp. “Sorry, boy,” I told him, ashamed that I lost my dignity when it came to Amit. Even my texting came across lame, and I hated appearing weak.
I could hear Ma in my head cursing me like nobody’s business for acting like that over a man, when in fact, she was the same way over Dad. It was why she let him run over of us—in and out of our lives just enough to take what little money we had and all of Ma’s heart.
My phone started ringing. My eyes widened, and I just stared at it. My phone was ringing. My phone… MY PHONE WAS RINGING! I leaned across the sofa and scooped it up. Was it Amit?
Damn, my sad, sad heart for getting all happy that Amit’s name was the one on the screen.
I swiped the screen. “Hello?”
“I don’t text,” he grunted. I was beginning to see a pattern with him. His words, actions and voice were all the same—gruff and uninviting. Silly, silly me liked his sounds more when he gritted them out like he hated himself for talking.
“Thanks for calling then.” I laid back against the cushion with my fast-beating heart. I hadn’t felt so star-struck since high school. With the demon wiping out every person I had an interest in, I made sure to keep my feelings in check. But somehow, I knew it was too late with Amit. The feelings would continue to grow and worsen.
“What is it, Ruth?” He sounded tired of me already.
“Where are you?” I asked quietly.
“Home. Why?”
I was quiet several seconds. A girl had to build up her nerve. “I’m going to FaceTime you then.”
“Why?” He had every right to be as wary as he sounded when I was about to go all nasty on him. From a distance, of course. Where he was safe from the demon.
“Because…” I closed my eyes and breathed into the phone. “I need something from you. Okay? Please?”
“Fine.”
He hung up.
I took another deep breath as I removed my curls from the topknot and fluffed them out. I straightened my spaghetti straps and then my bra straps, fixing my breasts so they’d be noticeable. Another deep breath. Nothing wrong with seducing a man. It was the twenty-first century. If he didn’t like what I was about to do, he could tell me to get the fuck away, which I seriously hoped he didn’t do, but considering how much he went out of his way to avoid me anything was possible.
A nervous pang hit my chest but my core clenched all the same. I was so revved up with the idea that maybe, just maybe he might give in to me.
I FaceTimed him, holding the phone in front of my face. It took him a while, but he finally answered. I was greeted by the wide expanse of his chest layered in a dark gray suit. I could see nothing else, not even his face. “Amit..?”
“Was it supposed to be someone else?” His response automatically relaxed me, and I released the breath I held.
“I can only see your chest.”
“I can you see though,” was his cold response, and he made no move to fix my view. “What do you want, Ruth?” The way he dragged my name out left me with goose bumps.
You, came the honest answer in my head. “Just going to show you something…” I pulled the phone away from my face, and ever so slowly, guided it down my neck where I brought up my free hand and slid a finger underneath my shirt and bra strap and tugged them off my shoulder. I stopped and waited. I made sure not to show my face because although I was feeling bold, I was still embarrassed and filled with nervous energy. I took in a deep breath and knew he could see me do it, but I couldn’t help it. “I want to show you…me.”
Dragging my black manicured nails down one of my breasts, I cupped it from the top and when I started to tug my shirt down, he hung up.
He hung up.
I blinked, letting the mortification set in. Maybe it was wrong of me to come onto him this way, but when your time is ticking and there’s only so much you can do, your brain short-circuits, and all these little things in the back of my head suddenly mattered.
I wouldn’t know love, but I should at least get to experience lust.
I dropped my hand in my lap that held my phone. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t—
I was on a very loose thread, and Amit was an outlet I was so desperately seeking.
And he didn’t want me.
_______
AMIT
I pushed the phone away, then I picked it up and tossed it even further. It wasn’t easing my pulse at all. No, it still ran rampant even when I didn’t fucking want it to.
“Fuck.”
I didn’t even have to go see Ruth to know her and her soul was going all to hell because of me. Unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one falling apart.
I kept a distance with Ruth for a reason, but now I think there might have been a much deeper reason behind my reluctance for us to meet. Not only was I in too deep for one soul, I was further tangling myself into Ruth’s life when I tried hard not to.
My chest was heavy, and my clothes too fucking tight. My cock twitched insistently in my pants. I had the sudden urge to port to her right that instant and…
Ruth was going to be my downfall if I didn’t control myself.
Lars ported into the room, having come straight from Ruth’s. His green face was tight with apprehension. “What did you do?”
“What was that?” I cocked my head and glared at the lesser being. Lars had grown too comfortable around me. His continued speaking to me in such a disapproving tone was unacceptable.
“It’s barely been a week since she’s met you in human form, and you’ve already worsened her soul one hundred percent.” Lars pointed out.
I strode into the kitchen to keep from hurting him for stating the truth.
“She knows the demon will come for her soon. Right now, she’s crying over that same demon.”
I stopped. “She’s crying?” I knew I’d hurt her, but crying over my hanging up? Deep down, I knew it wasn’t only that. With my looming presence and her soul’s fate, she was becoming increasingly reckless in her search to find something. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was clear she was tempted to play with fire. She had nothing to lose while I could lose everything.
He nodded. “Sire, she’s trying awfully hard not to.”
“Fuck,” I yelled, gripping the edges of the counter as I looked out the window. Only darkness reflected back at me. “I can’t…”
“You can and you will if you want to mend her wilting soul,” Lars informed me. “Do you still want her soul?”
“What the fuck, Lars?” I turned around and glared at him. “What do you think? I didn’t do all this for nothing!”
“Then you’re going to eat it when it’s wilted?” He shook his head. “Like I said, you should have eaten it while she was at her peak—living and singing and happy. Before she knew her time was coming to an end.”
“I don’t expect a gremlin to understand the promise I made her as a soul reaper. I have my own moral code—a way of living that I don’t break.”
“She’s hurt, Sire.” He looked up at me with those disgusting flaxen eyes. “You don’t want to bend your ways even a little so that it helps your goal in the end?”
This had nothing to do with her soul and everything to do with me.
Lars couldn’t know since I was still struggling with the true gravity of my reluctance to give into Ruth Thomas.
I was a fucking soul reaper for fuck’s sake. I wasn’t, nor would I ever be controlled by a mere human whose soul I wanted to devour. I’d been giving her what she wanted for years to keep her happy, and I’d continue to do so until her very last day.
Ruth Thomas wanted me, well, so be it. I’d let her try to seduce me so that her soul persevered. I wanted it strong and healthy. Right now, it was at a low point, almost as bad as it had been the day I led her to the bookstore.
“Leave,” I said as I faced the living room and spotted the phone lying in the floor. “Don’t go to her house either. Disappear for a while.”
I swallowed. Then swallowed again.
I had a bad feeling.
The kind when you realized you went too far for too long and it was too late to go back.
Ruth Thomas was about to fuck shit up—including my control.
_______
RUTH
Wiping my eyes, I froze in place and tried to cover up the sniffles I didn't want to hear when my phone went off. My heart sunk to my knees. I was so sick with the prospect of him calling only to yell at me. I was already embarrassed and full of regret. My fear grew worse as I picked up my phone. He was video calling me. The panic grew worse.
Why would he be? To curse at me? Threaten to sue? Call me names? Worst of all, to admit how much he didn’t find me attractive?
Every molecule in my body begged me not to answer. I slid my thumb across the screen, anyway, and accepted the video chat. I flipped the screen around so that he’d see the sofa instead of my face. I held my breath and waited to see if he was calling to yell. It was just his chest again filling up my screen.
“Ruth.” It wasn’t a question. Amit’s voice carried my name like it was a demand.
“What Amit?” I replied in a clipped tone.
“Turn the camera so that I can see you,” he requested.
“Why?” My heart was going crazy.
Silence.
Then finally, “I thought you had something to show me.”
I huffed bitterly. “A woman can take a hint, Amit. You cut me off pretty quickly.”
“Show me what you wanted to show me,” he barked.
I flipped the screen around and glared at him. “What?” I blinked. “Happy now?”
“You’ve been crying.” He took notice, his voice sounded even angrier. “You’re going to let my actions affect the way you feel?”
“My pride took a hit,” I admitted. There was no point in denying it. I wasn’t one of those women who could hide their emotions. “That’s all. I’m over it.” I was far from over it or Amit, I knew that. I had it bad and didn’t even know why. When silence filled the air once more, I sighed. “If that’s all… I’m getting off—”
“I thought you had something to show me?” he interrupted with the same words he already said.
Damn, the traitorous place between my thighs throbbed and shot electric jolts through me. Like I needed the needy ache between my thighs to remind me how much I desired him. I should save myself and end the video. My heart was doing that stupid thing again. It really liked the idea of showing off for him. I was a singer. I enjoyed all eyes on me, but this… I must have an undiscovered kink because the idea of performing for him in a way I’d never done had my body on fire.
“I forgot what I was going to show you,” I pretended as I brought the camera closer to my face. I wiped my eyes and rubbed my wet nose.
“You were messing with the straps on your shoulder, but if you forgot, I can let you go.” I knew he was baiting me, but I let him.
I let my free hand fall to my shoulder and fussed with the straps. “These?” I pointed the camera over my shoulder. Letting my voice drop and become huskier, I whispered. “Amit, do you want to see more?”
“I want what you want,” came his reply. “And you want me to see more.”
My nipples pebbled against my bra. This was the most I think I’d ever heard him talk. I enjoyed the sound of his rough voice.
“You’re breathing heavy.”
I hadn’t noticed until he pointed it out but I was breathing heavy. I saw the rise and fall of my chest, then glanced into the screen and looked at his chest. “Are you going to show me your face?”
“This is about you, not me,” he told me. “Go on.” He leaned back against what looked like a couch.
His lack of involvement should have been a turnoff, but my body was a volcano at this point. I couldn’t explain it. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been sexually involved with anyone since high school, or maybe it was Amit that made me burn.
I shifted on the sofa and brought the camera briefly up to my face before letting it linger back to my chest. Slipping my fingers beneath the straps, I let them slide down my arm. Not removing it completely, I repeated the motion on the other one until the straps hung around my elbows. Pulling my shirt and bra down to my stomach, I gave Amit a full view of my breasts and hardened nipples. More than anything, I wish I could see his face as he took in every inch of me.
I palmed one breast, squeezed, and released it before pinching my nipple. Groaning, I slid down on the cushions. The camera bounced around as I moved. It was quiet except for my own erratic breathing. Amit was deathly still on the screen. “Can I see your face?” I bit back a whimper as I cupped one of my breasts again.
“Go on,” he muttered crudely. That was it. His cruelty. For some twisted reason, I thrived off it.
Gasping, I plunged a hand inside my gray jogging pants and fingered between my folds. I was drenched. “I’m wet,” I whispered. “For you.” Wiggling my hips, I moved the camera so he could see me pleasuring myself. Once it was in place, I slipped my fingers inside my pants again. As I stroked my clit, I thought of Amit and said, “Why did you hide from me?”
There was a heavy pause as he sucked in a breath. “Why would I hide from you?” An edgy gruffness appeared in his voice.
“Then why keep us apart for so long?” I moaned as I swirled my fingers teasing my clit.
“You give yourself too much credit. We never had a reason to meet, nor do I…” Amit stifled a hungry groan. “…try to have a reason to deal with anyone.” He was definitely affected. I couldn’t see it, but I could hear it as my body reeled him in.
“You’re lying. I saw your secretary,” I hissed. “She was told to keep us apart.”
“I… Can’t see what you’re doing,” his voice was tense. I hadn’t realized I let my hand fall. I lifted it back up so that he could see my hand move underneath the jogging pants. “I still don’t see much.”
“That’s all you’re getting for now,” I mumbled as I bit the inside of my cheek and slowed my pace. My release was already close to bursting through my skin. “Can you let me see something from you?”
“Knowing that I’m watching your every move isn’t good enough?”
Well, when he put it that way… I arched my back and increased the pressure of my fingers until I began to shake. My arm was aching as I held up the phone, but the pleasure was stronger.
“What are your fingers doing?” he asked.
“You know what they’re doing,” I whispered.
“I think that none of them are inside you.”
“Is that what you want? For me to stick my fingers inside myself?” I laid my head back and closed my eyes as I rolled my hips around. I couldn’t do this much more. I was about to go up in flames, but I didn’t want to stop myself from doing so.
“If that’s what you want.”
I panted. “What about what you want?”
“Come like we both know you want to,” he said instead.
And of course, I listened. One leg fell off the sofa while the other stretched out as I thrusted my hips up, up until it all came crashing down. I contained most of my moans as I bit into my lips—not willing to give Amit too much since he was unwilling to participate—and dropped my hand down, no longer able to hold it in the air. The lights flickered in and out like they always did when I reached my peak. An audible groan vibrated through the phone—his raspy, reluctant exhale was music to my ears.
Admittedly, I felt calmer and more relaxed. The regret I felt earlier was all gone. I had gotten what I wanted in the end and it had felt good. When you were stamped by time, you lost the will to live cautiously. I wanted more from Amit, more, more, more. I wanted to see him through the camera. But for tonight, we were finished.
“Thanks for being a great watcher,” I whispered. “Goodnight, Amit.”
This time I hung up.