Chapter 20
Max
The first song Lacey sings doesn’t garner much notice. She announced the name of the song as I Am Not Nothing by Beth Crowley. I haven’t heard of the singer but the song draws me in just the same. It’s as if she’s sharing a piece of herself in each word.
I can hear the emotion in her voice as she sings about being under someone’s thumb. Abused and trapped. I know it’s about David. It’s as poetic and meaningful as if she wrote each lyric.
Only I knew why she chose this song. That knowledge felt strangely intimate. I watched her close her eyes and pour out her soul into the microphone. To bleed out the pain she experienced.
This was her therapy and I felt immensely relieved that she found an outlet. Even if I was the only one in this crowded bar that recognized the place in her heart this song came from.
The need to go to the stage and embrace her was almost overwhelming. She needed to know I was here for her. I hold back the urge to go to her, resolved to letting her know when she’s finished with her set.
When she ends the song I can see her eyes shimmering with unshed tears but they never fall. Several people in the bar have taken their drinks to tables facing the stage.
A new melody fills the bar and Chris nudges me from the next stool over. “She’s fucking good.”
“She is.” I agree. I’m unable to tear my eyes away from her even for a brief second.
He shifts on his barstool so he’s facing the stage too and rests his beer bottle casually on his thigh. She announces that the next song is called DNA by another artist I don’t know. I love that she finds this unknown music and introduces so many people to something new.
She sings of a shit childhood and I know this one can’t be about her. In fact it feels like she’s speaking directly to me.
“Eyes like yours, can’t look away…but you can’t stop DNA.”
Her voice balms the slice so deep inside me I’ve managed to convince even myself it’s not there. But it is. And she can see it, no matter how hard I try to hide it from her.
“Are the pieces of you in the pieces of me? I’m just so scare you’re who I’ll be.”
How this girl manages to work her way within and heal me from the inside out is astounding. I glance at Chris and he’s just as hypnotized by the lyrics as I am.
“I won’t be…No I won’t be like you. I’m fighting back the truth.”
Applause sprinkles around the bar as she finishes her last note.
The scars my father cut run deep. They’ll never go away no matter what I do. But I’ve spent so many years trying to escape the idea of turning into him and here Lacey was summing up my life fear into a few beautifully delivered lines.
She couldn’t have chosen a better song to summarize my life if she actively searched through every music store in town. Every billboard chart.
“Thank you.” She beams. “That was DNA by Lia Marie Johnson you guys. Next up I’ll be covering Michael Schulte’s You'll Be Okay.”
A soft piano ballad begins playing. I stay in place mesmerized by her movements, her voice, damn near everything about her.
The smooth melody captivates the entire bar one person at a time until everyone is silently listening to her beautiful voice. Her vocals rise and fall with a smooth flow that rivals professionals.
If she wanted a career in this, singing daily for crowds, she could have it. I could see her opening for a chart topping band. But all she wanted was to enjoy her music and finish her degree. She wanted to be a social worker to help children and that was exactly what she would end up doing.
I had no doubt.
I loved that about her. Loved that she wasn’t chasing the glory of what her voice could bring her. She was chasing the feelings it tapped into. The peace it brought.