Again I feel as if she’s speaking directly to me. She looks dead in my eyes across the crowded space, deep into my soul as she sings her heart out. So much emotion filters through her voice. I can see the feeling shining in her eyes as she emphasizes each word.

This round of applause is monstrous compared to the ones before it. The crowd cheers and screams and whistles. More people moved to the front of the stage, opting to stand when the chairs filled. They just wanted to be close to her and the energy she radiated.

I knew the feeling.

She grabs a water bottle resting by her feet and takes a long drink. “Next up is Natalie Taylor’s Come To This.”

 This one gets my thoughts drifting to my mom as Lacey sings of loss and grief. What the fuck is wrong with me and when did I turn into such a damn sap?

It’s eerie how close these lyrics speak of my mother. I catch Chris from the corner of my eye quickly swiping his eyes and passing it off as rubbing out an eyelash, looking at his finger and everything as if inspecting it.

He squeezes past me and disappears in the crowd of packed bodies, heading for the door. He needs some fresh air otherwise known as a smoke break.

I zone out from this song and feel disconnected from my surroundings as she introduces the final song of her performance. It’s called Battle Cry and she ends the show on an upbeat, empowering note. She sounds as amazing as ever but my mind has floated far away, to a time I’m better off forgetting.

I force the vivid memories from surfacing.

Her music selections touched too many exposed nerve endings in my heart and soul. It left me feeling raw. It left a dull ache in my chest that I can’t completely shove down. I feel…emotional. Out of sorts. It got me thinking about far too many subjects I spend a lot of time avoiding.

My mom.

My dad.

Myself.

Her.

This unrecognizable emotion she was making me feel. This thing between us was growing against all odds into something deeper and more stunning than I ever dreamed of deserving.

Do I deserve Lacey? Hell if I know. But I want to deserve her desperately and profoundly.

That had to count for something.

When the song ends she hangs up the mic, thanks the audience and hops off the side of the stage heading straight for me. The closer she gets the more I can make out her beaming features. She radiates excitement and exhilaration. Even though I still feel shaken and off balance I’m happy as hell for her.

“You were amazing, Lace. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” She beams brighter. “It feels so good to sing again.”

The next brave soul steps on the stage, ready for karaoke. Anyone would have a tough act to follow after Lacey’s performance. This is a Grade A party girl that’s clearly had too much to drink and is about to make an ass of herself while her friends egg her on.

I turn away from the stage and order another beer. Chris never came back from outside and I begin to wonder if he’s left altogether. The bartender slides my bottle across the bar and I catch it easily.

“I have to waitress tonight. I can catch an Uber home.”

“How late will you be here?”

“Closing time.”

I nod. “I’ll hang around. That’s only a couple hours.”

“Are you sure?” She asks with uncertainty.

“Positive.”

Just then Chris strolls back inside with a blond hanging on his arm.

“Looks like you’re on your own tonight.” She comments with a smirk at the sight of him and his conquest-to-be.

“Thank God.” I laugh. “It’s about time he gets laid. I’m sick of hearing him complain about it every day.”

She scrunches her nose at the thought but is too busy behind the bar digging out her black apron to respond.

With a quick kiss to my cheek she disappears in the crowd, heading for the cluster of tables on the far side of the room. I watch her through the breaks in the crowd as she laughs and takes drink orders, writing on her small notepad.

She sidesteps drunk guys that get too touchy feely and politely smiles at bold flirts without giving them any inkling they have a chance with her.

The damndest thing is she doesn’t even know I’m watching. She isn’t just turning them down because she knows she’s being watched. Never sends any of the guys a private wink or slips them her number on a folded page from her notebook.

I know because I watch her aptly, finding it hard to look away.

Jealousy burns in me knowing I’m not the only one noticing her. I can see the eyes on her around the room. I fight the urge to walk over and drape an arm across her shoulders, marking my territory.

She’s at work. I need to remember that.

This sure as hell feels like a commitment between us. I hadn’t yet verbalized that, or even admitted it to myself until this moment, but I don’t need the words to be spoken to recognize this for what it is.

My subconscious already knew it when I turned down Natalie. When jealousy sparked over Chris staring at her legs a little too long and too often. And again today watching these drunken idiots smiling at her and trying to touch her arm as she writes their order, thinking they have a chance.

 Time passes. My thoughts wander. The energy shifts around me and I’m pulled back to the present.

Chris is next to me ordering a drink and smelling faintly of perfume and sex. He waits until I acknowledge him with a small nod before he speaks.

“What’s on your mind, bro?”

“Nothing.”

He’s clearly not buying it but doesn’t argue. “Where’s your girl?”

“She’s not my girl.”

I wish she was.

“Yeah. Sure.” He sounds thoroughly unconvinced and unimpressed. “Where’d she go?”

“She’s waitressing tonight. I’m waiting on her to get off.”

“When?”

“Two.”

“Can I borrow the car real quick?” He looks down at his phone and back up at me.

“For what?”

He sighs impatiently. “I need to meet up with someone. Make a sale.”

Now it’s my turn to sigh in irritation. “What kind of fucking sale?”

“You know what kind.” He pats his pocket discreetly under the bar.

Drugs.

I hesitate but ultimately pull the keys from my pocket and hand them over. “Make it fast.”

Taking the keys without another word, he leaves the bar. The girl he fucked earlier probably told him about a friend looking to buy. He had been glued to his phone ever since.

Chris always did mix business with pleasure.

He was back within twenty minutes handing me my keys and ordering another beer. I thought about grabbing a table so Lacey was forced to stop by every now and then to check on us but decided against it. I didn’t want to create any more work for her just because I felt needy all of a sudden.

I was the one she was going home with at the end of tonight. I could bide my time.