Chapter 17
Lacey
Seeing Max’s face in my doorway in the middle of the night is a surprise. I instantly wake, enlivened like I just drank water after spending days in the arid desert. Three days to be exact.
“What are you doing here?”
Seeing him tonight is just what I’ve needed. I recognize this as I feel a wash of happiness. A dark cloud lifts from over me that I wasn’t even aware had been there until this moment. It was as if each second that passed without hearing from him had dragged me a little deeper into a gray tunnel.
To be fair he had texted a few times. I hadn’t answered because I wasn’t sure what to say.
The way he acted around his brother made me second guess what I was beginning to feel for him and everything I knew to be true about him. He obviously hadn’t been feeling anything back. He didn’t share the same feelings I had or he wouldn’t have acted like I was something that needed to be hidden in the closet when his family stopped by for a visit.
“I missed you.” His eyes drop to my lips longingly but he stands outside waiting for an invitation. He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels nervously.
“I missed you too.”
His shoulders relax in relief. That was all it took for him to step inside across the threshold of my doorway and lean in for a kiss hello. Hesitant lips meet mine and I throw myself into it, trying to show him how much I missed these kisses over these past couple of lonely days.
I knew how to show him how badly I wanted him. I drop to my knees in front of him and freeze. The sight in front of me sends a sharp twist of dread and pain to my gut.
“Where were you tonight?” I ask softly although I have no right to demand any answers. If he chooses to tell me it’s not my business I think it would crush my already cracking heart.
His brows crinkle in confusion at the abrupt halt. “At my dad’s.”
His dad’s.
He was at his dad’s where the supposed parade of women he slept with before me all lived. That explained everything.
Cringing inside I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to stave off the tears that sting the back of my eyelids. It feels like a literal slap in my face.
“Ok well that explains why you have lipstick on your damn pants.”
Bright red lipstick to be exact.
I knew for a fact it wasn’t an old stain. That was a possibility I would love to cling to if I could. But I had seen these jeans on him countless times. They were his favorite pair. I had washed them for him when he stayed the night so many times in a row I had a full load of laundry to do between the two of us.
I knew damn well there were no lipstick smears on the crotch.
Suddenly I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of what must have happened tonight. At the fact that he was about to let me kneel before him and do the same.
Did he like that? Two girls in one night? He should know by now I wasn’t the kind of girl to be okay with something like that.
He looks down at the stain in question and his face visibly drains of color.
“I know this looks bad but it’s not what you think.”
A semi-hysterical laugh flies from my mouth before I can stop it.
“I didn’t do anything with her. I swear.”
Her? There was a her now?
Of course there was. Lipstick stains were pretty tangible proof of that. My legs are trembling and I don’t trust them enough to try to stand back up. I know they can’t hold my weight right now, too weak from the flashes of some slut with red lipstick sucking Max just before he showed up here.
Did he text me before or after she had him in her mouth? Or-gag-during?
Why would he even come here tonight if that’s what he was up to? Why not just go straight home and stay away from me like he had been doing? Did he think I was too damn stupid to find out the truth?
“You don’t have to explain to me. I’m not your girlfriend.” I clip out, forcing myself to stand to my full height in order to keep a shred of dignity intact. I manage to do it without stumbling and pride myself in that considering the trembling in my legs and internal shifting making me feel off balance.
I hoped like hell I wouldn’t fall right into his cheating, lying arms. But…he wasn’t cheating. Because he had made it perfectly clear from the beginning that he didn’t want to date me at all.
I fold my arms to put a barrier between me and him. My thin sleep tank feels too exposing all of a sudden.
It had felt like we were growing into something more. Something deeper. A real couple. That’s why this new slutty monkey wrench stung so badly. Was I just destined to be cheated on time after time until I finally accepted my fate as a cat collecting spinster?
All the energy I felt when I first opened my door and saw him smiling up at me drained out from my pores, leaving me physically and emotionally exhausted.
I had to go to work in the morning. Did he not know that? It wasn’t long ago he remembered my work schedule and respected my sleep enough to get to my house at a decent hour so we could settle in. He knew I didn’t like being up late when I had an early morning class and full day at the coffee shop.
I guess that was before Red Lips got her hands on him and scrambled his brain. Or maybe she had her hands on him this whole time and I just hadn’t seen it. The hurt and fear of how foolishly and wholeheartedly I had trusted someone with no commitment or obligation to me burned hot.
My cheeks flame bright red.
There was no one to blame for this feeling but myself. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Max would fool around with another girl and honestly how stupid was that? He made me feel like his sole focus and that was a dangerous illusion to be under.
“I want you to know. I didn’t do anything.” He insists. His voice holds a note of desperation as he wills me to listen to his story. To believe him. “She tried to. I said no.”
“Why did you say no?”
“I don’t want her.” His eyes are burning into mine, begging to be believed, and God help me he sounds sincere.
He didn’t sleep with her. But he let her get close enough that her ruby red lips were grazing the front of his jeans and that still had my stomach roiling.
“Have you been sleeping with anyone else since you’ve been sleeping with me?”
I sounded like a jealous freak. A jealous girlfriend which I most certainly wasn’t. I was simply a jealous fuck buddy. That made this whole maze of feeling even harder to navigate.
“No. Of course not, Lace. I’m with you every night.” Emotion bleeds through his every word and I know how insecure I sound. I just can’t help it.
I need to know.
“If nothing happened then how did her lipstick end up on you? She had to be touching you. She must have thought you wanted her.”
“I’ve slept with her before.”
His shoulders droop slightly and his head hangs. He’s ashamed of this tidbit. That much is obvious in his body language.
“I’ve slept with her off and on for a few years. She just thought…I guess she thought that nothing had changed. She tried to…you know.”
He looked up at me with worry in his eyes. It looked as if he worried I wouldn’t believe him. Or worried how I might react after hearing the harsh truth. That maybe he shouldn’t tell me the rest of the messy details. But I had to know so I nodded for him to go ahead and spit it out.
“She tried to undo my pants, I told her not to and I guess she got her lipstick on me. I didn’t even know. Lace, I told her I wasn’t interested. I shouldn’t have let it get that far…but I didn’t let her do what you’re thinking.”
“Did you think about it? About letting her?”
Pause.
“Yeah. I thought about it. But I didn’t do it.”
At least he wasn’t making excuses or trying to downplay what happened.
No lies.
No telling me what I wanted to hear.
It was so much like the Max I knew him to be that my heart clenched.
I was still hurt that he would even consider being with her when I was held up in my apartment eating candy by the pound and trying to distract myself from the fact that I hadn’t seen him in days. The fact that he snubbed me the moment his brother showed up.
He seemed apologetic but the rug had still been ripped from underneath my once stable feet. The façade of us just blissfully sleeping together without commitment or jealousy had dissipated. I know he can clearly see how much this was affecting me.
It was affecting him just as strongly though and that brought with it some hope that maybe things weren’t as bleak as they seemed.
“I’m glad you didn’t go through with it.” I admit. “I don’t think I could’ve handled that.”
A heavy breath releases from deep in his chest. “We need to talk.”
I nod. My stomach sinks back down to my toes, reaching a new low. It’s starting to feel like I’m on Space Mountain and I threw up all over the damn place the last time I visited Disney and rode that demonic ride.
“I just want to clear some things up.”
I nod again and swallow down painfully over the lump in my throat. Is this the part he tells me I’m too crazy to keep fooling around with? Or the part he tells me it’s none of my damn business what he does when I’m not around?
God, I hope not.
But my body tightens as I brace myself for the worst as if I’m watching an eighteen-wheeler about to crash into me head on. I briefly wonder if it would be best for him to crush my heart so I can move on and focus on myself. My emotions are still turbulent and chaotic. The highs and lows are too much to handle.
Better to cut me loose now than later.
Quietly I wait for his next words, staring down at my bare feet on the cold white tiles of my hallway. My lavender toenail paint is starting to chip on the edges and I make a mental note to repaint them soon.
Any color but red.
I really have no fondness for the color anymore after seeing it smeared over the front of his jeans from another woman’s lips. Even if I really do believe he didn’t pursue her. She got close to him and was able to get in his personal space. The personal space I felt belonged solely to me.
My heart stops beating and seizes in dreaded anticipation when he starts talking.
“As long as we’re together, Lacey Griffin, you’re the only one I’m with.”
My breath catches and my heart lurches back to life with warp speed. It’s almost pathetic. Just a moment ago I thought he was letting Red Lips blow him all night. Now I was sagging in relief that he wanted me and me alone.
This whole misunderstanding brought a lot of truths and feelings to the surface that needed to be addressed. I needed to hear that he wasn’t sleeping around even though the thought hadn’t even occurred to me until tonight.
“I’m sorry for being crazy. It’s just that we haven’t talked about it and I wanted to make sure. You don’t owe me a commitment but…I don’t like to share.”
“Good. I don’t want to be shared.” A smirk lifts the corner of his lips. I lift up on my toes to kiss him gently where the edge of his smile creases. “And I don’t want to share you either. Thinking about you with another guy makes me even crazier.”
Strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me into his warmth. The gesture is more comforting than seductive and I enjoy the act of affection without complaint. When his lips press tenderly to my forehead I melt into him.
“You’re the only one I want, Lace.” He tightens his arms around and presses another kiss to my temple.
“Prove it.”
“How?”
“Show me how much you want me. Make love to me.”
His breath catches at my choice of words. He kisses me with a smile dancing on his lips. It’s a delicate kiss, full of energy that’s held back tightly and channeled through our heated connection.
He goes on to give me exactly what I asked for, making love to me with the mounting passion only time apart could make possible. When he explodes inside me in ecstasy he plants another soft kiss to my forehead and we savor the moment together.