The doorbell rang three times in quick succession. Surprised, I rushed for it and hiked up on my toes to peek through the peephole. I sucked in a quick breath when I saw him waiting for me on the other side.

I quickly worked through the lock and opened the door.

He pushed in the second it was unlatched, his big hands on my body as he tugged me against him. He didn’t hesitate, his mouth capturing mine.

Desperate.

Hungry.

Impatient.

My fingers sank into his shoulders, trying to make a connection, to break through the haze. Pulling back, I latched on to the confusion in that bronze gaze. “What’s wrong?”

Those arms tightened around me. “Tour is cancelled, all except for the show here. Guys say we’re gonna do things on our own terms.”

I buried my face in his chest. “What exactly does that mean?”

He hugged me to him, madly, as if I might have the power to hold him together. To help him stand. “It means everything is changing.” He sucked in a breath. “Don’t know who the fuck I am anymore, Alexis. Don’t know who I’m supposed to be. Don’t know who I am outside the band.”

I pulled back and threaded my fingers through his. “Come here.”

I led him to the couch and curled up at his side, our fingers still bound. “Are you okay?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Is this about Mark?”

The sound that huffed from his lungs was unsure. “Think it’s always about Mark.”

I hesitated as my heart rate picked up a notch, knowing I was pressing, but needing to understand him better. “Tell me about him. About what happened to him.”

Zee gulped for air, the pain that ripped through him palpable. “Mark…he was always there for me. Always had my back. Because that’s what family does. They stand by you no matter what. But when shit went down and he needed me the most? I wasn’t there. Mark needed me, and I didn’t have his back. I failed him. God, in so many ways, I failed him.”

I squeezed his fingers as I peered up at him. “How?”

He hesitated as if he were searching for what he could share with me, those secrets churning in the depths of his eyes. “A bunch of shit went down right before he died. He was leaving on tour and we had this big blow out, things going to hell between us. He called me a couple weeks later. Told me he was in trouble. I didn’t listen.”

Horror climbed into my chest. “What kind of trouble?”

He lifted a shoulder. “I thought it was the same old shit. Drugs. He said he needed money. It wasn’t a few days later that I got a call from Baz telling me he had OD’ed. He was just…gone.”

Zee’s gaze drifted toward the window, lost in the memory as his voice went quiet. “I got this agitated, unsettled feeling, knowing something was off. Deep inside, I knew it went deeper than that. I told Baz, but Baz…Baz was the one who’d found him. He was certain it wasn’t anything more than an overdose.”

I curled up closer to him, wishing to take some of his pain as he continued. “It wasn’t until four years ago that we found out it was more. You live a corrupt life, and you’re bound to get messed up with corrupt people. Apparently, he’d found out some shit he wasn’t supposed to know about a girl this bastard Martin Jennings had planned on taking out.”

I clutched him tighter, my pulse thrumming in my ears, terrified of what he was getting ready to reveal.

“Turned out it was Shea.”

I gasped. “What?”

“We didn’t know the connection until Baz and Shea had gotten involved. Mark knew about it and stepped in to stop it. He saved her, Alexis. He saved her and no one fucking knew it. Everyone assumed he’d filled his veins too full when it was that piece of shit Jennings who’d had him erased.”

“Oh my God,” I whispered, unable to fathom the atrocity of it all. “I’m so sorry.”

He looked over at me. “It fucking destroyed me, Alexis. Both times. The lies and the truth. But part of me is glad he didn’t die for nothing.”

“But then I can only imagine there’s another part of you who wishes you could change it,” I said softly.

Bitter laughter ripped free. “Sacrifice is a bitch, isn’t it?”

Zee shook his head. “But I set it all in motion, Alexis.”

“And now you think you owe him.”

He sighed. “I do owe him. I—”

Zee cut himself off, as if he couldn’t say more, refusing to let me in further, the corner of his mouth tipping down as he murmured, “Don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do now. Who I’m supposed to be.”

“Who is it you want to be?” I edged back, holding on to his forearm as I stared up at him. “What is it you want to stand for?”