Zee cracked open the door. His chest tightened when he found his brother on the other side. He hadn’t seen him in three months. Not since that night. His words were thick. “Mark...hey…what are you doing here?”

Telling his brother he had to cut ties had been about the damned most difficult conversation he’d ever had in his life. Keeping to that decision? It’d been close to impossible. Eating him alive. He’d contemplated driving over there a thousand times.

Uneasily, Mark shifted on his feet. “I’m sorry for just showing up, but I really need to talk to you.”

Zee craned his head so he could look at Julie who was reading on the couch. She looked so peaceful sitting there, and he knew he was about to throw a bomb right in the middle of the tranquility.

But there was no way he could turn his brother away.

Zee widened the door. “Yeah, man, you should come in. We can go out back and talk.”

Mark’s relief was visible. “Thanks.”

Julie’s attention jerked up when Zee rounded from the entry, Mark ambling along close behind. Confusion and worry sprang to her eyes, her lips pursing as she slowly shook her head.

Zee sent her a pleading look. “Mark needs to talk to me. We’re going out back on the balcony.”

He watched her swallow, the way her hand shook as she turned back to her book and flipped the page.

Zee chose to ignore it, needing to be there for his brother. He pulled open the sliding glass door and the two of them stepped out into the muggy night. Mark slumped down in a chair, forearms on his knees as he bent over, and Zee sank into the opposite chair with a sigh.

He hated the tension that ricocheted between them. Hurt and questions roiled in the air, the damage he’d done visible, the rejection and the abandonment.

Mark eyed Zee, and Zee shifted, nervously rubbing his hands on his thighs.

“Thanks for letting me come in,” Mark said.

Zee roughed a hand over his face, like it might break up the apprehension. “You’re my brother, man. What did you expect?”

Mark’s laugh was close to a scoff. “Considering the last time I talked to you, you told me you had to sever ties, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect.”

Anxiously, Zee rocked. “You have to know making that decision has been killing me. But fuck, Mark…Julie doesn’t deserve to witness that shit. I have to protect her from it. And I’m sorry if you can’t respect me for that.” His head shook. “Hell, I’m not sure I can even respect myself. Makes me feel like I’m going crazy, torn between two sides, belonging to them both.”

Mark blinked over at him seriously, his brown eyes earnest. “I respect you more than anyone I’ve ever respected in all my life. Look at you, brother. You have all your shit together. Composing. Have a girl you love and building a home. You think I don’t look at that and know it’s better than anything I’m ever gonna have?”

The smallest smile tugged at the corner of Zee’s lips, his words trying to lighten the mood. “Come on, Mark, no need to make me feel better when you’re the one out there living the rock-star life. Traveling city to city. Playing music. All that money and all those women? Don’t act like you’re not eatin’ it up.”

Mark chuckled, but it was sadness that climbed into the air. “Beginning to realize none of that means anything. Not if you don’t have something that’s important to live for at the end of the day. Something to work for. Someone to come home to.”

“What about that Veronica chick?”

The sound that left his mouth was half groan, half affection. “Don’t know. Can’t seem to stay away from her, even if I wanted to try. Guys can’t stand her, though. Think she’s a snake. Just using me for what I have to give. They think I can’t stay clean because she keeps dragging me back into it, which is kinda bullshit, since it’s pretty much the other way around.”

“You care about her?”

His shrug seemed hopeless. “Yeah…guess I do. Not sure what difference it makes, though.”

Zee could feel the frown tugging at his mouth. “What does that mean?”

A heavy sigh bled from Mark. “I’m surrounded by people. Constantly. People who want to get as close to me as they can, looking at me like I’m something I’m not. Like I have something to offer that just isn’t there.”

His tone dropped with the admission. “In the middle of it? Don’t think I’ve ever felt so lonely. Not in all my life.”

Mark’s voice drifted into something wistful. “Remember when we were kids…always out running wild? Getting into all sorts of trouble? But we always did it together.”

Zee roughed a hand through his hair. “You’d have thought since you were older, you’d have tried to ditch me.”

“Nah, man. We were partners in crime. Thick as thieves. It’s you who taught me to love music, you know? Walking with you to your piano classes. Way you’d be all lit up and excited when I’d pick you up afterward. The magic you were making in your room. It seeped in and became a part of me. I hope you know that.”

Zee rocked back in his chair and looked at the sky, wondering about all the dreams he and Mark had made upon those stars. Wondering just when they were going to start falling free and coming true. For so long, they’d seemed so close.

But Mark was right.

They didn’t mean anything if the people who were most important to you weren’t close.

And his brother was who he’d been missing.

Silence hovered around them before Mark broke it as he looked at his boots planted on the ground. “Think it was those days—back when it was just you and me—that might have been the last time I felt real. Like I knew who I was. I can barely remember that person now.”

Mark rocked, his mood suddenly shifting. He rubbed at the back of his neck as he looked away. “I got myself in deep, man…with some bad people. Some really bad, fucked-up people. Not sure how the hell I’m going to get myself out of it.”

A slow dread seeped across Zee’s skin. “What do you mean, got yourself in deep?”

“Means I know shit I shouldn’t.”

Fear prickled across Zee’s flesh, this burning, freezing cold. “What do you know, man? Tell me…we’ll figure it out. Just like we always have.”

Mark’s chuckle was dismissive. “Didn’t come over here to get you involved, Zee. No way am I getting you anywhere near that kind of trouble. I got myself into this mess…now I need to figure out how to get myself out of it. I just needed you to know…in case something went down…that I love you. That no matter what happens, you’ll always be the person in this world who means the most to me.”

Zee could barely breathe beneath the disturbance that seethed in his chest. “You’re scaring me, man. Tell me what the hell is going on.”

Mark grinned. Zee knew it was forced. “It’s nothing, little brother. Just needed to get it off my chest. Put it out in the open. Now that I said it aloud, I’m pretty sure I’m just being paranoid.” He scratched at his forearm, eyes glancing to the marks imprinted there. “Mixing all this shit will do that to you, you know. Either way, it’s all on me.”

“Mark, come on. Don’t shut me out. Tell me what’s going on.”

Instead of settling in, Mark suddenly stood and smacked his hands together, no joy in his too-wide smile. “What I should do is get the hell out of here before Julie comes out here with a broom to run me off.”

“Dude, she’s not that bad.”

Mark laughed. “Oh, I know, brother. I think the girl just knows a rat when she sees one.”

Regret pulled tight across Zee’s ribs. He pushed to his feet, beating down the need to demand that his brother tell him what he was talking about. Chances were, Mark was right. He was just overreacting.

Besides, they had a bigger issue to tackle.

“I’ll talk to Julie, Mark. Honestly, I fucking hate this wedge between us. I miss you. Maybe you can make that U-turn. Get back to who you used to be.”

“That’s the hope, isn’t it?”

Zee followed Mark back through the small living room of the apartment, stepping out behind him and onto the front stoop. The second they were out there, Mark flew around and pulled Zee into a hug. He squeezed him like he didn’t want to let go. “You turned into a good man, Zee. A fucking good man. Don’t let anything or anyone ever change that.”

Zee hugged his brother tighter. Hoping he could feel it.

Love.

Belief.

Hope.

“Take care of yourself, brother.”

Mark nodded. “Yeah.”

Julie slowly stood from the couch when Zee stepped back inside and locked the door behind him. Her voice trembled. “What was he doing here? You promised.”

Zee turned to look at her, stricken by grief and hope. “He’s my brother, Julie. Love doesn’t give up that easily. I don’t know that I have it in me to choose.”

He knew she was hurting and scared. She rubbed both hands over her arms as if she were trying to keep herself warm. “I…I have a horrible feeling about this, Zee. I don’t want you to have to choose, but if you don’t, my gut tells me I’m the one who’s going to lose.”

“I can’t just pretend he doesn’t exist.” His voice was pleading, and he erased the space between them and pulled her into his arms. She sagged against him, her knees weak. “Please don’t make me choose,” he begged.