Aunt Beth sat staring blankly at the piles of mail on the table.
“Hey,” I said as I came into the kitchen. I moved around her to the fridge to grab a drink.
“Ben, I need to talk to you.”
Dread filled me. I’d been avoiding her since the funeral. I didn’t know what to say to her. I had no idea what was expected of me. I felt like I was suffocating. Being in that house was not good for Jon or me. It was especially not good for Beth. She deserved better than that.
I sat across from her at the table, resigned to hear her out. She smiled warmly and shrugged. “Ben, you need to go. You need to transfer to New York and not worry about Jon or me.”
“I can’t go now. Jon is too young.”
“Ben, I plan on selling the house. Jon and I don’t need all these rooms.” She waved at the piles of mail on the table and added, “With the sale of my house, it will help me pay off all these bills. It will also help you get settled in New York.”
“No way.”
“You can’t talk me out of it. My mind is made up,” she said.
“I want to be here. He needs me and you deserve a better life than this.”
“Ben. I’m not here because of guilt or any reason other than I want to be here. I want to raise Jon as my sister would raise him. It’s important to me. It’s also important to me that you live your life and follow your own path. My sister did a wonderful job with you. Now you need to go out and make her proud. It’s your time to create your own destiny. Please, think about it.” She stood, kissed the top of my head, and handed me a piece of mail. “This one is for you.”
It had my name and address printed on the outside of the envelope. It was postmarked the day my father killed my mother. I couldn’t bring myself to open that damn letter.
The rest of the train ride is somewhat uncomfortable. I tease her a bit, we make small talk, but mostly we sit with our thoughts.
Just as we pull into the station, she touches my arm and says, “Ben, I’m sorry that I pried.”
“You didn’t pry,” I respond with a shake of my head. A moment passes as we stare at each other. Deciding to break the spell, I take her bag from her shoulder and lead her off the train.
Andrea and Rob sit in their car, waiting for us when we descend from the platform. Andrea hops in the back with Ella, and immediately starts yapping, somewhat diffusing the uneasiness that settled over us. She shows Ella her ring, and fills her in on every detail of Rob’s proposal.
“You already told her that, babe.” Rob smiles around his words.
“Oh, I did?” Unfazed, Andrea continues her train of thought.
I can see Ella’s reflection in my side mirror. She smiles and nods mechanically, every so often looking out her window or at the back of my head. I continue to watch her inconspicuously, studying her features. The girl is stunning. She reminds me of that actress I had a crush on when I was a teenager from Who’s The Boss.
I notice when she gets nervous, she quickly licks at her bottom lip. She always smiles right before she laughs. When she is concentrating, she twirls a strand of her hair. Her perfume fills my senses. It’s neither obvious nor overwhelming. It’s sweet and subtle and makes me want to sniff her neck, and while I’m there, kiss it, as well.
“So, dinner reservations are at eight. We have a few hours to relax. Ben, we’re going to that place you love,” Andrea distracts my visual.
“Sounds good,” I speak my first words since getting into the car.
Minutes later, we’re piling into their tiny apartment. Their patio is almost as big. It can seat four comfortably, and with an oceanfront view it’s my favorite place to be. I especially like to sit out there at the crack of dawn and watch the sunrise.
Once Andrea sets Ella up in the spare bedroom and explains I’ll be on the couch, adding unless we’d like to share, we decide on sitting on the beach to enjoy the gorgeous weather.
“We have a lot to tell you guys. We want something small and intimate, immediate family, closest friends. We think we want a destination wedding, Aruba or Bermuda. We’re looking at dates this fall.”
“Of course, I need to make sure it’s okay with Farley,” Rob blurts out. Andrea shakes her head at his comment, and he shrugs. “Babe, I told you how it’s going to be for a while.”
“Who’s Farley?” Ella asks.
Rob and I exchange a quick glance.
“He’s our supervising officer on a new case we’re on,” Rob explains.
“He would stop you from getting married?” Ella asks disbelievingly.
“I doubt it. I still need to make sure he’s okay with it.”
“This must be quite a case,” she says before glancing my way.
“Technically,” Andrea says, tapping her lip with her pointer while deep in thought. “Our engagement gives me spousal privileges.”
“Not quite, Barbie.” I raise a brow at her pathetic attempt. “You’re nosey, and the fact that your fiancé has a big mouth tells me you already know details of this case. Since I don’t know Ella from a hole in the wall, and she can be a spy for all I know, we need to stop talking about it.” I turn my gaze to Ella and wink.
Andrea doesn’t miss a beat. “What was that?”
Ella huffs at her friend’s bulging eyes. “We discussed our predicament and decided to play nice.” Just as Andrea opens her mouth to say something, Ella points a finger and adds, “NO!”
Undeterred, Andrea says, “You don’t know what I was going to say, bitch.”
“Yes I do. No.”
“You’re too mean to be my maid of honor,” Andrea grumbles under her breath.
“See, you are mean.” I decide to tease Ella by confirming Andrea’s statement. “I was telling her that just this morning.”
“This morning? You only got here an hour ago.”
Ella sighs at my slip. “Is it time to get ready for dinner? I’m starving.”
“I’m so on to you two.” Andrea nods. She turns to Rob and says, “Babe, mark my words.”
“Doesn’t Ella look gorgeous?” Andrea asked me as we piled into the car.
“Yes,” is all I said to her statement. The dress she wore skimmed her curves, hitting her mid-thigh. It was a light pink, and I couldn’t stop staring at her all night long.
Andrea pulled out all the stops to ensure that Ella and I were physically near each other all night long. She hopped into the front seat of the car, leaving us to share the small backseat. I complained about folding my over six-foot frame back there. Andrea’s response was that she got carsick in the back and to do it for her. I had to inhale Ella’s scent the entire car ride to the restaurant as she sat inches away.
She kept her hands securely clasping her bag on her lap, and pushed herself against her door, trying to put some space between us. At the restaurant keeping our distance was harder to do. We shared one side of a booth in the dimly lit room. The seat prevented any wiggle room, aligning us from shoulder to knee. The feel of her body against mine was messing with my insides. In between courses, I laid my arm on the back of our seat for some relief. A new urge to twist my fingers in her hair consumed me. I needed to know if it was as silky and soft as it looked.
Needless to say, thoughts of touching Ella invaded my mind throughout the meal.
Surprisingly, dinner was pleasant. Conversation flowed freely between the four of us, and we laughed a lot. It wasn’t forced or awkward. Andrea had a lot to do with that, not allowing there to be a lull at any moment during the course of the night. After dinner, we spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching Taxicab Confessions reruns back at the apartment.
It’s obvious we’re attracted to each other. It’s even more obvious that we are both fighting the attraction. She has her reasons, and I have mine. The way she looked, a few glasses of wine, being near her all night, and not having had sex in days has made it very hard to remember my reasons.
It’s now close to morning and of course I’m awake. I’m sitting in my favorite spot on the balcony waiting for the sun to rise. The calming sounds of the waves do nothing to relax me. I’m all pent up with frustrations and sexual energy. I’ve been trying to think of work, which is usually very easy for me to do. My mind refuses to cooperate, shifting back to Ella and my desire to have her. I’ve never felt a need like this. If I’m attracted to a girl, I act on it, end of story. More times than not, after the one night, I quickly discover that she is out of my system and find it easy to move on. With Nat, the sexual attraction remained, but the reason I stayed with her was mostly for the convenience of a good lay and laziness to end it. There really wasn’t a need to end it as it was happening...until recently.
My logic argues Ella and I are both adults. We should be able to act on our attraction and fuck the consequences. From what I can tell, she doesn’t want a serious relationship at this point in her life. When it ends between us, we should be mature enough to remain friends for the sake of our friends.
As if my thoughts summon her, the patio door quietly opens, and Ella stands facing out. She stares at the ocean for a few seconds, not knowing I’m sitting in the dark corner. She moves onto the balcony and leans her elbows on the railing. Her back is toward me, and still she has no clue I’m here. I watch as she stares up at the sky, her hair hanging down the middle of her back. She has on a tiny T-shirt and shorts. She’s barefoot and gorgeous. The air is chilly, too chilly for her to be out here practically naked.
With every minute that passes, I become more aware of the creepiness of the situation. The more I wait, the more it’s going to be harder to explain why I didn’t reveal my presence. I can’t help myself and continue to watch her like a pervert for several more long minutes. My conscious screams this is wrong. Staring, gawking at her hot little body without her being aware I am, is just fucking wrong.
“You’ll catch a cold out here,” I say quietly to avoid startling her. My plan backfires, and she jolts around to stare at me with a hand on her chest. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I had no idea you were sitting there. My heart is pounding,” she responds in a breathy whisper. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“I just did.”
“I’ve been out here for a few minutes, now.” She looks down at her bare legs and realizes what I also can see. When I walk toward her, she licks her bottom lip, betraying her nervousness.
“I was hoping you’d go back inside.”
Angry Ella appears immediately. “I’m so sorry I disturbed you.” She turns toward the door, and I impulsively reach out to grab her arm.
“I didn’t mean it like that. You’re so fucking defensive.”
“And you’re very obnoxious. How did you mean it?”
“It’s cold out here and I hoped you’d be going back inside soon so I wouldn’t have to admit I was out here watching you.” Her eyes widen in shock. I’m even surprised by my honesty.
Why the fuck would I admit that?
Still holding her arm, we glare at each other. This woman drives me crazy both in a bad way and a good way. The battle between telling her off and kissing her is like a tug of war in my head. Her skin is cool beneath my touch. I loosen my grip but keep my hand wrapped around her upper arm. She looks down at it realizing I’m still holding her. When she looks back into my eyes, angry Ella is gone, and vulnerable Ella stares back at me. She pokes out her tongue and quickly swipes at her bottom lip before pressing them together.
“I don’t play games. I find you very attractive, and it’s obvious you feel the same.”
“So?”
“So...I want to kiss you. I also want to strangle you, but at the moment the need to kiss you is winning.”
“Why do you have to be such a...” I crush my lips to hers, shutting her up immediately. She doesn’t resist my kiss, even when I sink my hands into her hair. It feels just as I imagined between my fingers, practically causing me to moan out loud. Her hands grip my forearms. Instead of pushing me away, she leans into my body for support. After a few seconds reality must hit, because she begins to struggle to be released. I lower my hands to the curve of her back, firmly holding her against me. She stops fighting and leans closer, digging her fingers into my hair.
I skim every surface of her mouth with my tongue, and she allows me to. When I retreat, her tongue tentatively follows into my mouth. I suck on it, hoping she stays. My brain is completely cognizant of the fact that this kiss can go no further, yet my cock swells between us as if it doesn’t care in the least.
Lack of oxygen is what forces me to pull away from her mouth. “Jesus…Ella.” My eyes narrow on her lips, swollen from my mouth. The aftershocks from our first kiss pulse through me, ending in my crotch. It’s her eyes that convince me to kiss her again. The way she looks at me causes my brain to tell my willpower to go fuck itself. Her lingering taste on my tongue forces me to pick up where we left off because I desperately want more.
I could stand here kissing her all night. When I slip my hands beneath her T-shirt, the feel of her flesh riddled with goose bumps compels me to break the kiss. She opens her eyes, dazed from what just happened.
“You’re freezing,” I say against her lips. I tighten my grip on her, trying to warm her, trying to keep her from leaving me.
She closes her eyes and nods slowly, releasing my hair. When she meets my stare, she reveals the same internal battle that I felt just before kissing her.
I trace the scar on the side of her neck with my fingertips. She watches wide-eyed. I desperately want to ask her, but I don’t want to ruin what just occurred between us.
Just as I’m about to kiss her again, she blurts out, “We shouldn’t have done that.” Her words contradict the look in her eyes. The way they smolder, and her fingers gripping my T-shirt, further confirms her conflict.
“I’m not sorry.”
As she processes what I just admitted, I slowly bend to again gently kiss her. This kiss is softer and slower, and again she accepts it. We part breathlessly, each as equally affected by the other. “I want to kiss you for days,” I confess against her lips. Shit, what is it about her that has me spilling my guts?
Her defensive curtain immediately goes up as reality hits. “What you want is a quick lay.” She steps away and sits in one of the patio chairs. “I’m not interested in being your new arrangement.”
Anger bubbles within. Am I angry with her for refusing me or for calling me out?
Ella draws her legs up and wraps her arms around them for warmth. She watches as I walk back inside without explanation. Grabbing a blanket on the couch, I return to find her forehead pressed against her knees. Surprise registers on her features when I wordlessly wrap the blanket around her.
“You’re so confusing.”
“Why?” I ask, truly curious as to what she means. She watches as I sit beside her.
“You’re equally a prick and a nice guy.”
“What makes me a prick?” I challenge. She stares out at the ocean, dragging in deep breaths. I know I can be a prick, but why does she feel I am? She dishes out the sarcasm as much as I do. “I can argue you’re more bitch than sweetheart.”
“The fact you just said that is my point. Most guys wouldn’t tell a woman that. Most guys would turn on the charm when they want to get a woman in bed.”
“You assume I want to get you in bed from one kiss?” She raises her eyebrows and smirks. “Okay, say I do. That bothers you? The fact I’m honest?”
“It should, but it doesn’t. I guess the part that bothers me is your confidence that it doesn’t. Like you know that I know it doesn’t.”
I laugh at her babble. “I have no idea what you just said.”
“You confuse me,” she murmurs so low, I barely heard it.
“I’ll try not to be an obnoxious prick if you try not to be an obvious bitch. Deal?” I reach my hand over, and she shakes it nodding.
“We seem to be making a lot of deals.”
“Except ones that I’d like to make.”
“There’s that inner prick again.”
I move to stand before her. She looks up with her huge brown eyes, waiting for me to speak. “It was just a kiss, Ella. True, it made me want to fuck you senseless right here, right now. But you’re absolutely right, that’s just the prick in me. The nice guy in me just wants to hold you for hours and continue to enjoy kissing you. The problem is you want neither to happen.” Impulsively, I bend to kiss her lips forcibly. While remaining an inch away from her face, I whisper, “The sun will be up soon. It’s spectacular to watch...orgasmic.” When she gapes at me, I plant another hard kiss on her lips before ducking back inside.
Fuck, do I want her.
By just tasting her lips, I’m hard as a rock. Reluctantly, I decide to take a shower to relieve the urges that Ella has caused.