What kind of man admits he wants to fuck a woman senseless that he barely knows?
What kind of woman likes it?
He claims he doesn’t play games. He’s a fucking liar. He’s playing mind games, and I don’t like it. I don’t like the way he makes me feel. In his presence, I’m a stupid, dumbstruck, scattered brain mess of a woman. I teeter between hating him and wanting him. Even while hating him, I still want him. When I want him, I hate him for making me want him.
I’m quite aware this makes me sound like an absolute lunatic.
The sun slowly begins to appear, and he’s right. It’s spectacular and orgasmic. I’ve seen the sunrise over the ocean plenty of times. Each and every time it takes my breath away. I move toward the banister in a hypnotic state. As more of the orange orb appears, it looks as if it’s bobbing on the surf. The color is stunning, the deepest orange I’ve ever seen.
The sound of the patio door sliding open causes my heart to flip inside my chest. I can still feel the tingle on my lips from his kiss. He left me completely turned on, pulsing all over, and completely confused. When I feel him stand beside me, I turn to look at him. He stares ahead with a peaceful look on his face. His hair is wet. A droplet of water rolling down his neck catches my eye.
“Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?”
“No,” I respond, still staring at him.
I haven’t.
Just as he turns, I shift my gaze toward the sun that continues to rise.
“I am, too,” he says to my profile.
While still staring at the sunrise, I ask, “You are what?” I fight the urge to look at him. I worry if I do, this time I’ll be the one to crush my lips against his.
“I’m also confused. You confuse me, too.”
I lose my battle and slowly turn to face him. He skims over my face with his gaze, landing on my parted lips and waiting a few seconds before moving back up to my eyes. “You confuse me,” he repeats.
“In what way?”
“In every way.” He sneaks a glance at the sunrise before he turns to face me. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. Can you try not to get all angry at me like you usually do?”
“I’ll try.”
“When I’m not near you, you never cross my mind. When I am near you, you take over my every thought.”
He watches as I process his words. His admission stings a bit. The difference between us, I’ve been thinking about him constantly. I reason it’s because he’s a guy, a typical self-centered-because-the-world-revolves-around-him guy. The fact that I am on his mind at least part of the time should be thrilling to hear. Except, I can’t get past the first part of his admission.
I tighten the blanket around me, but it’s not the air that’s causing the chills to course through me.
It’s him.
He looks down at my bare feet and shakes his head. “Ella, you’re going to get sick.” He lifts me, carries me into the apartment and to the guest room. Once he places me on the bed, he kisses my nose and says, “Get some sleep.” At the door, he looks over his shoulder one more time before closing it behind him.
Another chill runs through me, even though I’m tucked in nice and warm. I wonder what he’s doing right now. Is he lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, wondering what I’m doing? Is he remembering what my lips felt like, as I remember his? If he were to walk back in this room, would I stop anything from happening?
I don’t think I could. It disappoints me that I’d be so willing, so quick to give in to him. This isn’t who I am. The more I lie on this bed, the more I doubt I would be able to stop him if he walked through that door.
What feels like only minutes later, the smell of coffee wakes me. I grab my cell and squint to see it’s just after nine. After Ben tucked me in, I must have fallen into a very sound sleep. I can’t remember details, but whatever I dreamt left me feeling very unsatisfied…or maybe it was the foreplay Ben gifted me with that left me a wanting mess.
In a trance, I make myself somewhat presentable before shuffling out to the living room. Wondering where everyone went, I quickly fix myself a cup of coffee and find Andrea sitting on the patio.
“Hey,” I say when I sit beside her. It’s warmer than it was earlier this morning, but there’s still a chill in the air. The memory of his kindness and concern for my wellbeing warms me from the inside out.
“Good morning. How did you sleep, princess? That is once you finally got to bed.” She looks at me over the rim of her coffee cup, challenging me to admit that she saw us last night.
Feigning ignorance, I ask, “What’s in that cup of yours? It’s a bit early to be hitting the bottle, Andrea.”
“We’re going to play that game?”
Choosing to deflect her, I ask, “Where are the guys?”
“They went out for a run. They’re grabbing bagels on the way back. So?”
I can feel her eyes on me. I can attempt to drag this out, but the sooner I address her questions, the better. “Okay, fine. What do you want to know?”
“Did you fuck him?”
“No! Jesus Christ, Andrea.”
“I’m sorry,” she immediately back-peddles. “Of course you didn’t. That was wrong of me to assume. It’s just, all that flirting between you yesterday, and then I saw him coming from your room at the crack of dawn, and well…” She shrugs, adding, “I guess it’s just wishful thinking on my part.”
“Did he see you see him?”
She raises a brow. “Yes. He kissed my cheek and wordlessly went out to the balcony. My imagination has been running wild wondering what happened between you two.” When I silently stare at the ocean, she prods, “Ella, I’m your best friend. You can’t do this to me.”
“Do what?”
“Leave me in the dark.”
I can’t help but laugh at the desperation in her voice. “Nothing happened.”
“You’re lying, Ella.”
“I’m not. I couldn’t sleep. I came out here to get some air. He was already out here. We talked some…and he kissed me. I was freezing by then, so he wrapped me in a blanket and then he left.”
“Okay, we’ll come back to the kiss you part. I saw him leaving your room.”
“Before he left, he told me to stay and watch the sunrise. I did. It was so beautiful. While I was still out here, he came back out. I was shivering, and he carried me to bed.” When her eyes practically bulge out of their sockets, I add, “He tucked me in and left me. Nothing happened.”
“But something did happen. You kissed. How did that happen?”
“He kissed me.”
My mind drifts to how perfectly his lips fit against mine. My core aches remembering how he forcibly parted them before his tongue probed the inside of my mouth. I subconsciously skim my fingers over my lips, oblivious to Andrea’s wide-mouthed reaction. That is until she clears her throat.
“What?”
“It must have been a good one. You practically came while sitting next to me.”
I wave a hand at her. “Shut up.”
“You do like each other. Can you give me that? Can you admit I was right?”
“It’s complicated.”
She blows out a sarcastic huff. “No, it’s not. Man likes a woman, woman likes man, and then man and woman live happily ever after. It’s easy.”
“It’s not as simple as that.” She truly doesn’t get it. I still maintain I’m not meant to have a neat and pretty happily ever after. Andrea was meant to. When she met Rob, it pretty much happened just as she explained. There wasn’t any confusion. There wasn’t any need for an arrangement.
I move to the banister to stare at the surf. With my back to her, I admit, “Andrea, it won’t work. He doesn’t want happily ever after. He doesn’t want anything but a non-committal fucking arrangement. I don’t want to be anyone’s arrangement.”
A masculine throat clearing snaps both our heads toward the door. Rob stands with a bag in his hands. Ben stands with his arms folded while pinning me with his cop stare. His hair is a mess. His T-shirt is soaked in sweat. His sweatpants hang low on his hips, and the thin fabric reveals just enough between his legs to capture my attention. When my eyes travel back up his body to his face, he grins arrogantly at my perusal. I can feel the blush stinging my cheeks.
Fuck me.
“Um…sorry to interrupt,” Rob says before clearing his throat. “Babe, we have to go.”
“What? Why?”
“There’s been a development and we need to get back to the city.”
“Damn it. I had the perfect afternoon planned for the four of us.”
Rob holds a hand out for Andrea and pulls her into a standing position. “I’m sorry. Rain check?”
“You owe me big, Robert Withers.”
“I owe you everything,” he says before dropping the bagel bag onto a chair and pulling Andrea into his arms. Whatever it is he’s whispering into her ear must appease her based on their impromptu make out session. I sneak a glance at Ben. He’s still staring at me with an unfathomable expression.
Could this get any worse?
I snatch the bag from the chair and beeline into the apartment. As I’m pulling a bagel out to slice, I can smell him behind me. The scent of his soap permeates the air around us. How does someone smell even better after a sweaty workout?
“Ella,” he says my name regretfully. The tone of his voice immediately puts me on the defense.
“What?” I ask, still busying myself with my bagel.
My brain screams, Spit it out. Say it already! Tell me that kiss was a huge mistake that should have never happened. Say it so I can move on, so I can forget the day I ever met you.
He turns me to face him. The look on his face is unreadable. It feels like an eternity passes as we stand face to face. The anticipation is killing me. The desire to kiss him overwhelms me, clouding my judgment.
Please, say it, Ben, I internally plead.
He skims my bottom lip with his thumb, turns away from me, and says nothing.