Chapter Twelve
“Hey, uh… are you coming to bed?” Brent asked as he watched Riley settling down on the couch, shoving one of the cushions under his head.
It had taken him this long to work up the courage to say something. He wasn’t sure whether last night had been a one-time deal or not, but he didn’t even want more sex right now. He did want Riley’s company.
They were heading back home tomorrow, and Brent wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. Not without being able to lean on Riley a little more.
“Uh… if I’m invited? I wasn’t sure. You didn’t say anything.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d want to come.” Brent looked down at his feet, smiling a tiny, wry smile. “I’m not asking for sex or anything. But I am asking… I’d like to cuddle a little, if that’s okay?”
They’d done that when they were kids sometimes. Brent had always felt like he could be physically close to Riley, like it made sense to touch him.
In hindsight, he was surprised they’d never had sex before. Especially as horny teenagers.
He knew why he’d never suggested it. He didn’t want Riley to know how he really felt about him, and he didn’t want to be out to the whole town, either.
Hope Springs had come a long way in the last fifteen years. It had never been a horrible place, but it was a lot more open now. Hell, it was a gay tourism destination now.
Sometimes, Brent wished he’d been able to come out to his parents. Even if he’d never dated another man once, it would have been good to know he had their support.
He was pretty sure he would have had their support. He hoped so.
Riley sat up, tucking the couch cushion back into place. “I’m not gonna say no to that.”
Brent breathed a sigh of relief as he watched Riley stand and stretch his arms high above his head. He’d been afraid of Riley saying no.
“You’re going to bed now, right?” Riley asked, scratching his stomach where his t-shirt had ridden up.
Only Riley would wear actual pajama pants and a t-shirt to bed, but sit outside naked and meditate.
“Uh, yeah. Unless you wanna stay up?”
Riley shook his head. “No, I was just making sure that I wouldn’t have to break out the puppy eyes to get you to come with me. It takes a lot of effort.”
As far as Brent had seen, it didn’t take any effort at all. Riley was very good at looking at him with his big, soft brown eyes until Brent did whatever it was Riley wanted him to do.
It was never anything Brent didn’t want to do in the first place, but still. Where Riley was concerned, he was an easy mark.
“I’d race you, but I’m too tired to run and I know you’d win,” Brent said. He could already imagine Riley vaulting over the back of the couch in an effort to beat him.
Riley was the most Zen person Brent knew, until there was a challenge on the line. Then, he’d do anything to win.
Which was fine, because Brent rarely cared about winning, and at the few things he did care about, Riley was never going to beat him.
As he aged, he realized Riley wasn’t putting any effort into beating him at those things. Which was exactly what a real friend would do.
Riley stood in front of him, reaching out to take both of his hands, and then turned to back away toward the bedroom. Brent followed without a word of protest, eager to crawl into bed and get a nice, long night’s sleep.
Their flight tomorrow was ridiculously early in the morning, so going to bed early was the only way to accomplish that.
“Can I kiss you?” Brent asked as Riley sat down on the end of the bed, the urge suddenly overwhelming.
This was maybe his last chance to do that. He wanted to take it.
“Always,” Riley said, his whole face lighting up.
Maybe he really wasn’t just doing this for Brent’s benefit. Maybe he really was into it, somehow.
It seemed so unlikely, but then, Riley was an unlikely kind of guy.
Brent sat down on the bed beside Riley, reaching out to turn Riley’s face toward him, his fingertips pressed against Riley’s jaw line.
This was too intimate. Brent realized a moment too late that this wasn’t like before, kissing just for the pleasure of it. He hadn’t even leaned in yet, but this was…
It meant something. Or it was about to, anyway.
Maybe not to Riley, but to Brent, at least. He didn’t kiss a lot. It normally took him three dates to get that comfortable with a person.
But he’d had a lifetime with Riley. There was no one in the world he was more comfortable with.
While Brent was thinking, Riley leaned in first. He was probably tired of waiting, tired of watching Brent over-analyze every situation he’d ever been in.
Riley’s lips were so soft. Not gentle, not by a long way, but soft. Brent wasn’t sure if that was true of his own. He hoped it was. He hoped that kissing him felt good for Riley.
Either way, it was nice. It was nice to be this close to Riley, his mouth pressed against Brent’s own, his fingers gripping Brent’s knee as they both sighed at once.
This felt so good that Brent wasn’t sure how he was going to give it up.
He’d have to, though. That was how all things with Riley were. He was the best, most wonderful person in a lot of people’s lives, but he wasn’t forever.
Nothing was forever. Brent knew that. But he wished Riley was a little more permanent.
The kiss ended too soon for Brent’s tastes, but that was probably for the best. He didn’t need to be any more confused about where he stood with Riley right now.
“You’re so sweet,” Riley said, his eyes shining in the low light of the bedside lamp. He let go of Brent’s knee, standing up and moving around to the side of the bed to climb into it.
Brent suddenly wished the bed was a little smaller, so he’d have an excuse to be closer. He climbed in on his own side, hyperaware of the distance between them, of how uncrossable it seemed right now.
He’d already taken too much from Riley since Saturday. He couldn’t ask for more.
“Have you changed your mind on cuddling?” Riley asked, scooting closer as if he’d read Brent’s thoughts.
“No.” Brent swallowed. Riley was still offering more. Of course he was. Riley was generous to a fault.
“Then you’re too far away.” Riley reached out to him, holding his arms open, ready for Brent to close the gap between them.
If Riley was offering, Brent wasn’t going to refuse. He shuffled over, letting Riley wrap his arms around him, sighing happily as Riley threw one of his legs over Brent’s hip so they were pressed close together.
This was nice. Brent would have liked more cuddling in his life, in general.
“Can we just stay here? I mean, exactly here,” Riley said. “Like this. I’m so comfortable.”
Brent chuckled. The thought was nice, despite the fact that they’d eventually need to get up no matter what.
“Emily would miss us,” he said.
“True. And I would miss Emily. She’s grown up so fast. I still remember braiding her hair.”
“You were always better at it than I was,” Brent said. “You should have a daughter.”
“I have a niece,” Riley responded. “That’s about the level of responsibility I’m capable of. I’m in awe of you raising Emily alone.”
“I was never really alone.” Brent shrugged. “You were always there when I needed you.”
“That’s very flattering, but you were alone almost the whole time. I’m proud of you. You can do anything.”
Brent blushed at that, his face and neck getting hot as blood rushed to them. Riley was proud of him.
That meant so much he wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
Riley shuffled closer, tucking his head under Brent’s chin. “So has this helped? Are you ready to go home tomorrow?”
Brent sighed, shifting his arms to wrap them around Riley. “Yeah, mostly. I’m okay, I’m just… I’m dreading the pity, y’know? The looks people are gonna give me. Like they did when mom and dad died.”
The pity had been the worst part. People acting like Brent was too delicate to touch after his parents’ death had made him feel so alone, so isolated. Like he’d never be part of the community again, like people were afraid that if they got too close to him, they’d die, too.
Riley hadn’t been like that. Not at all. Riley was good at tragedy.
Probably because his dad had died first.
“They’ll be on your side,” Riley said. “You know that. People love you.”
“It doesn’t matter what side they’re on. I don’t really want people taking sides. I just don’t want them feeling sorry for me.”
“So you need a beautiful wife by tomorrow night?” Riley suggested.
Brent laughed. It wasn’t what he meant, but that was exactly the way Riley’s mind worked. “I don’t think that’s the perfect solution you’re presenting it as.”
“Really? Because I look great in a dress. I’ve got the legs for it,” Riley said.
“I… have no idea how to respond to that.”
The mental image of Riley in a dress was all kinds of confusing.
He probably did have the legs for it, though.
“They’re very comfortable,” Riley said. “Surprisingly so.”
“If this is an elaborate plan to get me into a dress, I’m not falling for it.” Brent paused. “You would make a beautiful wife, though.”
“Thank you,” Riley said, laughter in his voice. “That’s really all I wanted to hear.”
Brent snorted. He knew Riley was just trying to cheer him up, but it was still working.
He also fully believed that Riley had worn a dress at least once. Riley wouldn’t have given a damn about that kind of thing.
Brent wished he could be more like Riley in so many ways. Not that he wanted to take up wearing dresses, but in a general sense, he wished he didn’t worry so much about what people thought. Life would have been so much easier.
“Hey,” Riley spoke up again, lifting his head out from under Brent’s chin. “You know I’ll stick with you, right? I’m not going anywhere until you’re okay. Whether you like it or not.”
Brent’s stomach clenched. He’d expected Riley to disappear as soon as possible once they got back.
“I think I’d like it,” Brent said after a moment, his heart hammering in his chest.
If Riley was planning on staying, did that mean…?
No. It couldn’t mean he wanted them to be together. Brent wasn’t about to get that lucky.
Besides, Riley almost certainly thought this was a rebound thing, and Brent wasn’t sure that it wasn’t.
They were better off leaving all this here, cherishing the memory, and going back to being friends.
Brent could live with that.
He’d have to.