Sixteen years old
Quinn flipped me over on my back, covering me with his body. Which was sweet, except I feared I was soon going to resemble a pancake. “Who’disit?” I mumbled, my face and lips melded to his pec.
“Alexis?” he asked, shock raising his voice.
Well, that answered that.
Alexis sounded more shocked. “Uh, sorry. I’ll just …”
I pushed at Quinn until my head could peek out from under his arm. Alexis stood in the doorway, looking anywhere and everywhere around the room with wide eyes, her gaze repeatedly swinging back to Quinn’s butt. I couldn’t really blame her. He had a great one.
“I’ll wait outside. Let me know when, um, the coast is clear.”
The door closed, and Quinn relaxed over me, stuffing his head into my neck and laughing quietly.
“Busted Custard,” I said through a few laughs of my own.
“So awkward,” he muttered, then lifted his head. “Suppose we’d better get dressed.”
“Yeah,” I breathed, lost in the eyes staring back at me.
Lowering his lips to mine, he kissed me thoroughly before hopping up and getting rid of the condom.
“What are you going to do with it?” I eyed the small trash can beside his bed while tugging my panties, bra and dress on, then slipped my feet into my Chucks.
He stared at the trash for a moment, pulling his briefs over that fantastic butt with his free hand. My shoulders deflated as I watched it disappear behind the fabric. I quickly tried to tame my hair as Quinn tossed it into the trash can, pulled his jeans and shirt on, then grabbed the bag of garbage.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You? Taking the trash out? They’ll know something is up immediately.” His mama did everything for him, much to his dad’s annoyance.
He bopped me on the nose. “Hush, you. I’ve got an idea.”
He tied the bag then disappeared, his footsteps sounding on the steps. Intrigued, I quickly cleaned up in the upstairs bathroom, wincing at the sting between my legs and the blood I saw on the toilet paper. After washing my hands, I took a seat on his bed and waited for him to return.
He walked in with a new bag in hand, a bag of chips, and an apple, which he placed on his dresser. “You’re going to eat the food and toss the garbage into it? So smart.” I forced out a dreamy sigh. “How did I ever get so lucky?”
He replaced the bag, opened the chips and stuffed a few in his mouth, mumbling around them. “Right?” He waggled his brows, and my heart panged with how much I felt for this giant dork in front of me.
I got up to steal some chips from the bag. “You haven’t even washed your hands.”
He shrugged, chewing loudly then swallowing. “Not gonna. I like smelling you on my fingers.”
My nose wrinkled. “You’re a bit dirty, Quinton.”
He kissed me, his lips tasting like potato chips, which made me stick my tongue out to lick them. He huffed out a laugh, pulling back and adjusting my glasses. “You secretly love it.”
“No secret about it,” I said, chucking my handful of chips into my mouth and crunching down. “Better put Alexis out of her misery. Guess she changed her mind about hanging out.”
He looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “Yeah, she didn’t say anything when I went downstairs. She’s sitting at the dining table, though. Want me to drive you guys home?”
“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He nodded and grabbed my hand, tugging me to him and laying a firm kiss on my lips. “I love you, Daisy June.”
My brain turned to mush at his sweet, deep voice saying those words. “I love you.”
Walking downstairs, I found Alexis exactly where Quinn said I would. She was fiddling with her phone but looked up when I approached, her eyes roaming over me. “Looks kind of obvious, Daisy.”
I glanced down at myself in dismay. “Really?”
She sighed and got up. “Not overly.” Walking over to me, she tried to fix my hair and adjusted my dress. “There. Want me to walk you home? I don’t really want to hang around now.” She laughed.
“Sure,” I said, my cheeks heating a bit. This definitely was a little awkward. “Looking forward to summer break?” I asked, trying to defuse the tension as I retrieved my bag from Quinn’s truck on the way out.
“I guess.”
Slinging it over my shoulder, I followed Alexis out of the dusty driveway to the even dustier dirt road that led to my house.
“So …” she said after a few minutes of stale silence. “You guys did it?”
The sun was starting to make me sweat, but it wasn’t the sole reason my cheeks and neck grew hot. “Yeah, we did.”
“Wow.” She kicked a rock with her sneaker. “How was it?”
“You really want to know?” I chewed on my lip, sneaking a glance at her and finding her curious eyes on me.
“Of course. This is huge … I was just shocked. I mean, you’ve always seemed like—”
“Like I’d hold onto my virginity until I got married?”
She gave me a small grin. “Maybe not that long, but yeah.”
We walked in silence for a while before I finally admitted, “It hurt.”
“Yeah?” She sounded intrigued. “How much?”
“Not too much, but it kind of steals your breath for a while, you know? It’s more of a burning sensation.”
She let out a nervous laugh. “God, I think when I give it up, I should make sure I’m wasted then.”
“Don’t,” I said, grabbing her hand with mine as we neared the front gates to my house. “Give it to someone who deserves it. That’s the only reason I did it now.”
“Do you think it’d make it hurt any less?”
That made me smile. “Yeah, probably not. But …” I took a steadying breath, missing Quinn already. “It makes everything feel way better.”
“You’ve got no one to compare that to, though.” She arched a dark brow at me, adjusting her bag over her shoulder. “It’s always just been Quinn.”
Ignoring the bitter lilt that accompanied her words, I turned to walk up my front steps. “I just know. It would never have felt that way with anyone else.”
I waved and walked inside, closing the door as Alexis continued down the road to the bus stop.
When I was eight years old, I drew on the walls of my bedroom. But even then, my drawings weren’t half bad, so my parents reluctantly let me add to it over the years. The four walls kind of looked like a mural that changed as I grew.
The long wall opposite my bed was full of wildflowers and dandelions, a tire swing hanging from an old willow tree in the corner, branching off onto the next wall. Which showcased the flat fields and distant rolling hills of the Burnell’s farm.
But the wall behind my bed was my favorite.
It held the faces of Quinn beginning at the age of nine. Some would say that was creepy, but I didn’t care. Alexis was there, too. Spud and also my parents.
I laid on my bed, a slight burn still evident between my thighs. Staring up at the faces above me, I was sure my heart was displaying everything I felt on my face when my mom came to get me for dinner.
“What are we having?” I rolled over, sitting up and hoping like hell she didn’t decide to give me a quick assessment with those knowing eyes.
“Ravioli, come on.” She left, and I followed her out to the kitchen. She seemed a little distracted, but I was too relieved to think much about it.
I flopped into a chair at the dining table just as my dad’s car pulled in the driveway. “Dad’s home early.”
Mom hummed and put my plate down in front of me. “You do that paper yet?”
“Uhh.” I shoveled some ravioli onto my fork and shoved it into my mouth. Her brown eyes narrowed, and I tried for a smile. “I’ll do it right after dinner, promise,” I said around a mouthful of pasta.
“You’d better, missy. And don’t talk with your mouth full.” She sat down across from me, muttering about manners.
“There are my girls.” My dad kicked off his shoes, walking into the kitchen and kissing Mama’s cheek. He washed his hands in the kitchen before joining us. “How was your day, Daisy June?” he asked, sprinkling some salt over his pasta.
“Fine.” I averted my gaze to my food.
“Quinn play in the game today at school?” he asked.
“Uh-huh.” Crap on a cracker. I was so bad at this.
My mama’s eyes felt like twin pools of fire, burning into the top of my head. Slowly, I lifted it, keeping my gaze pinned on my dad. He nodded, thankfully getting busy with his dinner.
The silence stretched as we ate. When my mom was halfway through, she pushed her plate away and turned to my dad. “Honey?”
He sighed, swiping a palm over his mouth and taking a sip of water. “All right.”
“What’s up?” My eyes darted back and forth between their apprehensive faces.
“Your father’s been offered a new job,” Mom said, eyes steadfast on the salt and pepper shakers in the center of the small round table.
“Oh?” I slouched back in my chair. “That’s great. Where?”
He worked at the plant in town, and the pay was good. This one must be even better for him to consider leaving.
“Watson.”
My stomach dropped. No, it didn’t just drop; it grew legs and ran away to find the closest ledge to throw itself off, splattering into a messy heap on the ground.
My head shook. I couldn’t be hearing this right. But looking at the apologetic expression my mom was wearing and the averted gaze of my dad, I knew I had.
Mom rushed to say, “It’s better hours, so he’ll be home more. Isn’t that great?” When I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t yet, she went on. “He’s been offered a management position in the plant there. Better money and fewer hours.”
“But …” I blinked. “What about your job?” She was an elementary school teacher; that was why she was such good friends with Mrs. Burnell. They’d worked with each other since they graduated college.
“I’ve been there a long time, honey. Might be nice to go someplace new.”
Someplace new.
Someplace a whole state away.
Someplace without Quinn.
Without Alexis.
Without Spud.
Without everything my heart cared about.
“So you’ve already made up your minds then?”
My dad’s face pinched, and he reached over to grab my hand, but I shifted it away, tucking it under the table. “Baby girl, it’s a great opportunity.”
“When?”
“Honey …” my mom tried.
I spoke over her. “When?”
“The house is already on the market,” my dad said. “We have a young couple coming to view it on Sunday.”
“Sunday.” I swallowed.
They nodded. “We know how much being here means to you …” My mom trailed off, not daring to say his name. I was grateful for that but too upset to remain sitting there with them. Scooting my chair back, I went straight to my room and slammed the door. With tears brimming my eyes, I threw myself face first onto my bed.
Watson. We were moving to Watson.
A place I’d never been but knew must be more than nine hours from here by car.
My parents let me be, which I was thankful for. I wasn’t prone to the usual teenage drama other teens put their parents through, so they knew better than to try to reason with me right now. But I still heard their hushed voices, and my dad murmuring, “Just give her some time.”
Time.
Just half an hour ago, it felt like I had all the time in the world.
That we did.
Now the clock was ticking, and soon, we’d have none at all.
We left three weeks later, a mere month after my sixteenth birthday.
Quinn and I should’ve felt closer to each other than ever before, but instead, we were being split further apart than either of us ever anticipated. With a U-Haul trailer attached to the back of my dad’s truck and my mom following behind in her Toyota Camry with another trailer, our lives in Clarelle were officially upended.
A moving truck would bring the rest of our furniture, they’d said. All the things we couldn’t bring with us. I’d wondered with all my heart and soul if I could persuade them to let me bring Quinn.
“There’ll be other boys,” my mom had said. “And honey, if he doesn’t hold out until you guys can meet up again, then maybe he’s not the one for you.”
Like my heart gave a damn about her well-meaning advice. It was too busy deciding whether it’d give up on me, or jump out of my chest and simply stay behind.
Before we left, I found Quinn in the field, sitting against the willow tree. He was right next to where we’d buried that rooster all those years ago, Spud lying near his booted feet.
Telling him hadn’t gone too well. Especially seeing as I only told him a few weeks ago, blurting it out over lunch at school, of all places. Don’t ask me why, my mind worked in mysterious ways sometimes, especially when fear was involved. I think a huge part of me just wanted to ignore it even though I knew I couldn’t. It wasn’t until Alexis had nudged me when Quinn started talking about summer plans that it exploded out of me in a rush.
He’d dropped his sandwich and just stared at me, a thousand and one emotions flitting over his face before it settled on one. Hurt.
He got up and left. I went after him, of course, but Alexis came after me, telling me to give him some time. I understood his need for that, so I did. Even though it killed me that he’d barely spoken a few words to me since.
“Hey.” Slowly, I sat down beside him. “I’ve, um, gotta go in a minute.”
He didn’t answer me, just kept staring straight ahead at a cow who was munching on the grass in the field facing us. “Quinn …” My voice broke. “Please, talk to me.”
He made a pained, groaning sound, dropping his head to his bent knees and roughly palming his hair. “This is fucked, Dais. I can’t …” He lifted his head, glassy hazel eyes falling on me. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Daisy!” My dad hollered from the Burnell’s drive, but I ignored him.
“Just go,” Quinn muttered, turning his head away.
“That’s it?” Tears clogged my throat. “You’re just going to stay mad at me and let me leave like this?”
“How the hell am I supposed to say goodbye to you, huh?” He almost yelled. “I can’t do that. Ever. I never thought I’d have to. You can’t expect me to just say it like I’ll see you tomorrow as normal. You’re fucking leaving me!”
He hardly ever swore, and that he was doing so now had my heart splintering into even more pieces. “I’m sorry. You know I wish I didn’t have to. More than anything.”
He blinked, and his shoulders dropped. Then, he pulled me into his arms, resting his head on top of mine as I cried into his soft t-shirt. “Please don’t hate me. I don’t want to go, Quinn. I just … didn’t know how to tell you something that I wish wasn’t real.”
“I could never hate you, Dais. Never.” Grabbing my cheeks, his choppy breath ghosted over my parted lips before he took my mouth roughly with his. “This isn’t over,” he said, resolve lighting up his eyes as he pulled back and leaned his forehead against mine. “We’ll make it work. Somehow, we’ll make it work.”
I nodded as my dad’s voice sounded again, louder this time.
Quinn grabbed something from the barn on our way back to the house. “Here.” He held it out as Spud raced around our legs. “I thought, you know, so we could text and stuff. Guess it’ll prove to be more of a good idea than I thought now.”
I took the small box that housed a smart phone inside. “You got me a phone?”
“I’ve bought you art supplies since we were kids. I thought it was time for something different. Besides, you’re probably the only sixteen-year-old out there without a cell phone.” He smirked, but it fell instantly.
“Not anymore.” I tried to smile, but it wobbled and fell, too. “Thank you.”
Our gazes stayed locked for an excruciating minute before he gathered me into his arms and kissed me again. We didn’t move our lips, just kept them glued together.
I felt wetness fall to my cheek and realized then that we were both crying. “I should …” My voice broke, and I stepped away. “I have to go.” I can’t go.
“Yeah.” Quinn cleared his throat and moved backward into the shade of the barn. “Text me?”
“Of course.” I sniffed.
“Moon and the stars, Dais.” He turned, sinking into the shadows that I felt invading my soul with every step my feet had me taking away from him to my father’s truck. Which was now idling in their driveway as he patted Quinton Sr. on the back and said goodbye.
Filled with fear and an indescribable sadness, I ignored both men, opening the door and flopping down sideways onto a box in the back seat.
With the phone clutched to my chest and tears flooding my vision, my father got in the truck, honked the horn, and drove away from the other half of my heart.