I was a man who was generally confident, but today I was frightened beyond words. I couldn’t bare my soul without shedding my secrets. I wanted to calm the storm that was brewing, I did. But it was impossible when the sudden urgency had to be presented with such delicacy.

I paced in front of the elevators, my actions completely out of character. I was waiting impatiently for her arrival. And when the doors opened, my stomach twisted at the sight of her vulnerability.

Everything slowed, and the world stopped on its axis.

“What’s wrong?” I reached for her, pulling her in closer. She smelled like men’s cologne, which catapulted me into a tailspin, but I regrouped quickly. “I couldn’t get ahold of you.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine.”

Taking a deep breath, she pushed it aside.

I took her by the hand, leading her into my office.

“Janet, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the day,” I said in passing.

“The rest of the day?” Jordan questioned.

I just ignored her and led her into my office, shutting and locking my door. We shared the couch, and my hands are trembling. Maybe I hadn’t imagined the full impact it would have on me as well.

“What is it, Jordan?”

I put my well-thought-out plans on the back burner. I studied her instead. Her hair was in a high ponytail. That was a first. Absent of any makeup, her usual well-groomed look was missing, as I noticed her slacks were slightly wrinkled. Her blouse was also untucked and flowing. Her eyes were puffy, and her skin was blotchy.

“I’m fine, what’s on your mind?”

Her tone made it perfectly clear that she wanted me to drop it. And for now, I would, because in this moment, I knew what I was about to reveal would either take me to heaven or hell. I couldn’t say I wasn’t prepared for either. She deserved the truth, and the day had come to reveal it all.

I brushed off my nerves and just began the story. Our story.

“Can you please just listen, be open, and allow me this moment?”

She stared at me blankly.

“Jordan?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll listen.”

“Do you remember the first day you arrived?”

She smiled at the memory.

“You caught my eye the moment we met, and I was drawn to you immediately. I became aware of the electric charge in the air whenever I was in your presence.”

I’d never told anyone this before, but the black dress she’d worn had hugged the shit out of her. The entire packaged had been wrapped up in its own perfect package, and I was not immune to her charms.

“Professionally, I had met my match. You were a variation of myself, driven by power, knowledge, and wanting to succeed at every turn. I wanted you from the first moment we met. I didn’t stand a chance.” The air with each spoken word. “I came to desire this new beautiful woman; whose eyes melted my heart. How could I not fall?” Her brows furrowed together in confusion.

I expelled a breath as the memories flooded in.

“I fought for every success, as you seamlessly glided over yours, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed. My father noticed, too.”

My forearms resting on my knees, I glanced away.

“Father saw the attraction. That, I’m sure of. He prohibited any personal relationship with anyone in the company. But I knew the warning was meant for you specifically, I fought it. I did, or at least I tried. But he ultimately held all the power, including my future—our future.”

I steepled my fingertips, which were lightly pressed against my lips. This trip down memory lane was both bitter and sweet. It mainly evoked memories of his forceful hand in all things. Father had pushed Alex away, leaving me to carry on his legacy within his company. I had always known my place, my destiny.

“My father’s rule over his kingdom was forceful, rock-hard, and everyone, including myself, simply obeyed.”

I dared to glance her way, but before she could answer, I felt compelled to go on. My hand gently landed on hers.

“After his death, I only wanted three things: my legacy with this company, the title CEO, and you Jordan. I wanted you.”

I tilted my head toward her, searching for any sign, any reaction, only to find a weary smile surfacing on her face. Still, it gave me nothing solid to hold on to.

To her credit, she listened enthralled, and she touched my arm several times while I explained.

“Both those dreams shattered the day my father died when his lawyer pulled me aside and gave me a personally written letter, for my eyes only.”

My heartbeat raced with apprehension. I knew she’d been through hell in her life, and today I would be adding to it.

“Within this letter came certain instructions, most importantly a promise of secrecy.”

I stood, crossing the floor as if walking through the pathless forest, my nerves soaring off the charts. I opened the safe, retrieved the letter, and handed it to her.

A haunted expression appeared on her face as she accepted it, and as she opened the letter, I turned away. The glass was warm to the touch, the sun gleaming as the light crept through the window. I heard her gasp, her tears. I knew what I would find once I turned around. I also knew what I would say. I knew the moment she was finished. I turned facing her.

“It’s not true, Jordan. But I didn’t know that until very recently. You need to know everything.”

I handed her my handkerchief and proceeded.

“I believed him, Jordan. He was my father, why would he lie? Whatever his motives were, he didn’t want you to know. Although he kept you close, he brought you here to know you. He believed you were his daughter, or maybe he wanted it so badly he never questioned it.”

“But…why?”

“I wish I knew. I lost the opportunity to question him.”

I took my seat by her once again. Finding my composure, my hand resting on hers, not for my sake, but for hers. I recognized her vast series of emotions and understood the conflict I was inflicting. The consequences of his course of action brought the kind of devastation that never fades.

 

“In the days following, I didn’t know how to feel, but there was no escaping this new reality. My feelings were now perverted. I had always wanted to protect you, even if that protection was from me.”

A shiver raced down my spine. I had to stay grounded, focusing on the end result, in the hopes the truth would bring her back to me.

“But I couldn’t just stop, turn it off. The only option left was a friendship, a platonic bond deeper than most. Even if it wasn’t healthy for either of us. It was all I had left. Those were dark days, Jordan. I privately fought the feelings I knew were very wrong, very sinful. The way I obsessed over you for so long…”

I tore my focus away; my emotions were surfacing faster than I could control them. Running my hand through my hair, I stalled.

“I would watch you with others, your smile so engaging, everyone battling for your attention, and I understood it. I still do. But I knew that smile was not for me, not in the way I wanted.”

Her gaze clung to me, knowing this was her story, too. Her pain, too.

“Underneath the numbness, the mask I wore hid every emotion and desire until it broke my heart.”

It was time to admit the past, and now the future. Allow the words to spill freely, unlocking the final secrets. I needed to chase the pain and anguish away. The regrets I would live with wouldn’t compare to the possibilities of someday soon having her by my side, in a way I only dared to dream.

“I had to stop denying what I wanted, and now?” I tried to regain some control. “The chains are broken, and I’m free. We’re free. We may be similar in many ways, but not by blood, and I have the proof now.”

Tear tracks glistened down her cheeks, her emotions exposed.

“Please don’t cry. I never wanted to hurt you, not then, and certainly not now.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“That’s a fair question, and a shameful answer. I’d been a fool to wait, and it only took another man taking you from me to jump-start me into action. I had to know with certainty before I could let you go. I realize how selfish that sounds, and it pains me to admit the truth, but there it is. I had to know once and for all, who you were.”

“Ben, you could have come to me in the beginning. I would have shared the burden. I would have understood your conflict, and we could have searched for answers together. You had to know instinctively that I had feelings for you. That I felt it, too. Yet you still denied us the truth.”

Her brows deepened, and with all my heart I wanted to drown out her pain and uncertainty. Sweep her away as my own, and protect her from her suffering. But I couldn’t, not when I was the one inflicting it.

“Ben, I went through years of pain, questioning your actions, which conflicted your words. It left me clinging to any thread of hope. Then I was crushed by jealously, so many women fawning for your attention, yet you never noticed the one who truly wanted you was right under your nose.”

I inhaled her sadness, as if I could bear the weight of her tortured heart.

“Yet you stood by as my heart broke. You allowed me to feel I wasn’t good enough.”

“I’m so sorry, Jordan. I was painfully aware of you in every way. And this, whatever this is? It still burns. My feelings have never faded over the years. They were too strong to deny. It was the battle within myself that destroyed me. An internal rage over fate, over a situation where I had no control, circumstances I couldn’t change.”

“It all could have been avoided, Ben.”

Her words rang true, although they were still sprinkled with sarcasm and regret.

“And now?” I asked.

This was the question of great consequence that hovered between us. Would we get our own moment in the sun? The only thing that mattered, the only thing left unanswered, was if we had a future. As the uneasy silence continued, I patiently awaited my fate.

“Now? I need time, Ben.”

She was right, of course. Feelings didn’t change overnight, but I still had hope that she would find the feelings she felt so deeply in the past. I wasn’t convinced they’d ever disappeared entirely.

“Time,” I agreed, allowing that word to penetrate. Against my better judgment, I pushed. I’d yet to reveal my intentions, and we needed to figure this out, whatever this was between us.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Where?”

“Just come with me, please.”

I knew she wasn’t ready to admit it or accept that all the rules had changed. What had existed between us in the past. It had never disappeared, only faded. I knew we could start over. I was certain of it.

We walked together in silence, side by side once we reached the park a block away. I took her hand in mine, leading us down the path. It was quiet. The whispering of the trees blown by the gentle breeze caused the light to flicker between the leaves. A soothing calm took me by surprise.

The anxiety we had experienced had taken its toll. As we walked, I started to feel a lightness in my chest. The calm was leveling out the turbulence I had inflicted just moments ago. As we approached a bench that sat nestled, sheltered by trees, I led us over. And after a few long minutes, the words just tumbled out.

“You’re always going to wonder what if…”

She shot a sharp glance my way.

“I’m relieved to know the truth, Ben, but the enormity of it hasn’t begun to sink in. I need time to process how I feel about it, and what I want.”

The coolness of her gaze hurt, but it didn’t discourage me.

“Will you have dinner with me tonight?

“Dinner? I don’t feel like going out.”

“I’ll bring dinner to you.”

“Ben.”

Her unspoken words warned me to let it go, but I knew there was something else that had a hold of her.

“What are you afraid of?”

She blew out a breath, worn down and fatigued from the emotional rollercoaster I had forced her to ride.

“Fine,” she said as a small raspy laugh escaped her. “You never give up, do you?”

“Remember that.”

I approached her house, once her mother’s, and her mother’s before that. I took in the sentiment of it all. Her traditional values and ideals had always been prevalent.

There was a note on the door: Come around the back.

I tore it off and stepped inside, making my way towards the back door.

The concrete patio slab, original to the house, was large and shaded by old trees, planted years ago their branches reaching out caressing one another in a blanket of seclusion. I saw Jordan’s touch throughout. Everything was simple and comfortable. As I approached, she was laying on one of the cushioned loungers, drinking wine. She didn’t often partake in alcohol, so my radar was up.

“Hi,” I gently said, and took a seat on the edge of the other lounger. Her eyes were swollen and red. She’d obviously been crying. I had known this morning, the moment she had exited the elevator, that something was wrong. Her pain cut me and smothered me, yet, I had a strong suspicion about the cause of those tears, and they weren’t mine to own.

“Would you like a glass?” she offered.

“Sure, but allow me. I brought pasta from our favorite place, Agostino’s.”

“Lobster ravioli?”

Her lackluster smile tried to pass for genuine, but I knew better.

“Of course, what else? I put it in the refrigerator for later.”

We shared a history rich in memories, both in business and personally. I had been there through it all. I was the one holding her when her mother had died, picking up the broken pieces, promising her she would never been alone. I had always been the last man standing, and here today I would prove it.

I watched the sunlight cause her auburn streaks to illuminate against the darker strands. Silks of many colors were flowing down, partially resting on her shoulders, and I took this undetected moment to admire her beauty.

“Scoot over.”

She looked up in confusion.

“Come on,” I said, as she moved, making room on the oversized lounger. It was not meant for two, which created a certain closeness that I was forcing upon her. She refused to relax, however, her composure faltered. I boldly rested my arm around her shoulder as my free hand brought the glass of wine to my lips.

“Great view.” The mountains far from us stood tall in all their splendor. The sun was sinking—blood-red, orange, and yellow streaks of color staining the sky dramatically. “I see the appeal. It’s quite the show out here.”

“You been here before.”

“Not like this.”

Never like this.

Her outdoor light clicked on automatically, causing a dim glimmer across the length of her backyard. The dusky light skipped across our bodies, which were pressed closely together.

Unable to resist, I indulged in a question, simply to ease my torment.

“What’s bothering you, Jordan? You can’t hide it, not from me. I know you too well.”

Her forehead creased in a frown.

“Steel ended our relationship this morning.”

She hesitantly inhaled a sharp breath and glanced away, trying to hide her tears and her pain.

I wanted to claim ownership right then and there, but I didn’t. I wanted her, but not by default. I would know when the time was right, and I wanted her to claim me as well.

“Why?” Thank you, Jesus. “What a fool.”

“To be honest, I’m not actually clear why. He said it had been fun. I guess the one night together was enough.”

Her eyes narrowed to slits, searching the darkness as her bitterness revealed itself. Her honest words left a painful hole in my heart. The thought of another man touching her was almost too much to bear. I inhaled a deep breath and blew it out slowly, forcing the poisonous visions from my mind.

“How on earth could he do that?” I turned toward her, our gazes locked. “How could he let you go, especially…?

“Please, don’t say it.”

Her voice was begging as she fought against the tide of emotions rolling in, consuming her whole.

“You have every right to say I told you so, yet you haven’t.”

“And I never will.”

Facing her, I pulled her gently closer under my arm, her head resting in the nook between my arm and chest.

“Jordan, I only said those things out of jealousy and fear. I panicked when it became clear how close the two of you were becoming. I felt he was taking you from me, and obviously, you were never mine to begin with. Selfishly I was reaching for straws. I’m only sorry I was right.”

I recognized her every emotion, and this was not about me, or our possibilities, but losing Steel. I only had one choice now. I had to comfort her in her darkest hour, be the man she leaned on, the man who held her through all her pain and tears. As always, I would the man she ran to, the man she trusted. This was how I would prove my love and win her back.