Chapter 22 - Mara
It’s hard for me to focus on work. I don’t know what to think. I’m in the small office at the front of the hotel, staring at my computer screen. Every time I look at my sketches, all I see is gibberish. It’s like my eyes can’t focus on anything long enough to make any sense of it. I squint at my computer screen one more time before giving up and putting my head in my hands.
I keep seeing the look on Aiden’s face when he walked in to the workshop – it’s the same look that he’s given me ever since his dad died. I’ve always known that this would be an issue, but I didn’t know that it would sting this much. I’ve gotten used to Dominic seeing me for me, but Aiden still looks at me with the same disgust and resentment.
Dominic and I have been ignoring the obvious – that sneaking around isn’t going to last. Our relationship is pretty much universally frowned upon.
Does Aiden know we’re seeing each other? What did he see when he walked in on us?
The familiar, bitter guilt starts growing inside me when I think of Aiden. I wish I could make him understand that I have no hard feelings towards him. I wish I could just be open with him and tell him how happy I am that he’s found a woman he loves, and how happy I am that his new business is doing well. I wish he’d look me in the eye long enough to see how much I mean it when I say I’m sorry.
As much as I tell myself that Mr. Clarke didn’t die because of me, it’s hard to believe it. I’ve carried that weight on my shoulders for over ten years, and all I want is to get rid of it. I want to see something other than hatred in Aiden and his brothers’ eyes.
For the past couple weeks, I’ve finally felt like I can breathe. Dominic sees me for who I am. He doesn’t see the accident when he looks at me. I’ve never felt like he blames me for his father’s death. I’ve been able to talk about it for the first time without feeling like I had to apologize.
I slump on my desk chair and look at the mess of drawings and paperwork in front of me. The renovations are in full swing and I have a thousand and one things to do – but right now all I can think about is Dominic avoiding my gaze and Aiden staring at me with daggers in his eyes.
I’m not sure which one hurt more.
My eyes are prickling and my heart is beating faster than normal as I lean back in my chair. I bring my hands up to my face, trying to stop the tears from pouring out of my eyes. With a deep, raking breath, I look at the ceiling and shake my head.
I look at my phone and pick it up, running my fingers over the screen. Should I call Dominic? Should I go see him?
Even though I knew this would happen, I still don’t know how to react. I don’t know if I should ignore it and give him space, hoping it’ll all go away. I don't know if anything has changed. We always knew that his brothers, and Aiden especially, wouldn’t be happy about seeing us together. I've always known Aiden despises me.
I put my phone down with a sigh. I wouldn't even know what to say to him. I can’t ask him to take our relationship public. Is it even a relationship? We’ve been sleeping together for the past couple weeks. He makes me feel like I’m floating, but is it just sex? Do I mean as much to him as he means to me?
I blow the air out of my nostrils and shake my head. My mind is fucking melted. I need to just let this be. Dominic needs time to think, just like I do. I push my chair back and stretch my arms up overhead. I let out a noise and shake my head back and forth.
I’m not being productive. I need some air. Stalking out of the office, I make my way to the back of the hotel towards my bedroom. I pass the kitchen and the staff room on my way to the very back, finally opening the familiar door in the back corner. When I close the door behind me, I lean back against it and close my eyes.
This room feels like my sanctuary. It’s quieter than the front of the hotel, and it’s always been the place I come to be alone and think. I take a deep breath and lean back against the door, closing my eyes and trying to calm my heartbeat.
I jump at the sound of a knock on the back door. I look up, frowning. There’s only one person that uses that door these days.
Dominic.
I cross the room in a few steps and rip the door open. My jaw drops when I see him. His clothes are disheveled and his hair is all over the place. His lip is swollen and bloody, with a thin, red line of blood dripping towards his chin.
“Dominic!” I exclaim. I usher him inside and sit him down on the bed. I take his chin in my hand. “What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he says.
“Wait here.”
I rush out the door towards the front of the hotel, finding the nearest First Aid kit. I grab some ice and come back with an armful of bandages. Dominic is still sitting on my bed. He’s not moving, only staring out the window in a daze.
I stand in front of him and start cleaning his lip before icing it. I wipe the water that drips down from the ice cube and run my fingers through his hair. I kiss his temple and blink back tears. Dominic closes his eyes and groans in satisfaction as I rub his scalp.
“What happened?” I whisper. “Oh, Dominic, I’m so sorry.”
He opens his eyes and looks directly at me. “Stop apologizing,” he growls. His eyes are clear and his voice is forceful, so all I do is nod. “Mara,” he continues. “Do you hear me? You did nothing wrong.”
A lump forms in my throat and my eyes start to blur. I nod my head and take the ice cube away from his lip. I clean the wound one more time and get to work putting a small bandage over the cut. Dominic stares at me while I work, and I try my best to avoid his gaze.
His hands trail up my legs and rest on my thighs. I lean into his touch and take a deep breath, moving my hands to his shoulders and leaning my forehead against his. When I pull away, there are tears in my eyes.
“I never wanted this to happen, Dominic. I don’t want to cause even more trouble in your family. It’s not worth it.”
“Don’t tell me what’s worth it or not,” he says. “I’ll decide that for myself.”
He stares straight at me and I put my hands on either side of his face. I bring my lips to his forehead and kiss him tenderly, pressing my lips against his skin. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. We stay like that for a few moments until I pull away and look at him with my eyes full of tears. I try to smile.
“I’d kiss you right now, but with that lip…”
Dominic grins and grabs my waist, flipping me over beside him onto the bed. He shifts his body around so that he’s on top of me, leaning his weight on his elbow. He runs his finger down my cheek and lays his lips against mine. When he pulls away, he looks into my eyes and smiles.
“I don’t care about the lip,” he whispers. “I only care about you.”